Dd's new bf broke up with her - wants to leave uni - help me parent!

[Dredel]

She wants me to pick her up today as she's 'too much of a mess to get on the train' her words. She's been texting me all night and I'm knackered. I feel really sorry for her but she had only been with him for a month. She has a good group of girl friends looking out for her. The uni is a 2 hour drive away. I will go and collect her later on but is it normal for parents to do this- my own mum was an alcoholic and never there for any of us so I'm a bit shit at judging what's the right thing to do. She's saying she wants to leave uni altogether! She's 19 and only ever had two boyfriends both of whom have split up from her. Wise words needed! Dh is saying she needs to just learn how to cope herself and get on with it.

I tend to agree.

If this was one of my daughters I would just drive and go and get her, I don't appreciate "she shouldn't feel like this" "she needs to learn coping mechanisms" etc etc even now as an adult, so if someone's asking me for help I'd like to give it, I would hate her feelings to spiral 🥺 I'm also an extreme migraine sufferer but if I felt ok to drive I would do so. I'd really want to keep the closeness going

I would go and fetch her and thank my lucky stars that her response to heartbreak is to call mum. She’s 19. She’ll learn to navigate the world on her own and deal with these things without you, but she’s not there yet and that’s ok. Be her rock, be kind and try to give her some gentle perspective. It’ll likely fall on deaf ears because she’s not yet felt the proper pain that puts this kind of thing in its place. Show up for her now and when she does experience something genuinely awful in the future she’ll trust you to be there for her. You can still crack on with your weekend while she’s here. She probably just wants to comfort of home.

Think you misunderstand what I am saying. Yes the OP was on the phone, but the OP has labelled her own child a drama queen and is not showing any attempt to understand her child's POV.

The OP has shown very little understanding of the DD really.

This is precisely the type of relationship that can encourage a child to escalate in order to get more support/closeness.

It is possible to have a conversation but still not feel heard. This leads some to try harder.

I'm sorry - of course I've empathised with dd and sympathised and listened and I totally understand her POV - being dumped sucks. I've spoken to her and texted endlessly!

I come from a family who would never even mention a relationship break up while at uni-it wasn’t their business so it’s nice your daughter could tell you. Though I do remember being unwell and my mum offering to come and get me. I told her no, as was perfectly capable of looking after self.
Getting the train is the best thing, you know her and drama queen ways, it’s not cold, you have said she could come home and getting in nice food to give her a treat.