Page 2 | 18 yr old son made supid comment in group caht with serious consequences

helgarr · 2023-03-10T21:03:17+00:00

My son has got involved in a group chat where he went to defend his friend but said something stupid to the girl involved related to a footballer which had horrible misogynistic connotations. Understandably his school have taken it seriously and he now likely to have serious sanctions at school and possible police action if the girl's parents take it further. He seriously regerets what he said and is really worried about his future. He does have aspergers tendencies and finds relectinig on his actions difficult. Does anyone have any advice on what may happen if the police are involved or he gets expelled from school.

isitanywondernow · 10/03/2023 22:29

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Tilllly · 10/03/2023 22:30

You must be so upset and stressed by this

The school may report it to the police as threatening, homophobic etc. but I doubt he's going to be expelled or criminalised

He needs to demonstrate he's sorry and he'll probably get a warning from school/ police

But so long as he has learned his lesson, I am sure that will be the end of it

Notimeforaname · 10/03/2023 22:30

Then you attended a course run by people with similar attitudes and prejudices to you, by the sounds of it. A match well made.

No it was a huge event being held all around the country 🤣

AviMav · 10/03/2023 22:32

I would just remove this thread. People will continue to ask what your Son actually said. People are even guessing..

savoycabbage · 10/03/2023 22:33

f he hasn’t been in trouble before, and genuinely now sees the error of his ways, then he would do well to write a sincere detailed letter of apology to the girl involved, written out in long hand, giving reasons as to why he was wrong, and passed via the head teacher to the girl’s parents. And keep a copy for yourself.

The last thing I'd want if someone had made horrible misogynistic comments to me or about in a group text me would be a hand written letter of apology and the expectation that all would be forgiven. Well, maybe not the last thing I'd want but I definitely wouldn't want it.

isitanywondernow · 10/03/2023 22:35

Notimeforaname · 10/03/2023 22:30

Then you attended a course run by people with similar attitudes and prejudices to you, by the sounds of it. A match well made.

No it was a huge event being held all around the country 🤣

So? Doesn't mean it was a good course. Clearly it wasn't, given the crap you've spouted on this thread.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 22:36

@Notimeforaname

There has not been an official change to ASC, has there?

Notimeforaname · 10/03/2023 22:38

So? Doesn't mean it was a good course. Clearly it wasn't, given the crap you've spouted on this thread.

So all of the speakers there either had an ASD diagnosis or their children/family had. Several of these people were representatives from ASD support groups and charities too..
Not one person in the room referred to it as ASC..Sorry we'll just have to disagree .

Notimeforaname · 10/03/2023 22:39

There has not been an official change to ASC, has there?
Nope. Never heard of ASC before. I work with many people who have an ASD diagnosis and they speak openly about it.

Moveinmind · 10/03/2023 22:44

For the police to be involved I'm assuming it was sexual related and the girl is under age?

And you think is it OK because he has his "tendencies"

TinaYouFatLard · 10/03/2023 22:45

OP I wouldn’t bother asking for advice here. Your son will be found guilty of heinous crimes and sentenced accordingly.

I feel for teens and parents who are navigating a whole new world where everything they say and do is recorded forever. They need to learn to navigate this - not be criminalised. I was lucky to be growing up in the 90s when people said stupid, offensive shit all the time and nobody died.

I would guess at worst it would be a non-crime hate incident bollocky thing.

Barnstormaway787 · 10/03/2023 22:49

isitanywondernow · 10/03/2023 22:28

"~ ASD (as it is now) will make him more likely to be easily lead by others and he won’t fully understand the impact of his words on others"

This is so ableist I don't actually have the words for it.

There is no ONE way of being, when you have an autism spectrum condition. How dare you state that people with ASC "won't fully understand the impact of their words on others" as if that is a given and a foregone conclusion?

Spectrum conditions are just that.

I apologise and stand corrected.

I should have said that SOME people with ASD will find it harder to fully understand the impact of their words on others so it could be relevant in this instance.

As I understand it, ASD is a developmental difference which can cause problems with social interaction and communication so it is relevant in this situation.

My dd is currently going through the assessment process and one of the things highlighted by her former teachers was that she definitely WAS was more easily lead than her peers which is why it was on my mind.

StrictlyJowita · 10/03/2023 22:54

My dd is currently going through the assessment process and one of the things highlighted by her former teachers was that she definitely WAS was more easily lead than her peers which is why it was on my mind.

I'm genuinely surprised you have a daughter yet you are advising the OP to get her adult son to write a detailed letter to a child apologising for comments serious enough for police involvement.

Barnstormaway787 · 10/03/2023 22:59

savoycabbage · 10/03/2023 22:33

f he hasn’t been in trouble before, and genuinely now sees the error of his ways, then he would do well to write a sincere detailed letter of apology to the girl involved, written out in long hand, giving reasons as to why he was wrong, and passed via the head teacher to the girl’s parents. And keep a copy for yourself.

The last thing I'd want if someone had made horrible misogynistic comments to me or about in a group text me would be a hand written letter of apology and the expectation that all would be forgiven. Well, maybe not the last thing I'd want but I definitely wouldn't want it.

Who said there would be an expectation that all would be forgiven? That’s a bit of a stretch isn’t it?

I would welcome a genuine acknowledgment and apology illustrating that someone had reflected in depth on their actions and thought better of them.

I would be under no obligation to accept the apology.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/03/2023 23:00

He needs to apologise now and take responsibility for it own actions. If this is now a police matter, it is serious.

The ‘oh but he might have ASD’ will not wash. Get him to own up and at least apologise. Then take whatever is coming.

Indigoshift · 10/03/2023 23:00

Notimeforaname · 10/03/2023 22:30

Then you attended a course run by people with similar attitudes and prejudices to you, by the sounds of it. A match well made.

No it was a huge event being held all around the country 🤣

My dd has just been diagnosed with ASD says clearly by doctors/psychologists. I have no idea what this poster is talking about.
Maybe one day it will be ASC but right now ASD is written on childhood reports all over the country.

Op what has actually happened we are all guessing here.

Haffiana · 10/03/2023 23:01

God these threads always get derailed by militant posts about ASD terminology.

Every. Single. Time.

Barnstormaway787 · 10/03/2023 23:01

StrictlyJowita · 10/03/2023 22:54

My dd is currently going through the assessment process and one of the things highlighted by her former teachers was that she definitely WAS was more easily lead than her peers which is why it was on my mind.

I'm genuinely surprised you have a daughter yet you are advising the OP to get her adult son to write a detailed letter to a child apologising for comments serious enough for police involvement.

Why? I also said to get legal advice if and when police became involved, which they are not as yet.

FatGirlSwim · 10/03/2023 23:04

ASD is still the diagnostic term. Most in practice favour ASC. Most autistic people still don’t like ‘condition’ and prefer ‘autism’.

None of this is the point of this thread.

OP’s son may be undiagnosed autistic and he may not fully understand the connotations/ impact of what he’s said. Some autistic people will, some won’t.

Either way, he needs help to understand why this is such a problem, to take responsibility and accept the consequences.

Barnstormaway787 · 10/03/2023 23:11

Haffiana · 10/03/2023 23:01

God these threads always get derailed by militant posts about ASD terminology.

Every. Single. Time.

I know. And as someone researching this area for the first time, it’s a bloody minefield and not very welcoming to newcomers. The assessment process is stressful enough having to revisit all the rejection and judgement from others that your child has experienced over the years. I genuinely want to learn more and understand more about ASD or ASC or whatever it is called but the concrete support we have been offered is near enough nil.

Sorry to derail thread op.

savoycabbage · 10/03/2023 23:11

Who said there would be an expectation that all would be forgiven? That’s a bit of a stretch isn’t it?

I think it's implied that when you write an apology letter you are seeking forgiveness. I don't think it's a stretch at all.

MaryDerry · 10/03/2023 23:13

Decent lovely people do screw up. I hope things get sorted because worse stuff happens

But...autistic tendencies..jeezzzzzzz. please don't say that.

Barnstormaway787 · 10/03/2023 23:16

savoycabbage · 10/03/2023 23:11

Who said there would be an expectation that all would be forgiven? That’s a bit of a stretch isn’t it?

I think it's implied that when you write an apology letter you are seeking forgiveness. I don't think it's a stretch at all.

Quite the reverse imho. An apology is only genuine when it’s made without any expectations of forgiveness or otherwise because it acknowledges wrong and nothing more.

QuillBill · 10/03/2023 23:22

Quite the reverse imho. An apology is only genuine when it’s made without any expectations of forgiveness or otherwise because it acknowledges wrong and nothing more.

I thought you said his brain wasn't developed properly and he wouldn't realise the impact of his words others.

Now you are saying the same person has the capacity to write a letter without the expectation of forgiveness.

Northernparent68 · 10/03/2023 23:22

If the message was sent outside school can you argue it’s not their concern.