Evening all. Great to see many posters have joined the thread; welcome to all newcomers!
I could so with some practical tips on how to re-direct my focus to me
I have more time and can see I need more in my life going forward - just can't see what steps I need to take
That's a really interesting point. It is a huge change and I don't think it does come naturally initially, after so many years of carrying to-do lists in our heads, largely focused on our families rather than ourselves. Maybe the thing to do is take small steps, bit by bit, and start with just one thing in a particular day of the week, and then build up, but if my experience counts for anything, I have found I have had to be fairly ruthless in my intentions to manage even quite minor practical changes. And certain people's reactions to the changes have to be "managed" too!
I work pt and a few years ago I started in a very minor way by ring-fencing a couple of hours on a Tuesday strictly for my own creative pursuits but soon found that other family members, as CarryonCovid experienced, felt entitled to plan or manage that time for me, simply because they had been in the habit of doing so, and I had previously been always "available" and allowed it!
So I'd also welcome some practical tips on this too.
Granwyn totally understand about the lack of a sounding board ! It also sounds like you might need a bit of solitude in order to just think and stop the constant "family noise" jangling in your head, so you can reconnect with things you used to love to do or start some new ones and like Cameleongirl think about the next years and how you see your life progressing? The pandemic hasn't helped any of focus on our own needs as their hasn't been the physical or mental space in which to gain clarity & peace. Wishing you all the best with it.
ChiswickFlo that sounds great about your ou degree and I hope your health issues don't impinge on that in any way. I have had some health issues myself recently and I know how frustrating it feels to be hampered physically when you finally get to the point when you want to branch out a bit. In all seriousness, without wishing to sound over-dramatic, even though I have a supportive DH and DC seem to be emerging from the worst of the teen years, raising them seems to have left me feeling like, I have been run over by a truck. As velvet24 and ssd have described, it's the worry over potentially life defining big stake events such as sen, exams, uni choices, first relationship, career direction, that is the most exhausting.
foxster22 no wonder you feel exhausted with all of that going on. The bullying at work sounds awful. Your dc are quite young yet so don't give up hope! You still have time to work towards different goals and you could maybe start slowly as above?
Ohquietone that sounds really hard. 
It is funny how men seem to be able to compartmentalise much better than us and to be almost Teflon coated when it comes to emotional stress. (My DH has become more impervious, not less, as time as has gone on which I find incredibly frustrating as I always hope he will understand...but he doesn't seem to ...and now I am resigned to the fact that he probably never will) I am not saying that men don't have other stresses too but we need to learn from them in terms of their hobbies and their, to a degree, their ability to be selfish, strange though that sounds..
I hear you AchillesPoirot & Sicklyyellow about being ready for dc to return to uni.
Yay Threetulips hope you have a great time!
PadamPadam a room of one's own + dog = bliss
Recycledblonde I think you "win" the thread ; reaching parenting "nirvana" after three decades!
And CrowAndArrow it's great that your life is so good now and that you have the energy to enjoy it. I definitely would have had DC a bit earlier if I had my chance again.