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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should my working daughter pay rent?

160 replies

Jemilina · 04/03/2022 16:11

My 17-year-old daughter is working full time. Last year she was in college and I spent a lot of time supporting her, but she really struggled. I agreed with her decision to leave college but I told her my expectation was she would find a job and pay us some rent. At the time she agreed. I would like her to pay £100 a month. She is refusing. My mum thinks I'm wrong to ask her for rent. A couple of good friends think my expectation is fine. My daughter does very little around the house. Am I reasonable to expect this or not?

OP posts:
NorthSouthcatlady · 04/03/2022 16:13

It’s only £100?! Is she planning on doing more study or training? Or is work the plan for the foreseeable? She needs to do more round the house and start to contribute

weemouse · 04/03/2022 16:16

Yes she absolutely should pay rent.

You are not her skivvy and now she's older, she needs to take responsibility to help more at home also.

InFiveMins · 04/03/2022 16:18

I personally wouldn't make her pay rent - she's 17 and still a child.

AnotherPoster · 04/03/2022 16:18

Certainly not unreasonable, but I know plenty of people who don't charge their working children rent. Personally, I charge mine living costs of more than double that, to cover their share of the food and utility bills, but they are graduates on quite a decent salary. I don't charge rent as such, as I know they are saving for deposits to one day buy their own place so by not charging rent, I am helping them on to the property ladder faster. Also, I don't need any further income. But there is nothing wrong with charging whatever you feel is reasonable to cover whatever costs you need it to. The alternative (she moves out) would be a lot more expensive for her.

student26 · 04/03/2022 16:19

Absolutely. Even £50 a week as she is working full time.

Akire · 04/03/2022 16:20

She’s 17 she’s left full time education and is now working like any other adult. Does she think it’s all free till she’s 18? Or 21? Or your her mum so free forever! £25 a week be cheapest rent and board she ever pays.

user1487194234 · 04/03/2022 16:38

I think that's fine
Personally I don't charge for my children who stay at home

woodhill · 04/03/2022 16:46

I think you should ask her for rent even if you save it on her behalf

StarbucksSmarterSister · 04/03/2022 16:46

Of course she should pay. How much and what you do with it depends on your own income and how much you may need the money.

And she needs to help out at home.

Piggyk2 · 04/03/2022 16:50

@woodhill

I think you should ask her for rent even if you save it on her behalf
This.
Piggyk2 · 04/03/2022 16:51

Have you showed her your household bills OP? If not sit together and show your DD the price of private rents and what she would have to pay if she was not living at home.

EmpressCixi · 04/03/2022 17:12

No, there is no “should” or “should not” in whether you have a child pay you rent. It is purely an individual parenting decision based on the circumstances.

In your situation, I personally would not charge rent as she is not yet an adult but a child and so still your responsibility to house, feed and clothe. Once she’s 18, yes a token rent or work around the house would be appropriate.

So, yes I personally think as a parent it should be free until you are 18 at least.

You’ve not said if she’s on an apprenticeship? Even if not, the minimum wages for under 18s are low because the government assumes the child will be living at home for free. I’d encourage her to have a savings goal.

Bonbon21 · 04/03/2022 17:19

Absolutely she should be paying rent.
She is working in the real world, she needs to learn that everything .. EVERYTHING costs money...
If she is not happy to pay you then she can always move out and pay MUCH MUCH MORE to someone else.
Tough love works...

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/03/2022 17:22

She chooses to leave education then she chooses to leave the option of living for free in your home. She made that choice.

Do you oay for her phone etc?

Akire · 04/03/2022 17:25

Plus not just the rent if she’s refusing to do anything at home that’s not on. I would be stopping any maid or cleaning service unless you want her leave him with zero life skills.

DontBeMean · 04/03/2022 17:31

I would charge rent and I'd expect her to pitch in with running the household. I'd save the money for her if I was able.

I'd be doing everything to make my relationship with her an adult relationship and not one where I was mothering her (within reason obviously!)

Suzi888 · 04/03/2022 17:36

Does the rent money include food/meals? Either way I don’t think it’s unreasonable.
If you can afford it save it for her, if not show her a gas bill! She needs to know how much things cost and that things aren’t free. It’s an important life lesson.

withiceplease · 04/03/2022 17:38

Depends on child completely imo
If she's not saving and generally spending money on frippery or if not behaving like a grown up in other ways, I would charge her rent. If she's sensible, saving money, budgeting etc I wouldn't charge rent.
DD lives in a house I own and I don't charge her rent. She's a virtually teetotal vegetarian who buys almost everything from charity shops and doesn't waste money. If she were spending it all on nonsense, it would be different.

But that's just one way of looking at it

Original poster
Jemilina · 04/03/2022 17:41

Wow, thanks! Really interesting perspectives. This is my first Mumsnet post so it's lovely to get lots of responses. To answer a couple of questions, no she's not doing an apprenticeship and no I don't pay for her phone (her father, my ex does). No, she's not planning to go back into educational training currently. She wants to work. And she is saving. And to be honest, I don't need her money, I am trying to help understand what the real world is like. I actually had a chat with her about 20 minutes ago and she said she'd be willing to pay £75 a month. I'm thinking that's reasonable. Plus having another conversation about a couple of jobs around the house and even maybe cooking for us once a week! I'd like her to become a little bit more responsible.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/03/2022 18:01

How much does she earn and what was her reasoning for the 75?

Is she doing her own laundry?

Do you receive CMS for her?

MrsKippling · 04/03/2022 18:10

I do not think £100 is enough never mind £75. I don't think you should allow her to negotiate how much she pays, that's not how the real world works. She wouldn't be able to negotiate her rent in any other situation and I don't think agreeing to this is sending her the correct message. You don't need her money, so put it aside in a separate account to give back to her when she decides to move out, she will be very grateful for it then.

Move22 · 04/03/2022 18:13

She needs to pay at a minimum, the amount it costs you to have her there. I.e. all her food costs, some contribution towards water/elec.

N0va · 04/03/2022 18:14

When I was 16 and an apprentice (£3.30 an hour), I paid £300 a month to my Mum. Im 23 now for context. I also always paid my own phone bill from when i got one, birthday presents for friends parties and family etc and at 16 took over buying everything that I needed/wanted.

HollowTalk · 04/03/2022 18:15

I don't think it's down to her to say what she's willing to pay, is it?

How much does she earn?

Duchessfloofy · 04/03/2022 18:37

It's only fair she pays dig money Op. One thing we were always talk was always to pay your way and I have done the same with my children. She needs to learn how to manage her money and I'm sure what you have agreed to doesn't cover all the wee extra things that you do for her that she will most certainly miss when she has her own place.