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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen stealing food

150 replies

foodthief · 05/09/2021 17:47

Hoping others may have some advice. My 17 yo DSD is constantly taking food without asking. Every time we buy a pack of biscuits it has vanished within a week (I've stopped buying them). Now she has eaten a whole box of cereal bars in the space of two days, and has also been helping herself to sweets. Even when we catch her red handed (either in the cupboard in the process of taking it, or because she leaves the wrappers lying around on her bed), she vehemently denies taking anything. To make matters worse she has type 1 diabetes, so constant snacking isn't great for her. She always says she needed it as her blood sugars went low, but when we check her data we can see that is a lie.

Thing is, DH and I don't mind if she wants a biscuit with her cup of tea of an evening if she asks. My DS and other DSD both always ask before they take anything. I don't think we'd car if it was just occasionally but this is literally 3-4 items being taken every day.

Anyone got any ideas? I'm at the point where I'm genuinely considering a lock on the kitchen door!

OP posts:
midgemagneto · 05/09/2021 18:15

At 17 she will behave like many other diabetics , rage against it , deny it

Pieceofpurplesky · 05/09/2021 18:17

That's not even a biscuit a day for the people in your house! It's not stealing and there is no way someone should have to ask for a biscuit in their own home. You sound incredibly controlling over food.

Scandicc · 05/09/2021 18:17

Not read the full thread but I just find it so bizarre how getting food out of the cupboards in the house you live in, is classed as STEALING.

Miniroofbox · 05/09/2021 18:17

You are weird about biscuits.

Keepitonthedownlow · 05/09/2021 18:18

Holy moly, it's your step daughter... poor girl, asking for food at 17! You sound horrible, mean and cruel. It must be so humiliating for her to have to account for every morsel.

Original poster
foodthief · 05/09/2021 18:18

Thanks all. I always had to ask before I took when I lived with my parents (who were in separate houses) so to me that's just normal to do so. We always have a tonne of fruit as well. Maybe we should just accept it, but I do draw the line at her eating the food purchased specifically for hypos (which is actually what the cereal bars were for Confused). We say yes 90% of the time!

OP posts:
Flowers500 · 05/09/2021 18:19

"help I'm legally required to feed my daughter and sometimes she eats food"

trevorandsimon · 05/09/2021 18:19

@SunbathingDragon

DH and I don't mind if she wants a biscuit with her cup of tea of an evening if she asks.

How kind of you to permit her, assuming of course that she asks, to have an entire biscuit per day instead of perhaps two or three.

I know, you do not mind if she has one biscuit?! Does that mean she is not allowed more than one biscuit a day?! You have issues and bad parenting!
TabithaTiger · 05/09/2021 18:19

A packet of biscuits gone in a week? My 20 year old can easily hoover a packet up in 10 minutes. Are your other DC younger? It's not normal to Evie the 17 year olds to ask before getting themselves something to eat. Teenagers eat a lot. Sometimes because they're genuinely hungry, sometimes they're bored. I just buy cheap, own brand biscuits, crisps, etc for them and when they're gone, they're gone. Do you keep plenty of other snacks for her, yogurts, fruit, bread for toast, etc?

Happymum12345 · 05/09/2021 18:19

I had a mum like you. I left home as soon as I could. Saying that my children are stealing food is appalling, when all she is doing is eating at home. I thought you were going to say from shops! It’s her home.

TheWeatherWitch · 05/09/2021 18:20

Yabvvvu for accusing her of stealing every time she has a bloody biscuit!

Who expects a packet of biscuits to last more than two nights in a family household? I don’t. And I’m in a family of two, one of whom has diabetes. (Me)

Let’s be honest here op, you don’t like dsd do you?

Angrymum22 · 05/09/2021 18:22

Perhaps she is just hungry. Are you strict over portion control at meal times? My DS 17 will polish off a meal, often has twice what DH and I eat, then within 30mins will be “starving”. Teenagers are bottomless pits, and if she is diabetic she may well be having problems with her insulin dose. They find it difficult to control at that stage in life for lots of reasons.

Gigia · 05/09/2021 18:22

Sorry but you sound very controlling. My ds (20) and his gf (19) live with us and we would never expect them to ask for food. They do buy a lot of their own stuff as both working but we all share. My dh could eat a packet of biscuits in under half an hour too!

Scbchl · 05/09/2021 18:23

Did you mean to write a pack of biscuits are gone in a WEEK? My eldest is 16, I can't even imagine her asking for a snack and I also couldn't tell you what she does or doesn't eat because she's old enough it doesn't need monitored by me.

CovidCrow · 05/09/2021 18:24

Also just spotted your username, ick.

Oh dear oh dear....

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/09/2021 18:25

@foodthief

Thanks all. I always had to ask before I took when I lived with my parents (who were in separate houses) so to me that's just normal to do so. We always have a tonne of fruit as well. Maybe we should just accept it, but I do draw the line at her eating the food purchased specifically for hypos (which is actually what the cereal bars were for Confused). We say yes 90% of the time!
Can you see from the feedback on here that labelling it 'stealing' is totally OTT and extreme? Even if you only refer to it as stealing in your head / on here, it's important you understand how strange that language is in context. Language / framing of situations like that can have a really damaging effect when it comes to eating disorders and body image.
Wishingwell75 · 05/09/2021 18:25

I honestly stand by my theory that more Pinocchio esque threads are started on a Sunday than any other day MN.
For once I am hoping this is not real because it's horrible. If it was about a young woman struggling with the realities of type 1 diabetes and the way it can really curtail your life or just give you extra shit to deal with that's one thing.....but the language you use and the picture you paint of your home life is frankly awful.
I can only think you yourself have long-term issues around food. Unfortunately, of all of the people I've met over the years with ED's, disordered eating etc, strict rules around having to ask for every single thing to eat had been almost always been a factor. The effects of that type of controlling behaviour around food can last a lifetime and are complex to resolve, but I suspect you already know that.
Please get some help and back off from your dsd.

GoodMorrowFairMaiden · 05/09/2021 18:25

My 16 yr old sometimes asks if he can have food. I always ask him why he’s asking and just to help himself.
At 17, let her get on with it.

Workyticket · 05/09/2021 18:26

My 9 year old and his pal are playing in our back room. They've helped themselves to crisps and bananas. The friend is currently buttering himself a slice of bread (i have fed them propeely but they've been legging it round the garden and have the munchies

I can't understand you expecting her to ask at 17!

LoislovesStewie · 05/09/2021 18:27

@foodthief

Thanks all. I always had to ask before I took when I lived with my parents (who were in separate houses) so to me that's just normal to do so. We always have a tonne of fruit as well. Maybe we should just accept it, but I do draw the line at her eating the food purchased specifically for hypos (which is actually what the cereal bars were for Confused). We say yes 90% of the time!
I did ask earlier if you knew if she was having more frequent hypos. There's nothing wrong with having a biscuit if she is.
steppemum · 05/09/2021 18:28

as other have said too, 3 kids and 2 adults, so that is one packet of biscuits gone in one sitting.
Normal.
either - buy enough for every day. or, if you don;t want her or others to eat biscuits, buy other snacks, enough for several every day.

Teens are hungry. My son ate us out of house and home for about 4 years, and then suddenly stopped growing, and the eating dramatically fell off. He was 18.
my 16 year old dd has stopped growing, her appetite has also now dropped a bit.
13 year old dd, still eats us out of house and home.

That is normal for teens.

But again, the issue around the diabetes is another issue altogether and probably around denial and rage.

CheesusWept · 05/09/2021 18:28

“A packet of biscuits vanished within a week” 😂😂😂

tempester28 · 05/09/2021 18:29

Don't call it stealing? sorry but you sound a bit stingy - a packet of biscuit has lasted a week here rightly or wrongly. I know you must be concerned about her diabetes but I think sometimes when people withhold food from kids it makes things worse.

SnarkyBag · 05/09/2021 18:29

You sound like my ‘d’h. He acts like a complete twat around the teens in our house “taking” crisps and snack bars.

tempester28 · 05/09/2021 18:29

*has never lasted a week