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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD13 incredibly poor period hygiene, nothing seems to bother her..

138 replies

Someo · 06/12/2022 19:26

My DD is seriously worrying me at the minute. She hasn't long started her periods. We've always been open and honest about anything like this. She does suffer from anxiety and can struggle with school due to her emetophobia. I do worry she seems quite young and gullible in some ways. For instance she's still written her letter to santa this year and asked for a yoyo which isn't your typical teenager present.

She will not say when she is on. As far as I can tell she hasn't used the pads that I've put in her bedside drawer. The last straw was today I walked in to her room and immediately smelled period blood. This is despite always ensuring she has clean underwear washed and ready for her?

I'm worried her friends will notice her lack of hygiene and she will end up getting picked on and feelin humiliated/mortified.

I've no bought her Cheeky Pants period pants but have explained that they obviously need to be changed and rinsed before being washed.

I'm at a loss. She said she doesn't like speaking to me about anything serious. It's made me feel like an utter failure tbh.

OP posts:
Rushingfool · 06/12/2022 19:35

I have to say that you sound a bit like you might be making her feel humiliated, hence why she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about this stuff, hence why she might not be coping too well. I must say I'd have felt mortified if my mum told me she could smell period blood in my room - gross, but also gross to mention it! Get her some period pants that go through the washing machine without needing to be rinsed by hand. Modi bodi are good for that.

Einszwei · 06/12/2022 19:39

I think you might be making her stressed. Why does she have to tell you when she is on her period?? I would be mortified if my mother kept asking me at the same age.

Maybe she will prefer tampons. I found them much more comfortable. I hate the feeling of blood on a pad/period pants and you daughter might feel the same way?

Ivyblu · 06/12/2022 19:42

Does she have a mobile? She could download an app and log her periods.

I think writing a list to santa at her age? Does she believe in santander still?

Choconut · 06/12/2022 19:43

OP have you ever considered she may have ASD? I'd say she's ticking boxes there with what you've said.

Battlecat98 · 06/12/2022 19:47

My dd does not tell me 'when she is on' she just requests pads when she needs them. As she has just started she is probably not that regular, maybe she has not had any further periods.

Brightstarowl · 06/12/2022 20:00

Rushingfool · 06/12/2022 19:35

I have to say that you sound a bit like you might be making her feel humiliated, hence why she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about this stuff, hence why she might not be coping too well. I must say I'd have felt mortified if my mum told me she could smell period blood in my room - gross, but also gross to mention it! Get her some period pants that go through the washing machine without needing to be rinsed by hand. Modi bodi are good for that.

Surely it's better to hear she smells from her own mum than from class bullies?

Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 20:02

I'm really not humiliating her I'm trying to let her know she can speak to me about anything.

And I'm sorry but if I don't tell her that there is an odour who will? Her friends? Boys at school? Surely that's worse.. It's not like I said err this smells 🙄🙄🙄

Maybe I misworded it I don't necessarily need her to let me know if she's on but a heads up if she needs any more sanitary products and things like that.

I found a wad of dirty knickers stuffed in the bathroom bin when emptying it. I'm just concerned for her.

With regards to santa... I thought she was just sort of keeping it up for her younger siblings but I'm not actually sure now after reading her letter. She's done it in her neatest writing and everything.

I have considered ASD as she can be quite shy and struggle with friendships but no one else has shared this concern. She is very bright and doesn't seem to have issues at school regarding learning or anything.

OP posts:
EmmatheStageRat · 06/12/2022 20:03

My DD1 is 15 and has had her periods for four years; she still cannot manage them. She is diagnosed with ASC and ADHD, among various disabilities. I have replaced my DD’s entire knicker drawer with period pants so she wears a pair every day. I have found M&S pants to be the best (we’ve tried Wuka, Modibodi and Cheeky Pants). I don’t make my DD rinse out her pants as this is a step too far for her. I simply wash them together in our machine and they come out pristine. Don’t forget how grim the girl’s toilets can be at school with all the tough girls hanging out there and vaping and worse! I buy the heaviest absorbency period pants and they keep DD secure for an entire school day.

Emmelina · 06/12/2022 20:03

Choconut · 06/12/2022 19:43

OP have you ever considered she may have ASD? I'd say she's ticking boxes there with what you've said.

This ^ the immaturity and no real sense of personal hygiene made me think of my own teen daughter!

Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 20:04

@Einszwei I've already suggested tampons. She gave me a firm look of disgust and she said she'd prefer the period pants as they learnt about them in school.

OP posts:
cansu · 06/12/2022 20:05

You need to be very specific I would sit down and tell her
1 give her a calendar to keep in her room. Ask her to mark her periods. Explain this will help her plan for when she needs pads.
2 get her a bag of emergency supies to keep in her bag.

  1. Tell her period blood smells.
  2. Tell her how often she needs to change.
  3. If using the period pants Tell her how often to change and where to put the used pants.

My dd has asd. You need to be very clear on what she needs to do.

butterfliedtwo · 06/12/2022 20:06

EmmatheStageRat · 06/12/2022 20:03

My DD1 is 15 and has had her periods for four years; she still cannot manage them. She is diagnosed with ASC and ADHD, among various disabilities. I have replaced my DD’s entire knicker drawer with period pants so she wears a pair every day. I have found M&S pants to be the best (we’ve tried Wuka, Modibodi and Cheeky Pants). I don’t make my DD rinse out her pants as this is a step too far for her. I simply wash them together in our machine and they come out pristine. Don’t forget how grim the girl’s toilets can be at school with all the tough girls hanging out there and vaping and worse! I buy the heaviest absorbency period pants and they keep DD secure for an entire school day.

This sounds like a good idea.

OtterInABox · 06/12/2022 20:08

Doesn't seem totally outside the realms of normality to me

I'd just be a little more proactive with her. Supply lots of period pants and just gee her up a bit - 'don't forget to change your pants, lots of fresh ones in the drawer'

Have a laundry bin in her reach to put them in so they can be washed. Don't make her rinse them herself. Say she doesn't need to put any pants in the waste bin, just pop them in the laundry basket

Supply nice shower gels or soaps and encourage a daily shower so you know she's fresh every 24 hours at least

Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 20:08

cansu · 06/12/2022 20:05

You need to be very specific I would sit down and tell her
1 give her a calendar to keep in her room. Ask her to mark her periods. Explain this will help her plan for when she needs pads.
2 get her a bag of emergency supies to keep in her bag.

  1. Tell her period blood smells.
  2. Tell her how often she needs to change.
  3. If using the period pants Tell her how often to change and where to put the used pants.

My dd has asd. You need to be very clear on what she needs to do.

We have discussed all of this previously though which is why I'm confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 20:10

OtterInABox · 06/12/2022 20:08

Doesn't seem totally outside the realms of normality to me

I'd just be a little more proactive with her. Supply lots of period pants and just gee her up a bit - 'don't forget to change your pants, lots of fresh ones in the drawer'

Have a laundry bin in her reach to put them in so they can be washed. Don't make her rinse them herself. Say she doesn't need to put any pants in the waste bin, just pop them in the laundry basket

Supply nice shower gels or soaps and encourage a daily shower so you know she's fresh every 24 hours at least

Thank you. I offered to get her little laundry bin with scented liners. She said she doesn't want it. I feel as if my effort to help isn't really appreciated as such.

Thanks @EmmatheStageRat I'll look at the M&S ones too! I have said to her I'll pop some scented nappy bags in her room and she can pop them in there and I'll deal with the washing. I'm not fussed about any of that.

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 06/12/2022 20:11

I have ASD and honestly keeping a calendar of my periods has been beyond me at any age. Don't think I would have managed an app either.

All the knickers being period knickers is genius.

Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 20:13

AnnaMagnani · 06/12/2022 20:11

I have ASD and honestly keeping a calendar of my periods has been beyond me at any age. Don't think I would have managed an app either.

All the knickers being period knickers is genius.

Thanks for the reply. I did say make a note of it but she sort of looks at me as if I have 2 heads. 🙈

Like I asked oh do you know when it started because then you can try and predict the next one and she said I don't know.

OP posts:
Choconut · 06/12/2022 20:19

Someo · 06/12/2022 20:02

I'm really not humiliating her I'm trying to let her know she can speak to me about anything.

And I'm sorry but if I don't tell her that there is an odour who will? Her friends? Boys at school? Surely that's worse.. It's not like I said err this smells 🙄🙄🙄

Maybe I misworded it I don't necessarily need her to let me know if she's on but a heads up if she needs any more sanitary products and things like that.

I found a wad of dirty knickers stuffed in the bathroom bin when emptying it. I'm just concerned for her.

With regards to santa... I thought she was just sort of keeping it up for her younger siblings but I'm not actually sure now after reading her letter. She's done it in her neatest writing and everything.

I have considered ASD as she can be quite shy and struggle with friendships but no one else has shared this concern. She is very bright and doesn't seem to have issues at school regarding learning or anything.

DS got 6 9's and the rest 8's in his GCSE's, he still has ASD though. It could easily be missed by school if she is generally well behaved and does fine at school. Unless you are struggling massively in lessons things often aren't picked up.

I wouldn't think you were a failure at all, poor hygiene is very typical with teens with ASD, my son is the same, not bothered at all if he smells as the smell doesn't bother him. Please handle it very, very gently though if you want her to trust you at all. She may feel completely out of her depth with getting her period, not know what to do if she gets it in her knickers etc - I'd handle it like you would if she was much younger and got her period, go through everything very gently, explaining very clearly, don't assume she knows anything. I went through something similar with my mum (hiding soiled pads as didn't know what to do with them) and she made me feel terrible and used it against me later. It is very common for kids with ASD to be a few years emotionally behind their peers and if she still believes in Santa then it sounds like she is particularly young for her age. Just please be very patient and understanding.

CriticalAlert · 06/12/2022 20:26

I only wish my mum had been like you op. I started my periods at 13. My mum got me a pack of sanitary towels and a sanitary belt. The next month I got nothing and used to nick toilet paper from school. I had one pair of knickers and we had no toilet paper in our flat - used to use newspaper. There were days I stank and I was horrifically bullied at my all girl grammar school. No teachers helped me, even when my summer dress was stained with blood at the back. Show this to your daughter and explain you're trying to help and be a good mum. Good luck .

Itsokay2020 · 06/12/2022 20:27

I confess to spending a small fortune on toiletries, body mists, perfumes and skincare to entice my teen to take care of their personal hygiene, it’s worked. Positive reinforcement, support and a non-judgmental approach has paid off. Periods are tricky, I have to listen to TMI but it makes me smile and has strengthened our mother/daughter relationship. Period knickers are a godsend, and some great ideas have been shared. Keep talking to your DD, it will become easier for her once the cringe factor wears off and it’s normalised and feels more natural and acceptable

Itsokay2020 · 06/12/2022 20:28

@CriticalAlert your story has brought tears to my eyes, I’m so sorry you had to endure that

Tannedandfake · 06/12/2022 20:32

Is your daughter showering daily? Clean clothes every day?
I keep track of my DD’s periods on my phone, but she does let me know when she starts / puts dirty washing in the laundry every day

Wishiwasatailor · 06/12/2022 20:34

Don’t ask if she would like this or that. Just buy anything you think is appropriate or worth a try and explain everyone is different and likes to use different products nothing is right or wrong it’s personal preference. It’s me ch easier to say no rather than have an embarrassing conversation with your mum.

Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 20:40

@Wishiwasatailor that's true. I will just get a small bin and least that way if she wants to use it she can.

@Tannedandfake yes she prefers a bath rather than shower. I always make a point of saying shower gel on the side. I obviously can't be 100% she's using it all the time though. I also make sure to leave the deodarant out with her clothes and stuff. She is never without these things.

@CriticalAlert I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Sounds terrible. 😔 I just want to make sure she's OK and that she knows I am there to chat about stuff.

Thank you @Choconut DD is similar I think does well in school doesn't show the "obvious" signs though she has said she can't cope with noise in PE and this has lead to her skiving a lesson. That is completely unlike her.

I guess I just want her to feel comfortable to chat to me about stuff so the fact she doesn't want to makes me think I've made it so she can't.

OP posts:
lmnabc · 06/12/2022 20:43

CriticalAlert · 06/12/2022 20:26

I only wish my mum had been like you op. I started my periods at 13. My mum got me a pack of sanitary towels and a sanitary belt. The next month I got nothing and used to nick toilet paper from school. I had one pair of knickers and we had no toilet paper in our flat - used to use newspaper. There were days I stank and I was horrifically bullied at my all girl grammar school. No teachers helped me, even when my summer dress was stained with blood at the back. Show this to your daughter and explain you're trying to help and be a good mum. Good luck .

This was me too ☹️