Should my working daughter pay rent?

[Jemilina]

My 17-year-old daughter is working full time. Last year she was in college and I spent a lot of time supporting her, but she really struggled. I agreed with her decision to leave college but I told her my expectation was she would find a job and pay us some rent. At the time she agreed. I would like her to pay £100 a month. She is refusing. My mum thinks I'm wrong to ask her for rent. A couple of good friends think my expectation is fine. My daughter does very little around the house. Am I reasonable to expect this or not?

I paid rent to my parents bjt they needed it.

I wouid ask for rent but actually put it into a savings account for her for when she leaves home

What else does she pay for?

Travel phone bill etc?

She should minimum be paying for her own basic expenses.

When I was 16 I had a full time position and was earning £104 a week, it was a long time ago!

My mum took £50 a week off me and I had to do all my own cooking, washing ect. That was to cover basic food and bills.

If I didn't need the money I think I would charge my DD a far lower percentage but I would put it into a savings account for her.

@woodhill
That's what my parents did for us and what I do for my children.

Yes will doing this for my ds and dm did it with me. Dgm did this with my dm as well

Dds never came back after uni

Mind you the way costs are spiralling with gas etc

@MrsKippling

I do not think £100 is enough never mind £75. I don't think you should allow her to negotiate how much she pays, that's not how the real world works. She wouldn't be able to negotiate her rent in any other situation and I don't think agreeing to this is sending her the correct message. You don't need her money, so put it aside in a separate account to give back to her when she decides to move out, she will be very grateful for it then.

? You can absolutely negotiate rent in the “real world” I have numerous times negotiated the rent up or down depending. Down by offset of doing my own DIY small repairs Up by adding a gardener

The DD can absolutely negotiate services around the house in lieu of paying money for rent.

Although my opinion that if it were me, this would not come into effect until she is 18 and an adult still stands.

The minute I started working I paid board first it was £10 out of 25 then it crept to 15 then 20. My worst time was being on the dole I got 25 a week paid her 20. Had to do everything else with a fiver a week.

Show her online example of how much she'd have to pay if she rented a shared house locally. She'll realise she's getting a good deal. Yes she should pay to help her deal with financial responsibility, you'll be doing her a massive favour for the future but she won't be aware of that. Ive seen kids relying on the bank of Mum and Dad which has continued into their 30s and they can't stand on their own two feet.

She has chosen to leave college with the repercussion that you will have lost child benefit and potentially other benefits.

When my dd was that age she was living with a landlady paying £120 per week. My son was thinking of taking a year out and I worked out that it would cost approx £35 minimum per week just to feed him, not accounting for any bills so I said to him that he will always have a place at home but if he leaves full time education he must pay board of £40-50 per week.

I think the bare minimum is £85 because that's child benefit.

Does she pay for her own driving lessons ?

Of course she should be paying towards her keep, and more than £100 per month too!

My DS is older and saving for deposit but pays us £200pcm. That covers huge room, own shower room, all electricity, gas and water. Sky Sport, BT Sport and Sky Cinema in his room, also Netflix, Disney Plus and rediculous fast internet. We would not have stupidly fast internet, or Disney Plus if son not living at home. Food and laundry tablets. He does his own laundry and cooks for us once a week. He also empties kitchen bin daily into outdoor black bin. He occasionally unloads dishwasher. He is very grateful to us and it is enabling him to save £6k each year towards deposit. Your dd is being unreasonable if she now works. I never charged whilst any of my children were in any form of education including uni with part time job. Just when working full time.

How much is she earning? Are you losing money from not getting child benefit anymore?

I think it's tricky because I wouldn't want to 'punish' my child for not being academic and wanting to work instead of continuing in education - which I would fully fund. It's great she has a work ethic. At the same time I would want to use this as an opportunity to teach about responsibilities etc, if you don't need the money, could you take it, keep £25 and save he other £75 for her. When she turns 18 you could put it in a lifetime Isa for her (to help towards buying a house).

I am 50

WhenI was 19 I used to pay £150 per month 😊

£75???
She is having a laugh.
And you are a mug.
She is learning nothing.
You are not allowing her to grow up.

Why is she dictating what she pays? 😳

I was always told the general rule of thumb, bills 1/3, spend a 1/3, save 1/3 when I started working and living at home (was 15yrs old) Even going by that, you can save it for her if you don't need it, but I wouldn't tell her this.

I think you should show her how much it costs to live.

Whilst they are in education I would expect nothing but as soon as they get a job it’s 10% of their wages. I have 2 at home, one with a well paying job one not so well so we agreed on the 10% as that is fair.
I put £100 each per month into a help to buy account they opened when they were 16 so I’m no better off financially but I think it sends a good message to pay your way.

@InFiveMins

I personally wouldn't make her pay rent - she's 17 and still a child.

Agree with this. What is the purpose of charging her?

@gogohm

I think the bare minimum is £85 because that's child benefit.

Oh this is an interesting thread. We're in a very similar situation with DS who is 17. He started 6th form college but hated it. He stayed long enough to resit his Maths GCSE (his only fail, which meant he couldn't do his initial course choices) then he left to work full time. He's actually offered to pay 'keep' but I'm unsure about what to do! He is planning on starting an apprenticeship in Sept though as he enjoys working. My thinking is along the same lines as goghm.

I personally wouldn't make her pay rent - she's 17 and still a child.

So you think OP should let her keep all her wages now and then suddenly demand money of her on her 18th birthday? Haha good luck if with that OP.

My son is 16, works weekends and gives me money, l didn' t ask him he wanted to. l am a lone parent and we work as a team, that includes helping out at home as well, because l can' t do it all and l shouldn' t be expected to either. All hands on deck is a healthy way to live, it saves alot of arguments and resentment, kindness is the most important quality a person can posess and l know l have two kind sons who hopefully will make two kind husbands.

Yes...she would in my house. If you have left education and have a full time job then part of that is paying. My adult children pay more that that.

Glad it has worked out. So many parents struggle with the same thing.