[quote AnastasiaRomanov]@PiperPosey
That’s so interesting to read about your daughter.
I have an adult daughter who I realise I have spoilt.
Because my own relationships with my mother and sister are very difficult, I put my daughter on a pedestal and just gave and gave. My boundaries were good until she hit her teens and then I didn’t really know how to parent.
The result is a selfish, entitled and rather spoilt young woman who I don’t actually like much if I’m honest. She has a good side, but I no longer feel much trust in her.
Standing your ground and setting boundaries is so important. It’s not a popularity contest and having good self esteem as a mother is crucial.[/quote]
I was so young 20 and 22 ( 2nd one) when my husband left. I did the best I could raising them to be good characters and have morals. I was so immature.
You know people factor in heredity and environment for a child's development. What they often forget is also the personality of the child. Yes...you can teach them to share, but in the end they end up selfish.
You teach them not to lie, but they will lie. etc.
My oldest one would ask if she could go outside and sit on the steps...my youngest one would take off on her bike and I would have no idea where she was.
My youngest was always in trouble and I would end up paying for her wrong choices. As an adult we are cut off from each other because I finally said, " I will NOT accept your disrespect to me anymore."
She said, " Then don't ever contact me again." That was it.
It took years to get to this point. ( I'm 74 and she is 52) I just have had enough...low contact for 5 years. Pretty artificial, but still connected.
until she started the abuse again.
Parenting is hard. Especially with a difficult child to deal with. One who doesn't follow societies rules.
You and I did the BEST that we knew how to do at the time. Period. I can't excuse it, but I can explain it. I just tried my best to get through and past the teenage years with her. She wanted to move out after High School and she did.
Married 3 x in a short period...had 3 beautiful kids and 2 live with her ex. ( Who I love) they come to visit because they are old enough to make their own decisions.
But...and I say this to everyone I can... " Unconditional LOVE doesn't mean UNCONDITIONAL Tolerance. and you know Anastasia I don't actually like her either.
I've never said an unkind word about her to her children. If they ask I will say, "It's between their mom and I. " I know that I have stopped hurting from her words and actions years ago. Thank God.
I know it's her NOT me. I gave 52 years of myself, my love, my attention, my heartbreak...everything to her. And once I put my boundaries up and protected myself...she cut me out.
Of course once in awhile I miss her. That is a natural feeling for a mother. It is our job to nurture. But I thought unconditional love was a wonderful thing at one point, but then I realized..that some children are abusive and want us to hurt because they blame us for how their lives have turned out!
So my life story is not the best version, but it is my story about my messed up ballet that my daughter and I had for many years.
Good Luck with your story. 