DD13 incredibly poor period hygiene, nothing seems to bother her..

[Someo]

My DD is seriously worrying me at the minute. She hasn't long started her periods. We've always been open and honest about anything like this. She does suffer from anxiety and can struggle with school due to her emetophobia. I do worry she seems quite young and gullible in some ways. For instance she's still written her letter to santa this year and asked for a yoyo which isn't your typical teenager present.

She will not say when she is on. As far as I can tell she hasn't used the pads that I've put in her bedside drawer. The last straw was today I walked in to her room and immediately smelled period blood. This is despite always ensuring she has clean underwear washed and ready for her?

I'm worried her friends will notice her lack of hygiene and she will end up getting picked on and feelin humiliated/mortified.

I've no bought her Cheeky Pants period pants but have explained that they obviously need to be changed and rinsed before being washed.

I'm at a loss. She said she doesn't like speaking to me about anything serious. It's made me feel like an utter failure tbh.

Fantastic metaphor. And you're right. In school DD is seen as quiet and shy but gets on with class work so likely not to arouse any suspicions.

Please don't shame her. There's nothing wrong with the scent of period blood. Perhaps this is still present even if she's using pads.

Thank you. I've gone for some M&S ones for now just because we don't have a local primark. When I'm next there I'll grab a pack though.

I'm awaiting an email or call back from SENCO the school aren't known for their communication so I may ring before the weekends here if I've not heard back. I have had notification that DD has got an after school detention. Reason being she forgot she had a lunchtime one for "forgetting" her PE kit.

She hates PE. can't stand the noise. She forgot it on purpose. 🙈

I didn't shame her. It was an odour that had very clearly been left for a day or two. I suspect she'd kept the same period pants on for a couple of days.

I will not apologise for telling her. Rather it came from me her mum than someone at school.

Op I going through same but literally a few weeks ahead of you .
Pls pm me if you would like.
I'm off to M&S / Primark too !

Gosh, this thread has brought back some memories of being 13! I found my periods just overwhelming. I have vivid memories of sitting in class at school and realising my period must have started. I didn’t know what to do even though I’d had them before - I didn’t ask to leave class to tidy myself up or anything, just sat there with a spreading stain. I found the whole paraphernalia of pads (flippin’ enormous things in my day with loops and belts) too much, sensory yuk mainly. It took a very long time for me to both accept my periods and to learn to predict them. I kept telling my mum I had a UTI for ages. The denial was mostly just not being able to accept growing up, and not being able to accommodate change. I was still playing with dolls at that age, only had younger kids as friends and the idea of boys and sex was totally alien - and, yes, I might very well be an under-the-RADAR Autistic woman - in my day it would have been impossible for that kind of thing to get picked up, I was just considered unusual and eccentric. I’m only just considering the possibility now after spending a lot of time working with Autistic women and noticing the similarities between us.

Wishing your lovely girl all the best. Sensory overload sounds like a big thing for her (with noise and PE, not noticing the cold and so on). It’s still not too well understood how Autism manifests in girls and women, but things are improving all the time. Dealing with the immense changes of puberty is tough on us all, but comes with extra challenges for people with sensory issues. Yes, my ND-dar went off, too, at your description. You sound like you are doing a great job in supporting your girl, and I hope she gets the most fabulous yoyo.

I have always hated and resented my entire menstrual cycle; the pain, the mood swings, the faffing with sanitary wear, the whole thing is the only thing I hate about being a woman.

i think it is the lack of control; over my body and my brain that I resent most.

I am just entering peri at 51 so am looking forward to being rid of it.

As a 13 year old it was a very embarrassing time for me; I wanted nothing to do with it at all. I started at 12 and was afraid someone would notice I had it; like everyone would notice I was wearing a pad. If anyone including Mum had mentioned it I would feel mortified, but she just bought me pads and left them on my bed and I could speak to her in private about needing painkillers for stomach ache away from my Dad and younger brother. I actually thought that men did not know periods existed at that age. They were secret women's business and nothing to do with men.

Regarding Autism/ADHD etc I would say maybe but not necessarily. I have not be considered or diagnosed for. with either and still really struggled with it.

I would say leave pads and period knickers and buy dark coloured sheets for her bed and painkillers and also don't force discussing it but if she asks answer any concerns. Also a laundry basket and a bin with liners for her bedroom.

Someo that's helpful (even though I'm not OP) thank you .

Just a little update:

Slight improvements with DD. As advised here I invested in a load of period pants from M&S and seems to be helping. Still needs little reminders but I've been very "breezy" about them.

She's also asked me about period swimwear when we went the other day! Doesn't sound like much but she wouldn't have asked me this a month or two ago.

I spoke to the school surrounding any concerns we had about being ND. They said they would describe her as very timid but that alone wouldn't warrant a referral but given how she is at home they'd be happy to put one in for us. I strongly suspect she's masking at school anyway.

Thank you again for all the advice I received on this thread.

That’s a really good update. It’s brilliant the school is supporting you despite not seeing evidence to warrant a referral. 🙂

OP I don’t think you are being unreasonable. As embarrassing as it might be she at least needs to tell you when she needs period products. That is not a hard ask. Bleeding all over her underwear and furniture is definitely over the top and I think she needed to hear it whether she likes it or not. That’s not acceptable and it’s better she hears it from her own mothers mouth. At this point if it continues I might get a teacher at school involved or the school nurse. Puberty is unpleasant but it’s a conversation she’s going to have to hear even if it’s uncomfortable.

Sometimes we have to have uncomfortable conversations. It’s uncomfortable for us adults too. That’s exactly what my mother told me when she talked to me about periods and sex. Did I hate her for sitting me down and making me listen to that? Of course! But I was happy to hear it from her first because goodness knows the boys at school where more than happy to loudly discuss it at school and it was nice to not be the only one in the dark.

At this point I would do to her what I do with my toddler. Stop asking for her permission and just do it. Talk her she’s being ridiculous and unclean. Hygiene isn’t an option. You’re not asking her permission to meet bare minimum health requirements.

@EndTheCycle The Op has taken advice on board because she wants to tactfully help her dd. There’s no need to bulldoze her.

@Someo I think you’ve done brilliantly.
My mother didn’t mention periods and refused to buy me pads. I had next to no money and anyway was far too embarrassed to go to a shop.
At school the most anyone might say, in extremis, was that it was the ‘wrong week’. In a whisper.
The whole thing was a nightmare, especially in summer uniform.