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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen stealing food

150 replies

foodthief · 05/09/2021 17:47

Hoping others may have some advice. My 17 yo DSD is constantly taking food without asking. Every time we buy a pack of biscuits it has vanished within a week (I've stopped buying them). Now she has eaten a whole box of cereal bars in the space of two days, and has also been helping herself to sweets. Even when we catch her red handed (either in the cupboard in the process of taking it, or because she leaves the wrappers lying around on her bed), she vehemently denies taking anything. To make matters worse she has type 1 diabetes, so constant snacking isn't great for her. She always says she needed it as her blood sugars went low, but when we check her data we can see that is a lie.

Thing is, DH and I don't mind if she wants a biscuit with her cup of tea of an evening if she asks. My DS and other DSD both always ask before they take anything. I don't think we'd car if it was just occasionally but this is literally 3-4 items being taken every day.

Anyone got any ideas? I'm at the point where I'm genuinely considering a lock on the kitchen door!

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 05/09/2021 17:48

Is she rebelling against the unfairness of life, because she doesn't want to have diabetes?

Guineapigbridge · 05/09/2021 17:51

Can you give her pocket money or find her a PT job, so she can buy her own snacks? At 17 it's for her to manage her own diabetes I would have thought.

imadeitnice · 05/09/2021 17:51

At 17, I don't see that as stealing. I'd not want or expect a 17 year old to ask for food in their own home.

buffysbuffet · 05/09/2021 17:54

Mine help themselves to what they want when they want to a degree, I'm surprised a girl of that age needs to ask for a biscuit, but I'm probably in the minority.

Maybe she denies it because she knows she will get in trouble for it?
Could well be she's rebelling against her diabetes? Albeit in the wrong way

Has her dad had a calm conversation with her about it?

Jumpingintosummer · 05/09/2021 17:54

Are you very controlling with food? Does she have anything she is welcome to help herself to?

daisypond · 05/09/2021 17:54

Obviously, the diabetes complicates things, but it’s strong to use words like stealing or caught red handed, or helping herself. Is she hungry? I think it’s a bit odd to have sweets at home normally. Generally, I’d say all food is to be available to everyone. I wouldn’t expect my DC to ask if they could have a biscuit. If she’s taking it and there’s none left for anyone else, that’s a different matter. Or there may be something else going on.

LegendaryReady · 05/09/2021 17:55

Obviously there's an issue if she's eating too much of the wrong stuff for her health but you want a 17yo in her father's home to ask for a biscuit to go with a cuppa?

JudgeRindersMinder · 05/09/2021 17:57

Making a 17 year old ASK for a biscuit? I think we have the root of the issue of her taking food without asking right there!

endofthelinefinally · 05/09/2021 17:57

Teenagers do get very, very hungry.
Is she having enough proper meals and snacks with appropriate amounts of protein, fibre and fat?

Shadedog · 05/09/2021 17:57

With 2 adults and 3 dc in the house I’m amazed you can get a packet of biscuits to last a week. Teenagers eat loads. If she does ask do you say no? I can’t remember when mine stopped asking if they could eat but it was years before 17.

Lonelylooloo · 05/09/2021 17:57

My brother is type 1 and as a teen he went through a weird stage of wanting control over his own food.
I suppose it makes sense, he didn’t have control over being diabetic, having to inject…etc and from the perspective the LEAST life owed him was control over what and when he ate.

My advice, let her eat what she wants, maybe give her a budget to buy snacks and stop it being hidden as her lying to you and hiding food is FAR more dangerous with type 1 than her being honest and telling you x

CovidCrow · 05/09/2021 17:57

Stealing? Jeez I've got teenagers and they are constantly eating. It's not stealing is it, it's their home Hmm

If she's still hungry after meals get her some healthy snacks in so she can help herself and when they're gone they're gone. If she wants anymore she can buy them herself, that'll help her self regulate too.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 05/09/2021 17:57

17 year olds shouldn't have to ask for snacks!

stripedbananas · 05/09/2021 17:58

Just leave her alone

StuffLikeThat · 05/09/2021 17:58

Wow. I don't think your DSD is the one with good issues here....

StuffLikeThat · 05/09/2021 17:59

#food

Ozberry · 05/09/2021 18:00

A week?! For a packet of biscuits? Lucky if they last an hour round here! (Two teens and me).

Is she getting enough to eat? Stealing seems a bit strong…

Amandasummers · 05/09/2021 18:00

I’ve always had “issues” with food….not an eating disorder or health issue, just issues.

I used to absolutely despise having to ask for food (step parents rules) I absolutely cringe when I think back to it now and although my kids do ask me now, it still makes me feel sick. I hate it. I nothing 17 is too old to have to ask to eat some biscuits, but I guess if it’s a budget issue she needs to be considerate so perhaps try what others have suggested and let her get her own snacks etc and then it’s her problem if she eats it all within 2 days? It’s so hard with food because everybody is different and what’s right for you might not be for her?

CovidCrow · 05/09/2021 18:02

Every time we buy a pack of biscuits it has vanished within a week

Just re-read the OP. Your packet of biscuits disappear within a week. A week? A week? 😂🤣😂

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 05/09/2021 18:03

Health issues aside (especially as they are not the root cause of your ‘concern’), a 17 year old should be allowed free reign to food in the house.

I mean, I’d be annoyed if they drunkenly roasted the meat for Sunday lunch but having to ask for a biscuit / bit of cheese / some other unspecified item? Jog on.

And if you are truly running your house this way, may I suggest you have a word with your controlling self?

Jeffers5 · 05/09/2021 18:03

I was always made to ask for food and told it was stealing when I helped myself and I blame that for my unhealthy relationship with food. I’ve got a lot better, and never been overweight but I as soon as I could buy my own food I would go on binges and it’s honestly taken a decade to realise it wasn’t normal and get control over it. You say about a pack of biscuits lasting a week, when I would steal food, I’d eat a whole pack of biscuits in a sitting.
Could you have food she could help herself to and then chocolate etc in a different location?

Passthecake30 · 05/09/2021 18:03

“Everytime we buy a packet of biscuits it’s vanished in a week”

This sentence is wierd. OP why are you buying them, and how many do you think is in a serving? You sound tight with food.

fairyhouse · 05/09/2021 18:04

Bloody hell, I'm constantly telling my 17 yr old you don't have to ask for snacks, just have what you want.

Redwinestillfine · 05/09/2021 18:04

See I would expect her to be making sensible choices at that age and certainly not to have to ask. My 10 year old knows not to have more than one, and to check we mind if the packets running low but otherwise isn't expected to ask for food. Can you talk to her about her diet and not overdong the junk food?

girlmom21 · 05/09/2021 18:05

I can eat a pack of biscuits with a cup of tea. I'm not stealing them...

The idea that all of the non-adults in your house have to ask if they want any food is ridiculous.