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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Son brainwashed by Andrew Tate

160 replies

NoGoodUsernamesLeftForMe · 31/12/2022 09:55

Until yesterday’s news about the arrest of Tate I had no idea that my son has been following this ‘influencer’. He wasn’t even on my radar. It turns out he is almost a hero figure to my 17 year old. Reading about what this man says about (and seemingly does to) women is a terrible eye opener. My boy has lapped all this up, including the conspiracy bullshit about supra-governmental forces or ‘the government’ being out to get Tate who is being framed but has done nothing wrong. It seems clear from just a glancing read in the mainstream media that the man made his fortune by producing pornography, that he rails against everything we stand for as a family. He is a misogynist and his arrest for trafficking and rape suggests much worse. He is all about making money and brags about not paying taxes. He is an angry white man who rails against the world in shouty videos.
I do not know how to handle this. My teenage son is not easy to deal with at times. Withdrawn, taciturn, the usual teenage stuff. I was initially delighted that at least he talked about it to us yesterday and we had a calm discussion. But I have since found out who this guy is and got more of a sense of the indoctrination that has taken place.
I wonder if other parents are in a similar situation? How should I handle this? I fear that the more I say against this guy the more appealing he will be to a teenager. It’s all about being different to your parents, and what this toxic man stands for could be no more different.
I don’t think removing his phone is the answer, it would only antagonise him. I need him to stay on side and to see what this icon really is like.
Any suggestions on how to handle this would be really appreciated. I am beside myself with worry about what damage this has already done to my son and how to stop this man skewing my son’s world view. As he has millions of followers it’s likely other parents here have a similar experience.
Thank you! 😢

OP posts:
Mulhollandmagoo · 31/12/2022 17:27

Sorry you've found yourself here OP, you must be worried sick! It's really tough when you're going up against the social media algorithms, I know you don't want to take his phone, but trying to get him to reduce the amount of time spent on it would be good.

Get him outside, walks, fresh air, no phone maybe? Does he have any hobbies he could spend more time doing. I do think you need to chat with him, but plan what you're going to say, and stick only to the facts - any displays of emotion from you will only cause him to defend him even more.

TheFormidableMrsC · 31/12/2022 17:42

I've just had to do a safeguarding course about toxic masculinity as this is becoming a massive problem even at primary level. People like Tate are very dangerous. I would be limiting son's access to these platforms and educating him.

BethDuttonsTwin · 31/12/2022 18:16

Itsbiasedhere · 31/12/2022 11:21

This thread is classic Mumsnet let's try to censor or ban someone that disagrees with our keen woke concern. Tate (a bit of an idiot), Peterson (who is actually very clever and bang on on many things) people demand get deplatformed, however when other woke causes try to ban JK Rowling or other women's rights people who happen to cause conflicts with trans rights this site is up in arms about it.

Well said.

The thing about free speech is it has to be free for everyone not just the ones you agree with. When you argue against it as some have done on this thread then you're arguing for your own right to free speech to be curtailed at some point. I'm fascinated that people can't see this.

BethDuttonsTwin · 31/12/2022 18:18

As for Andrew Tate, when my kids start coming out with nonsense they've read on Twitter or seen on YouTube, I ask them non heated, interested questions and give them information from The Other Side or ask them to listen to an alternative commentator. It's nothing to get worked up about. It's a useful opportunity to get your kids thinking critically and not too radically.

4thtimeunlucky · 31/12/2022 18:35

My 16 year old DD has been complaining about Andrew Tate and his influence on boys in her class, for months. I'd actually never heard of him. I found it pretty depressing that so many young boys were agreeing with misogyny etc and that's before any of the recent stuff and trafficking came to light!

EmmaAgain22 · 31/12/2022 19:27

BethDuttonsTwin · 31/12/2022 18:16

Well said.

The thing about free speech is it has to be free for everyone not just the ones you agree with. When you argue against it as some have done on this thread then you're arguing for your own right to free speech to be curtailed at some point. I'm fascinated that people can't see this.

But where free speech crosses into incitement to violence, it's time to think "this is shouting fire in a cinema" to some extent.

Furries · 01/01/2023 03:16

Tate is clever, he can’t just be dismissed as a bit of an idiot.

I have no idea how to communicate with any parents of teenage boys, so I’m sorry. All I would say is, be careful with regards to “praising” any “good” points that they think Tate has raised.

I did a dive on his Twitter page yesterday, just to get more of an idea re what he is projecting to the world. The below screenshot is just one example. I could have taken loads more, but got bored by his ramblings.

This is NOT a person to even remotely try to highlight their good points. This is who he is.

Also, watch the Piers interview linked above. It’s painful. Tate shows completely who he is.

Am sorry I can’t offer any advice re dealing with kids exposed to this, but I can’t believe some adults are kind of dismissing (or not seeing) how vile this guy is. And all of this is without any knowledge of what could come out in a criminal trial. This is all stuff available online now.

Son brainwashed by Andrew Tate
User135644 · 01/01/2023 15:49

I noticed that Andrew Tate was becoming the poster boy of the British Right. He was turning up on GB News or Murdoch's Talk TV for feature length interviews to spout his bile. There to counter the demographic trend of younger people being too lefty or 'woke' as well as he appeals to young men and boys.

They'll have to disown him now. Can't see him back on with Piers Morgan or Dan Wootton any time soon.

Snowmanzi · 01/01/2023 18:20

Oh my goodness. I saw this post a few days ago and made a mental note to ask my 17 year old DS if he knows who Andrew Tate is. I then forgot about it until we were at my DM’s for dinner earlier and she mentioned the recent exchanges on Twitter with Greta Thunberg.

My DS declared that he “likes” Andrew Tate and that he hasn’t done anything wrong, and he hasn’t really been arrested and it’s all made up. When he said to me that he’d never done anything wrong, I told
him that he had been removed from big brother after a video of him hitting a woman went viral.

DS looked shocked and it stopped him in his tracks for a second - at thus point though, DS2 (who is TEN years old) interrupted with : “It’s been proven that isn’t true, she admitted that it was sex play, I saw a video of her saying that, on Tik Tok”.

Those exact words. WTF?!

DS2 doesn’t have Tik Tok - but apparently his friend does. Where to start with that I don’t even know, he won’t be staying at the friends anymore but what on earth have they been watching? I still can’t take that in. He seemed to actually know who and what we were speaking about.

Back to DS1… we just shut down the conversation as were about to have a family dinner, my DM looked at shocked as I was and we decided to return to the topic later.

After we got home, I brought the subject up with DS1 and said I was surprised as I’d have thought he’ve had recognised the guy is a twat.

He then started telling me that Andrew Tate is obviously doing very well as he is rich and has his own businesses (he was unable to elaborate on what they are), and that he himself predicted he would be banned from Twitter, then arrested for something he hadn’t done, then killed… and that it is all coming true as “the Elite” are after him because of what he knows. So this proves he is telling the truth and all he is actually guilty of is money laundering and the trafficking charges are a lie.

When I questioned this he told me I am “in the matrix”. Then told me I am stupid if I don’t know that conspiracy theories are true. He then said “What about Jeffrey Epstein?”. I replied “Jeffrey Epstein was a sex offender” and DS said “Exactly, the Elite” and nodded, as if I’d just proved his point completely.

I left it there with him as I just couldn’t decide how to proceed with the bizarre conversation and told him I would look into this more (as he is insisting I haven’t listened to Andrew Tate enough, apparently he also thought he was a twat at first but then he listened and realised everything he said was true) but suggested that he also applies some critical thinking skills and is open to the idea that this man, and his supporters, are not telling the truth.

I feel a bit shaken up to be honest. I separated from his dad when he was younger and was always really close to DS as he is the oldest. I thought I’d brought him up to respect women and we had always talked about everything, although we don’t talk so much over the last year or so as he has a very busy social life.

I haven’t had any worries about him - until now! I had no reason to. He seems materialistic and very image focused but I thought that was just a teenage phase that he would grow out of, in the same way he would grow out of buying stupidly expensive coats and trainers.

He is popular, sporty, a good looking young man, always academically bright. He has a big group of male friends who he has been close to since primary school.

He has only ever had one girlfriend though who lasted a few months and I couldn’t get to the bottom of what happened (though I got the impression that she had ended it) and I have been starting to think that is a bit odd, but maybe just a generational thing. None of his friends seem to have girlfriends either.

Maybe though, he is a misogynistic, conspiracy peddling little idiot and THAT is why he doesn’t have a girlfriend!

I can’t take his phone away though, he is nearly 18 and pays his own phonebill 😦

EmmaEmerald · 01/01/2023 18:50

Snowmanzi "DS looked shocked and it stopped him in his tracks for a second - at thus point though, DS2 (who is TEN years old) interrupted with : “It’s been proven that isn’t true, she admitted that it was sex play, I saw a video of her saying that, on Tik Tok”

oh, so we are in the place I thought...it's "consensual" so no one is querying it.

i'm sorry, that's a tough one. He pays his phone bill but how does he pay for the expensive trainers and coats etc?

in terms of "what about Jeffrey Epstein" he was caught? So is your son thinking he was innocent too?

there's not much point trying to argue but if you have any influence to get him more into normal life, that's good.

I hadn't realised that GB News had him on their channel.

Snowmanzi · 01/01/2023 19:23

He pays for own clothes @EmmaEmerald as he is doing an apprenticeship. I have settings on internet so it goes off at set times but he has data on his phone.

Re: the Jeffrey Einstein comment, I think that he was saying that Jeffery Einstein is one of “the elite” who Andrew Tate is trying to expose (and the dangerous elites are therefore going after Andrew Tate).

So, Tate is being wrongly accused of sex trafficking because he is actually a good person who is trying to expose bad people who control the world <mind boggles>

I feel like I need to listen to more of what this man in spouting in order to form a counter-argument to DS. But don’t want to!

DS did seem a bit unsure of what he was saying , even as he announced that I am in the matrix.

We have never really disagreed on anything like this, he was a switched on kid and he respected and listened to my opinions and guidance on things so I hope my resistance might make him question these beliefs, even a little.

His apprenticeship probably isn’t a good thing in this respect as he is now in the company older men, sometimes working on building sites, and I don’t know what he will be picking up and hearing there. He dropped out of A-levels as he wanted to learn a trade and earn money instead of going to university, but his environment will have changed the views he hears and I am wondering if this is where this stuff has come from?

EmmaEmerald · 01/01/2023 19:39

Snow I think it's great that he's working. This sort of stuff is everywhere.

he does sound in a muddle though - I'm going to guess that he means something about Epstein's client list?

I wouldn't listen to Tate to try and debunk stuff, he probably won't agree with your interpretation anyway.

HayleyMortimer · 04/01/2023 12:50

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ImOnSmoke · 11/01/2023 10:27

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Mulhollandmagoo · 11/01/2023 10:29

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🙄😂

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 11/01/2023 10:31

He shelters dogs and oprhans by war.

Really? What's he doing with orphans? Are they all girls by any chance?

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 11/01/2023 10:31

Trust In Tate.

absolute cretin

ImOnSmoke · 11/01/2023 10:35

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ImOnSmoke · 11/01/2023 10:36

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ImOnSmoke · 11/01/2023 10:37

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MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 11/01/2023 10:37

By all means swap places, you go out and work while the man stays in and cooks and cleans all day and we will see how quickly you all change your mind.

Grin grin]

You think everyone on MN sits at home all day waiting for their menfolk to return?

You're a hoot.

(please learn to spell)

MeghanAndTheSeals · 11/01/2023 10:37

Please everyone, don’t ask for those posts to be deleted. They are absolutely brilliant!!

I am hoping for some more insightful commentary.

ImOnSmoke · 11/01/2023 10:38

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ImOnSmoke · 11/01/2023 10:39

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MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 11/01/2023 10:39

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big important man who is in love with Mr Tate must not have his time wasted,

Got it.