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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should my working daughter pay rent?

160 replies

Jemilina · 04/03/2022 16:11

My 17-year-old daughter is working full time. Last year she was in college and I spent a lot of time supporting her, but she really struggled. I agreed with her decision to leave college but I told her my expectation was she would find a job and pay us some rent. At the time she agreed. I would like her to pay £100 a month. She is refusing. My mum thinks I'm wrong to ask her for rent. A couple of good friends think my expectation is fine. My daughter does very little around the house. Am I reasonable to expect this or not?

OP posts:
BlueCookieMonster · 04/03/2022 20:47

My Mum used to take my education maintenance allowance, and charge me rent from my part time job when I left school.

I remember once she threw a fit when I did overtime and didn’t give it to her.

I think you should charge teens rent, she may as well learn the lesson now whilst she can.

Andi2020 · 04/03/2022 21:15

If you don't need the money get her to set up a standing order for £15 a week and put it away as an emergency fund for her if she ever is unemployed or sick.
Does she buy her own stuff like toiletries lunch makeup.
My dd18 still at school has weekend job She buys her own toiletries phone credit and lunch and puts money in credit union to save for uni so I don't charge her anything.

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/03/2022 21:20

Are you in Scotland op?

RB68 · 04/03/2022 21:29

thats not rent its "Keep" and its a miniscule contribution to be fair - probably barely covers food never mind bills and rent.

My Mum charged us 30% of income. She didn't set it to one side ut I would if mine starts paying rent. She currently works 1 to 2 shifts a week in a coffee shop we still pay an allowance plus she gets money for food and travel at college. She is at college on full time hours but they pretty much cover sessions Mon to Wed. If she were to want to leave and still live at hme I would look at what she pays but it would be more than 100 which really covers nothing much

Aworldofmyown · 04/03/2022 21:31

She needs to pay, even if you put it away for her (on the quiet), you're being totally reasonable.

misssunshine4040 · 04/03/2022 21:35

@InFiveMins

I personally wouldn't make her pay rent - she's 17 and still a child.
I rented my own home at 18 she is old enough to pay rent. Absolutely old enough at 17 to contribute to the household she is living in.
madmumofteens · 05/03/2022 06:47

I think she should definitely pay £100 is nothing also it gets them into the habit of budgeting and reminds them of the cost of living! You could always put it away for her and give it back when she moves out!

RussianSpy101 · 05/03/2022 07:33

I personally think YABU but I don’t agree with adult children paying rent to stay in their family home.

If you need the money then ask.

BluebellsGreenbells · 05/03/2022 08:28

I personally think YABU but I don’t agree with adult children paying rent to stay in their family home

You think £100 a month counts as rent? It barely covers food let alone heating hot water electricity etc.

They need to learn to manage their money.

I’d rather save the £100 for them, than them drink it all partying.

Bonbon21 · 05/03/2022 08:46

Treating working (young) adults as children..living rent free.. is not allowing them to grow up. It is the same as not teaching them to cook, use a washing machine, clean the bathroom, operate a bank account...
The day will dawn when they finally move out into the big wide world and they will know NOTHING.
Paying for your keep is part of being an adult, shows respect for both parties. As does sharing the housework, cooking, shopping and doing your own laundry.

Desert76 · 05/03/2022 09:16

I wouldn't ask for "rent" from my child. It's their home too.

Housekeeping costs, share of bills, food, cleaning products are another matter though, and she should be contributing towards these, and doing a share of the housework.

It shouldn't be costing you more in money or effort to have another (healthy) adult living with you than it would if she was living elsewhere.

GreMay1 · 05/03/2022 14:54

@RussianSpy101

I personally think YABU but I don’t agree with adult children paying rent to stay in their family home.

If you need the money then ask.

Everybody's circumstances differ. Most people simply cannot afford not to charge their kids and it's better them being an entitled person..... ahemmm.

£100 is not asking too much is it really?

AlexaShutUp · 05/03/2022 14:56

Personally, I wouldn't ever charge my dc rent unless I had no other choice financially. If you're going to do this, though, can you secretly save the money up for her?

Flowersandthings · 05/03/2022 15:02

Crikey! I went home for the first lockdown (I lived on my own at the time and legged it as soon as Boris made the announcement!) and I was 33. I stayed there for 6 months and didn't pay any rent. I bought food and cooked and cleaned as I would in my own house but my parents didn't want rent. They thought it was nice having me and my sibs at home... I've since got married and bought a big house and my mum doesn't have to pay rent when she comes to stay. Any family member can come any time, uninvited, stay as long as they like, eat what they want. Homes aren't businesses!

Cassimin · 05/03/2022 16:28

Flowersandthings
I don’t think anyone is saying that you should run your house as a business and people coming to stay is completely different to someone living with you all the time.
Does your husband help towards the bills?
Being part of a family is about all of you pulling your weight, that includes contributing to what you use if you can afford it.
Some people cannot afford to carry another adult, when their children start work they may loose their entitlements to certain benefits as the government expects all adults in the house to contribute towards rent/ council tax etc.
You are in the very fortunate position that you have been able to buy your own home and your parents did not need you to contribute so ‘crikey’ aren’t you lucky.

GreMay1 · 05/03/2022 17:18

@Cassimin I absolutely agree. You have got to laugh when someone doesn't realise they are fortunate... so much so that they have "bought a big house" talk about living in your own world.

BluebellsGreenbells · 05/03/2022 17:23

I agree with the benefits stopping when they are at work, same with say council tax going up, they need to make contributions to their own costs.

I wonder if those say they don’t charge their teens still pay their phone bill and bus fare? Do you leave lunch money on the side?

No wonder these younger ones are entitled!

DD works Saturday’s and buys her own lunch, pays for her own car/insurance/patrol/repairs, covers her own phone bill and pays for her nights out and clothes.

I buy her clothes for 6th form and a decent pair of shoes.

She budgets weekly and hasn’t asked for a penny since working. Even picks up milk etc on the way hime.

PinkSyCo · 05/03/2022 17:30

Flowersandthings

Staying with family temporarily is completely different, although I would hope you thanked your parents by taking them out to dinner occasionally or something for accommodating you. Also, at your your age, you have already learned the value of money so don’t need to be taught it as OPs DD does. Thanks for letting us all know that the house you bought is big though haha.

PinkSyCo · 05/03/2022 17:34

My son is 16, works weekends and gives me money, l didn' t ask him he wanted to. l am a lone parent and we work as a team, that includes helping out at home as well, because l can' t do it all and l shouldn' t be expected to either. All hands on deck is a healthy way to live, it saves alot of arguments and resentment, kindness is the most important quality a person can posess and l know l have two kind sons who hopefully will make two kind husbands.

Wow your DS actually offered to give you money?!! That shows amazing maturity! Well done on bringing up such an amazing young man. Smile

Citygirl2019 · 05/03/2022 17:53

I've been very clear of my expectations since my DC started secondary school. They are both fully aware I will help/support them whilst in full time education (this includes under graduate degree). If not in education they need to work and contribute financially.

Both DC help with jobs around the house when they are home, both are currently at university.

Ohyesiam · 05/03/2022 17:56

She should be paying rent, And helping out with the house.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/03/2022 18:00

This entitled little princess needs a huge reality check. She refuses to pay rent? Who, exactly, does she think she is? I would be bringing the hammer down so hard due her attitude that her head would spin. If you're paying for her phone, stop. Change the password for the wifi. Absolutely do not do any of her laundry or cook for her. She is treating you like you're some fucking skivvy, and that needs to stop. If she wants to be treated like an adult, she needs to behave like one.

Comefromaway · 05/03/2022 18:29

@Flowersandthings

Crikey! I went home for the first lockdown (I lived on my own at the time and legged it as soon as Boris made the announcement!) and I was 33. I stayed there for 6 months and didn't pay any rent. I bought food and cooked and cleaned as I would in my own house but my parents didn't want rent. They thought it was nice having me and my sibs at home... I've since got married and bought a big house and my mum doesn't have to pay rent when she comes to stay. Any family member can come any time, uninvited, stay as long as they like, eat what they want. Homes aren't businesses!
I didn’t charge Dd anything when she came home during lockdown. But then again she’d lost her job due to it all and she became very useful to us in helping out with her Nan who has dementia.

You said yourself, you bought food, cooked and cleaned. The OPs Dd is not buying any food, cooking and is doing “very little around the house”

By not charging rent the OP would be either enabling her Dd to lounge round the house doing nothing rather than attempting to at least find a job (& bills go up when someone is at home all the time) or as her Dd is working she will suddenly have access to a large amount of disposable income which can be dangerous for a teen with no responsibilities. Not all teens who suddenly get large amounts of cash spend it on drink, drugs or partying all the time, but many do.

Outhouse71421 · 05/03/2022 22:17

Of course she should pay rent. The notion that working people who have left school should keep a full salary whilst their parents continue to pay for everything is the odd view. How on earth is she supposed to start the process of growing up and taking responsibility. If it's a single parent household, even more so. Mine did, very willingly. I think it's fair to keep it minimal or not bother if they are saving for something large and definite, such as a mortgage or travel.

jadey1991 · 06/03/2022 01:31

No sorry I wouldn't ask any of my children to pay rent. If anything I would say to chip in for food shopping. I would like my children to save there money towards buying a house or for university.