How to deal with greedy teen?

[JemimaThePuddleDuck]

DS is 15.
He used to be sporty and fit, he was always playing out with his friends and was slim.
over covid he got into online gaming and he and his friends now just want to sit on discord calls playing games together every night, he doesn't go out, doesn't exercise and just wants to lie around watching YouTube or playing games.

He gave up all his sports and now spends most of his time in front of a screen.

I've tried to limit screen time, but it doesn't make a difference, he doesn't want to go outside or be active.

The main issue is his greediness and his weight.

Over the last six months he's become really greedy, like he can't control himself.
he's also gained weight, to the point where his clothes don't fit and I would consider him overweight.

It's definitely greediness, he's got into a habit of eating his packed lunch at break time, so by the time he gets home from school he is starving,
we always have plenty of easy to prepare food but he will go for the laziness option and stuff himself.

I tried to talk to him, discussed options and got in snacks he would like, but he will gorge himself on them.

Some examples,
He asked for specific cereals,
But he will eat the entire box, out of the bag, like it's a bag of crisps.
He asked for wraps and cheese to make quesadillas, he then ate two whole packs of wraps (16 in total) and a bag and a half of grated cheese, in two days.
He asked for instant noodles, he will make three packs at the same time in one bowl.
He asked for yoghurts, but will eat the entire multipack in a day or two.
He will make an enormous bowl of pasta, literally 250g (half a bag) of pasta and just have it with butter or pesto.
Multiple bags of crisps in one sitting.
More times than I can count he has eaten almost an entire loaf of bread either as toast or just bread and butter.

These are all for after school snacks, he then still expects a full meal for dinner two and a half hours later.

The biggest issue is he has gotten into the habit of eating his packed lunch things.

I pre make his sandwich's on a Sunday and put them in the fridge.
He takes a sandwich, a bag of crisps, an apple and a cereal bar to school.
I will quite often find that he has eaten all of the crisps or cereal bars or several of his sandwiches (not ones he's taken to school) part the way through the week.

This evening I have just discovered he had eaten two packets of his crisps and one of his lunch sandwiches,
we had a full roast dinner at 4.30pm, so he's had that and then helped himself to those.

I don't think it's hunger, I think it's greed and probably boredom,
He knows it's there and is lazy,
We have other snack food, there is a pack of cheese and onion rolls, yoghurts, other crisps, fruit and bread.
But he chose to eat his packed lunch sandwich.

I'm so frustrated.
I'm sick of buying food for him to gorge himself on and it be gone in a couple of days.
It's not normal or healthy, at this rate he will be obese soon.

I don't know what to do, I've tried taking to him, planning meals and getting healthier snacks in, I tried tough love, explaining his weight is an issue and he needs to stop eating like this, I've tried shouting, I've tried begging, I've tried hiding food and rationing it.... nothing has worked.

I don't know what to do, has anyone else been through this?

It's absolutely breaking me,
We went to centre parcs a couple of months ago with my siblings and their families, DS is the oldest, Although he cousin is only a year younger, most of the kids are primarily age.
He spent the entire holiday being the entertainment director for 9 kids, he planned activities organised games, stopped bickering and was like a teacher, he was that good with them.

He was so active and seemed so much happier,
But as soon as we got home he was back to his computer.

The thing is he's a popular kid, he's got a big group of friends, but they are all the same, pretty much all of they gave up on sports and now only play games online together.

I suggest inviting people round constantly but he won't because they "don't do that kind of thing" they just want to sit on voice calls for hours.

he’s probably making large portions of pasta and instant noodles because those are the things he knows how to prepare. Also teenagers are lazy, they’ll always pick snack foods over “proper” food.

I always make enough dinner so that mine can take leftovers for lunch, and ensure there are “good” foods available ie fruit and yoghurt, and we never have snacks like crisps or biscuits.

Would you son drink a protein shake? A lot of teenagers like these. They do fill them up.

He has definitely gained weight. It's visible.

I think the eating thing is fairly normal. I was at agricultural college at 16 and the boys.. they had to put a limit on toast in the canteen! We could have a full english and cereal and toast and they limited it to 4 slices in the end (except for rugby who got extra food)

I remember one of them opening a multipack of crisps, tipping them into the big bag and eating the lot. And he was about 9 stone wet through
My dad threatened to worm me once as a teenager

Meant to add, he won’t feel like exercise if he’s not getting any, it’s a bit of a vicious cycle. You may have to force this one.

Is he interested in joining a gym? A lot of teenage boys love the gym.

I'm not sure he sounds 'greedy' to me, I ate similar at that age. I also spent all my free time on my PC because that's what my friends did (and we did live in the middle of nowhere)
I really wouldn't worry, your making him healthy food and if you limit his food now , when he has his own choices later in life he will always eat everything.
You sound very caring OP, I would just let him make his own choices with food, he is old enough to understand.
However I wouldn't have so many instant things around ... more protein based things in the freezer that he can re heat , may fill him up

I didn't "let him sit around and play video games for 2 years" that's how he chooses to spend his free time, I'm not going to take away something he enjoys when for a long time it was the only way he got to socialise with his friends.
It's his hobby.

We go on plenty of walks and hikes we live in the countryside and have a dog that gets taken out twice a day, but I can't force him to come with me if he doesn't want to.
I have him dozens of options for alternative sports including going to the gym, swimming or online fitness classes, he rejected all of it. I can't force him.

I cook healthy meals every day, he often helps.
He absolutely knows how to cook decent healthy food, but he doesn't want to cook, he wants to stuff himself with quick, easy food.

We have a brilliant bond apart from this issue. And I absolutely did not "sit back and let him get lazy and fat", I've been trying for 6+ months to get him to change this behaviour, to figure out why and where it's coming from, I've tried everything I can think of to change it.

What exactly do you think I could be doing differently?

That's what I mean, other than the snack food, which I agree is mostly crap, but crap he chose, he eats a really healthy protein and veg heavy diet.
He loves food, he loves trying new things, he will often find recipes on Instagram and asks if we can try them.

It's why I'm so frustrated by this greedy bingeing, there's no need for it, if he's that hungry there's plenty in, he doesn't need to gorge himself on stupid amount of crap, I get being starving when he gets in from school, it's why I was happy to do the snack options, to keep him going until dinner, I know he is hungry, but to eat that much is not normal.

Sounds as though you have done all you can. He has to take responsibility for his part in this. So he gets fat, his choice. It’s all part of growing up.

It's that he's getting in from school and instead of eating the snacks planned,
a couple of quesadillas, a bowl of cereal, a pack of noodles, scrambled eggs, a couple of yoghurts, cheese and onion rolls....
He will eat the entire pack of wraps and all the cheese, the whole box of cereal, several packets of noodles, the multipack of yoghurts.
Or the sandwich meant for his lunch box, or the other stuff that is specifically for his lunch box.

He can't control himself, he will eat a ridiculous amount of food sneakily as an after school snack and then expect a full dinner.
He also does it in the evenings occasionally.

I have tried everything I can thing of to figure out why he is behaving like this and all I can come up with is greed.
I don't know what to do to get him to stop it.

It doesn't sound like he'll be getting anything like enough protein. Calculate what he's getting in a day considering as an average a protein source is only 20% protein. DS at that age for a packed lunch would have 2 rounds of sandwiches including a good amount of protein or cold plain pasta plus protein, 2 portions of vegetables (10 cherry tomatoes/half a pepper/2" cucumber/a carrot), 3 plain digestives. Snacks at home would be a tin of tuna, poached eggs (4)), unsalted nuts, protein shake.

He knows how to cook plenty of things, he really enjoys cooking, he could easily make himself something quick but he wants something instant.

There is always portions of leftovers in the freezer, that's what is frustrating, he would rather stuff himself with something that takes little effort rather than waiting 10 minutes for something to microwave.

That's what I've told him, I've tried to get him and his friends to go to the gym, I offered to pay for them all to have memberships but they don't want to.

There is literally no way I can force him if he doesn't want to.

That’s a bit unfair @ladytessa . Do you have a teenager? It’s significantly harder than it might seem, I’ve ended up doing things very differently with my teen dd than I might have expected, plus it’s been a very tough 2 yrs for many (adults, teens and kids alike- but watching a teen, it’s been very hard on them). Good luck OP, as with all things, it’ll pass, but it’s absolutely exhausting now, I get it.

That's what I would prefer him to eat, but he has said he won't wait for them to microwave, he wants something instant.
We've tried a lot of things,
I stopped buying anything at all snacky, he would eat his lunch box stuff first, then all the bread, and make huge portions of pasta.

I felt it ended up being much worst, so we discussed the options he would like to have and we came up with a list he could choose from each week.
I go for the low fat protein wraps, low fat cheese, low fat yogurts, I try to pick things he wants by the healthier options, but he still eats them in such quantities that it's very unhealthy, and he is putting on weight.

op - I with others think he might be eating a normal amount for a teen - but if he is not than I think you need to consider if he has an eating disorder. Calling him greedy and arguing is not the solution - speak to your gp.

In his normal diet without the snacks he definitely gets enough protein.

According to my fitness pal he had 132g of protein today.

Thank you.

I know, I'm just frustrated and worn out.
I feel like we have the same conversation every week, I've tried every different approach I can think of any nothing has changed,
You can tell he's gaining weigh, it's obvious this isn't healthy or normal but he won't stop doing it, greed is all I can think to call it.

No matter how hungry he is there has to be a point where he is full, but he carries on eating.

It must be very difficult op.

Hey OP, what a difficult situation !

You say he wants something instant and easy - have you tried removing all of these ? I know you said he would eat enormous plates of pasta - so don't buy rice/pasta, at least for the next few months. Don't buy long-life bread, just get fresh every now and then, and only just enough for the one day.

Basically have nothing in the house but vegetables, meat/fish/poultry/eggs, and whatever other basic staples you need. This way if he wants to gorge on something he'll have to at least put effort into it. That's not a long term option obviously, just maybe a kickstart to help change his habits ? I also wouldn't mention it or shame him about it, if he asks about his usual snacks just say you forgot to get them this time. See if anything changes.

Beyond that, if he is eating to the point of gaining a lot of weight in a short time, that is often linked to emotional eating. So it's worth talking to him to see if something is wrong in his life. When did he start noticeably gaining weight ? Did something happen, besides Covid ?

Oh, and if he's fifteen I wouldn't make him his lunch. Let him do it.

Ffks don't stop buying snack food or try and climate things from his diet.this will cause shame and a scarcity complex for when he does have them.that in which we restrict we eventually crave.and it's making a moral label to good and bad foods which is dangerous in teens.
Stop yelling begging and making him know u thing he's greedy.this will ones t perpetuate any way shame cycle.
He'll no it.by how you are on here he now u think this of him and his self esteem will be plummeting.rapudly.that in itself can cause anxious eating or he go the other way and develop eating disorder.
He sounds like a 15 year old boy.rhey rat you out your home.my bro could have listed this daily menu.and he's just stopped over time.and it was because no big deal was made.food wasn't good bad,greedy or got rid it.his 17 twice wasn't made to feel guilty so he was satisfied move on and perhaps didn't think of doing it again.
The more your focussing in on this the mote he will this is how disordered eating develops.hesneeds to be able to eat and findcevemtually his intuitive hunger queues.stopping him,limiting and puttingbhim on a diet plan will stop him eventually settling down to a set point weight and appetite.which WILL come when he's passed this.they do NOT eat like the forever.
So altogether stop.stop with the shame and orderingvof eating less.its going to cause a problem.
He's not 8 where children need a bit of safety guidance from us on good meals.
It sounds like as a family you have a well balanced house.yeh lots of treats bug surrounding that is good balanced meals?that's key.msking sure there's good dinners,wholesome veggies fruit rtf in the surrounding bits you cook and it will balance out.
Sports might not be his thing anymore.it happens.butbhe might get back into it as school progresses.
Do you walk.even some walk in the evening now it's summer.offer of tennis or badminton somewhere?fun.not punishmentvto compensate for calories !
You have to let this go and let him find his place it sound normal boy at 15.whats not is the complex you'll give him and shame and feeling a which willbthrn make him sneak,hide,feel shit about himself then food becomes the issue and shit hits the fan if that occurs.and awful for all involved.parents don't tell kids they are greedyvor beg them to stop eating.no good can come from that for him.hell take it on and it will go inward.kiss do not forget these things and hold onto them until they hurt.until they believe they ARE wrong.ARE too big.UNHEALTHY.MUM THINK this of me.and then the trouble starts.

Ffks don't stop buying snack food or try and climate things from his diet.

And do what then, let him go on gorging himself ? When I was 14 my mother told me I was fat. And you know what ? She was right. I was comfort-eating because I was getting bullied in school. But I didn't even realize I had gotten fat, even though I was beginning to have a double chin.

I blame my mother for a lot of things but this isn't one of them. It took a while after that to repair my relationship to food, and getting out of the bullying situation helped a great deal. But I'll always be grateful to my mother for telling it like it was.

Talking about it doesn't mean shaming your child. It means telling them you've seen there's a problem and you want to help them.

I don't see why people can't be honest. You don't need to call him a lazy fat git but I don't see anything wrong with saying. When we have quick high calorie food in this house that is all you eat and it's affecting your weight. So we don't have it anymore. If you want a little bit of junk food you are more than welcome to walk down the street and buy some with your money. Teens are not stupid and he would know he's getting fat and perhaps the realisation that other also notice will spur him on to taking care of himself.