Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

I've 3.

It's a 'journey'.

Just in case anyone wants to know another trying her best mum is thinking of them

@CatNeedsShoes

I wish I knew!!!

Also feeling I shouldn't be posting here as people here have severe/ very serious issues with their teens.
But love this group and it is very helpful for me. DD13 is a very different person since started counselling three months ago. Anxiety levels under control now, so I will enjoy while this lasts...
Seding you all positive energy x

I think the idea of this thread is solidarity and compassion and to feel no matter what kind of teen we gave we are all in the same sea. Be it a slightly different storm.

No one should
Feel bad about that.

Other threads can be lambasted with unwanted self righteous advise along with the good advise and that's frustrating . This is more of a hand hold so welcome

@HeBeaverandSheBeaver thanks for that. Yes this thread feels very supportive and non judgemental and also full of good tips.
The teenage years are defiantly a journey... an unknown one for me as only my eldest is a teen. Thanks for the welcoming. x

Asking teens to come for a family day out has already resulted in a lot of rudeness. So fed up. Eldest teen (14), we spend all weekend ferrying her to various sporting activities and it means we can’t do any family days out. Other teen (13) is reluctant to go out (autistic) and youngest (10) also autistic. I feel totally trapped in the house and where we live is a small boring town so you need to drive for any excitement. Fed up of the ungrateful beasts today.

There are some days when it’s harder to be what they need us to be! I spent all day yesterday taking DD shopping. This is an event as nearest shopping city is a 90 minute journey and not hassle-free! Had to take younger brother too but it was mostly a nice day for all.
Today is wall to wall venomous mood. Internet is down and she is furious. I feel the need to empathise, meet her feelings etc, but frankly want a quiet day to myself!

And DH is being a grumpy post-Christmas twat so I’m glad he’s at work! (This is what is making him grumpy - I get school holidays off, although never alone!!)

Hi all.
Well teens are mooching round doing their own thing, but I am in the foulest of low moods!
I feel as if it has all caught up with me and I don;t have the energy to create safe spaces for dd2 any more. It is just suchhard work. And then dh has a row with her over closing her bedroom curtains. And when I say(to him, after she has left the room) leave the fucking curtains, it just isn't worthy the arguement, you need ot respect her wish for you ot to go into her room, he says I never back him, and honestly? I spend SOOO MUCH FUCKING TIME supporting her and then he blows it over fuckign curtains.

Sorry, just end of my tether. Funnily enough it isn;t him or the teens, I think it is like a hangover from the pile of emotion we have been dealing with for the last 5 years, and I just have nothing left.

I am so scared that dh and I won't survive the teenage years .😪

and some encouragement for whoever it was fighting over COD.

We never allowed it, until he was 18.
he fought tooth and nail for it and the other one, the car one who's name escapes me.
When ds was 18/19 he told me in a drunken good humour
"Mum when I was 12 (and 13, 14, 15) I thought that what I wanted was my x-box in my room and COD, and I fought hard for it (yes, I know I was on the receiving end of that) But now I realise that what I needed was parenting, and you gave me that." At the time he had a couple of new good friends who had quite crap families, and he was starting to appreciate that we weren't so bad.

So hang on in there, resist the COD as long as you can, he will get it in the end x x

Well praise to mine she got up at 10 am and gave me a shitty reply when I asked her if she wanted hot chocolate and a croissant but …. She’s done 3 hours of revision without being asked. Packed up all Christmas decorations nicely and put them all the the garage and just got out of her PJ and taken all 3 labs out for a quick walk’

just about to take her to costa or Mac Donald’s

@steppemum

Totally relate with everything you say there.

Dh had a row with dd in xmas eve after a really nice day because of her not writing my gift tag out. It's really isn't worth it but they can't help themselves!!!! Men!

Hi everyone, I'm really heartened by the support and solidarity on this thread, I feel like I am just shit at parenting lately.

My DD is only 12 but becoming such a challenge. Mood swings and snappiness, I am on eggshells sometimes and feel as though she really dislikes me.

Her 15 y/o brother is mostly easy, chilled, good company. He has had phases of being negative and complaining about things but that's about it (touch wood).

I gave them a list of suggestions for things to do over the next few days (they've been at their dads) - largely low-key stuff like board games, go to their choice of restaurant, mooch around the shops, make a cake. DS is up for any of it and DD is no, no, no, all the way. I know this isn't a big problem or anything I just feel like I'm getting everything wrong and she is opting out emotionally. No advice needed but I'm grateful for a place to get it out really.

@ProfessorInkling - i hear you! I've barely seen DD2 since Christmas Day. Either out with friends or in her room. For those in the same boat, this made me chuckle...

www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/teenager-pathetically-desperate-to-see-his-shit-mates-20221227229644

I feel like I am just shit at parenting lately.

you are not a shit parent.
I think parents of teens need to be told that about 6 times per day to counteract the number of times our kids tell us otherwise, or just take us for granted.

You wouldn't be on here worrying if you were a shit parent.

You're doing a great job.

Time to crack out the wine and settle down for what you want to watch for a change.

Mine are now 21 and 19 and easy enough to get on with but so thoughtless. When they come home from college they lie in bed until the afternoon, get up and slope off to another room to play video games, eat, drink and never think to tidy anything away, leave their clothes lying anywhere they drop them, don’t make their beds and think I am unreasonable if I complain!!! 😬😬😬

@AlwaysSomethingWithTeens
Love it 😂

I have a challenge today. I have agreed to redecorate DD’s bedroom and this is the weekend it’s happening.

DH not involved as he can’t understand why she needs it redecorating when we haven’t done the rest of the house in 7 years (but did hers 4 years ago!).

This could either be a lovely bonding experience, or absolute hell. Shall I take bets? Really, I know it will be a mixture of both! She has very strong views on how she wants it to look so I’m going with it. Bought a bed from gumtree but the rest is going to be make do and mend/paint over.

However, I need to do this in daylight, so she actually has to get up!

Good luck parrot. Sounds challenging 😅

How is everyone.

Hope all smooth by the quietness of thread.

Week started if terribly for my dd but we are working on it.
Feeling very low myself and worried but trying to support dd who is feeling a bit lost. Hard times. 😥

I was wondering can anyone advise on this. My DD16 had the option of staying home today to revise for her mocks so she did and all she had done is go for coffee with a friend and sleep all day. Not one bit of revision. And now I guess she won’t sleep tonight and it will continue like this. If I try to ask her to get up and do some work she screams at me that I’m controlling her. I’ve tried to ask her if there is anything wrong but she’s just being rude. The deal was no work, no TikTok or Snapchat so now I’ve turned these off. I’m generally not that controlling hence why she was able to go for coffee and have a nap. I don’t always know where she is, I don’t expect her home on the dot etc. it’s just that she needs to do some revision. Should I just ignore it and give her back her apps and let her do nothing or should I persist?

We had a lovely Christmas with DD in good form. I'm still watching her like a hawk though. One incident with her changing her phone pin and sneaking her phone into her room when we were all asleep (and messaging friends into the early hours). However she is back to school today so will be interesting to see if mood changes and behaviour reverts. 🤞

@Bigbus

I just do to now what to say to your issue.

It guess it depends on her personality

With my dd 17 it wouldn't work. It would reduce our relationship further. She is doing a levels and getting behind. I wonder if giving her more independence may be better so she can prove herself and feel in control.

I remember being terribly frustrated at that age. Desperately wanting to leave home. Etc.

Ds would listen at the moment but he is 15 so not quite into the need to revise year yet.

@Bigbus your job is to tell her that it's a good idea to revise, explain the reasons why and also explain why not staying up into the small hours is beneficial to health

And then add 'however, you're 16 and you're mature enough now to work this stuff out for yourself so I'll just be here if you need to run anything by me'

And then step back. Honestly, the more you try and restrict things, the more she will do it.

So the best way forward is to do the parenting thing and then put it in her hands. Unless it's actually bloody unsafe / dangerous.

She needs to explore her own actions he consequences now. You can take the horse to water but you can't make it drink so just step back now m

To try and 'punish' is just to damage your relationship further

Thanks for your thoughts. I have been pretty chilled out about the revision in general - she’s done none all holidays and I’ve just met her get on with it (or not get on with it but you know what I mean!). But the distinction today is that at her request she asked for the day off to study - it was her idea and she promised to do it. So I guess this is more about her doing what she’s says she’ll do. Isn’t that part of growing up? If you say you’ll do something you should do it? I guess that’s what I’m more annoyed about than the studying - as you say, she’ll have to learn for herself about that.

Also I’m a walkover so she got her apps back as soon as she got up!