How to deal with greedy teen?

[JemimaThePuddleDuck]

DS is 15.
He used to be sporty and fit, he was always playing out with his friends and was slim.
over covid he got into online gaming and he and his friends now just want to sit on discord calls playing games together every night, he doesn't go out, doesn't exercise and just wants to lie around watching YouTube or playing games.

He gave up all his sports and now spends most of his time in front of a screen.

I've tried to limit screen time, but it doesn't make a difference, he doesn't want to go outside or be active.

The main issue is his greediness and his weight.

Over the last six months he's become really greedy, like he can't control himself.
he's also gained weight, to the point where his clothes don't fit and I would consider him overweight.

It's definitely greediness, he's got into a habit of eating his packed lunch at break time, so by the time he gets home from school he is starving,
we always have plenty of easy to prepare food but he will go for the laziness option and stuff himself.

I tried to talk to him, discussed options and got in snacks he would like, but he will gorge himself on them.

Some examples,
He asked for specific cereals,
But he will eat the entire box, out of the bag, like it's a bag of crisps.
He asked for wraps and cheese to make quesadillas, he then ate two whole packs of wraps (16 in total) and a bag and a half of grated cheese, in two days.
He asked for instant noodles, he will make three packs at the same time in one bowl.
He asked for yoghurts, but will eat the entire multipack in a day or two.
He will make an enormous bowl of pasta, literally 250g (half a bag) of pasta and just have it with butter or pesto.
Multiple bags of crisps in one sitting.
More times than I can count he has eaten almost an entire loaf of bread either as toast or just bread and butter.

These are all for after school snacks, he then still expects a full meal for dinner two and a half hours later.

The biggest issue is he has gotten into the habit of eating his packed lunch things.

I pre make his sandwich's on a Sunday and put them in the fridge.
He takes a sandwich, a bag of crisps, an apple and a cereal bar to school.
I will quite often find that he has eaten all of the crisps or cereal bars or several of his sandwiches (not ones he's taken to school) part the way through the week.

This evening I have just discovered he had eaten two packets of his crisps and one of his lunch sandwiches,
we had a full roast dinner at 4.30pm, so he's had that and then helped himself to those.

I don't think it's hunger, I think it's greed and probably boredom,
He knows it's there and is lazy,
We have other snack food, there is a pack of cheese and onion rolls, yoghurts, other crisps, fruit and bread.
But he chose to eat his packed lunch sandwich.

I'm so frustrated.
I'm sick of buying food for him to gorge himself on and it be gone in a couple of days.
It's not normal or healthy, at this rate he will be obese soon.

I don't know what to do, I've tried taking to him, planning meals and getting healthier snacks in, I tried tough love, explaining his weight is an issue and he needs to stop eating like this, I've tried shouting, I've tried begging, I've tried hiding food and rationing it.... nothing has worked.

I don't know what to do, has anyone else been through this?

Why do you have crisps and other such crap at home? Never understood it. People whinge about wanting to lose weight and yet have a sandwich and bag of crisps for lunch. It's fat ( which on its own and from good sources such as meat/fish good oils etc. is great) and salt laden junk that nobody needs to eat. Definitely not in industrial quantities it's scoffed here, as part of lunch!?!?
You want potatoes, buy a bag and cook them in whichever way takes your fancy.
Don't buy crap.
Buy good food .
There.

This is sound advice.

According to my fitness pal his diet yesterday was around 132g of protein.

Breakfast - a breakfast muffin (English muffin, two eggs, veggie sausages, mushrooms and a slice of cheese) and a banana.

For lunch he had a frozen Amy's kitchen pizza, that he added tofu bacon bits, olives and peppers to.

He has a snack of an apple sliced up with some peanut butter while I was cooking dinner.

For dinner I made a lentil and nut roast, roast potatoes, broccoli, carrots, roast parsnips, peas, green beans, cauliflower and cheese sauce, Yorkshire puddings, stuffing and gravy.

We had mushroom and walnut pate with toast as a starter and some lemon and raspberry olive oil cake for dessert.

And he still chose to go and eat some of his lunch box sandwiches and things in the evening.

you may not mean to judge or shame but I’d say there’s a good chance that’s how it’s being received. This isn’t about the food really and you won’t fix it but restricting / changing access to food or buying different things. This is rooted in your child’s mental health and lifestyle. Have you considered family or one to one counselling- not set up to talk about his eating but to talk about him as a whole?

Several of us have mentioned that this is a sign of poor mental health OP but you haven't engaged.

Surely it must have occurred to you?

Thank you.

I have tried bribery, I even offered to pay him to do something that involved going outside and getting some exercise, he said he'd rather not, and I can't force him.

I don't finish work until 5, so if he wanted to have dinner when he got in from school at 3.15 I would have to preprep it and he'd have to eat by himself, or he'd have to cook for himself.

I feel like the only way to satisfy him would be to have endless amounts of prepared meals in tubs in the fridge ready to be eaten.

I did try for a while batch cooking huge portions of things.
I made my 5 bean pasta salad, with nut heavy pesto dressing, which he loves, he always requests it for picnics.
I made a massive batch, portioned it up into a weeks worth of lunches for me or lunch options for him if he wanted it (but he won't take something like that to school) and after school snacks.
It was all gone by Wednesday evening.

I don't want to make it about the cost, but it is very expensive and feels like throwing money away.

According to my fitness pal his diet yesterday was around 132g of protein.
Breakfast - a breakfast muffin (English muffin, two eggs, veggie sausages, mushrooms and a slice of cheese) and a banana.
For lunch he had a frozen Amy's kitchen pizza, that he added tofu bacon bits, olives and peppers to.
He has a snack of an apple sliced up with some peanut butter while I was cooking dinner.
For dinner I made a lentil and nut roast, roast potatoes, broccoli, carrots, roast parsnips, peas, green beans, cauliflower and cheese sauce, Yorkshire puddings, stuffing and gravy.
We had mushroom and walnut pate with toast as a starter and some lemon and raspberry olive oil cake for dessert.
And he still chose to go and eat some of his lunch box sandwiches and things in the evening.

But you had dinner at 4.30pm! Any teen is going to want something later in the evening regardless of what he has had during the day if his last meal is when a toddler would have their tea! Is he on board with the vegetarian diet?

I'm another saying that teen boys eat a lot. And I agree that many of them do put on weight at 15 before they have a growth spurt. Has your DS had his growth spurt OP? How tall is he?

I also think it would be worth paying a bit more attention to his mental health, given the other changes in his life - giving up of sport etc. A check in with the GP won't do any harm.

He loves my chilli so I will try batch cooking some.

I tried to get him to join the gym, I even offered to pay for his friends to join, but they don't want to, he doesn't want to do any kind of exercise at all.
I don't understand why.

I would have a chat with the doctor. If he really ‘can’t control himself” he may have some sort of endocrinal imbalance.
I have a 15 year old grandson who has a huge appetite and makes snacks that would feed a family. His mum insists he adds salad to his sandwiches and never uses the last of anything . He is tall and skinny.

@waterrat has it right here. The UK is absolutely full of overweight and obese adults desperate to blame someone else (usually their parents) for it rather than accepting that they are heavy because they eat too much.

Parents should try their very best to prevent their DC becoming overweight, and if that means not buying tons and tons of food to keep in the house at all times then that's what's needed.

Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia are generally a response to a lack of control in one's life, they're not caused by concerned parents trying to prevent obesity.

I’m currently on holiday with my 14 yr DD. I cannot help but notice most of the kids around her age are overweight, some extremely so. I cannot believe my eyes at the amount of food they are consuming (All Inclusive). I think food is so easy to have nowadays if people feel even slightly hungry they eat. Kids are essentially being given a pre dinner meal after school and more food before bed. It’s no wonder there is an obesity crisis. I seen someone mention upthread about a teen eating 6 eggs for breakfast… that is complete gluttony and parents should not be allowing this…

He won't take anything to school that requires a fork or would need to be sat down to eat,
I've tried leftovers or pasta salad, he won't take it.

He has other options to take for lunch. But he won't take them, he says he doesn't want them and doesn't have the time to eat them.

I even used to give him extra cereal bars to take for a walking home snack, but it made no difference, it was just adding to the amount he was eating.

Breakfast, his breakfast sandwich is the best option I could come up with,
He would probably like to eat eggs every day, but I don't have the time to make them and he doesn't want to make the time to cook or eat them, he wants something quick and low effort.
The breakfast sandwich seemed like the best option, it's filling, high protein and quick.
The only other option I could like of was porridge or overnight oats but he didn't like them.

Thats a tricky one OP, it sounds like he’s getting lots of healthy food so that’s great, and he’s growing so he might just be going through phases in terms of his weight. I would resist all temptation to put him on any sort of a diet, ie restricting calories or any specific food groups. Dieting especially from a young age leads to a lifetime weight loss/ weight gain misery. If you doubt it, all you need to do is look at the long term success rates of literally any diet, somewhere between 80-95% failure rate (failure being weight regain +5-10% extra) so I’d be very careful about putting him on that path.

It sounds like from what you’ve shared that he’s found a new group of friends he really likes and gaming has squeezed out all non-sedentary activity. Pretty common, gaming is the new “drugs and rock & roll”. Maybe helping him to try out new, slightly more exciting physical activities would be a good fit for him? I’m thinking horse riding, rock climbing, surfing, rafting, mountain biking, kite surfing- anything with a bit of an edge. I’d say the gaming is here to stay for the short term anyway, but if he had an exciting hobby that involves him being outside that might get him moving in the right direction.

I also recommend listening to the podcast “Maintenance Phase” for a different perspective on food, diet, and wellness.It’s quite funny, but also enlightening, and covers a lot of the mistakes we make when we aim for weight loss.Maintenance Phase ep.1

I wish I could convince him to do something like that, I would love it.

We live in the countryside and have a dog I walk twice a day, he will walk her or come with me maybe 2-3 times a week if I'm lucky.
But anything else he's not interested in.

I even tried to think of non exercise activities, a day trip to London, I though walking around different areas and things would be great, he was very non committal though.

If we visit my sister he will play with her younger DCs in the garden for hours,
I asked him what's different about that and doing stuff at home and he said he likes playing with them but he would still rather play on his computer if it was an option.

I just don't know what to say to get him to even try something new.

Im sure the op here has considered her child's mental health. That's why she is pouring energy and time into cooking healthy home made food...buying him snacks he wants and trying to get him to be more active.

Soon this young man will be an adult with poor eating habits. Really we have to be honest with kids about over eating.

His mental health probably is deteriorating because he is almost completely sedentary and at his age he can learn for himself what impact thst wil be having on how he feels in mind and body.

That's what he chose for his sandwiches for the week,
He likes them.

They store absolutely fine if they are prepared correctly, I've done it for years and never had issues with making a weeks worth of sandwiches on a Sunday night.

He sounds like a normal kid. They do go through a phase of eating everything they can get their hands on to have the reserves to get them through the muscle and bone building bit of puberty.

I'd be worried about the sports but due to heart health rather than weight, can you pick something you can do together, a cycle ride, something with VR, weights?

Can't you get tough on the computer option? Just say until you see him being more physically active you are cutting his screen time massively

I think the reality is kids and teens want others to play with ! They don't want to jog or go to gyms. Sadly our culture has lost the play and freedom that previous generations had on their doorsteps. And realistically if there were no computer games he would be out with his mates on bikes etc as they would all be bored at home

I used to, I don't anymore and haven't forgotten a while.

He ate one of this week's sandwiches, one day he won't have a sandwich so he'll be even hungrier.
Same with the crisps and cereal bars.
The only thing I replace is fruit and veggies.

He won't eat the school lunches so he will be hungry that day.
He knows this but still chooses to eat his sandwiches.
I don't get it at all.

He's hungry because there's no nutritional value in the crap that he's eating. He needs protein. No more crisps, noodles, cereals - they are causing a sugar spike which leaves him craving food later. His body is crying out for food because he is malnourished.

For breakfast try oats with banana. Mid morning snack 2 boiled eggs. Lunch chicken with veggies and whole meal bread. Afternoon snack of turkey burger or sausage (no bread, just the meat part). Beef for dinner. He'll be fine. Lots of kids go through a chubby phase before they learn to look after themselves.

Is he on board with the vegetarian diet?

This is exactly what just came into my mind.

You might not like it OP, but the vegetarian diet just might not be satisfying him, mentally as opposed to nutritionally

A few things stand out to me from your post:

• You are choosing to buy low-fat options (therefore highly processed) rather than the whole food version of dairy. This is the worst thing to do to sate hunger as it's basically more empty sugars and carbs, which drive more hunger.

• Your DS is a vegetarian. I'm not bashing as I was one for a long time and as a teen so I do get it, but...teen veggies really do struggle to get the protein they need from veggie sources, and because if they are lazy (your DS won't wait to heat something in the microwave) then tend to binge on empty carbs which are quick and meat-free. He needs more whole food (unprocessed) protein. The breakfasts are good but this needs to be replicated in snacks and all meals.

• You make his sandwiches (containing salad!) for the week on a Sunday. No wonder he eats them quickly rather than making them last the week - they must be soggy and disgusting after about 24hrs. I think making a fresh daily lunch with some variety (him or you) would be a good move.

• The foods he's addicted to are all ultra-processed. There's a brilliant podcast by Dr Chris & Xand on BBC Sounds about why Xand is obese and addicted to processed food, and Chris isn't...and what they try and do about it. Having unlimited whole foods around (nuts, seeds, cheese, full fat yoghurt, home baked bread, fruit, veg, home made hummus etc.) is a very different thing to burning through 18 wraps and a box of Special K.

@12Thorns & @FearlessFreddie

Thank you.
He is lovely, apart from this issue we are close and he's a big softie, he is kind and helpful, he always helps around the house and asks if I would like a drink.
We have an elderly neighbour who he gets a newspaper for on the way home from school every day because he's 'passing the shop anyway and she's nice to him and he likes to help'.

He's a good kid.

He has a great group of friends but they all seem to be the same, they just want to play games online together and don't want to go outside or do anything that doesn't involve a screen.

On a vegetarian diet? That’s amazing, but are you sure? An egg only has about 8g etc.