So what is your theory behind the epidemic of teenage mental health issues

[AvacadoRush]

I think I now have more friends whose teenagers have mental health issues (anxiety and depression - one of my teens included) than don't. All lovely, caring, supportive parents.

So what's going on? Is it simply an increase in recognition and diagnosis, usual teenage angst being labelled? Is it a failing in parenting by our generation?

My own theory is that much of it (if not the vast bulk of it) can be put down to the internet. From the age of 11yrs - as they go to secondary school - they have smartphones which (much as we try to police it - it's like trying to stop an avalanche with an egg cup) mean then have virtually unfettered access to, well, everything. All stuff that they are completely and utterly, with brains that are not even fully developed, able to cope with.

My friend put it like this (extreme example) he said if I walked up to a group of friends and said 'I really want to stab someone' - they'd all say 'don't be crazy', explain why it was wrong etc. Type that into the internet and you will find other like-minded people. Obviously that's the nasty side of things along with porn, grooming by gangs/paedophiles etc,

On the other side is the make-up tutorials, the bloggers, vloggers, the life-styles the impossibly unrealistic standards our dc will never reach. Death by bloody comparison. Even with the awareness that half this stuff is staged and bullshit there's still that creeping sense of failure. Even as an adult, scrolling through Facebook, you can feel it.

I don't think anything I've said is new or controversial.
So my last question is what the actual fuck can we do about it?

@User27aw

My primary school kids have to rate their happiness level when they answer the register every day. I think this may be out of 10. I can see that this might highlight if a child has got some major issues going on but for the majority i think it almost creates an expectation that they will be unhappy.

That's grim. Surely any teacher worthy of the job can see there's inbuilt pressure to score highly and for children to mask their normal and natural low moods in order to comply.

@Littlefish

Lack of identification of neurodiversity in teenage girls with ADHD and autism.

Many of the girls diagnosed with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self harm etc actually have ADHD and/or are autistic.

I’m actually thinking is this the case with my DD. I always thought of autism along male presentation (which she doesn’t fit at all), but she fits the female presentation a lot more - an older teen w anxiety and other issues. If she was it’d be on the v high functioning end.

@Moonface123

I think it is a number of factors. We live a very stressful way of life. Everything revolves around the clock and feels very rushed. Academic expectations are incredibly high, parents today feel under enormous pressure to keep up, no matter what. From a very young age children are being continuously monitored and being told what to do, what is expected of them. My upbringing was a lot more relaxed and so were my parents. I don't think all children can mentally fit into the restricted box we as parents and school.inflicts on them. There is a definite lack of choice . School for example is seen to most as the only way a child can be educated. School is very limiting for some of our high achievers who are more prone to anxiety and other mental health disorders. They find it utterly boring and irrelevant. Also it is unrealistic for a child with sensory issues to be subjected to the rigid conformity. The school envIroment, although may have good intentions , doesn't suit a lot of children's needs. There is zero privacy. The system is archiat and what may have worked for many years ago is not working so well today. There are now 100 000 parents on one forum alone concerning children having difficulties attending school. Something needs to change.

Absolutely this 100%

Coddling and a lack of challenge and purpose. We have a totally risk averse culture which means children do not experience challenge and risk - and therefore do not build their resilience. Waaay too many over-involved, over-indulgent parents - they think they are doing the right thing, but the psychological research is clear - it is exactly the wrong thing

An expectation that life is easy all the time - and that the normal human experience includes difficult emotions such as sadness, loneliness, rejection, anger. Many young people are totally emotionally illiterate (linked to the first point about coddling)

The rejection of just being 'ordinary'. You have to be extra-ordinary. Of course! What is wrong with being ordinary?!?!

Diet - sugar is linked to inflammation of the brain

A perfect storm!

This book by Jonathan Haidt is brilliant on all of this:

www.theguardian.com/books/2018/sep/20/the-coddling-of-the-american-mind-review

'Many young people are totally emotionally illiterate'

Very useful phrase. Spot on

Re being 'special', I don't think that's anything new. Lots of teenagers go through phases of feeling like the most martyred, misunderstood, hard done by person that ever lived. I know I did! But thank the lord there was no social media for me to exclaim all over, and no one to egg me on with it all

Second the recommendation of The Coddling of the American Mind. Didn’t agree with all of it but very interesting. Agree purpose and agency is really important. Even young children are capable of so much more than we let them do.

I think it's a combination of those who genuinely suffer from mental health issues and always would have, and our insistence as a society on labelling/rejecting any feelings or reactions that fall outside what we consider to be acceptable ie. normal.

Sometimes teens are just genuinely feeling stress, anxiety or sadness due to factors in their lives, as well all do from time-to-time. But for whatever reason, people don't accept that they should be feeling that and seek out a diagnosis, in order to classify and label it as a problem, rather than just human feelings.

Of course there will always be teens with genuine mental health struggles, but I do really believe that a lot of cases are actually just people experiencing emotion in a way that makes others uncomfortable.

Waaay too many over-involved, over-indulgent parents - they think they are doing the right thing, but the psychological research is clear - it is exactly the wrong thing I agree with this and I was one of them.

Agree @Cowbells but how do we stop ourselves being over-involved? What specifically do they need to do? Is it more responsibility at home? Less parental involvement with school-work? More opportunity for free play? Or something else?

I also think schools have very limited definitions of what success looks like. If you aren't academic and outgoing then you're made to feel like you're failing.

As a teacher I do tend to agree with this. However it isn't the school/teachers it is the expectations of the govt/Ofsted. Most teachers hearts sink when we are told 'Ofsted want...we are failing if we don't...' the latest expectation is that 75%of secondary pupils will complete the EBACC! Why? The curriculum is rigorous and challenging and fits lots of high ability students. For many it is isolating and irrelevant.
I also agree with the pathlogising normal human emotions. Feeling shy is now social anxiety, feeling sad or bored is depression. There is also a huge pressure to fit in at school and on social media. It's difficult to be weird/quirky/shy etc...

Agree @Chosennone. There is a high expectation of academic conformity which I’m sure doesn’t help.

Increased awareness. If you think we didn't have MH problems when we were teens in the 80s, hahahaha.

Expectations for good MH are higher now, I suppose. People actually don't agree that MH issues are normal.

Agree that molly-coddling doesn't help: we actively discourage kids from taking risks and learning they can face or live with challenges.

My experience is through having a child with SEND. He attends a specialist provision and a significant majority of his cohort have mental health issues along side their
I also think there has always been mental health issues as my brother was sectioned as a teen about 35 years ago (or whatever the term was then) and it was a whole teen ward. We are a nice supportive family.

Aling side there ....disability, caused by the education system failing them. Normally a mainstream placement that was unsuitable that led to huge anxiety.

I think a combination of the fact it’s much more talked about now, mental health issues are being normalised.

However.. and I’ve got severe anxiety and agoraphobia. I do think that this is partly down to people ‘up playing’ symptoms to gain clout on platforms like tiktok and Instagram. Not that’s it’s a bad things because it’s raising awareness and that’s great, but I have to say I think that some of these people aren’t actually diagnosed with mental health issues are just put a tag on it for a few likes and follows.

But mostly down to the fact it’s more talked about now; I suppose the two go hand in hand.

Yes to things mentioned.
Plus, and this will be an unpopular idea,
lots of parents do not believe in God now, but there did used to be grandparents who at least did, but they are slowly dying.

I think there is under investment and a very rigid curriculum in schools which is not particularly interesting or child friendly. However, things were probably even worse years ago when people with SEN and other conditions were largely written off and labelled as stupid or punished. I think it’s mainly about recognition. Adults often don’t suddenly develop mental health disorders, the signs were there in childhood

@lightand

Yes to things mentioned. Plus, and this will be an unpopular idea, lots of parents do not believe in God now, but there did used to be grandparents who at least did, but they are slowly dying.

That is not unpopular to me - religion played a huge role in general wellbeing. Giving purpose and accountability and community.

Our society is not better off without religion. As Jung said, humans have a 'religious instinct' and we seem to be putting that instinct into all the wrong places at the moment - social media, social justice wankery, consumerism etc.

I say that as a non-believer. I don't think the Church of England can save us, but something is desperately needed to fill that gap.

There will be different triggers and experiences for every teenager.

For us the wonders of girls , I HAD a resilient daughter who could take the bounces and rolls. But the constant excluding and manipulation of her from 14-16 completely took that away. It’s sad to see a confident person loose her confidence and become self conscious about herself. Eventually having suicidal thoughts.

The lockdowns over the past year have not helped her, but with college now finishing, CBT and private therapy she has got a little bit of herself back. We’ve spent a lot of time building up her resilience and whilst those girls still play the mind games she’s able to deal with it much better!

We never had the snap chat/tik tok type of bullying it never played out on the social media. But exclusion and control games is how it affected her the most .

@Lottapianos

'Pathologising any emotion other than happiness.'

Couldn't agree more. Perfectly normal emotions like sadness, anxiety, fear, uncertainty are treated as MH problems. It's not doing anyone any good

This. I am finding this thread fascinating as it is something I have wondered for years. When I was young I never knew anyone who had tried to commit suicide, let alone succeeded. My DC all know at least one person who has succeeded. It is tragic but the main question is why??

@Frenchfancy

I think social media has a big part to play, but I also think that as a race we are just too comfortable. We are designed to survive, to hunt and work for our food, our warmth and shelter. Never has a generation been so cosseted. They don't have to work for anything, they have everything they could possibly need. Yet society tells them to want more, better trainers, a newer phone. Schools and parents push them to get better results, to go to university, to be a success. Happiness or even contentment doesn't come into it. You are not allowed to be content or unambitious.

Add to that spiralling house costs and a global pandemic and it is a wonder there are any teens left without MH problems.

All of that^ You are not allowed to be content, you HAVE to have it ALL and you must have it NOW.

Oh gosh

It’s a multitude of things

Both parents having to work so more and more kids by themselves. Not mature enough to deal with that. Too much pressure in schools. Intense bullying for anything. Parents who both suffer with depressive problems. Trauma in children being more spoken about (rightly so).

Other than that I feel it was around. More than we know. It’s just with social media more things are talked about etc.

I wonder what percentage of children without smartphones/internet/social media have MH issues?

That would be illuminating.

Todaytomorrowyesterday
That is awful and must have been heartbreaking as a mother. Young people certainly can be vile to each other.

They will all parrot #bekind and vocalise empathy for Caroline Flack, Jessy from little Mix etc and then non connect their own bitchy and isolating behaviour.

God it's over hyped!

I have a DD(16) - she doesn't have MH issues and neither do any of her close friends. My friends' teens don't have MH issues. I think that's the norm.

These teens come from a wide variety of families: single mums, one child families, siblings, blended families etc. The families have a couple of things in common: they love their children very much and they set boundaries for their children to live by.

I have sympathy for parents whose teens genuinely do have MH problems, it's so difficult for them to access help because so many are demanding a CAMHS referral for normal teenage behaviour.