How to deal with greedy teen?

[JemimaThePuddleDuck]

DS is 15.
He used to be sporty and fit, he was always playing out with his friends and was slim.
over covid he got into online gaming and he and his friends now just want to sit on discord calls playing games together every night, he doesn't go out, doesn't exercise and just wants to lie around watching YouTube or playing games.

He gave up all his sports and now spends most of his time in front of a screen.

I've tried to limit screen time, but it doesn't make a difference, he doesn't want to go outside or be active.

The main issue is his greediness and his weight.

Over the last six months he's become really greedy, like he can't control himself.
he's also gained weight, to the point where his clothes don't fit and I would consider him overweight.

It's definitely greediness, he's got into a habit of eating his packed lunch at break time, so by the time he gets home from school he is starving,
we always have plenty of easy to prepare food but he will go for the laziness option and stuff himself.

I tried to talk to him, discussed options and got in snacks he would like, but he will gorge himself on them.

Some examples,
He asked for specific cereals,
But he will eat the entire box, out of the bag, like it's a bag of crisps.
He asked for wraps and cheese to make quesadillas, he then ate two whole packs of wraps (16 in total) and a bag and a half of grated cheese, in two days.
He asked for instant noodles, he will make three packs at the same time in one bowl.
He asked for yoghurts, but will eat the entire multipack in a day or two.
He will make an enormous bowl of pasta, literally 250g (half a bag) of pasta and just have it with butter or pesto.
Multiple bags of crisps in one sitting.
More times than I can count he has eaten almost an entire loaf of bread either as toast or just bread and butter.

These are all for after school snacks, he then still expects a full meal for dinner two and a half hours later.

The biggest issue is he has gotten into the habit of eating his packed lunch things.

I pre make his sandwich's on a Sunday and put them in the fridge.
He takes a sandwich, a bag of crisps, an apple and a cereal bar to school.
I will quite often find that he has eaten all of the crisps or cereal bars or several of his sandwiches (not ones he's taken to school) part the way through the week.

This evening I have just discovered he had eaten two packets of his crisps and one of his lunch sandwiches,
we had a full roast dinner at 4.30pm, so he's had that and then helped himself to those.

I don't think it's hunger, I think it's greed and probably boredom,
He knows it's there and is lazy,
We have other snack food, there is a pack of cheese and onion rolls, yoghurts, other crisps, fruit and bread.
But he chose to eat his packed lunch sandwich.

I'm so frustrated.
I'm sick of buying food for him to gorge himself on and it be gone in a couple of days.
It's not normal or healthy, at this rate he will be obese soon.

I don't know what to do, I've tried taking to him, planning meals and getting healthier snacks in, I tried tough love, explaining his weight is an issue and he needs to stop eating like this, I've tried shouting, I've tried begging, I've tried hiding food and rationing it.... nothing has worked.

I don't know what to do, has anyone else been through this?

I'm my fitness pal you load in the exact things you are cooking, ingredients, serving sizes etc and it gives you all of the nutritional info, it's very accurate.

I'm not "unwilling to even engage with the possibility that her DS is struggling with MH"

But I know my DS, I live with him, I spend time with him every day, we have an open relationship and if anything was bothering him he would talk to me. I would know if he was struggling with his MH.
But other than the standard hormonal teenage stuff I don't believe he is.

At his school they have compulsory 1 to 1 "chats" about MH and they have not flagged any concerns.

At last someone with an ounce of compassion knowledge and facts.
All this make them eat less,obesity crisis with fat kids crap really get on my wick.
95% diets fail almost 2 thirds gain back more so.diets,restriction shame so not work.
I'd also quarry when all this weight gain occurred could it possibly be the start of diet culture,fat phobia,shame,mental health and body image issues.social media,the pressure on kids,the thin ideal,the dieting industry making their billions on Atkins.keto,polo bullshit.maybe we took "health" out of it and became a society who shamed.who had thin equals health.

We stopped letting kids grow into themselves.before this "obesity" crisis kids ate junk.we had cereal from school,tuck shops with chocolate bars on the way home.burgers as we approached seniors canteen years and ice buns and cake.but we also had a home life,many more of us with proper evening meals or balance.we didn't focus in on food so grew out of the yearning for freedom to choose and therefore wanting it all.
The shit came when fat shaming began.when cuts came and families had no time and money for balance,home cooking,meal time.
When we saw our mothers on slim fast or telling us how shit she was for being fat.
When mags became full of woman being shamed forrolls or looking emaciated.
When diets were everywhere
Weight cyclingbis actually more damaging to the body.
And restriction always leads to a binge.to the body fighting back.
People aren't left to listen to hunger queues.they are shamed or restricting or managing therecdiets through an app.typing in their macros instead of what their tummy says.
Kids grow up and out.and most will be classed as overweight on a GPS scale at some point, that's why bmi and weighing is so flawed for children.and then woosh they shoot up.level out.
Diet.restricting.our culture and society of disordered eating being seen as a norm is more of a problem.families not being able to afford fresh food.or having education in cooking.or time with family at meals.
The pressure on kids to be something they aren't.
The damage being told your fat does to people is everlasting,proven and damaging.
Losing weight is not about health.the health behaviours are.what can u add in to your life to mentally and physically be healthier.its always about bloody weight isn't it.bwcause that's our society.and it's wrong on so many levels.

One of the main concerns on mental health struggles how they hide it.
Often for reasons because of the attitude of many on this thread! Suprisingly too him knowing his mum tbinks hes greedy( trust me from what youce said on here he will no) will rise that shame and secrecy.

Again, you forgot to add in your opinion. That’s all it is. You come across as extremely touchy and ill-tempered, I hope you get the help you need to manage better.

Nah I don't believe in dishonesty. And for OP to not be honest that him not moving and him eating too much junk food is causing him to gain unnecessary weight is not a good foundation to start off. And it's that way with anything with children. This doesn't mean being nasty and using words like greedy or lazy (yes OP does need to knock that off). It doesn't mean having digs at him after, 'are you going to save anything for anyone else' ' sure you've had enough' But a foundation that starts with honesty is, to me, the only way for things to be achieved. It's also disrespectful not to be honest and teenagers can tell. They're not stupid and I highly doubt OP's son hasn't worked out that he is getting fat. And what he will work out, even if he is of lower range average intelligence, is he can't trust his mum because she's not honest. And her dishonesty will show if she does it your way which is dishonest. Because it has to come out in some way. It always does. So because she is being dishonest so can't have an empathetic and sincere conversation it will come out in drips and drabs. As he gets another bit of food, ' Are you sure you've had enough' 'That's the fourth one of those' etc etc. And when he asks do you think I'm getting fat and she lies he will know she's lying. And lastly a parent cannot be too scared to parent and advocating that they cannot sincerely tell a child they are eating to much and not moving enough in case from that one sincere conversation that they will get an ED is pathetic. If a parent cannot be honest, yes with empathy, kindness, they may as well stop parenting.
I also don't believe at all that there has every been a person with an ED caused by a parent one time with empathy telling them they need to move more and eat less junk food. I 100% doubt there has ever been a situation whereby the parent with a child who has an ED, sitting down with the psychologist when asked what caused this and the psychologist saying 'Well you know that one time you sat your child down and told them you worried about their health and that they need to move more and eat less of the junk food and you gave them less junk options. Asked and listened to their input Yeah you know that. Yea you fucked him up for life.

And that time you told him drawing dicks on his work isn't acceptable and not good enough when he is at school and he can do better. It's the reason he has been unemployed for 47 years.

Boys tend to have a massive growth spurt at this age, l have two sons and they eat loads.
Is he interested in lifting a few weights ? Alot of young men are into weight lifting, can be done from home. I do think he will turn things around esp once he wants a girlfriend. Shaming him is the worst thing you can do, he will hate himself for it, not you. Protein is whats needed, healthier and will fill him up for longer.

Does anyone read the thread? The problem is he’s no longer interested in any physical activity, is sedentary and binge eats junk food despite an otherwise healthy diet.
OP - how are you getting such a high figure for protein in mfp? Are you aware that the nutritional balance required for a teen boy will be different to that of an adult.
Also, as parents, it absolutely doesn’t mean we know how our teens are feeling inside and what’s driving their behaviours, they prob don’t even know themselves. Just because he has a good relationship with you doesn’t mean that nothing else is going on as essentially the binge eating is a little dysfunctional.

So don't have junk food at home.

I want to say thank you so much to the people who have shared they stories and can relate to my situation,
Those who offered genuine support and advice.
And for those with kind words who understand that I'm just trying to help him.

To those who only looked to pick holes or completely fabricated stories in their own heads based on the tiny snipers of our lives I shared, thanks, I see that you were only trying to help based on your own experience, I'm sorry you had to grow up or live with someone who judged or shamed you, I hope you are doing better now.

To UPDATE.

DS and I had a chat last night, I told him I had posted on here looking for advice and told him some of the suggestions and concerns people had mentioned.
He agreed with the things @waterrat said about him being in a habit of taking a break from gaming or studying being an excuse to eat.
The main issue is that he is so hungry when he gets home from school he just 'stuffs his face' (his words) and sometimes eats so fast because he's so hungry he doesn't realise how much he eats.

I floated the idea of him having a full dinner when he gets in from school, and something lighter with us later, he said he didn't want to eat alone, but if he still gets to eat with us later that's ok.
So this morning I did him a plate of leftovers from last night which is in the fridge ready to be microwaved when he gets home.
I've also ordered him some protein shakes to try.
I also told him I'd really love for him to try to get some exercise other than just the walk to school and back so I'd like him to come out with me and the dog as often as possible and maybe try to do a bit of exercise in the house, just weights or something just to keep his heart healthy.

Thanks everyone.

Nicely done OP. I reckon that's all that's needed.

As a mother of teens, is he going to be embarrassed walking with you and the dog? My dc wouldn't be seen dead with me, so we have to drive quite a way to somewhere they can be sure we won't see anyone. Just a thought.

Maybe offer the dog walk or the weights?? Give him some options without offending you.

Well done OP. Sounds like a really positive conversation.

Best of luck.

Really well done op that’s very positive

What sort of teens do you have who are embarrassed to be seen with you ? Why? Yes , I own a few, so know what I m talking about, boys as well.
World's gone mad🙄

Well done OP. Sounds very positive

Sounds positive OP just be wary of the protein shakes which are expensive and highly processed and no doubt sugary. Look in to making your own or bumping up protein by other means.

@Moonface123 theres ‘growth spurt’ and there’s obsessive. Sick of this competitive over eating on MN. Eating 16 wraps isn’t normal nor healthy.

Positive update OP! Hope it goes well :)

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor pre packaged protein shakes are very low in sugar. I drink them everyday, they’re vile but I force them down (due to the low sugar hence the taste)

The cool kind, obvs 😉

If he doesn't want to eat alone could you sit with him.or he brings it in lounge.di you have a cup of tea and biscuits maybe. He sounds like a really great sensitive lad.from what you've said on here op I really like him😊aand obviously a gentle soul I think that's where alot of poster got there need to say he might need a softer approach,phrasing.maybe he's the kind of lad that takes stuff to heart more?and that's where the recognition from some posters came with needing to be careful I think.and it's ok not to go in go strong.we can be gentle and not be "woke or weak " pushover parents.some kids need a different avenue in.
On the buying snacks front keep buying them.but maybe just by less.donf say it's because of him to stop him.just with cost of living and needing rethink you might just have less endless packs of things and can everyone in the house be aware of this.

That's good to know, I'm always suspicious of anything like that !

Cool teens after the age of fourteen don't generally do anything public with their parents if there is even the smallest chance they will be seen by their friends. It is lame apparently and to be avoided at all costs. Some teens are honest and will tell you to your face, others will find any excuse under the sun to avoid causing offence.