So what is your theory behind the epidemic of teenage mental health issues

[AvacadoRush]

I think I now have more friends whose teenagers have mental health issues (anxiety and depression - one of my teens included) than don't. All lovely, caring, supportive parents.

So what's going on? Is it simply an increase in recognition and diagnosis, usual teenage angst being labelled? Is it a failing in parenting by our generation?

My own theory is that much of it (if not the vast bulk of it) can be put down to the internet. From the age of 11yrs - as they go to secondary school - they have smartphones which (much as we try to police it - it's like trying to stop an avalanche with an egg cup) mean then have virtually unfettered access to, well, everything. All stuff that they are completely and utterly, with brains that are not even fully developed, able to cope with.

My friend put it like this (extreme example) he said if I walked up to a group of friends and said 'I really want to stab someone' - they'd all say 'don't be crazy', explain why it was wrong etc. Type that into the internet and you will find other like-minded people. Obviously that's the nasty side of things along with porn, grooming by gangs/paedophiles etc,

On the other side is the make-up tutorials, the bloggers, vloggers, the life-styles the impossibly unrealistic standards our dc will never reach. Death by bloody comparison. Even with the awareness that half this stuff is staged and bullshit there's still that creeping sense of failure. Even as an adult, scrolling through Facebook, you can feel it.

I don't think anything I've said is new or controversial.
So my last question is what the actual fuck can we do about it?

Thanks! Questioned my own comment when you did.

I think pathologizing perfectly normal emotions, or even mild mental health problems causes more issues in the long run. Teens get diagnosed with social anxiety because they feel anxious about going to a social occasion, then the next time a social occasion comes around they tell themselves 'this will be difficult for me because I have social anxiety', they get anxious about their social anxiety and it becomes a vicious cycle.

You see it now with covid "my mental health is bad" its almost used as a weapon - you've affected my mental health. Rather than you've made me sad or angry or upset

I think smart phones and social media have a massive part to play, particularly tiktok/instagram. They say comparison in the theif of joy, theres an awful lot to compare yourself too. Also sites like tumblr have maybe overnormalised mental health problems/self harm. Teens can be quite impressionable and self harm/suicide ideation can be catching. Its easy to again tell yourself I'm depressed, do I feel like self harming? I feel like self harming, I am self harming etc. Am I depressed if I don't self harm?

But then again more awareness and less stigma of mental health problems. I think probably a fairly high proportion of the population have probably had a mental health problem at some point in their life, going back to my first point sometimes a diagnosis is hard to get rid of.

My grandma for example told me she was very shy and struggled when she first got married (late teens) she was never diagnosed with anything and just moved on as she got older. Had she been diagnosed she might still be thinking 60 odd years later she's got anxiety/depression. Its easy for a diagnosis to stick and then behaviour forming from the diagnosis

I think this thread is very interesting. Like a pp I went to a girls school in the 90s and eating disorders in particular were rife - I had panic attacks and what I now know was anxiety but I didn’t know that at the time. I was prescribed Prozac because my panic attacks were at one time very frequent. It was years before I started talking about it to anyone - now these things seem very commonplace and I wonder if I am having the same reaction I have to teenagers telling me I should listen to Nirvana. For me, anxiety is like expanding foam - it will take up as much space as I give it. So talking about it, talking therapies, etc have never been very helpful for me and my specific issues - I think it is a very valuable tool for many though.

My close friend has a 12 year old who has been diagnosed with anxiety, has had issues for a couple of years, and I have had to reflect on my response to how she and her partner manage it. She is picked up from school if she feels anxious and panicky, and taken out for lunch / watches a film with her mum/ etc. She talks about her anxiety often, usually explaining why she can’t do something. I don’t know if I disagree with this approach because I ultimately think it’s not helpful, or I’m bitter and resentful because I feel hard done by that I had to get through similar challenges by myself. So I find it hard in these discussions because I’m very aware how my own experience influences my views.

There is definitely a lot of pressure for life to be perfect. I initially thought the pandemic might actually help as it would make us realise what is really important- health, family, routine etc and also make everyday more trivial worry and stress not seem as important . Obvs this was before I realised how long restrictions would last and impact on education, socialising etc but I know a lot of parents worry if their children are experiencing normal ups and downs and expect them to be constantly happy which doesn't help build resilience
I didn't have the easiest of childhoods but I think this helped me be appreciative and resilient when life is tough - I do think there is a lot of wrapping up in cotton wool abs helicopter parenting
I still can't believe that sixth formers take their parents on uni open days for example and the parents ask most of the questions - would have been unthinkable in my sixth for days
Also importance of knowing it's perfectly healthy to have sad times and worried times and that being happy all the time is unrealistic

I was an unhappy teen but I was always sure things would get better as I got older - I had hope I think a lot of the doom and gloom about big issues doesn't help - climate change and covid impact obvious examples.

I think less obvious careers routes post 16 and more job uncertainty as a whole add to academic pressure in schools.

I think atmosphere is schools plays a part - not the teachers fault but I think things are more rigid in many schools.

Parents stress levels and situations will also play a role - long hours, long communies job uncertainies - perhaps accomodation worries and even size - as we spend less and less time out on the streets.

Culture - how teenage distress is demostrated and I don't think emphaisis on mental health is schools is always helpful it's so often a tick box excerise as teachers aren't metal health specialist it's doesn't help the unwell but emphasises it to worried well.

Maybe vit D, diets and exercise opportunties as well and perhaps just more media attention on whole topic.

I think you'd need proper research to tease out all the elements - just think it's a toxic cocktail of things with social media just adding to the mix.

I still can't believe that sixth formers take their parents on uni open days for example and the parents ask most of the questions - would have been unthinkable in my sixth for days

My parents went around with me in 90s - needed to get there - DH did some with his parents some without- and it really wans't that unusual at all despite the MN narrative. I suspect we'll be guided by our DC - expect eldest will be happy to look around by herself or with friends but other children may need more support possible traveling with them or going aorund with first visit we'll see when we get there.

Aren't the parents paying for Uni - I'd definitely want at least a look round.

I think parents have been paying uni fees for decades but it's very recent for so many to attend open days. I've been to some as a prospective mature student in the last few years and the parents were totally dominating the day. I can understand parents helping transporting sixth formers and having a look round but the parents I saw were over involved.
I think by sixth form teenagers should be trusted to start making decisions for themselves regardless of who is paying.

I wonder if our parents felt need to accompany us becuase we were first in our families to get to univeristy and it was a big deal.

DH and I certainly made the choice of where to go oursleves. IL said they didn't know enough to advise DH - my parents rules out Scotland for practlce reasons but allowed me to choose anywhere else and then visisted top five with me. My parents preferred another univeristy - but didn't interfere when I chose the one I went to. I found DDad useful to have along he'd stand at back but few times he asked very insightful questions.

DH is a lecturer he says most have parents with them these days and yes they can be very pushy - so they often have seperate sessions just for the parents though I do wonder if that encourages even more parents to attend.

I'll be 50 this year. I was diagnosed with MH illness aged 14 and am still suffering. DS2 (adult) is also unwell. I found a suicide note written by DM when I was a teenager, she's in her 80s now but it was never talked about. It's always been a huge problem but now more openly spoken about.

As I described in my post before - I think there are kids who are worried well - and dramatising their teenage years and those that are beginning to have serious mental health problems or who are at risk.

We spend way too much attention on the worried well in my opinion. And not hardly enough on those with emerging serious mental health difficulties. There are differences. Self harm, for example, whilst distressing is so widespread that it is not a reliable indicator of emerging serious mental health problems.

Often it is the kids who are not articulating and labelling themselves that are most at risk. This can present is different ways. Boys can engage in very risky behaviour, or aggression - and be labelled for this only when there are big underlying causes not addressed. Girls who have been abused may become very chaotic, difficult and promiscuous. We as parents and teachers could do with learning about behaviours to go to our GP for or refer. It’s shocking really that there is no real education or support.

Instead there is lots of middle class talk of social media which centres the debate when really it’s the kid who was severely neglected or the child with early signs of schizophrenia that need the most attention and resources.

I wonder if the lack of teen jobs and uncertainly of work/money plays a role?

@Rejoiningperson

As I described in my post before - I think there are kids who are worried well - and dramatising their teenage years and those that are beginning to have serious mental health problems or who are at risk.

We spend way too much attention on the worried well in my opinion. And not hardly enough on those with emerging serious mental health difficulties. There are differences. Self harm, for example, whilst distressing is so widespread that it is not a reliable indicator of emerging serious mental health problems.

Often it is the kids who are not articulating and labelling themselves that are most at risk. This can present is different ways. Boys can engage in very risky behaviour, or aggression - and be labelled for this only when there are big underlying causes not addressed. Girls who have been abused may become very chaotic, difficult and promiscuous. We as parents and teachers could do with learning about behaviours to go to our GP for or refer. It’s shocking really that there is no real education or support.

Instead there is lots of middle class talk of social media which centres the debate when really it’s the kid who was severely neglected or the child with early signs of schizophrenia that need the most attention and resources.

Absolutely! This is so very true. Show me a child who has the self-esteem to complain about how the world is treating them and I’ll show you a child whose self-esteem has not been destroyed. And then there are the children who say nothing because they have learned that the world is not for the likes of them.

I think a combination of factors, including:

• social media and the internet making things more 24/7, whereas in an analogue world some troubles could end at the front door
• lack of resilience developing because children are not exposed to disappointment when younger
• obesity and overweight issues often because of reduced exercise and diet
• recognition and diagnosis
• division too much from the adult world.

Social media & woke agenda are the culprits in my opinion. Huge amounts of navel gazing and no actual living.

For my DD I currently believe it was a combination of

• general school environment
• being adopted
• secondary trauma from older sibling's issues causing a lot of stress at home
• pandemic

They combined in a perfect storm.

It was not social media.

I agree with a lot of what has been said.

Accepting we have a range of emotions that all have their own uses is really important. I work with secondary school students and one of the things I get them to do is a mood log.
They cut their day into 5 before school, lesson time, social time within school, after school, sleep. They colour them red for awful, orange for ok and green for great.

Students feel disappointed when they don't have mostly green and it is part of my job to get them to accept that orange is actually the norm. No-one is happy all the time and that is ok.

However I do think we have more MH issues and one of the things I worry about (and did a thread about recently) is the 'good to talk' narrative we are sold. It is good to talk and be honest about how we are feeling but to be doing that with people who could potentially make things worse is just as dangerous as not talking at all.

Schools have become a mental health service by default and it is really not safe. We are trained to spot the children who are struggling, we are encouraged to talk to them. We are also trained to know the appropriate agencies to signpost them and their families to.

Guess what happens when we signpost them ?
They are refused help because they don't have capacity or they don't meet criteria.
We don't have that luxury so are left trying to do our best with very little support.

This is what keeps your pastoral team at your children's school awake at night!

DD's pastoral team were great.
Until her needs got too much, and then their approach just added to stress.
Luckily we were able to get adoption support & Ed Psychs involved and they were fab, explained to the school they needed to back right off, which to their credit, they did.

@TeenMinusTests I am pleased to hear you and your DD got the right support in the end. In my experience adopted children have much better access to services.
That is exactly what the pastoral teams in schools need is more advice from Ed Psychs and it does happen but sadly not enough.

There comes a point when encouraging to access school / education switches from being helpful and starts being detrimental. Recognising when someone is at that point must be near impossible.

All of the above plus inability of parents to let go ( me included).

The weed can't help.

I remember being miserable as a teen way before the internet.. whatever happened to good old fashioned hormones?

Well yes there's those too!

As humans we go through growth stages of change and development..
..not always easy.....and as parents we are so overly panicked about all this which is no good for anyone.

@Timetobuckup my dd’s pastoral team have been very helpful and supportive. It helps that they have an ASD specialist in school. We are lucky though, we’ve been able to access private treatment through DH’s work. If we hadn’t I don’t know where we’d be right now - the Pastoral teams have an impossible job. As ever, under funded, overwhelmed. Still, at least the government is prioritising spending money on things like Boris’s great big bloody boat