18 yr old son made supid comment in group caht with serious consequences

[helgarr]

My son has got involved in a group chat where he went to defend his friend but said something stupid to the girl involved related to a footballer which had horrible misogynistic connotations. Understandably his school have taken it seriously and he now likely to have serious sanctions at school and possible police action if the girl's parents take it further. He seriously regerets what he said and is really worried about his future. He does have aspergers tendencies and finds relectinig on his actions difficult. Does anyone have any advice on what may happen if the police are involved or he gets expelled from school.

This cannot be repeated often enough.

And writing a letter is absolutely going to change nothing. It's the equivalent of writing lines "I shall not make misogynist comments".

I feel for teens and parents who are navigating a whole new world where everything they say and do is recorded forever. They need to learn to navigate this - not be criminalised. I was lucky to be growing up in the 90s when people said stupid, offensive shit all the time and nobody died.

that's right. Every time i walked into a pub to be greeted by a chorus of "get yer tits out for the lads"
or
every time i was out and about and some man tried chatting me up and on receiving a polite rebuff it was all "you fucking fat slag, i wouldn't touch you with a bargepole, you stink and your probably a lezzer anyway"
or
being abused for my looks, what i was wearing, my hair, anything and everything

Didn't kill me. No. But it made a lot of what should have been fun times thoroughly miserable.
Oh how i miss those days. Not.

Quite. The OP's son's an adult now. If he's going to make misogynistic threats, then better for everyone he does so in writing, so that it can be identified, and dealt with appropriately by the police and CPS, assuming they're not sending each other misogynistic WhatsApps and/or pictures of murdered women themselves.

thb if i were OP i wouldn't worry much since misogynists still prevail and there is very little censure of it.

So, OP, my advice would be take it seriously. Your son can make an apology - in person or in writing depending on what his victim wants, and he needs proper education on what is and isn't acceptable with interactions with other people.

Why doesn't he have a diagnosis if you suspect autistic traits?

@Redebs The whole point of autism is that it is a spectrum of difficulties and at the mildest end it blends into 'normal' functioning.

There's some ridiculous posts on this thread but this is right up there. The autistic spectrum doesn't have a mild end or a severe end. I'd suggest you read up on what a spectrum actually is. I'm also not sure autism has a point?

The whole point of autism is that it is a spectrum of difficulties and at the mildest end it blends into 'normal' functioning.

Eh?

Autistic people blend into 'normal' functioning people?

I have taught a lot of children with autism

Yet you seem to know fuck all about it.

Well said!!! 👏

I have worked in a residential home, some of our residents were diagnosed with autism, they will never live independently, some can only go out if two carers are able to accompany them due to their dangerous behaviour (can be danger to themselves or others) some are non verbal. I never understand the "there isn't a mild or severe end" as they do seem to have more severe problems than someone who has a job, a partner, children.

Eh? Of course autism has a severe and a mild end.

People are on the "severe" end are very affected by the condition. People on the "mild" end (like me) can go on to university, work and require little to no support.

We are also not treated like "martyred saints" as one post scofflingly had it. And, yes, I read that post; and, yes, I understand what point the sneering post was trying - and failing - to make.

To be fair, we have no idea whether OP's son is autistic or not. He could be. We don't know.

Neither does she, as he's not been assessed.....

This is a cut and paste I'm afraid but it explains much better than I could:

A spectrum (plural spectra or spectrums) is a condition that is not limited to a specific set of values but can vary, without gaps, across a continuum.

So a spectrum has horizontal axis and a vertical axis. Think of it more of bar chart where the bars are categorized into traits such as communication and sensory sensitivity etc but the height of the bars represent the effect on the individual.

The whole mild end severe end would be more akin to a straight y = f(x) type graph.

...Except she's suggested that he might be because he goes around threatening women. Whereas someone has sensibly made the point that him having ASD/ASC could make that less likely. I mean, it's not like neurotypical men do it every day, is it?

If you have taught 'children with autism' then they won't have been those least affected will they? There is a threshold effect when assessing children for intervention. Many people who experience the difficulties of autism actually fall outside the diagnosis threshold.

THAT'S WHY IT'S A SPECTRUM!

Being assessed doesn't make someone autistic

@Florissant see my post above, autism is often also liked to a radar diagram It's very common to represent traits in this way

Surely if you fall outside the diagnostic criteria you are not 'on the spectrum '. Or are you suggesting everyone is a 'bit on the spectrum'.

Of course autism can be "mild" or "severe" in terms of how it impacts an individuals day to day functioning. There's a thread at the moment about parents living with children who are severely impacted by their autism. It's one diagnosis that covers a huge range of individuals. Think of cerebral palsy - one person may just have some mild spasticity in one arm, whereas another could be fully dependent for all care and have no independent communication. Both have CP, but it affects them very differently. ND conditions are the same.

(And I speak with someone with. diagnosed ND)

I have autism and don't appreciate being patronised.

What on earth are “Asperger’s tendencies” ?!
Is that your way of undermining what your son said? How absolutely insulting to those who have an actual autism diagnosis.

Of course but a spectrum doesn't have ends as such, it will have a range of values for different descriptors. A spectrum is not a straight line, with mild at one end and severe at the other.

So do you agree that some people are more severely affected than others? Is it just the "end" that people are objecting to?

I'm not patronizing you at all. It's just many of the posters here don't understand what a spectrum is.

I also presumed this. I also think the OP is being an apologist for her adult male son making a misogynistic threat online.