How to deal with greedy teen?

[JemimaThePuddleDuck]

DS is 15.
He used to be sporty and fit, he was always playing out with his friends and was slim.
over covid he got into online gaming and he and his friends now just want to sit on discord calls playing games together every night, he doesn't go out, doesn't exercise and just wants to lie around watching YouTube or playing games.

He gave up all his sports and now spends most of his time in front of a screen.

I've tried to limit screen time, but it doesn't make a difference, he doesn't want to go outside or be active.

The main issue is his greediness and his weight.

Over the last six months he's become really greedy, like he can't control himself.
he's also gained weight, to the point where his clothes don't fit and I would consider him overweight.

It's definitely greediness, he's got into a habit of eating his packed lunch at break time, so by the time he gets home from school he is starving,
we always have plenty of easy to prepare food but he will go for the laziness option and stuff himself.

I tried to talk to him, discussed options and got in snacks he would like, but he will gorge himself on them.

Some examples,
He asked for specific cereals,
But he will eat the entire box, out of the bag, like it's a bag of crisps.
He asked for wraps and cheese to make quesadillas, he then ate two whole packs of wraps (16 in total) and a bag and a half of grated cheese, in two days.
He asked for instant noodles, he will make three packs at the same time in one bowl.
He asked for yoghurts, but will eat the entire multipack in a day or two.
He will make an enormous bowl of pasta, literally 250g (half a bag) of pasta and just have it with butter or pesto.
Multiple bags of crisps in one sitting.
More times than I can count he has eaten almost an entire loaf of bread either as toast or just bread and butter.

These are all for after school snacks, he then still expects a full meal for dinner two and a half hours later.

The biggest issue is he has gotten into the habit of eating his packed lunch things.

I pre make his sandwich's on a Sunday and put them in the fridge.
He takes a sandwich, a bag of crisps, an apple and a cereal bar to school.
I will quite often find that he has eaten all of the crisps or cereal bars or several of his sandwiches (not ones he's taken to school) part the way through the week.

This evening I have just discovered he had eaten two packets of his crisps and one of his lunch sandwiches,
we had a full roast dinner at 4.30pm, so he's had that and then helped himself to those.

I don't think it's hunger, I think it's greed and probably boredom,
He knows it's there and is lazy,
We have other snack food, there is a pack of cheese and onion rolls, yoghurts, other crisps, fruit and bread.
But he chose to eat his packed lunch sandwich.

I'm so frustrated.
I'm sick of buying food for him to gorge himself on and it be gone in a couple of days.
It's not normal or healthy, at this rate he will be obese soon.

I don't know what to do, I've tried taking to him, planning meals and getting healthier snacks in, I tried tough love, explaining his weight is an issue and he needs to stop eating like this, I've tried shouting, I've tried begging, I've tried hiding food and rationing it.... nothing has worked.

I don't know what to do, has anyone else been through this?

I’d really wonder about protein. It’s pretty challenging to fill up a teenage boy anyway, but on a low protein, low fat diet it’s going to be really tough. Protein and fat are satiating. I ate a lot fewer calories when I was doing paleo diets and not eating carbs at all, but wasn’t at all hungry. Carbs raise insulin, and insulin drives hunger. I’m not criticising your diet, it sounds amazing, but we’re all different, and clearly it isn’t working for him as well as it does for you.

I’d just drop it, tbh. It’s pretty common for teenage boys to eat constantly and eat crappily. Most of them grow out of it. They also commonly change shape before growing or undergoing other big body changes. I ate terribly for years, because my mother can’t cook. as soon as I was in charge of my diet, I ate much more healthily. As you say, you can’t force him and making a big deal out of it is unlikely to help. He knows how to cook, so that’s a great start. He’s been sporty before, so he knows the benefits. He’s got a lot of growing to do, and this is not the person he’ll always be.

Definitely stop thinking ‘greedy’ though. He’s hungry and impulsive and doesn’t yet have an adult brain to help make good choices, especially when hungry. Plenty of time to work it out from natural consequences. My kid knows there is enough for so much per day, and if she eats it, there’s no more until I shop, which can make the end of the week pretty dull. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn’t. It’s ok. The stuff for meals is frozen (along with extra bread) and some things I will only buy monthly (because she’d live on chocolate spread sandwiches given the option, and as she can make them herself, it’s always an option).

I’d plan for an extra meal after school. He’s cooking pasta, so he could reheat something, if it were there at the front of the fridge. He needs to eat right when he gets in, he’s HUNGRY and won’t dig through the freezer or cook anything faffy, and It won’t be for ever. Forget the ‘snack’ Give him two dinners. If nothing else, it will be better food. It will need to be easy though. Kids are tired and frazzled when they get home.

I mean, you've come on here for advice but you keep on referring to him as greedy. Quite a few PP have told you that teens go through a ton of food and that you're not giving him a very big lunch, but you're back again with the greedy comments. It's really very unpleasant and I feel sorry for him. No wonder he's not listening to you - you sound incredibly judgemental.

While I agree that you can't force him to take part in hobbies, you've apparently got no say in whether he cooks food that was intended for your dinners either? There's something not right with the balance in your household. Teens need lots of food as they're still growing - but under no circumstances should you feel unable to stop them cooking food that was meant for the family's dinner.

His diet overall sounds pretty healthy so just don't buy the processed crap like pot noodles or sugary cereals. If he eats a huge bowl of pasta with pesto, it's a pretty cheap way to fill himself up. You can buy wholemeal pasta in bulk - if he's needing to fill up on that to stop the hunger pangs, then let him. Feeling hungry is horrible.

Keep a food log for a week or two and on something like my fitness pal and take him to gp for general health check up and maybe thyroid testing etc?

it might not be lack of activity or boredom causing appetite increase and weight gain, GP should hopefully be blue to alleviate some worries and signpost to further help,

I'd be very interested to see where that 132g of protein comes from in his normal non binge level eating. The normal level of foods you've listed not including eating say a multi pack of yoghurts or an entire block of cheese don't sound very high in protein. 3 eggs & beans/tofu for dinner yes but minimal in the packed lunch or instant snacks.

Would there be any possibility of him having his dinner as soon as he gets home? He will need to top up later but might be less inclined to do so in such a big way if he's already eaten his largest meal of the day. The timing of when you eat is also a very important part of healthy balanced eating.

This thread shows why we have a massive obesity crisis in thr UK. A boy who is pampered and offered endless home cooked healthy meals is apparently a tragic victim if he isn't allowed endless on demand snacks at all times

The op is a caring parent who is at her wits end and people are rude to her and tell her she should let him eat face constantly whatever he likes or he will have a complex

Children and teens in the UK are among the fattest in Europe

A third of 11 year olds are obese

50 years ago children and teens ate meals ..even in my own teen years 25 years ago we did not have access to huge bowls of food and snacks constantly

Eating 16 wraps over 2 days is clearly ludicrous over eating for a teen being fed normal meals. Of course this will lead to unhealthy weight gain. It's also expensive!

The idea the op should just keep buying this food and blame herself for all of it is ridiculous

Op sadly thetr are such ingrained poor eating habits in this country you may not get good advice on here.

I would try really hard again with getting him off thr screens and would just completely remove extra food.

Could you offer dinner as soon as school is over ?

I think you have to be honest with him..you can't afford and he doesn't need all this food and he will end up unwell particularly if he doesn't move.

It's sad he has stopped sport. Could you bribe him to join some sort of group or activity?

DS16 also eats huge quantities of food. I think it’s hunger not greed.

one thing that helped was making a big batch of veggie chilli that he can warm up in the microwave. I use the Anna Jones recipe. It’s filling abbé full of protein and fibre with lots of veg. Also good value.

Getting back into sport would be a good thing. If he doesn’t want to go back to his old clubs, would he try something new? DS and his friends run a lot. Or join a gym?

Having read all your updates I'm still convinced he needs a bigger lunch and dinner as soon as he gets home. .snack later instead. I assume you would be home later too to keep an eye on the snack

I also think he's eating too much bread. Breakfast and lunch are bread based, that's before you even get to snacks and potentially dinner too. Maybe he could take a thermos with left overs for lunch? Or have school dinners?

Would also add that I think it sounds like lockdown has played a part. Those years when teens should be out exploring the world and working out who they are, we made them sit at home on a screen instead, and we’re now surprised that they want to stay at home in front of a screen. (I mean we as a society, not just you, OP.)

I don’t know what’s practical for you as a family but whatever you can do to shake him out of his rut would be worth it. Something exciting rather than just the same sport club he was going to at 13. Family activity/water sports holiday? Training for a (non-kids) event? Getting fit together to do a long walk (anything from the Lyke Wake walk to the Inca trail)?

Teenagers, especially boys, eat loads. They're GROWING & asserting their independence. A lot of what they choose to eat is 'instant' & carbs, which make you crave more carbs & don't fil you up.

you've tried loads of things, I think you need to leave him to it now because you're just making him feel bad about himself and giving him something to rebel against.

pre-made salad & avocado sandwiches, yuck. I'm astounded he's choosing to eat his school sandwiches over over things IF that's what's really in them.

OP, if he eats stuff meant for his packed lunch, what do you do - buy more? I'd just buy enough for the week and if he eats it he'll have to have school lunch for the last few days of the week.

Similarly with the cereals, noodles etc - buy less unhealthy stuff, and when it's gone, it's gone.

I so agree with you. We have, on the fear of causing emotional damage, stopped being honest with our children.
Nobody needs to be nasty but honesty is needed. A once in a blue moon truth bomb will sure upset a teen but they are a lot more robust than we give them credit for. It's not going to screw up his self esteem long run and if it even remotely could OP's son has a lot more problems than we're hearing.

I so agree with you. We have, on the fear of causing emotional damage, stopped being honest with our children.
Nobody needs to be nasty but honesty is needed. A once in a blue moon truth bomb will sure upset a teen but they are a lot more robust than we give them credit for. It's not going to screw up his self esteem long run and if it even remotely could OP's son has a lot more problems than we're hearing.

You sound like you have a fundamentally lovely son

You sound like you have a fundamentally lovely son

Seconded.

This. Stop labelling him. Poor kid's just been through a pandemic.

OP says her teen a) doesn’t go out anymore b) doesn’t exercise anymore c) eats a lot more nowadays and critically d) is gaining a lot of weight. Its clearly not that her teen needs this volume of food.

Ime the lifestyle and diet changes may be driven by mental health issues, maybe mild ones, and perhaps a sense of boredom/pointlessness.

My suggestion based on the meal plan you have posted is that’s a very creditable healthy diet but short on protein for a growing teen and also not enough calories (obv excluding his junk) so he will be genuinely hungry and is then in a bad habit of stuffing his face. Stuffing carbs makes the body want more and this also won’t be helping.

I would stop buying the eat cook easy eat empty calories. Provide an extra protein based meal for him when he comes home from school eg a spinach omelette or another breakfast muffin (don’t expect him to make it himself). I would also supply unlimited bottles of diet fizzy drinks (even if it goes against the grain). This would keep his mouth busy and stomach full, maybe enough to kick the overeating habit.

my tuppence is to work on accepting things you can't change, OP. Your sanity is something to salvage here.

Good to keep lines of communication open & don't bring (or bring very few) items in house that are very low quality nutritionally.

Obviously encourage opportunities to make healthier choices, encourage him to know he can talk to you about difficult topics and feelings, but yeah, lots you can't change.

Definitely stop buying crisps. They are not good. No nutritional value whatsoever and not even filling

This sounds very expensive for you OP

More protein sounds like a good idea.

I have vegetarian teens and it is doubly hard filling them up, it really is.
Cereal, toast, veggie sausage sandwiches and wraps are good. Making big jacket potatoes full of filling and keep them cooked in the fridge to be warmed through quickly. Tofu etc is nice but not filling - your menu is healthy but most teens would need more bulk.

We don't have crisps or snacks at home at all, strip these out and instead I serve dinner immediately more or less as soon as they are home, and later offer pots of humous and various carrots, cucumbers, bread sticks later in the evening, we have soup and bread, beans on toast is good and noodles or cereal.

I managed to get everyone off their screens by turning the wifi off from 1pm in the afternoon every Saturday and Sunday and getting them into the car, initially they protested but ended up enjoying it, we went hiking and cycling and walking the dogs etcat the lakes for an hour or two hours if I am pushing my luck. Laying around for 12 hours is not an option. You are still the parent op, letting him game for so long is a choice you have made, enforce some ground rules.

The wifi only goes back on when some kind of fresh air and fitness has taken place, homework is done and they have done the odd chore. They know not to 'expect' wifi, it is privilege.
My dd prefers to run daily now, so she does that instead. They have access to stationary bike and a rowing machine too if the weather is bad. I would make the wifi conditional on agreed times for gaming, and stick to it. He is only 15 you have time to iron this out. They earn time on screens not the other way around.

One sport a week at least after school needs to be happening. He needs to aim for an hour a day of exercise. The onus on you is to help him get his life back op.

We are tiptoeing around teens letting them do 12 hours gaming or pleading them to eat wrll while buying multi packs of their favourite snacks. In less well off households this would not be an option.

I read that 16 year olds today are as sedentary as 60 year olds .

Yes teen boys are designed to grow and to eat ! But they are also designed by nature to be extremely active.

The word greedy isn't nice but isn't it essentially true of a lot of hs adults included? We want tasty easy food and wr consume too much because it's available.

Re. The screens and activity I think there surely has to be some carrot and stick. The screens are cut off and bills for phones not paid unless the teen is doing something else..

If this boy played with his young cousins would he volunteer with children? Or do paid babysitting? Duke of Edinburgh? Youth club where there would also be some gaming ?

Paid dog walking?

Instead of having snacks when he comes in, try him having a proper plated meal ready to shove in the microwave .
My ds has done this since he was about 16, then he has another full meal about 8pm. Granted he spends a lot of time at the gym, but it’s far easier to manage food this way rather than snacks

Why not get him involved in shopping for the food so he can see the financial impact on the household of how much he's eating? I don't think that is a normal amount of food for an inactive person who does no exercise. 250g pasta is over 3 times the recommended serving size... And that's a snack! Pasta might be cheap but butter and pesto isn't. If he's putting on weight then clearly he's eating more than he needs and if it's comfort eating then the root cause needs to be addressed. He can't just keep eating all the food that is set aside for meals and you just have to keep topping it up.

He's 15, he's probably about to shoot up height wise and even out. Does sound like he needs more protein though.

OP I think you're right to talk to him and don't believe that explaining to teenagers that the food choices they are making are making them fat is a bad thing. If you don't tell him who will? Same as if he smells.

I cut sugar out of my house after ds (yr 10) was caught with a bag of sugar in his room. He was also getting fat and lethargic. He is allowed to buy sweets once a week as it was like sugar was his crack!

My ds started playing more football in school, we went to my PT and had sessions twice a week, I can't do that now because of my back so we go swimming instead. He won't come out for walks and if I make him then he's a pain so I don't. I do pay him to help in the garden and he does go off to the basketball court voluntary and play for an hour or so a couple of times a week. But I forced him out the house a few years ago to do that in return for screen time, what you can do at 13 is completely different to at 15!

He also really likes kayaking and paddle boarding. We'll be doing more of that now the weathers warming up.

So my advice is to talk to him, get rid of sugar, find something outdoors that he likes - mountain biking/paddle boarding etc and take him to do it.