So what is your theory behind the epidemic of teenage mental health issues

[AvacadoRush]

I think I now have more friends whose teenagers have mental health issues (anxiety and depression - one of my teens included) than don't. All lovely, caring, supportive parents.

So what's going on? Is it simply an increase in recognition and diagnosis, usual teenage angst being labelled? Is it a failing in parenting by our generation?

My own theory is that much of it (if not the vast bulk of it) can be put down to the internet. From the age of 11yrs - as they go to secondary school - they have smartphones which (much as we try to police it - it's like trying to stop an avalanche with an egg cup) mean then have virtually unfettered access to, well, everything. All stuff that they are completely and utterly, with brains that are not even fully developed, able to cope with.

My friend put it like this (extreme example) he said if I walked up to a group of friends and said 'I really want to stab someone' - they'd all say 'don't be crazy', explain why it was wrong etc. Type that into the internet and you will find other like-minded people. Obviously that's the nasty side of things along with porn, grooming by gangs/paedophiles etc,

On the other side is the make-up tutorials, the bloggers, vloggers, the life-styles the impossibly unrealistic standards our dc will never reach. Death by bloody comparison. Even with the awareness that half this stuff is staged and bullshit there's still that creeping sense of failure. Even as an adult, scrolling through Facebook, you can feel it.

I don't think anything I've said is new or controversial.
So my last question is what the actual fuck can we do about it?

Good questions, but MH issues can’t all be blamed on the internet.
My DS’s anxiety started in year 5 and he didn’t have access to a phone then - had supervised internet access - minecraft etc - in a public area of the house. Only PC was in the open plan downstairs.
I certainly think the internet etc doesn’t help feelings of inadequacy etc but I think society in general has changed so much for this generation. There’s a lot more academic pressure for a start. Maybe we, as parents, put more pressure on our DCs as we see others’ progress via FB etc.
Also, there’s much more awareness of MH issues now so people are more open. When I was a teen in the 80s/early 90s I def had some major self/image issues, was bullied as a child, etc and you didn’t ‘tell’ as teachers didn’t give a toss. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents either so didn’t tell them much. We also had mags like Cosmo etc which showed skinny models and looked like everyone was having a great love life!! Skinny models were always a ‘cause’ of anorexia, when it’s probably much a deeper issue than seeing Kate moss in her undies.

Ps: what can we do about it - support our DCs by getting them appropriate help, keep lines of communication open, putting OurPact or similar on phone for tween/younger teens or checking phone.
Listen with no judgement. Schools are also a lot better at dealing with issues now too. Also trust your gut when it comes to toxic friendships etc.
All things I have learnt on the way!!!

I think there are two strands to it. Those who DO have mental health issues and those who like the drama. That sounds harsh, but I have had some experience of this with my own two. I do think social media has a big part to play.

Luckily by Year 10/Year 11 it calmed down but in Year 7/Year 8 the kids were absolutely obsessed with self-harming (saying they were doing it, rather than actually doing it, my own kids included), being depressed, hating their lives...posting dismal quotes on their Instagrams etc. It became an onemanupship thing. It was quite scary really but it seemed to be the 'in' thing to do at the time. The school were exasperated about it. It was like they were egging each other on.

As they've matured a little, all that has thankfully stopped and what remains is the kids with the REAL problems. I'm not sure if there are more people with mental health issues than when I was a teenager, or if they are just more widely talked about (which is never a bad thing).

@CornishGem1975

I think there are two strands to it. Those who DO have mental health issues and those who like the drama. That sounds harsh, but I have had some experience of this with my own two. I do think social media has a big part to play.

Luckily by Year 10/Year 11 it calmed down but in Year 7/Year 8 the kids were absolutely obsessed with self-harming (saying they were doing it, rather than actually doing it, my own kids included), being depressed, hating their lives...posting dismal quotes on their Instagrams etc. It became an onemanupship thing. It was quite scary really but it seemed to be the 'in' thing to do at the time. The school were exasperated about it. It was like they were egging each other on.

As they've matured a little, all that has thankfully stopped and what remains is the kids with the REAL problems. I'm not sure if there are more people with mental health issues than when I was a teenager, or if they are just more widely talked about (which is never a bad thing).

This is an articulate observation.

This is just a tiny reason among many but I think secondary school goes on for to long for some teens. Several would prefer to be out earning a wage and getting on with life from the age of 15. Not studying 10/11 subjects that half of which they have zero interest in. Apprenticeships should start at 14 or 15 for those that want them. Many feel they are in this limbo of wanting to start independence but they are treated as little children.

I think social media has a big part to play, but I also think that as a race we are just too comfortable. We are designed to survive, to hunt and work for our food, our warmth and shelter. Never has a generation been so cosseted. They don't have to work for anything, they have everything they could possibly need. Yet society tells them to want more, better trainers, a newer phone. Schools and parents push them to get better results, to go to university, to be a success. Happiness or even contentment doesn't come into it. You are not allowed to be content or unambitious.

Add to that spiralling house costs and a global pandemic and it is a wonder there are any teens left without MH problems.

I think there's always been a degree of social contagion of things like self-harm, and it's definitely made worse by the internet. @Frenchfancy also makes a good point that for many, things are almost too easy and there's a lack fo real struggle

And @Ilovemaisie about some needing to get out and have a life rather than be in education. I've noticed there's now this idea that people who haven't completed education can't be trusted to do anything and must incompetent - I do feel we need to give teenagers back that trust and sense of competence or else they can fall into depression and negative behaviours. We need to create a world where 16+ kids can forge more of their own lives outside of education.

I think there are several issues.

1.) Lack of agency. When we were little we played out alone from age 5 or 6. I used to run errands for my mum before I even went to school! I remember struggling to lug home a box of cornflakes because it was almost as big as me, and having to rest on the kerb because a 1lb bag of sugar was so heavy, so I was around 3 years old and had been sent to the corner shop two streets away with money and a job to do.There are obvious problems with this but there are also massive benefits that our generation of parents really overlooked.

I know the amount of cars on the road makes this not possible, but by 6 or 7 we walked to and from school without parents. By age 12 I had an after school job. If I wanted to go to a party or gig five miles away, I walked home all night after it. These things build resilience. You decide on risks for yourself, you learn to cope with unwanted but not life threatening overtures from strangers, you learn life can be uncomfortable (sore feet, soaking wet clothes after walking 5 miles in the rain) and that you are fine.

2.) Pathologising any emotion other than happiness. We live in a culture where we pathologise unhappiness. I've been guilty of it, panicking if DC are anything other than constantly content. Teens are whisked off to counsellors and google online 'depression and anxiety disorder' sites if they feel sad for normal reasons, like friendship issues, body issues (what teen doesn't hate their physical appearance at some point?) We may have needed more support than we got back in 1970s, but since we got none we just coped, And coping is a very healthy skill.

3.) Social media - that 24/7 access to being judged, bullied, FOMO etc. It's brutal.

Lack of identification of neurodiversity in teenage girls with ADHD and autism.

Many of the girls diagnosed with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self harm etc actually have ADHD and/or are autistic.

One of my thoughts (don't have teens at home) is that anxiety is linked to self-esteem and that has nosedived for many of us for myriad reasons.

I used to look at magazines like just 17 etc and found the fashion bit boring, and never compared myself to the girls in there, some of course did.
So I do think the internet and thinstagram have some blame here.

But also in this world of be kind, you never know what others are going through etc, we have this story that someone else has it harder, other people need more care and we are learning (& teaching) to put others above ourselves.

Not a bad thing I suppose except when we do it all the time, we may never learn to place much needed importance on ourselves. We fall down the pecking order and we feel unimportant compared to our peers.

I think it is a number of factors. We live a very stressful way of life. Everything revolves around the clock and feels very rushed. Academic expectations are incredibly high, parents today feel under enormous pressure to keep up, no matter what. From a very young age children are being continuously monitored and being told what to do, what is expected of them. My upbringing was a lot more relaxed and so were my parents. I don't think all children can mentally fit into the restricted box we as parents and school.inflicts on them. There is a definite lack of choice . School for example is seen to most as the only way a child can be educated. School is very limiting for some of our high achievers who are more prone to anxiety and other mental health disorders. They find it utterly boring and irrelevant. Also it is unrealistic for a child with sensory issues to be subjected to the rigid conformity. The school envIroment, although may have good intentions , doesn't suit a lot of children's needs. There is zero privacy. The system is archiat and what may have worked for many years ago is not working so well today. There are now 100 000 parents on one forum alone concerning children having difficulties attending school. Something needs to change.

Parents are more stressed and anxious so DC are brought up in that way. Where parents are calm and content this is less of an issue. Homes may be ‘loving’ but they need to be ‘calm’. And almost all the adults are stress monkeys.

@Littlefish

Lack of identification of neurodiversity in teenage girls with ADHD and autism.

Many of the girls diagnosed with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self harm etc actually have ADHD and/or are autistic.

I don't buy this. If this were true then there would be fewer teenagers with MH problems than there were 20-30 years ago, not more.

I agree with Cowbells we really do pathologise unhappiness. Teens are made to feel like something is wrong with them when they feel perfectly normal emotions.

Children are just so restricted too. I also remember playing out before going to school, popping in and out of nieghbours houses and thier children doing the same. My son is 7 and he is not allowed to walk around to his classroom on his own even though the school is enclosed. School insist that he must wait with me to drop DS2 then walk round with me. He was so happy to have a bit of independence and so were the other children doing the same. Bonkers.

We are very insular these days. People have no choice but to move away from thier families in order to work, but it means children do not have the benefit of wider family around.

We are very insular these days.

Yes. When we were little we hung out with whoever was around, including people we didn't necessarily get on with that well. My parents did socially too. Now we expect DC's friendships to be harmonious and our own to be constantly rewarding or we drop people (i am guilty of this.) Since lockdown I've started to realise I'd welcome a few people in life who grate on my nerves, who don't see eye to eye with me. I don't want to live in a little affirming bubble.

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'Pathologising any emotion other than happiness.'

Couldn't agree more. Perfectly normal emotions like sadness, anxiety, fear, uncertainty are treated as MH problems. It's not doing anyone any good

My primary school kids have to rate their happiness level when they answer the register every day. I think this may be out of 10. I can see that this might highlight if a child has got some major issues going on but for the majority i think it almost creates an expectation that they will be unhappy.

I don't know but I've been pondering this for years. Of my good friends, all of us have DD's under mental health services, mine being the oldest is under adult care now but we've been under camhs since 11

I read an interesting theory about all the plastics in food chains and air causing problems a while back.

Just on a quick lunch break now but will try to look it up again later and if there was anything to it.

@User27aw I agree. I think it actually runs the risk of making children look for issues that aren't there.

Being unhappy is okay. That should be normalised. It's not natural to be 100% happy 100% of the time.

It's fashionable (sorry that sounds awful but for some people it is, have a look on tiktok), the internet is a massive factor, and full time nursery when they're babies.

It is, without doubt, access to the internet and being able to do it 24/7 through smart phones etc. I've just today shared a thread in feminism chat about my adult ASD son having a anime porn addiction and how it's totally destroying our lives. I've spent half of the last 7 years on suicide watch worried he will kill himself and every time I think it's improving it actually gets worse.

I'm ashamed to say I actually had a brief, fleeting thought that my life would be easier if he just did it. And that is a monstrous thought to have about your own child. Our lives are in ruin over this and I have to keep him with me as he can't live alone. I am conflicted 24-7 and am totally responsible for this mess as I didn't police his internet usage as a teen. I thought my little pony was a lovely thing. Then bronies. Then furries. Then the police raided my house for illegal hentai porn and arrested my children.

@facemaskhate TikTok is the worst. I can't understand why people film themselves crying to music and post. It really is nothing but attention seeking, I'm sorry, but it is. The people who are feeling the worst, generally hide it from the world.

I agree that there's an overwhelming push in schools that you have to be happy and positive at all times. This just isn't realistic.

My DS often asks whats wrong with him because he isn't happy all the time. I've tried to explain that there's nothing wrong with having other feelings - but the overwhelming message he gets is that happiness at all times is the norm.

I also think schools have very limited definitions of what success looks like. If you aren't academic and outgoing then you're made to feel like you're failing.