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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

19 year old daughter home from uni and it’s difficult

228 replies

toni06 · 06/12/2021 08:25

My daughter started at Cambridge in October. She’s my youngest so I was very upset when she left. It became clear within days that she was struggling, and we has 4 weeks of nightly 2 hour tearful phone calls. During that time I wrote, sent bit and bobs through the post, and supported her, just telling her to get through this term. Together we were counting the 9 week term down. We visited her at the 5 week point and there has been a sea change since then. She made friends, got a social life. Phone calls reduced and often when we rang she’d be busy. We picked her up for Christmas on Friday and this weekend has been awful. I was so excited about her coming home, and it’s quite obvious she doesn’t want to be here. When we arrived to get her, after 4 hour drive, she wasn’t there and had gone out for a coffee. She’s not been rude, but goes on about how amazing life is there, how everyone else is there for another week, how she might go back early. Just little comments like it’s not worth unpacking, as she’s not here for long. We cooked a Sunday dinner yesterday, to be told she doesn’t eat rich food anymore. I’m quite hurt as it’s as if those weeks of supporting her never happened. I want her to be happy at Cambridge, but I also want her to appreciate being at home. How do we get through the next 6 weeks? We stuff planned nearer to Christmas but this week I’m working so can’t do much with her.

OP posts:
NinaLu · 28/12/2021 12:18

Dear Toni
As someone who has a daughter who was severely mentally ill a couple of years ago and through hers and our hard work and love she has come out the other end with a little way to go. It’s hurtful when they prioritise friends over you but if one day if my daughter is as happy, independent and with lots of friends as yours I would die happy 😊 that’s all we want for them ultimately isn’t it? I adored my mother but I was all about my friends too at that age, it didn’t mean I loved her. Don’t show her that you are hurt , tell her to go out and enjoy herself and give her a hug. And then be proud of yourself, you helped her get there, you were the best mum 🤗

NinaLu · 28/12/2021 12:23

it didn’t mean I loved her

Forgot to add less 😬😀

JuergenSchwarzwald · 28/12/2021 12:43

However DS, who is a very balanced individual, waved us goodbye without a backwards glance when we first dropped him at university, but was really pleased to be back especially to a well-stocked fridge and drinks cupboard at Christmas after a hectic but wonderful first term

Same here. He has not been rude, although we have more or less left him to his semi-nocturnal existence, which other parents might not approve of (well, we don't really, but can't see the point of getting into arguments over it). The only thing I have nagged him about is getting out for some exercise occasionally.

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