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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens

964 replies

Pleasegivemeyourwisdom · 01/10/2022 22:25

I've 3.

It's a 'journey'.Confused

Just in case anyone wants to know another trying her best mum is thinking of them Grin

OP posts:
Deedippy · 17/02/2023 08:12

All good here. Heading home today from centre parcs which dd has loved. Lots of swimming and physical activities which suits her. She's also spent quite a bit of time hiding in her room on her switch and that's been fine with us. Feel like she's really had a chance to recharge.

Also not looking forward to Monday but next Saturday we are picking up our puppy which she's been asking for for about 4 years so hoping that can motivate her a bit and keep her in a good place but who knows.

Hope you've all survived half term a d good luck for Monday morning

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 17/02/2023 09:21

Hi I have a 17 yo dd, I'm just popping on to ask a quick question as I've just realised that dd 'forgot' to collect her gcse certificates.

I'm really cross with her and she seems very relaxed about it which is winding me up even more!!

I've emailed the school to ask if they can still be collected but has anyone else had this? If they weren't collected do the school hold onto them?

I'm freaking out that her only evidence of passing her exams has been shredded or something 😩

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 17/02/2023 09:26

A puppy will
Be amazing!

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 17/02/2023 09:27

My dd still doesn't have hers either. I will contact school next week about that.

beachruns · 19/02/2023 21:42

We’re having quite a nice time at the moment. I’m worried it won’t last but everyone seems to be on good form.

DD (15yo) gave up gym a few months ago and I’m really glad she’s asked to start ice skating. I was worried she’d just be way too sedentary. Also she’s started looking —not very hard— for a part time job.

She seems to be more chilled right now so I’m trying to enjoy it!

Pleasegivemeyourwisdom · 19/02/2023 22:54

hi all

finding it so hard tonight. Lying here with silent tears trickling down my cheeks.

I’m so sad, my crying male teen is breaking my heart. When he hurts I hurt. Oh how I wish I could just scoop him up and make it all better like I did when he was little :(

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 20/02/2023 01:18

I know the feeling @Pleasegivemeyourwisdom - have a Wineand some Flowers

shmiz · 20/02/2023 01:58

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom
i hear you -
when they hurt we hurt,
so, so much
mines on a school trip and I’m hoping it goes OK

girlswillbegirls · 20/02/2023 06:33

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom I do hope your DS is better this morning. I would give him a hug. No matter their age xx

Deedippy · 20/02/2023 08:17

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom that's so hard and sadly I know that feeling. Hope he's in a better place today

Wishing everyone with still at school teens positive back to school vibes

Dd has come home from our holiday with an awful cold so day in bed for her.

ladygoingGaga · 20/02/2023 08:29

Hi everyone, reading the recent posts is making me realise just how thought this time is.
I have a 17 Year old DS, first year of A levels yet. He is being threatened with being kicked off because he is late and missing classes.
Do you wake your teens up?
I’ve been spending my mornings trying to get him up, literally 5, 6 7 times knocking and telling him to get up.
So last night I explained I am going to give him one knock each morning (he has his own alarms) and then it’s up to him.

Just did that this morning, he hasn’t got up and is still in bed so will miss first lesson.
Am I being unreasonable?

ReformedWaywardTeen · 20/02/2023 08:44

Thank you OP.

Mum of two teens here

My DS is 14 but he's not like most 14 year old boys. He's a self confessed nerd (and proud of it), massively into flags and maps (he name countries on a world map with 99% accuracy and can name flags and national anthems too). He has Asperger's and other health issues. I worry about him because as he gets older (he's year 10), he could get picked on. He's had some bullying already. He's not fussed on girls yet. Luckily he has a good network of lovely friends who he has had since first year.

My DD is 16 and doing GCSEs soon. Knows what career they want and has pretty much for a job lined up.

However, lockdown destroyed them. My formerly if anything over confident and gobby kid is now anxious, overwhelmed and often cries. They have no confidence at all. Previously an average student, passed SATs at year 6 with no tutoring. Mocks were last month and they got 2s in everything. Now they feel defeated and that they will fail. School are great, I can't fault them. But Covid has literally cast a huge shadow on them.

Everything I say doesn't help. I've tried saying lots of people screw up their mocks, it will work out in the end but they don't believe it. It's like they may be 16 but inside they stopped at 13 and are still stuck there.

It's bloody soul destroying and lots of sleepless nights.

I always knew the teen era would be hard but I didn't foresee, as no one did, Covid and the damage it's done

Ovaloffice · 20/02/2023 08:48

When he is being threatened with expulsion, yes YABU. It’s frustrating, soul destroying and unfair but you need to do all in your power to get him to school (appreciating that may not always be possible)

SheilaFentiman · 20/02/2023 09:44

ladygoingGaga · 20/02/2023 08:29

Hi everyone, reading the recent posts is making me realise just how thought this time is.
I have a 17 Year old DS, first year of A levels yet. He is being threatened with being kicked off because he is late and missing classes.
Do you wake your teens up?
I’ve been spending my mornings trying to get him up, literally 5, 6 7 times knocking and telling him to get up.
So last night I explained I am going to give him one knock each morning (he has his own alarms) and then it’s up to him.

Just did that this morning, he hasn’t got up and is still in bed so will miss first lesson.
Am I being unreasonable?

I often have to wake my 15 year old, I go into his room, physically wake him and turn on the light. Would this work?

ladygoingGaga · 20/02/2023 10:18

Thank you @SheilaFentiman yes did that this morning, went into his room, light on short conversation. Explain I can’t come back again as off to work…

Aleaiactaest · 20/02/2023 10:24

@ReformedWaywardTeen - I have a lot of friends who are teachers who have all said lockdown has put many kids 2 plus years behind emotionally & socially speaking. So it is an issue for many teens and children too, hang in there and keep building your DD up. She just needs to pass the Maths & English so best to focus on those. She should be proud if she gives it her best given the circumstances of the last few years. I think it is important we explain to them that they have been through something big and totally abnormal so it is ok to feel weird and emotionally not ready for life.

duvet · 20/02/2023 10:57

Yes it is tough, well done all of you that got through half term. I find holidays harder, lack of routine for DD2 - less motivation! And the FOMO as she tells me when she's trying to arrange a meet up but everyone's 'busy.' She doesn't yet have a close friend.
Keeping them occupied does help - p-t work, hobbies & chores!!

Pleasegivemeyourwisdom · 20/02/2023 22:05

How’s my people today? xx

OP posts:
HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 21/02/2023 07:06

Totally relate to all the last few posts.

Dd didn't go in again yesterday. She is also being put in pressure by school. Likely to have to drop out. Hers is discovering undiagnosed adhd We are trying meds. It's hard!

Emsb2022 · 21/02/2023 14:02

Feel for everyone. My DS isn't in today, was trying from 6.40am to 11.30am. Once I know it's not going to happen I accept it. It's the trying for 5 hours that stresses me. The Not Fine In School (NFIS) Facebook Group has really helped.
Also, @Aleaiactaest This is helpful to know. My son's year team said there many others kids in the same situation. Kids of all ages having ro hear about death and illness due to covid, it's hard enough for an adult let alone a child or teenager to get their head around. DS has definitely suffered with maturing more and socialising skills due to lockdown.

ReformedWaywardTeen · 21/02/2023 15:44

Pleasegivemeyourwisdom · 20/02/2023 22:05

How’s my people today? xx

Well DD finally went to a catch up class after school. We had a good talk last night and I did make her cry. Unintentionally, but my DH said we have to stop acting like she's 6 and talk to her like the 16 year old she is. So I said, her sleeplessness, her anxiety, all of it, is because her exams and worry that she won't pass. Yet she's not actually doing naff all about that fear.

I also said she should talk to her mates and I think she was shocked by how many of them are worried and fear they will fail, not to mention they chocked in the mocks as well. So it's not just her

Long way to go but I genuinely thought she'd pull a headache or some such to swerve after school but no.

parrotonmyshoulder · 23/02/2023 06:42

How’s it going for everyone? I’m feeling a bit miserable about it all this week, although DD has gone into school with minimal fuss. Not at my best myself, with work being stressful mainly, and feel like I can literally feel how awful her anxiety is, right in the pit of my stomach. I know that’s how she feels all the time.
Still at a crossroads for what to do. I don’t know if anything I’m thinking of would actually improve things for her (medium to long term anyway). Impasse over whether an autism assessment would be helpful. I would be using a private provider and have the funds available (through a loan). I don’t know how ‘knowing’ would help. She doesn’t want any of the usual types of adaptations made at school, she just doesn’t want to feel like she does.
Sorry, this is a bit incoherent. I’m feeling more out of control than usual. A sense of impending awfulness.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 23/02/2023 10:29

@parrotonmyshoulder

I get it parrot

My dd is having a burn out from sixth form and been in bed all week. She has an adhd diagnosis.

It's so hard for us to witness
I feel sick every morning and have a mild depression from it too. Had to start on anti depressants myself

PointlessPoster · 23/02/2023 16:32

Just checking into this thread today for a bit of a vent and some moral support. My "teen" isn't actually a teen any more but the problems remain and are a hangover from the horrendous teen years. I've asked her to leave the house today, basically kicked her out. For the last 3 months she has been dossing about, getting drunk, barely dragging herself to work and not contributing in any way, shape or form. When we've asked her to find time to have a bit of a tidy up (me and DH both work full time while she basically stays in bed all day) we've had a barrage of horrid, vicious messages about how all the problems in her life are our fault. All I've done for the last 10 years is run around and pick the pieces up for her and try to put her back together, giving advice and guidance none of which has been followed. It has had an incredibly detrimental effect on my own mental health and I can't do it any more.

So she has left the house and I don't know what she is going to do. I've spent the day feeling like I'm on the verge of a massive panic attack but based on the vile messages she has sent it isn't right that we allow her to stay, she has made her opinion of us very clear. I'm shattered and heartbroken by it 😭

OnMyWayToSenility · 23/02/2023 16:46

@PointlessPoster honestly they are trying even in adult hood!
Mine got his government trust fund thing yesterday, went out got drunk stayed up till 8.30am!!!
Went into his room and 4 bodies were in his bed!? It stank of fags and alcohol! When does it end??
So imagine he's spent it all and I'm sure they didn't stay awake all night on coffee. 😱