DD13 incredibly poor period hygiene, nothing seems to bother her..

[Someo]

My DD is seriously worrying me at the minute. She hasn't long started her periods. We've always been open and honest about anything like this. She does suffer from anxiety and can struggle with school due to her emetophobia. I do worry she seems quite young and gullible in some ways. For instance she's still written her letter to santa this year and asked for a yoyo which isn't your typical teenager present.

She will not say when she is on. As far as I can tell she hasn't used the pads that I've put in her bedside drawer. The last straw was today I walked in to her room and immediately smelled period blood. This is despite always ensuring she has clean underwear washed and ready for her?

I'm worried her friends will notice her lack of hygiene and she will end up getting picked on and feelin humiliated/mortified.

I've no bought her Cheeky Pants period pants but have explained that they obviously need to be changed and rinsed before being washed.

I'm at a loss. She said she doesn't like speaking to me about anything serious. It's made me feel like an utter failure tbh.

Could she be struggling with the heaviness of her flow - I used to regularly and it was more unusual for to not leak and 20 years on I have been diagnosed with endometriosis.

@U1sce I did wonder this, I was under the impression when you first start they're quite light but this might not actually be the case then.

I'm defintiley not a weirdo! Well not in that sense anyway! I'm a parent of 3, one of whom has SEN. I'm new to the whole teenager lark and I just wanted reassurance really.

As pp has said my first thought was autism too. My DD reacted similar when she started her periods. She was diagnosed with autism at 14. Girls mask very well, have friends, try and fit in.
Puberty was like a hand grenade going off.
My daughter didn't say she'd started her period, hid soiled underwear didn't like using pads, basically was in denial it was happening , she struggled to cope and definitely didn't want to talk about it.
Be patient and kind. Offer casual advice about hygiene and tracking cycle, offer to answer any questions, don't criticise, dont judge, keep her supplied with period products, don't expect her to tell you when she has a period. Just remove and wash any soiled underwear/ sheets without comment. Eventually she will manage them herself but it may take a year or so to adjust.
Clinging on longer for childish toys is another possible autism trait- not that theres anything wrong with wanting a yoyo!
Autism or not she is probably struggling with growing up but thats not your fault so don't blame yourself, with love and kindness she will get there.

I did say I wasn't calling you a weirdo , but sadly these sort of threads do attract them .

I hope you find a solution for your dd , periods are blinking nuisance x

I find them ok, I was loathe to buy really expensive ones as she has loads of pairs as she only wears them and M&S didn’t have any when I looked. Also I’m not so bothered chucking them out as they’re cheaper.

Oh lord. I'm another late diagnosed autistic/ADHDer and I was really weird about my periods as a teen too. I'm chuckling that that seems to be the common theme. I've never actually told anyone! I got them a little later than my other friends and was desperate to catch up with them until they actually struck, and then I suddenly went into a state of shock and bodily horror and shame for the next few years and became really secretive about it. Everything about it was overwhelming to me (the smells, the sensations, the other bodily effects like hot flushes), and the thought of changing pads in a public loo when people would be able to hear was just.... mortifying. So I didn't. I think I did bloody knickers in the bin too, and hiding pads strange places because I was so horribly ashamed about putting them in the regular bathroom bin at home for all to see (brother included) that I couldn't bear it. My mum found them though and I did get shamed for it. While it stopped me from doing that, it added to the sense that my mum wasn't "safe" for me to go to with things like that because she didn't exactly help me through it with kindness, more a tense, unspoken undercurrent of "oh my god my daughter might be disturbed".

Luckily no one at school ever bullied me for it, though I had a couple of subtle comments that I knew meant people knew. Somehow I could just pretend really hard it wasn't happening though. We seem to have a tremendous capacity for denial with stuff we just can't handle for whatever reason.

Anyway, I turned out fine. It just took me longer to get used to it than other kids. I'm hygienically "normal" now! I think period knickers would have been a godsend then because it would have removed the shame of worrying about dealing with pads around other people and figuring out how to smuggle fresh ones to the bathroom without anyone noticing.

And probably a better approach from my mum would have been spelling everything out to me about what I was supposed to do (I was never really told, and not knowing something like that caused a bit of paralysis by shame I think), and having it raised with an air of "this is all ok".

It will be!

@Newwardrobe it's ok I know you weren't. Thank you I've had lots of good advice here.

@Runnerduck34 there certainly isn't anything wrong with a yoyo, you're right! In a way I'm glad she isn't asking for a pair of £100 trainers like my friends DC. 🙈

Come to think of it she does have some traits in that she is obsessed with animals, to the point that it's all she watches and talks about. She also has some repetitive behaviours, for instance she will pace up and down in her room chucking her ted up and down. She will do this for ages!

She is very shy and quiet in general.

Can I please just ask what period pants are and are they really that good ?
I'm reading your thread op with interest as I'm an older mum (52) amd we had 4 dc .... 30,26, 19 and dd 12 .
I have just treated dd 12 the same as I did with her older siblings .... nice bag and toiletries and pads. Never occurred to me that things might have changed in 20 years which is pretty bad I know.
Dd has just been diagnosed with ASD too and she's not too bad now I'm reading up on the huge spectrum. Very similar to your dd and has also written her santa letter . On occasion I have found used pads stuffed in her knicker drawer ... but I have to choose my battles currently and period pants could be a big help !

@Easterdaffsx they're fairly new to the period game I think! They're like normal underwear but have a much thicker gusset. It's made up of different layers.

Some better info here www.madeformums.com/advertorial/beginners-guide-to-reusable-period-pants/

Period pants are a game changer for teens I think. You just wear them instead of normal pants. No rustling. Come in different absorbencies.
You don't need to pre-rinse them after use either. I just put them in the wash with everything else to be honest. Seems ok! More environmentally friendly than disposables and as long as you change them after school, clean pair overnight etc, they don't smell.
You can get swimwear too which means no trying to use tampons which doesn't suit everyone.

I am on my 3rd teen daughter and I don't think what you describe is that uncommon.
Dd3 has an app of some kind on her phone that she uses to track her periods. That helps give her a bit on control

Oh ffs

We sorted this out earlier on

Draw for all supplies
A bin for her waste in the bathroom
Period pants that go in together on a cold wash before a real wash

Organisation helped, my DM was hopeless with me and just making it factual helped.

A bar of chocolate will take the edge off too

Chocolate, sympathy and install the app. Attractive bag for spare pants etc. in school bag.

Keep talking until the measures work.

Really wish they'd had those back in the day, I started my period in the first week of secondary school, it was bad enough being in a huge unfamiliar school let along rustling down the corridor.

Have you thought about using different language. As a kids hated the ‘on your period’ - I have my period I’m not on it! Still makes me cringe. You talk about her being ‘on’. It sounds really strange to me and I would hate if someone asked me if I was on!

I remember being irrationally irritated by my mother at that age and all her terminology. Listen to the language she uses. Maybe school also used different language

Ah poor kid. Is she maybe trying to pretend it’s not happening in a way? You sound like a great mum btw (not sarcasm)

I could but not sure what else I could say. I'm going to take the advice of an earlier op too and of asking what if she's want this or that I'll get some bits and bobs and just say they're there when if you want to use them. If her issue is chatting to me about it that takes that away I guess!

@RaRaRaspoutine ah thank you! I do think there is an element of that as well. Periods are a pain in the arse but also a fact of life. I'm hoping in time she'll be more comfortable with managing it all. Especially given how long we have them. 🙄

Please google inattentive adhd and see if this applies to her.
I have bought my daughter modibodies - they don’t need rinsing just throw in the wash. My daughter just starts using them when she has started her period - no conversation with me needed. She uses them like normal knickers and I just wash them like normal knickers.

Also with period pants if she has a heavy day she can wear a pad in the period pants and just remove and dispose of pad at school.

Thank you @ittakes2 I did have a quick Google and it seems she does share some characteristics.

I assumed all period pants needed rinsing before washing. I'll take a look at the modibody ones, thanks

I don’t rinse, I just Chuck them in with a dark wash, which is easy as she only wears black 😏

I'm my dd has asd, she was embarrassed to even ask but put pads and tampons in the bathroom and kept them stocked

@EmmatheStageRat
Totally agree! Period pants are fab. My dd never smells, changes them once in the morning and again before bed. No leaks. Also recommend the m & s ones.

Also, my 15 & 11 dd’s just bought a yo-yo. Never too old for a yo-yo! Look at some of the amazing tricks on social media!