How to deal with greedy teen?

[JemimaThePuddleDuck]

DS is 15.
He used to be sporty and fit, he was always playing out with his friends and was slim.
over covid he got into online gaming and he and his friends now just want to sit on discord calls playing games together every night, he doesn't go out, doesn't exercise and just wants to lie around watching YouTube or playing games.

He gave up all his sports and now spends most of his time in front of a screen.

I've tried to limit screen time, but it doesn't make a difference, he doesn't want to go outside or be active.

The main issue is his greediness and his weight.

Over the last six months he's become really greedy, like he can't control himself.
he's also gained weight, to the point where his clothes don't fit and I would consider him overweight.

It's definitely greediness, he's got into a habit of eating his packed lunch at break time, so by the time he gets home from school he is starving,
we always have plenty of easy to prepare food but he will go for the laziness option and stuff himself.

I tried to talk to him, discussed options and got in snacks he would like, but he will gorge himself on them.

Some examples,
He asked for specific cereals,
But he will eat the entire box, out of the bag, like it's a bag of crisps.
He asked for wraps and cheese to make quesadillas, he then ate two whole packs of wraps (16 in total) and a bag and a half of grated cheese, in two days.
He asked for instant noodles, he will make three packs at the same time in one bowl.
He asked for yoghurts, but will eat the entire multipack in a day or two.
He will make an enormous bowl of pasta, literally 250g (half a bag) of pasta and just have it with butter or pesto.
Multiple bags of crisps in one sitting.
More times than I can count he has eaten almost an entire loaf of bread either as toast or just bread and butter.

These are all for after school snacks, he then still expects a full meal for dinner two and a half hours later.

The biggest issue is he has gotten into the habit of eating his packed lunch things.

I pre make his sandwich's on a Sunday and put them in the fridge.
He takes a sandwich, a bag of crisps, an apple and a cereal bar to school.
I will quite often find that he has eaten all of the crisps or cereal bars or several of his sandwiches (not ones he's taken to school) part the way through the week.

This evening I have just discovered he had eaten two packets of his crisps and one of his lunch sandwiches,
we had a full roast dinner at 4.30pm, so he's had that and then helped himself to those.

I don't think it's hunger, I think it's greed and probably boredom,
He knows it's there and is lazy,
We have other snack food, there is a pack of cheese and onion rolls, yoghurts, other crisps, fruit and bread.
But he chose to eat his packed lunch sandwich.

I'm so frustrated.
I'm sick of buying food for him to gorge himself on and it be gone in a couple of days.
It's not normal or healthy, at this rate he will be obese soon.

I don't know what to do, I've tried taking to him, planning meals and getting healthier snacks in, I tried tough love, explaining his weight is an issue and he needs to stop eating like this, I've tried shouting, I've tried begging, I've tried hiding food and rationing it.... nothing has worked.

I don't know what to do, has anyone else been through this?

I agree entirely.

OP, my DC is much younger so obviously we don't face the issues you do in trying to influence a recalcitrant teen (have all that joy in the future). But I suspect a large part of the eating comes from being bored and sedentary. I'm sure we can all see this in ourselves. If I'm at home with my DC just sitting around, I'm more likely to reach for the crisps and biscuits and he's more likely to mither me for snacks and moan if I just give fruit or carrot sticks. Whereas if we're out for a walk or at the playground, there is much less moaning and my DC is more likely to be happy just with a drink of water and, if he does get hungry, fruit/veg or a cracker.

I'd park the food issue for now and put all your energy into getting your DS more active, even if you have to bribe or threaten. And I would threaten. Internet goes off unless he does a sport or activity at least twice a week and comes out once at the weekend to do a family activity.

I think you said that you're rural, so I suppose he can't walk to school?

He's fifteen, not five!

You have a vegetarian, very caring and lovely son whom has a great set of friends. At fifteen he will be testing his independence and enjoying his own choices. If you can reduce his snack choices somewhat so they are more healthy, increase his food a little at meal times, and get him out playing rugby or similar and a few walks every week, it is not exactly the most difficult set of problems to solve op!

ere is much less moaning and my DC is more likely to be happy just with a drink of water and, if he does get hungry, fruit/veg or a cracker

Good luck with that with 6ft 4 teenage boys!!!! Seriously!!!

Shop on a daily basis, if there is no food in the house then he can't eat.

ere is much less moaning and my DC is more likely to be happy just with a drink of water and, if he does get hungry, fruit/veg or a cracker

Good luck with that with 6ft 4 teenage boys!!!! Seriously!!!

My point was more that if you're busy out of the house doing an activity, there's less incentive to snack - it's true for me as well as my DC. But I have limited experience of teenagers so prepared to accept maybe this is optimistic !

I really feel for you OP, its clear that you are doing your best.

I've got a similar situation with DS14 - not quite as extreme but we are dealing with these kind of behaviours. DS it tall and broad and carries it well but he is definitely overweight.

I don't know where we've gone wrong really. DH and I have never struggled with weight and I think we've modelled a pretty healthy attitude - home cooked food, eat when you're hungry, absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a treat in moderation.

But DS has an absurdly sweet tooth and a big carb habit and will basically binge eat, and now he is getting older there is less and less we can do to try and subtly steer him away from it.

We don't have that much junk food in the house, but we don't want to cut everything out completely because we have two younger children who have a 'normal' approach to having the odd bag of crisps etc, and I don't feel its right to let them be impacted. And anyway, a lot of the issues are with eating unhealthily quantities of relatively healthy foods. DH and I both work and I can't supervise him all the time.

I think it is a mixture of boredom and, sadly, some disordered/binge eating behaviours. Made worse by inactivity and too much xbox, despite us

I know if I was reading what I've just written as a parent who had never experienced this I would be thinking that I am just making excuses and that I should be able to fix it somehow. But it really is not that easy.

It is not actually their/op's fault this type of food stuff is designed to be highly addictive, it is not satisfying and you crave more almost instantly.
It is very hard to wean almost adults from eating it, if that is what they want to do. We should be doing much more as a country to make the supply of junk food much less available generally, and to have other fast but healthy options available.

Have you considered seeing a nutritionist? At the very least he may listen to someone that isn't you!

Yes optimistic chocolate teens are likely to devour the crackers and veg and then ask what is for dinner? And when will it be ready!

Perhaps for a snack, instead of grabbing noodles, cereal, cheese etc could you have in the fridge something that you make at the weekend like a cottage pie that is quite low on meat but stuffed with veg (obv small so it blends with the meat) and a layer of potato on the top (again into the mashed potato, you can put veg to bulk it, like mash some carrots/sweet potato into it). It would be an enjoyable hearty snack, but not with sugar or too many carbs?

Other than that, could you bribe him (with hard cash) to come out and walk the dog?

that would need 2-3 mins in microwave for a portion

I think the reality is kids and teens want others to play with ! They don't want to jog or go to gyms. Sadly our culture has lost the play and freedom that previous generations had on their doorsteps. And realistically if there were no computer games he would be out with his mates on bikes etc as they would all be bored at home

This is so true, from my experience. DS does enjoy hiking, biking etc, but not enough to regularly do it solo, and certainly not enough that he would chose do go off on a bike ride by himself when his friends are all online.

I'm not at all sure that restricting screen time in exchange for exercise is a long-term solution, either. You are just reinforcing the message that exercise is an unenjoyable chore, and I can't see how it helps build self-motivation, which has to be the goal when we are talking about young people who will be completely beyond our daily influence within just a few years.

Those posters who only have experience of primary age children have no idea how difficult is is to manage teenagers.

How does your son get places, OP? To school or friend's homes.

I'm thinking OP could be describing my rather skinny 17yo DS, except mine is skinny and eats huge quantities of biscuits / cake/ sweets / chips / battered sausages (works in a chip shop where he gets lot of free food). It may help mine to be skinny because he has to cycle or walk to get places. Mine has a far worse quality diet than OP describes.

Is this thread just about the packed sarnies being eaten early? Re-reading, I think so. Just make more sarnies, methinks. Or make them on a daily time table, if that inconvenience is main issue.

You are making a really big thing of this op, do you have ED? Or a history of them?

Another insane post 🙄

There's no reason to assume that the OP has an ED.

Her concerns are reasonable & valid.

He is 15 not five earrings and can go and load up at the shop if he chooses! There is only so much she can realistically do - I say that as a parent of teens that do work out and eat well, but if they were to decide otherwise there is not much I can do about it apart from lock them away!

Education is available everywhere about food, and no doubt he knows it is not good for him, he could be exercising his new found independence by eating what he wants. It could be slightly rebellious if op is getting stressed about it, it might be counter productive meaning he will eat even more - because he can.

In the scheme of things given many teens have far bigger issues to fix than this, a bit of exercise, the wifi going off and more hearty main meals could solve the issue very quickly.

After reading your OP you would really emotionally unresponsive as to why you son is over eating. The use of the word of greedy several times hints at this. Lock down impacted lots of kids mental health. From what you've posted id be talking to him about his mental health. If you don't feel you can handle this sympathetically I would recommend seeking help from a therapist for him. I can pretty much guarantee using language like greedy with him will only make him feel worse. I would seriously reflect on your own language use and attitude to eating and bigger people.

It's interesting that all the food related responses here put all the responsibility on the mother to ensure a constant supply of perfectly balanced healthy snacks. Almost nobody thinks a 15 year old can bear the truth thst they can't just eat and eat all the time while never being active..

What message is this that we give our teens ? That their post lockdown recovery can't also involve some kind and honest conversation about healthy living. We tell much younger children aboit making choices with behaviour etc.

Teenagers at 15 are not far off going out into the world. They need to be equipped with the truth about how to look after themselves.

We don't tiptoe around anorexia in the way we tiptoe around over eating. This is disordered eating and also a huge assumption that someone will just pay for and cook constant meals.

This.

Some people on this thread are acting as if being 'obese' or 'gaining weight' are the end of the world. Frankly it's rude. It's offensive to folks in bigger bodies. It also does nothing to help the situation. Being unkind to people about their weight under the guise of 'caring' is not going to magically make them smaller or change their eating habits. If anything it will have a negative impact, leading to years of restricting, binging, dieting, counting calories and just generally being obsessed with food and diet. To me that's less healthy than being 'fat'.

Eating disorders are mental health issues and sufferers should be treated with kindness and understanding.

It seems to me that the issue is the lack of exercise more than the food. I remember my brother and I coming home after school and eating sandwiches or jacket potatoes and fruit and still being absolutely ravenous by the time supper came around. We were like a horde of locusts. But then, we were quite active - sport at school was obligatory so that was at least twice a week, plus cycling/riding to school, PE etc.

One thing we did also have is huge vats of vegetable soup that we were allowed to basically drink as much of as we liked. So a post school snack might consist of a giant jacket potato with cheese and a big bowl of soup and an apple. Or two slices of very thick bread, with butter, and soup and fruit.

DS is only 11 but eats a LOT. But he's also very active. I suspect if he wasn't, the weight would pile back on after having lost it a few years ago.

In the scheme of things given many teens have far bigger issues to fix than this, a bit of exercise, the wifi going off and more hearty main meals could solve the issue very quickly

The whole point is that he won't do the 'bit of exercise' and he has 'hearty main meals'

It's clearly a much more deep-seated problem and OP is looking for help here.

She is to be commended for addressing it realistically instead of just accepting it. It's a problem that needs addressing. It is unlikely to have an immediate solution. But important she keeps trying.

Some people on this thread are acting as if being 'obese' or 'gaining weight' are the end of the world.

A 15 yo over-eating, not exercising & gaining weight is a big problem.

At that age, he should be naturally active & not gaining weight.

The pattern of over-eating he is establishing now could lead to long-term weight issues, impacting his physical & emotional well-being.

He's still a child & needs his parents' support with this.

This is very different to being critical of someone because they are overweight.

But they should be nothing wrong with saying that increasingly gaining weight by poor food choices is not good, and is a problem. And if someone is obese, it's certainly a problem & we shouldn't shy away from saying that.

No one can force someone not to eat/exercise/ earrings The reality is there is very little op can do that she hasn't done already.

Her son has his own life, if he wants to eat and eat there isn't much she can do to stop him at 15!

What more do you suggest she does?

That seems like a very good point. The word greedy sort of implies that he’s just giving into an urge that everyone else has but because they are better less lazy people- they don’t give it. However, most people eat about as much as they have an appetite for, unless they are dieting in which case there is a good chance they are actually overweight, and really trying to resist their natural appetite.
One way to look at it OP is, if your child suddenly started losing weight and lost their appetite, what are the different causes and fixes you might consider? Maybe apply these first rather than thinking about how to control his “behaviour”. There may be underlying physical/hormonal or psychological causes, some serious, creating this change.

Also being “overweight” is not the end of the world and is quite normal for some people who don’t suffer any ill health as a result, but a sudden changes in weight and appetite in either direction might point to a bigger issue, so it’s worth not just assuming it’s a kind of “failure of character” because it almost never is.

Do you not think 'turn the wifi off' is a good idea?

A poster upthread suggested active family time at the weekends in exchange for screen time. This seems like a great idea.

As an overweight person who started binge eating and overeating in their teens I wish my parents had done something like this to ensure I kept active.

For everyone saying 'he's 15, what can you do?' - but he's only 15, he's still a child, this is your last opportunity to impact this kind of behaviour which may well end up causing more problems down the line.

Can’t believe someone said to OP what are they doing to alleviate their sons boredom?! Is that a joke. Did anyone alleviate our boredom at 15?

What more do you suggest she does?

I posted my suggestions earlier, feel free to read my first post on the thread.

I agreed then it is complex & difficult. I commend OP for trying & consider she should keep at it. I made some other suggestions, same as other posters.

What more do you suggest she does?

I posted my suggestions earlier, feel free to read my first post on the thread.

I agreed then it is complex & difficult. I commend OP for trying & consider she should keep at it. I made some other suggestions, same as other posters.