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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD13 incredibly poor period hygiene, nothing seems to bother her..

138 replies

Someo · 06/12/2022 19:26

My DD is seriously worrying me at the minute. She hasn't long started her periods. We've always been open and honest about anything like this. She does suffer from anxiety and can struggle with school due to her emetophobia. I do worry she seems quite young and gullible in some ways. For instance she's still written her letter to santa this year and asked for a yoyo which isn't your typical teenager present.

She will not say when she is on. As far as I can tell she hasn't used the pads that I've put in her bedside drawer. The last straw was today I walked in to her room and immediately smelled period blood. This is despite always ensuring she has clean underwear washed and ready for her?

I'm worried her friends will notice her lack of hygiene and she will end up getting picked on and feelin humiliated/mortified.

I've no bought her Cheeky Pants period pants but have explained that they obviously need to be changed and rinsed before being washed.

I'm at a loss. She said she doesn't like speaking to me about anything serious. It's made me feel like an utter failure tbh.

OP posts:
IncessantNameChanger · 06/12/2022 20:49

Bless her. Can you get her some nice little toiletry bags and make up a mixture of pads, tampons, pants and give her one for school bag, one for her draw and one in the bathroom. Add a little shopping list of what's in the bag and she can tick off what she likes? Then just hand the list back to you. Some baby wipes and scented nappy bags if she's struggling now? Just tell her to put the pants directly into the machine.

Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 20:56

@IncessantNameChanger yeah that sounds like a good idea too. I'm going to order some more period pants too.

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/12/2022 20:57

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asland · 06/12/2022 20:57

My mum was great when I started my period but for some reason I remember still hiding my dirty knickers because I was ashamed. Looking back I don’t know why I did it but I found it all so embarrassing and would dent being on my period if my mum asked. Sounds like you’re doing everything right but sometimes it doesn’t seem like that to a child

curlymacv · 06/12/2022 21:03

Me too , I was like this. Never actually told my mum, just stole pads and hid all evidence until she confronted me one night. That didn't help, actually after that point I started buying pads myself.

Not sure why, I have just always found it super difficult discussing things with my family.

Wavingnotdrown1ng · 06/12/2022 21:06

My ASD DD was so overwhelmed by periods that she had to have menstrual-suppression medication to make them stop. The sensory overwhelm is difficult and ASD children often prefer baths to showers for sensory reasons but some girls dislike baths while having periods. If your daughter is neurodiverse, there may well be sensory issues at play regarding her sense of smell too.

GoatsAreLovely · 06/12/2022 21:09

I was your daughter 15 years ago. I never knew when I was on and I stained my bed sheets terribly. I also remember that pads use to give me terrible thrush. I purposefully didn’t wear any protection and I liked the smell and the look of the blood. I do have ASD. Stop shaming your daughter. Periods are hard enough but maybe suggest an app or a manual calendar? I really did enjoy it though as it was so new. Do you have female family friend she likes and trusts you can talk to ?

Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 21:11

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I'm really not. Feel free to ask MN to check.

OP posts:
Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 21:12

I am NOT shaming her!

I have never done that and never will.

OP posts:
Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 21:15

@Wavingnotdrown1ng that's interesting about the baths v showers thing. I'm not sure if she is neurodiverse or not tbh. My younger DS has SEN and his was more obvious because he didn't meet milestones and struggles intellectually.

OP posts:
tax19 · 06/12/2022 21:16

I remember being a (lazy) young teenager and my dad used to always change my bin in my bedroom (lazy teenager as I said) I remember him once saying about an old smelly period pad and that was the switch for me. I think the embarrassment made me buck up my ideas but I remember my mum had said things to me that I just ignored. Maybe it will just take time and a little bit of maturity but I agree with you as her mother you owe it to her to be honest and not let her go about smelling period or body odour either way, you don't want her looking back and asking why you didn't say something.

crazycycle · 06/12/2022 21:17

I was mortified about my periods at that age. Never knew when they would appear, meaning pants got stained a lot. I felt like I couldn’t speak to my mum, so was embarrassed to ask for pads. I used my pocket money to buy new pants and stole my mums pads a couple at a time from her drawer. I wish I had period pants as I stuffed paper down my pants at school to made the pads last longer so I didn’t have to rustle with changing them

not sure what to suggest but it’s an embarrassing and confusing time, and keep up the gentle support and reassurance. Plentiful supplies with no pressure or lecture and no drama with leakages etc which will happen anyway as she learns her body signs and cycle

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/12/2022 21:19

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inpixiehollow · 06/12/2022 21:19

I understand your frustrations but please remember this is all new to her and can be very embarrassing and intimidating. When i first started my periods they were really heavy and having not much experience with them it ended up in a lot of leaks. My mum would hit the roof if she saw bloody underwear and accuse me of not changing pads frequently enough (in honesty perhaps I wasn't as i was 12 years old and had limited breaks at school!) but it was mortifying and still makes me feel shame now thinking about it. Is there another adult female she could talk to who she might feel more comfortable? Could you supply her with a leaflet/book about periods and hygiene and allow her to read it at her leisure.
the underwear should help i imagine.

Rainlady · 06/12/2022 21:21

When periods first start they're not often regular for a while. Perhaps she has come on unexpectedly and is embarrassed about it? Hence the hidden knickers. You need to tell her this is OK.

My mum was fine about periods and stuff, and helpful, but I was still excruciatingly embarrassed about bringing it up with her. That's the nature of being a teenager.

userxx · 06/12/2022 21:22

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My advice would be to stop hunting.

Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 21:25

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I'm grateful people haven't followed your advice because it's reassuring to know that other parents have experienced this and has made me feel much less alone.

Like I said feel free to report me to MNHQ.

OP posts:
Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 21:27

Rainlady · 06/12/2022 21:21

When periods first start they're not often regular for a while. Perhaps she has come on unexpectedly and is embarrassed about it? Hence the hidden knickers. You need to tell her this is OK.

My mum was fine about periods and stuff, and helpful, but I was still excruciatingly embarrassed about bringing it up with her. That's the nature of being a teenager.

Yeah she had one period like a year and a bit ago and only started again a couple of months ago. The GP reassured me this was normal though.

I'm glad it seems the norm for teenagers. She's my first teenager and it's a whole different ballgame compared to when they are younger!

OP posts:
BattenburgSlice · 06/12/2022 21:28

My asd dd only has period knickers no regular knickers to minimise this but at the mo she’s consistent with changing them and putting soiled ones in the bin for washing, so try that. I buy all her period knickers from primark.

Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 21:31

inpixiehollow · 06/12/2022 21:19

I understand your frustrations but please remember this is all new to her and can be very embarrassing and intimidating. When i first started my periods they were really heavy and having not much experience with them it ended up in a lot of leaks. My mum would hit the roof if she saw bloody underwear and accuse me of not changing pads frequently enough (in honesty perhaps I wasn't as i was 12 years old and had limited breaks at school!) but it was mortifying and still makes me feel shame now thinking about it. Is there another adult female she could talk to who she might feel more comfortable? Could you supply her with a leaflet/book about periods and hygiene and allow her to read it at her leisure.
the underwear should help i imagine.

Thank you for your reply, I've never ever got cross with her about any of this. I'm not a fan of the tough love approach anyway but even more so for DD. I only mentioned the knickers to her because I realised we were down to about 2 pairs. Again never made an issue just went out and got more.

I do have two sisters and my mum but she's quite reserved in general so I'm not sure if she would speak to them or not. They'd always have time for her either way.

OP posts:
Lougle · 06/12/2022 21:31

I have 2 DDs with ASD and 1 on the waiting list. All of them take the combined contraceptive pill. We run the packs together so they only have a period once every 4/5 months.

EmmatheStageRat · 06/12/2022 21:31

Oh well, up yours to any pervs in skirts wanking off to a thread about menstrual blood. For those of us with actual teen DDs who may or may not be neurodiverse , then I hope that this thread is useful. I’m so fucking sick of actual (like proper) girls and women not being able to fully discuss issues which affect (sex assigned at birth) girls and women. Fucking had enough of it now. Why should we have to be silenced for fear of ‘encouraging’ the wrath or the fantasies of deluded individuals? Menstruating is a fact of life for more than half of the world’s population; we need to be able to talk about it in a female-friendly space.

Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 21:32

BattenburgSlice · 06/12/2022 21:28

My asd dd only has period knickers no regular knickers to minimise this but at the mo she’s consistent with changing them and putting soiled ones in the bin for washing, so try that. I buy all her period knickers from primark.

How've you found the primark ones? I know they're quite a cheaper, in our local store they are always OOS or only have one size left. A PP mentioned Marks and Spencer so I'll look there too. Currently trying out Cheeky Pants.

OP posts:
Original poster
Someo · 06/12/2022 21:35

EmmatheStageRat · 06/12/2022 21:31

Oh well, up yours to any pervs in skirts wanking off to a thread about menstrual blood. For those of us with actual teen DDs who may or may not be neurodiverse , then I hope that this thread is useful. I’m so fucking sick of actual (like proper) girls and women not being able to fully discuss issues which affect (sex assigned at birth) girls and women. Fucking had enough of it now. Why should we have to be silenced for fear of ‘encouraging’ the wrath or the fantasies of deluded individuals? Menstruating is a fact of life for more than half of the world’s population; we need to be able to talk about it in a female-friendly space.

Thank you! Everyone's replies have been helpful! It's reassuring that this has happened to other people's teens and made me feel less alone with it.

OP posts:
Newwardrobe · 06/12/2022 21:35

EmmatheStageRat · 06/12/2022 21:31

Oh well, up yours to any pervs in skirts wanking off to a thread about menstrual blood. For those of us with actual teen DDs who may or may not be neurodiverse , then I hope that this thread is useful. I’m so fucking sick of actual (like proper) girls and women not being able to fully discuss issues which affect (sex assigned at birth) girls and women. Fucking had enough of it now. Why should we have to be silenced for fear of ‘encouraging’ the wrath or the fantasies of deluded individuals? Menstruating is a fact of life for more than half of the world’s population; we need to be able to talk about it in a female-friendly space.

It's a shame that sadly there are weirdo's on here though (not saying the op is )