Teen stealing food

[foodthief]

Hoping others may have some advice. My 17 yo DSD is constantly taking food without asking. Every time we buy a pack of biscuits it has vanished within a week (I've stopped buying them). Now she has eaten a whole box of cereal bars in the space of two days, and has also been helping herself to sweets. Even when we catch her red handed (either in the cupboard in the process of taking it, or because she leaves the wrappers lying around on her bed), she vehemently denies taking anything. To make matters worse she has type 1 diabetes, so constant snacking isn't great for her. She always says she needed it as her blood sugars went low, but when we check her data we can see that is a lie.

Thing is, DH and I don't mind if she wants a biscuit with her cup of tea of an evening if she asks. My DS and other DSD both always ask before they take anything. I don't think we'd car if it was just occasionally but this is literally 3-4 items being taken every day.

Anyone got any ideas? I'm at the point where I'm genuinely considering a lock on the kitchen door!

Tbh it would be awful if a six year old got accused of 'stealing' food for taking a biscuit. Yes, a child that age should ask because you worry about it spoiling their dinner or whatever, but it's not 'stealing' in your own house

@Fauvist

I'm astonished at all these people who get through a packet of biscuits in one sitting. I bought two packets of biscuits a couple of weeks ago and about half a packet has gone. There are three people in the house, all with adult-sized appetites. We just don't eat sugary stuff that much. Nobody has to ask for food because nobody is eating inappropriate amounts of anything. I think a packet of biscuits in a sitting or even a week in the case of just one person eating them is really a lot.

Yes it is a lot. And it's worse because she is diabetic. But tbh I think OP's attitude towards food is causing the hoarding/ bingeing

TheHouseILiveIn, It's not worse if she is having frequent hypos. Having a biscuit due to a hypo is fine, I don't know what you think she should eat under those circumstances, but it really is OK.

@Fauvist

I'm astonished at all these people who get through a packet of biscuits in one sitting. I bought two packets of biscuits a couple of weeks ago and about half a packet has gone. There are three people in the house, all with adult-sized appetites. We just don't eat sugary stuff that much. Nobody has to ask for food because nobody is eating inappropriate amounts of anything. I think a packet of biscuits in a sitting or even a week in the case of just one person eating them is really a lot.

I'm assuming no teenagers then?

My 6 year old asks for food, my 17 year old doesn’t have to. A packet of biscuits in our house would be gone in a day! At 17 he’s old enough to make decisions about what to eat himself.

@Fauvist

I'm astonished at all these people who get through a packet of biscuits in one sitting. I bought two packets of biscuits a couple of weeks ago and about half a packet has gone. There are three people in the house, all with adult-sized appetites. We just don't eat sugary stuff that much. Nobody has to ask for food because nobody is eating inappropriate amounts of anything. I think a packet of biscuits in a sitting or even a week in the case of just one person eating them is really a lot.

It’s not really what is being eaten but the OP’s attitude to it.

We don’t eat biscuits so a packet would last us until some next visited who wanted to eat them but we get through vast quantities of other foods.

A 17 year old eating food in their own home is not stealing, and if someone sees them doing it, it is not being caught red handed. If you are thinking about it in these kind of terms, it's no wonder she is lying about low blood sugar. She thinks if she has a genuine reason for needing the snack she won't get told off.

A packet of biscuits in a family home is very unlikely to last more than a day or two, less than that in our house! So you being surprised that they're gone in a week suggests that you feel biscuits should be rationed or tightly controlled. 3 or 4 snacks a day for a 17 yr old is also not outrageous, as long as she's still eating regular meals at mealtimes and it's not messing with her blood sugar.

I have 1 teen and 2 pre teens and they don't ask if they need a snack, they are free to help themselves. They only have to ask if it's something they can't reach! I really can't imagine anyone asking a parent if they can have a biscuit at 17 and then the parent having the control over the 17 yr old to say yes you can or no you can't. 7 yr old perhaps, 17 no.

She's going to have to learn to control her own eating at some point, why not start now and give her control. Particularly with the diabetes complication, it's better she practises to manage it herself while living with you so that you can help if it goes wrong. Rather than her going mad with newly found freedom when she leaves home and doesn't have to ask for a biscuit anymore. Then messing up her blood sugars without the parental safety net to fall back on.

When it’s gone it’s gone.
If I buy treats I want to last and would be bad for their health to eat all at once I’ll put them away and give them as a treat.
Other than that we just talk about healthy choices and consequences to over eating.
I don’t want my children to have to ask permission to eat when they’re hungry but I do want them to make healthy choices most of the time.

What's wrong with a 17 year old helping herself to food? I let my older three children (17, 13 and 11) help themselves. Amazingly, they self regulate, are not overweight, and know when it's gone, it's gone. Having to ask for a biscuit when you're almost an adult is just bonkers.

A biscuit isn't a suitable hypo treatment though, so unlikely she's eating them for that reason.

It's tricky. On one hand a 17 year old should absolutely be able to help themselves to snacks, however as a diabetic she needs to realise that she can't keep eating all this crap if she wants to avoid complications down the line. It doesn't sound like OP is concerned about he diabetes though, just the taking of food?

I agree the word stealing is concerning but no one needs a whole pack of cereal bars or biscuits in two days. That’s just greedy and it’s unhealthy food. Hungry teenagers can make sandwiches or toast, cheese and crackers, fruit etc. They don’t need unlimited crisps, junk snacks and crap.

This is bonkers!
It’s not stealing!
Honestly it isn’t and it’s a sure fire way of making her feel uncomfortable having to ask for a biscuit!

No, my only suggestion is to rethink your way of approaching this, it’s you that’s not right. Sorry OP but it is.

@WreckTangled

A biscuit isn't a suitable hypo treatment though, so unlikely she's eating them for that reason.

It's tricky. On one hand a 17 year old should absolutely be able to help themselves to snacks, however as a diabetic she needs to realise that she can't keep eating all this crap if she wants to avoid complications down the line. It doesn't sound like OP is concerned about he diabetes though, just the taking of food?

No, you really can have a biscuit, firstly try glucose or jelly babies, or milk or sugar drink, but biscuits are OK as well. When my adult son had a really severe hypo the paramedics suggested toast and jam once he had recovered slightly as it was sugar and carbs.

@xyzandabc

A 17 year old eating food in their own home is not stealing, and if someone sees them doing it, it is not being caught red handed. If you are thinking about it in these kind of terms, it's no wonder she is lying about low blood sugar. She thinks if she has a genuine reason for needing the snack she won't get told off.

A packet of biscuits in a family home is very unlikely to last more than a day or two, less than that in our house! So you being surprised that they're gone in a week suggests that you feel biscuits should be rationed or tightly controlled. 3 or 4 snacks a day for a 17 yr old is also not outrageous, as long as she's still eating regular meals at mealtimes and it's not messing with her blood sugar.

I have 1 teen and 2 pre teens and they don't ask if they need a snack, they are free to help themselves. They only have to ask if it's something they can't reach! I really can't imagine anyone asking a parent if they can have a biscuit at 17 and then the parent having the control over the 17 yr old to say yes you can or no you can't. 7 yr old perhaps, 17 no.

She's going to have to learn to control her own eating at some point, why not start now and give her control. Particularly with the diabetes complication, it's better she practises to manage it herself while living with you so that you can help if it goes wrong. Rather than her going mad with newly found freedom when she leaves home and doesn't have to ask for a biscuit anymore. Then messing up her blood sugars without the parental safety net to fall back on.

This is very different to some one eating all the snacks all the time.

You've just suggested OP gives her control and learns how to self regulate - she obviously can't. Ive lived with a teenager who ate all the snacks all the snack all the time.

People who may have binge eating disorders dont just start to regulate when you allow them to binge.

A la let of biscuits gone within a WEEK? That's a long time!! Most 2 biscuits a day!!

@JudgeRindersMinder

Making a 17 year old ASK for a biscuit? I think we have the root of the issue of her taking food without asking right there!

She's a type 1 diabetic. And still only 17, so probably still needs parental input to be able to manage it.

Lois in that situation the biscuit/toast isn't being used as a hypo treatment, it's being used to keep the blood levels stable after the hypo; this needs to be done if on insulin injections but not on a pump (usually). Treating a hypo with a biscuit is dangerous as it doesn't work quick enough hence why it needs to be fast acting carbs such as jelly babies/juice/dextrose.

Cereal bars are just full of sugar, have you and your family been to any diabetic support groups. What support does she get from her dad, is her mum still around.

Why on earth are you monitoring a 17year old's snacks? How is it stealing if she lives there? I thought someone kept stealing from the local shop or something. I have 2 DS both late teens, they are always hungry! But they just help themselves, it's not stealing!

I can’t believe at 17 you’re expecting her to ask for a snack. I’d be miffed if I bought myself some biscuits and someone scoffed them all but honestly your op sounds ridiculous.

OP you poor thing - if you'd included diabetes in your question you would have got a lot of far more useful replies. There's so much more to this with a T1 child, whether they're 7 or 17. You will have spent years trying to keep on track and healthy. My T1 DD is 12 & it's hard work, and TBH unless you have a T1 in the family you just don't get it.

Is she bolusing for them? Do you have lower-carb alternatives in the house, just for her? Other low carb snacks so that if she actually is hungry there's something she can take that's not going to spike her blood?

@SummeHoliday

OP you poor thing - if you'd included diabetes in your question you would have got a lot of far more useful replies. There's so much more to this with a T1 child, whether they're 7 or 17. You will have spent years trying to keep on track and healthy. My T1 DD is 12 & it's hard work, and TBH unless you have a T1 in the family you just don't get it.

Is she bolusing for them? Do you have lower-carb alternatives in the house, just for her? Other low carb snacks so that if she actually is hungry there's something she can take that's not going to spike her blood?

Exactly this.

@Fauvist

I'm astonished at all these people who get through a packet of biscuits in one sitting. I bought two packets of biscuits a couple of weeks ago and about half a packet has gone. There are three people in the house, all with adult-sized appetites. We just don't eat sugary stuff that much. Nobody has to ask for food because nobody is eating inappropriate amounts of anything. I think a packet of biscuits in a sitting or even a week in the case of just one person eating them is really a lot.

a packet contains about 10- 15 biscuits. There are 5 people in OPs house. So that is max 3 biscuits each over a whole week.

That is not a lot of sugary stuff, or even a lot.

A couple of biscuits will a cup of tea is really not "eating inappropriate amounts of stuff''