Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

I've 3.

It's a 'journey'.

Just in case anyone wants to know another trying her best mum is thinking of them

My daughter is 14 months, having her terrible twos early and doesn't sleep. I thought this was the hard part 😭

It is hard at that age then it gets easy (primary years) then it gets hard again …

Agree. Dd was a horrible toddler and is now a difficult teen

Ds was a easy toddler and is so far an easier teen but I won't speak too soon!!

Same here too DD13 is the eldest and very challenging baby and toddler. DS11 approaching teenage years and no problem at all, and always an easy baby/toddler/child.

DD is doing my head in with the Xmas gifts she received. Apparently they weren't great compared to her friends. So I gave her a talk about the value of greatfullness and also advised to study really hard and get lots of point in the leaving cert to go into a career to match her very high expectations. Myself and DH have both good jobs, we feel very fortunate for it. It's never good enough for her.
Her two siblings always delighted with what they get. I really don't understand.

@Bigbus I would have a talk with your DD (maybe over a latte!) about her future self, where she would like to live, holidays she would like to have, hobbie, lifestyle etc so she can work out what she needs to do in the future, how much she needs to make, and how to get there. I think someone here posted a few weeks ago about a app with a calculator teenagers can use to figure this out.
Maybe then she can see the importance of revision for her exams.
Best of luck.

I’m at the ice rink with my 12 year old DD and tried to take a photo with her. We used to skate a lot so have dozens when she was younger. She is so cross that I wanted a photo and skated away from me and has ignored me since.

Well, that’s her right. But where is my confident happy kid gone?

she doesn’t want to do much with me, and that’s fine too, but she asked to go with me, then it’s as if she wishes she hadn’t.

checking in. How's the start of school term going.

Mine been horrendous. This week better than last but what. A start to the year. 😢

Last term was AWFUL
so many tears
missed days at school
friendship issues
panic attacks
self harm

by Christmas I was an emotional wreck
over Christmas I was still so wrung out
as the new term approached I got more anxious and fearful of what may be coming
this is the second week of term
things settled at the moment
aware this can change dramatically and rapidly
trying to just feel calm whilst things are calm !!!!!!!

Got them both in on the 1st day which felt like a win but DD13 has been off since then.

I cannot work out at all when they are genuinely unwell anymore.

It used to be easy to tell because they would be quiet and spend their time in bed or in their rooms but now that they are teenagers it is just like any other day 🤷‍♀️

@girlswillbegirls thank you. I have tried all the stuff about how education gives you choices. She does want to do well on some level but a lot of her friends don’t care so that makes it difficult.

As advised I left DD16 to make her own choices about whether to revise or not (I think she was a bit annoyed that I wasn’t arguing with her!). She did nothing and then the night before her exams on Monday had a complete meltdown about how she had wasted her time not revising and there was no time etc. I did not say ‘I told you so’ at any point. I was calm and kind and told her that’s what mocks are for, to learn from mistakes, and that now she knows for the real thing she can more work. I’m glad I asked on here because I was getting into a bit of a cycle and this has been much better.

DD14 however is in a super angry mood and I don’t know why. I get up really early to shower so that there’s time for everyone to shower after me and this morning she’s so rude when I asked her if she wanted to shower first and I felt like pointing out that if they weren’t here I could get up an hour later and still make it to work but I did not and remained calm and polite. She hates school so I think that’s why she gets grumpy in the mornings (and the evenings and the afternoons and anytime really!).

I sympathise with those of you struggling to get their kids into school. I don’t remember school causing so much stress and anxiety when we were younger. Both my girls have had times when they’ve really struggled to get into school and it’s such a stress. I used to spend every evening dreading the mornings.

Wishing everyone a good day today

Good thread OP!

I’m so bloody thankful I got a divorce. Can recommend it to anyone! My DD14 goes to her dad regularly, and that means peace and quiet around the house.

The moment she enters, DD17 and she are in each other’s hair. Crying, screaming, fighting: ‘I HATE YOU! YOU’RE AWFUL!’

In the past I’ve suggested they switch staying at mine/ their dad’s every week, so they’d see each other two days a month. The reply: ‘But we’re sisters. We belong together.’ 💆

I thought once they turned 18 it was all over...fmal it is the hardest bit of parenting.

They have so much on their plates but won't accept any advice or help with anything.

DD applied for uni end Nov.. had her heart set on a particular course/uni and has been turned down.

I understand her upset...she's worked her arse off for the last 18 months and an arbitrary admissions test has let her down at the final hurdle...but honestly it's like living with a demented at the moment.

Living with dementor...

...which tbf is driving me demented!

I Get u Cedric

I'm not even pushing uni for dd right now. She isn't in the right head space or physical space so it will happen if it's meant too at some point.

I really hope your dd can find an alternative she is happy with. Such a lot of pressure on young shoulders and school dont help ramming uni down them
Every five seconds.

This country need a positive path to follow for those kids not uni inclined. There should
Be a place for everyone. ❤️

DD12 is autistic and has talked about self harm and feeling suicidal as “life is bleak”. It didn’t help that I’d just seen a local news article about mental health provision in our county after an 18 year old lad with autism killed himself and that autistic people are 7 x more likely to kill themselves.

DD13 is just being a grotty brat. Lots of sass and rudeness to the point I’m barely engaging with her.

DD10 who is severely autistic seems on decent form although is taking hours to get to sleep.

Hope everyone else is surviving.

@AfterEightMintyCedric - she can always reapply if she gets the very top grades. Very important that she understands this. That life is about taking a lemon and turning it into lemonade. Forevermore, if an interviewer asks her about a set back and how she dealt with it, she can cite this as an example. She cannot let it get her down! She needs to keep working hard. Admissions are arbitrary, always have been.
The trick I use with my teens who do not listen to my advice - call friend of family, godmother, aunt, uncle grandparent - and ask them to tell DC what I would have told them. Sometimes it works a treat…

I agree that the pressure on kids these days at school is too much, from a very early age. There is not enough down time.

Overwhelmed here. DD13 now refusing school and won’t see a counsellor. I have tried. Says school is “unsafe”. So fed up her TBH

@Aleaiactaest it's been difficult to have any kind of conversation with her so far but funnily enough her godmother came round this afternoon when I was still out and they had a chat.

She's got two decent offers elsewhere, has ruled one out on grounds of distance so we'll go to the offer holders day for the other one. Still waiting on one reply which she might also consider.

Leaning towards a gap year and having another try next year though atm.

@BeethovenNinth - what are school saying? They need to be involved too I guess. Feel for you - it’s rough.

DS 14 has found a “new hobby” and we are spending hours at the climbing wall now. I guess it could be a lot worse but he would still rather be gaming (@steppemum -thanks for the solidarity over COD - he has given up asking now). He has done very limited revision for his year 9 exams which is a shame as he is actually relatively bright.

DD (12) got form captain which she really wanted but is a bit fed up as one of the other girls who was up against her is being very mean - along with all her mean mates. I really, really hate the school system!

This weekend will be interesting as DH is hiring a van to pick up furniture from my parents and taking Dd with him so it’s DS and me on our own…

That’s great about the climbing wall. I would take that as a win!!!

I definitely am!

How has today been for you?

Glad I've found this thread. I'm struggling with ds17. I think most of his behaviour is probably just a phase, but I'm getting quite worried at how exhausted he seems. Wondered if perhaps he is a little depressed. Used to get high grades, but over the last months he seems to have dropped the ball a bit. Doesn't revise, minimal homework, and bad attendance record. He has stopped stopped extracurricular activities he used to do. He does have a right group of friends.
Any attempt of conversation is blocked. But I've sent him a note to let him know that I'm here.
What else could I do? Or is it better to leave him and let him come to me?

I'm with you! Also have a 17 yr old ds. Probably is a phase but my son has really suffered with his mental health - had a terrible time last term where he self harmed (scratching) for 4.5 months, very poor attendance at school (although his school work didn't slip, he studied at home) and we found him a course of CBT.

His mental health is slowly improving and attendance has got better.

Just keep a watchful eye, it's a tricky age.

Agghhhhh dd driving me crazy.

His attendance is 89% and I can't get him out of bed as he says he has cramps in stomach.

I'm so stressed. I hate
My
Life right now.

@HeBeaverandSheBeaver - standing here with you in solidarity. I just hate the fight for school every morning. If I were a totally different person, had infinite finances and time and DS was a totally different character I would home educate. I hate that school makes him so unhappy some of the time. DS tried to overdose on insulin last year to avoid school - that was a low point.

I passed some people with primary school aged kids today and just thought “why the hell do people have children?” I just don’t get why we do it. Ours was an “accident” (although one we had one we thought we may as well have two) we never wanted kids and I so envy our next door neighbours who are a child free couple and have the most wonderful lifestyle.