Should my working daughter pay rent?

[Jemilina]

My 17-year-old daughter is working full time. Last year she was in college and I spent a lot of time supporting her, but she really struggled. I agreed with her decision to leave college but I told her my expectation was she would find a job and pay us some rent. At the time she agreed. I would like her to pay £100 a month. She is refusing. My mum thinks I'm wrong to ask her for rent. A couple of good friends think my expectation is fine. My daughter does very little around the house. Am I reasonable to expect this or not?

Absolutely yes, and not £75, £100.
If she doesn't like it then she can always move out.
Good luck to her getting her own place for £75 a month and not lifting a finger!
My daughter moved out at 17, mainly only because I made her, I love her, but I wasn't putting up with shit from her anymore.
Fast forward three years and she's doing brilliantly, has a lovely flat with her BF of five years and has just got four University offers.
I couldn't be prouder.
Sometimes a bit of tough love is what's needed.

Absolutely reasonable, I plan to do the same, though it would be a proportion of income and we'll discuss and agree on the amount rather than set it.

Our older children happily do a share around the house in daily tasks - laundry, dishes, cooking, putting out rubbish/recycling, tidying, little bit of gardening, looking after their own rooms- and I don't think this should change.

The notion that working people who have left school should keep a full salary whilst their parents continue to pay for everything is the odd view.

Absolutely

Teens and young adults either need to be in full time education, full time employment, or a combination of a the two (obvious caveat for medical conditions and extraordinary temporary situations). If they choose not to be in education, 30% of income should go towards rent.

You aren’t doing your child any favors by pretending the world isn’t going to be tough. Working and paying bills without any credentials is going to be a challenge every single day for the rest of her life. She needs to get at least some sense of what it is going to feel like to pay living expenses.

I'd never charge my child rent to live at home.

However, you've now got a situation, as you've said she must and she won't. 🤦‍♀️

You need some compromise now so you don't feel fucked off with her and she doesn't get away with refusing.

You need to take control of it. There now needs to be a deal. Eg, ok, I'm sorry, it's not I wanted to make money out of my own kid or be unsupportive, I just wanted to make you understand about being responsible for your own living costs. But let's say instead we agree a few things you'll do to help out. (Then think of some)

The real issue is that she struggled in college and therefore is now having to work. She didn't choose to get a job - she was failing at being at college, which no doubt made her feel awful. Now she knows if she'd not struggled at college, she'd still be there and wouldn't have to pay rent at home. So basically you charging her is like you punishing her for not being 'good enough' for college. And presumably she has friends still in education and not paying.

Personally I'd be bolstering up anything successful she does, and I'd say don't worry love, you save your hard-earned money.

For me it would depend. Personally I wouldn’t take money from my child for living at home.

However, I would reconsider if this child (as you say) did nothing around the house and was likely to end up living at home for an extended time with no savings. I would strongly encourage some savings. But no, I wouldn’t ask for ‘rent’ from my 17yo for living at home. I would expect them to be reasonable around the home though re housework etc to be shared.

I do charge and only because I am able, and unbeknownst to her, I save it for her.

I used to have a couple of younger members of staff who lived at home but earned a very good salary. Their family situation was very comfortable and parents didn't need the money.
In both cases the parents offered some kind of savings incentive/ rent. Essentially a certain amount of "rent" was paid into a savings account each month and the parents matched it with a certain amount too. In both cases the young people got into the property ladder at a much younger age (we live in an expensive area).
Might be worth considering if you can?

It's not rent though is it and I think it's a mistake to csll it that. It's a contribution to her living costs and even £100 it's still only a contribution not fully covering them.

I got my first job at 16 (over 20 years ago), was earning just over £500 a month and paid my mum and dad £20 a week (£80 a month) digs. They certainly didn't need the money and it didn't even touch the side of what was being spent on my keep but it was about teaching me that nothing comes for free and everyone has to pay their way. A valuable life lesson.

She's 17, working full-time and living in your house. You shouldn't be asking her to pay, you should be telling her. She doesn't have a right to refuse. Her landlord/mortgage provider wouldn't give her the option of whether to pay to live somewhere or not (and they wouldn't be cooking her meals or washing her clothes). It's time she grew up and joined the real world.

Mine are early 30s now but I didn't charge anything when working p/t and in education but the expectation was I provided basics and beyond that they paid. When they left education and worked f/t we sat down and worked out all household bills and split evenly between the number of adults living in the house. It was still massively cheaper than leaving home and living independently.

When I started working I had to pay a third of my income.

A pp said their mother took all except £5, this happened to my teenage boyfriend too.
If you are happy to only take a token that's great but I would still sit them down and show them the true cost so they appreciate they are privileged.

If this thread shows anything it’s that things like this need to be discussed before the actual event.
I used to joke with my children that I couldn’t wait for them to leave uni so I could get keep off them, give up work and sit on my arse all day whilst rubbing my hands together like fagin.
Of course this wasn’t going to happen but they knew that when they did eventually get full time jobs they would need to contribute.
My eldest has left now and I’ve got 2 working who live at home, both paying 10% of their income. Neither complains, they’re quite happy to pay.
I’ve got one younger and he too knows when the time comes he will be expected to contribute.
As I said above we pay £100 per month into their help to buy Isa which I told them to open when they were 16, but only because we are fortunate enough to be able to afford it. If we couldn’t we wouldn’t and they know this.
I can’t bear the entitlement I see from some younger people ( I’m 55) so I think this clouds my judgement. I want my children to grow up knowing that if they want something they work for it, they realise the importance of budgeting and saving, they appreciate and are thankful for what they have and nothing is given to them on a plate.

@GreMay1 if it’s not much, why bother?

I was paying my parents £20 a week at 16/17 back in 2001/2002 and I didn't even have a room to myself (sharing with 2 sisters). I never considered it unreasonable, they didn't get child benefit for me any more and so needed to cover the cost of housing me. I was expected to leave home at that age (I left with a boyfriend at 17, came back briefly then rented a room at 18).
Of course it is not unreasonable, especially given the cost of food and energy. Is she generally completely clueless as to the cost of living?

She’s a full time working adult now, it’s totally reasonable that she pays her way.

I’m sure £23.07 a week doesn’t cover her portion of rent, heating, electricity, water, TV license, council tax. Add to that she doesn’t help out.

Would nip this in the bud now before she becomes even more entitled.

I paid my parents £100 per month when I was earning £500 for an apprenticeship back in 2005. It seemed fair at the time. A small double room in a shared house was £350 back then.

[quote RussianSpy101]@GreMay1 if it’s not much, why bother?[/quote]
To break this down into simple terms for you. OPS DD may earn £700 per month.
Giving her mum £100 out of her wage will still leave her with a substantial amount.

Perhaps OP cannot afford it on going does this occur to you at all? This is the case for a lot of families!

Also it's the PRINCIPLE though SOME people can afford to let their kids live at home for free it can be a disadvantage poor money management, entitled, and far away from reality tbh... you seem far away from reality yourself.

It's like giving a small child everything they want because you can where's the value and logic in that?

It's not all about the money per say.

I don't understand those saying no rent but contribute towards bills.... Its the same thing, .its going towards the running costs of the house.

I think it’s a good thing to teach her op.

Yes absolutely especially if she is frittering it away. If u can afford to I wld put it away to help with car or house deposit for her.

You say u want her to be more independent. If she doesn't know how to do a washing please show her. My mum did everything for me and when I got my own place at 22 I didn't even know how to work a washing machine. Luckily my now dh was a bit more clued up 😂

My eldest is 16 and pays his phone bill and £160 a month board. I am saving his board for when he’s ready to move out.

Leaves him with loads left for spending and saving.

@jadey1991

No sorry I wouldn't ask any of my children to pay rent. If anything I would say to chip in for food shopping. I would like my children to save there money towards buying a house or for university.

Depends on the circumstances.

My son is 16 and working full time as an apprentice. No intentions of going to uni and the small amount I take for board is just on principle, he’ll get it back when he buys the house that he’s actively saving for.

I think my younger child will quite possibly go to uni, although I could be wrong. If he does go then we will treat him as we would any child of ours, they’ll probably need a bit more financial support.

I also wonder about the incomes of some posters who are against contributions. Does it seem normal that adult living at home children have significantly more disposable income than the parents, who pay for everything? My adult children have had between £1000 and £2000 left after paying a rent contribution. How many families can say they have that spare? Or that plus extra to match their offsprings savings? Real world??

Those are monthly figures.

Personally I never took money from my two.i reasoned they were on an apprenticeship wage and they had out goings( buying tools for their trade, running a car, save ) which didnt leave much for them. It paid off for them a d they have done well.
However they didnt really cost much being there! My water bill council tax is still the same the electric and gas bill didnt alter once they left , I didnt lose any benefits.

They would ( and still do) take me and their dad out for a drink and meals, ask what we needed from the shops and buy groceries if I asked.
In your shoes I wouldnt take money but expect more support around the house tbh.
I suppose if they acted like a pair of entitled arses I may have put my foot down more.