Teen stealing food

[foodthief]

Hoping others may have some advice. My 17 yo DSD is constantly taking food without asking. Every time we buy a pack of biscuits it has vanished within a week (I've stopped buying them). Now she has eaten a whole box of cereal bars in the space of two days, and has also been helping herself to sweets. Even when we catch her red handed (either in the cupboard in the process of taking it, or because she leaves the wrappers lying around on her bed), she vehemently denies taking anything. To make matters worse she has type 1 diabetes, so constant snacking isn't great for her. She always says she needed it as her blood sugars went low, but when we check her data we can see that is a lie.

Thing is, DH and I don't mind if she wants a biscuit with her cup of tea of an evening if she asks. My DS and other DSD both always ask before they take anything. I don't think we'd car if it was just occasionally but this is literally 3-4 items being taken every day.

Anyone got any ideas? I'm at the point where I'm genuinely considering a lock on the kitchen door!

17 is way too old to be asking for permission for snacks imo. The more you try and control, the more she will push back / lie.

My lot know if all the snacks get eaten in one day, they have to wait for next weeks shopping to get any more. I don't do top up shopping and that's tough on them.

Poor kid, she is 17 and has diabetes and has to ask for a biscuit. Maybe her sugars are low or she feels hypo, why do you need to double check her readings. I would get rid of sweets and biscuits, there is no goodness in them anyway and let her look at healthy long acting snacks instead, give her some control.

How is it stealing? Shes 17, you can guide her but you sound very controlling.

Shit, I can make a packet of biscuits disappear in under half an hour! 😂

Sorry - you make a 17 year old ask if she wants a biscuit?

@WhoWants2Know

Shit, I can make a packet of biscuits disappear in under half an hour! 😂

I did laugh at a whole packet in a week!!

Are her blood sugars in normal range? If she has a continuous blood sugar monitor it gives real time levels so check to see if it's giving warnings that levels are dropping. Can you hear it beeping to tell her that her levels are low?
If her glucose levels are OK then she has no issues and is probably just peckish, which is clearly quite normal for teens.

And you expect a packet of biscuits to last over a week?
Do you like stale biscuits?
Do you allow everyone in the house half a biscuit each after dinner?

@imadeitnice

At 17, I don't see that as stealing. I'd not want or expect a 17 year old to ask for food in their own home.

I agree with you, for me as long as my child was eating main meals and reasonably healthy it wouldn't bother me if they snack, and I wouldn't expect them to ask. I would expect them to let me know if they finished a packet of something so I can add it to my shopping list

I think it’s strange that you see it as stealing food… I’m assuming she lives with you & therefore it’s her home too! Even now my parents would absolutely not tell me off for having a biscuit or whatever at their house without ‘asking permission’… I think there’s a few issues to consider here:

• are you controlling with food? Have you always made her ‘ask permission’ for a snack or drink?
• do you think it’s possible she is binge eating- this would be bad for her health especially with diabetes; could you ask her why she needs a whole box- and not in an accusation tone of voice but more as a friend/confidante. I suspect she has a complex relationship with food & health and this needs some untangling. Is she eating a healthy diet? Would she ‘steal’ other types of foods in quantity; healthy foods for example???

My overriding impression is you are controlling of food & I find that really unusual. If we were talking about a teenager ‘asking’ for permission for half a beer with dinner or similar I can see words like ‘permission’ or ‘stealing’ being appropriate but not at all in this case… Have you restricted food from her before- if yes what foods/when/how? I’ll be honest & say I think being really restrictive with food is cruel. Better to encourage healthy habits; provide only healthy snack options & find out why she is possibly binge eating those types of items. xo

Yikes... I'd be going beserk if my kids constantly asked me for food..when I was wfh during lock down I realised just how many times they asked for snacks. 🤦 My boys are bottomless pits. They have big healthy meals but still snack inbetween on thingsike fruit, yogurt, cereal bars, crisps, cheese, ham, wraps. Honestly I spend a fortune feeding these beasts!! I don't know where it goes as they are super skinny and muscly and practically live outside on their bikes. How it works in our house is I do breakfast lunch and dinner and a snack like crumpets or something before bed. An hour before each meal I tell them the kitchen in closed for snacking. But during the day they kind of help themselves. I can't be bothered checking packets throughout the week. I just food shop at a weekend when they go and eat their father out of house and home for 24 hours. I don't believe people in a house she need permission to eat but maybe that's because when I grew up I watched my dad drink all our money and my mum worry about our next meal. I don't know.

so I have 3 kids, 13, 16, 18.
money is tight, and I meal plan, including a nice after school snack for each day.

We have a snack cupboard, and some ground rules.
So anything on this shelf is planned, and the rest of the cupboard is for you to help yourself.
Same goes for other things, there are certain things/place/cupboards that we ask them not to help themselves to, as food is part of meal plans, and other places where they can freely eat.

Plenty of stuff around, bread, biscuits, fruit, crips, soup, bagels, instant noodles, milk etc.
We also ask them not to make themselves a large snack just before dinner, so they still eat their dinner.

17 is too old to be asking every time. It is old enough to make your own decisions about breakfast and lunch and snacks, and still young enough to eat together as part of the family for the main meal.

He needs to manage his own diabetes himself, and it is really common for teens with a health issue to go through a phase of denial, and almost deliberately eat badly, that is really something he is going to have to work through for himself, and innconjunction with his GP/diabetic nurse etc.
I imagine he is on the cusp of moving from children's services to adult services so this might be a good moment for him to check in with the medical professionals and gte them to support him. He is more likely to listen to them.

Stealing biscuits? 🤣 Give over. They're bloody biscuits not jewels

She shouldn't have to ask for food in her father's house! Your attitude is really weird and controlling, she's not bloody Cinderella.

Also just spotted your username, ick.

If this is actually about diabetes (which I don't think it is) then it's completely natural for teens to have a period of rebelling against their restrictions. Only time, sensible conversations and support from an independent third party (ie a doctor or nurse) will help that. But this isn't really about her bloods is it?

One biscuit with a cup of tea . Who the f can manage that?? I see biscuits. I have 2/3 and before I know it the whole packet is no longer existing. But this is up to me to police. Not someone miserly meting them out. I think it’s just asking for later trouble.

You sound very controlling and she sounds hungry.

Op, you need to readjust your expectations. I agree with others that a 17 yo shouldn’t need to ask for a biscuits or sweets. It doesn’t sound like she’s binge eating if it’s a packet in a week or some sweets and chocolate in the day. I think you’re very controlling and unfair to treat her this way. You will give her a complex about food when she sounds like a normal 17 year old. Unless you’re that skint that it’s an issue about not being able to afford any more for the week (a packet of biscuits costs max £1) , you need to sort yourself out.

Stealing? Food? From her own home? Are you sure about that?

From the snapshot you have given us I think you sound very controlling around food/snacks which one reaction to this would be sneaking food or bingeing. She’s obviously looking to take back some control over what she eats (although it is in a negative way) and it seems like a power struggle between her and you.
I do think it’s odd that you want a 17 year old to ask for a biscuit in her own house. Also a week for one packet of biscuits would be a miracle in this house…
Perhaps make sure there are lots of snacks she is welcome to eat whenever, and also when the snacks run out that’s it for the week until the next shop.
Try and relinquish power over her eating, as it is just turning into a power struggle which will exacerbate the issue.

@CovidCrow

Every time we buy a pack of biscuits it has vanished within a week

Just re-read the OP. Your packet of biscuits disappear within a week. A week? A week? 😂🤣😂

I was thinking that, a pack of biscuits has what 15-20 biscuits. Between 3 kids and 2 adults I'd expect that to last a day at most

And at 17 she really ought to be able to manage the condition.

I find the use of the word "stealing" really strange in this context.

We do have some rules, she has to check before using an ingredient eg. A packets of prawns I might be planning to make a meal with. And don't eat all the biscuits in one sitting leaving none for other people. But she doesn't have to ask permission to eat.

A snack cupboard is the best way to go. Biscuits are so cheap. Maybe have a nice packet for special treats that everyone is only allowed a couple of then a couple of cheap packets.

But as for when she eats her allowance of snacks, that should be up to her.

I understand the diabetes adds a different element to consider but I assume she is managing her stats herself and wouldn't put herself at risk?

I can't imagine having to ask for a biscuit with my tea in my in home.

Unsettling that you class it as stealing.

I'd let her get on with it?

She's basically an adult and I wouldn't expect an adult to ask for food in their own home. Unless there's issues with weight / eating disorders that haven't been mentioned I don't see the issue.

Is it the shopping bill that's the issue?

DH and I don't mind if she wants a biscuit with her cup of tea of an evening if she asks.

How kind of you to permit her, assuming of course that she asks, to have an entire biscuit per day instead of perhaps two or three.