DD accused of sending Nude to a boy in school and she's devastated
Whitegrenache · 29/04/2021 09:49
Dd is suffering from low mood and anxiety ans has never enjoyed secondary school. She has a strong set of friends out of school but has never really had firm friends at school which she finds hard and sad about.
Anyway she started self harming last week and told me. I spoke to GP and have booked her for private counselling which we are waiting for a date.
She fell out with her bf after Xmas and doesn't know why, bf just stopped speaking to her for no reason which has definitely been a source of dd anxiety.
She rang me at lunchtime yesterday begging me to pick her up from school. She then burst into tears when she was in the car and told me a boy (her ex best friends ex boyfriend )had told another boy, that a girl (from a different school) had sent him a nude picture. that boy then decided to shout out in the dinner hall that it was my DD who sent it. All but one of her friends have turned against my dd believing that she did send the nude and how dare she do this to her bf 😢
Then last night dd was getting snap chats from on random girl being basically Abusive and bullying dd. She was absolutely heart broken and begged us to not send her into school.
We insisted she needs to go to the school which she has done and try to ignore and be strong.
My question is what else can is do?
She won't let me contact school as snitches are treat even worse!
But she is desperately unhappy and I am absolutely lost as to how to help her.
Derbee · 29/04/2021 16:07
You’ve done well, and your DD will always remember that you were there for her.
I would still report to the police, as men need to be held to account for sexual abuse/harassment, and a large part of that is holding boys accountable too
Miljea · 29/04/2021 16:09
I'd agree with everyone who is saying report it to the police. By all means tell the police that you believe the school are taking it seriously, but you need the additional assurance that this will be dealt with.
I'd also politely let the school know that you've logged it with the police.
The 'problem' you may have is that you'll never know the outcome as the boy's 'confidentiality' will trump all.
Good luck to you and your DD.
Zandathepanda · 29/04/2021 16:09
Please report it to the police. The school, however nice, should be advising you to report it to the police.
ChiefBabySniffer · 29/04/2021 16:12
Op you really DO need to report this to police. You don't know that this girl sent the pictures voluntarily. She could have been forced, coerced, taken the photo from the net, anything. It's the entire societies job to protect minors and if you believe that he has a naked photo of a child then as an adult you must LEGALLY and morally report it. If nothing else, it will clear your daughters name and sue your teen son that this is not tolerated. It's not just swept under the carpet.
I also had this with my eldest daughter. It was 7-8 years ago. Basically somebody in school photoshopped her head onto somebody else's naked body as a joke and it spread like wild fire. The body had a full black Pubic bush and its legs wide open. My daughter is blonde ffs. It was clearly not her but somebody asked her ex boy friend and he said it was 100% her and she had sent him photos too. Her life was totally and utterly destroyed. It was a week before Christmas and some fair profile added me into a group chat thing where 40+ kids from school were sharing these images, adding and re adding my daughter and taking her to hill herself, what a filthy whore she was and she was going to get gang raped and murdered. I went upstairs and found my daughter in the bathroom with a packet of razor blades. I've never been so scared in my life.
We got the police involved. School, I absolutely tore them a new one. She had raised it with 3 teachers and told each of them a part of it and nobody had shared the information even though she was clearly failing, she had repeatedly that she was being bullied and everybody hated her etc. We had 12 members of staff and governors at a meeting to figure out how the hell they had got it so spectacularly wrong that my kids ended up on suicide watch for ten days over Xmas. They ended up changing policy radically to prevent it happening again. The police were horrified and had to interview every kid on the chat. Some were cautioned but most got away with it Scott free. It's a horrible hive mentality in a high school setting. Once a thing like this Gains momentum it just carries on an on and becomes a monster.
Zandathepanda · 29/04/2021 16:13
..also social services
HaveringWavering · 29/04/2021 16:15
So glad the school taking it seriously and you have been able to do this for her.
Stories like this underline the dangers that are created by everyone having digital cameras these days. Blackmailing and coercion around requesting and sending “nudes” was a big theme of the recent “Everyone’s Invited” exposés and I was saying to a fellow Mum that it’s crazy, when we were kids it just wasn’t possible to make or send a nude picture of yourself. You had to get your photos developed in Jessops or wherever. The ability to click and send pictures of all sorts of stuff is a total scourge.
Bathmatt · 29/04/2021 16:16
Please report it to the police. As a pp said, women have been conditioned to allow boys/men to get away with behaviour like this. If we don’t try to hold them to account for their behaviour no one else will.
Bathmatt · 29/04/2021 16:16
Ps I hope you DD is ok
CaMePlaitPas · 29/04/2021 16:19
OP, I think your reaction to this situation should be applauded too. I have two toddler daughters and I am terrified of the minefield that is the teenage years. As a PP pointed out, when she's older she'll look back and truly know that you were on her side and that is the most pure form of parental love there is. Stay strong.
LaLaFlottes · 29/04/2021 16:19
Well done for getting DD home. Thank goodness she has such a kind and caring Mum
I hope she's enjoying the lambs - which sound like great therapy.
Good luck with what comes next but agree that she should not have to set foot in that should again. Kids can be so horrible.
itsgettingwierd · 29/04/2021 16:22
Well done - what a great mum.
No dithering and protected your dd as a priority.
I had my ds once have a MH crisis and self harm due to stuff in school and as soon as I said he didn't have to go back and we'd find a way round it his whole MH changed. It did take a while to repair it completely but the immediate effect was tangible.
I bloody hate bullies.
Wiebsa · 29/04/2021 16:23
Just saw this and so happy you have her home with you. You may have to move schools, your poor DD. I think you have totally done the right thing.
Try to get her off social media. My two teens (17 and 14) don’t use it (not being smug, I know I am bloody lucky) and are both glad to be free of the dramas. They still have friends btw.
Mummyoflittledragon · 29/04/2021 16:27
. You have dealt with this superbly. I hope your dd recovers from this quickly. I understand your position about the police. I also would like to think I’d report the boy concerned. Unsure whether or not I would. However, what he has done is awful and illegal.
Chickoletta · 29/04/2021 16:30
Lots of good advice and information here for you and DD - www.thinkuknow.co.uk/
CEOP is a branch of the National Crime Agency which deals with online crime and safety. They also have a helpline which DD could call for advice.
ChloeCrocodile · 29/04/2021 16:31
Another one saying you should report it to the police. This is a really serious incident, and the school may well involve them anyway. But there is no harm in you reporting it too via the non-emergency number.
Also, keep your DD out of any school where "snitches" are treated even worse. That isn't okay and indicates that the school is failing to protect vulnerable students.
Iwantcauliflowercheese · 29/04/2021 16:34
Well done OP. I would add that it's important that your DD's name is cleared at the school. Despite changing schools, she doesn't need anyone thinking she's left because she is guilty.
Also, as this is a criminal offence, the safeguarding lead would be negligent in not reporting this to the police, therefore you will need to speak to them.
I'm so pleased your daughter is happy. It's great news.
RampantIvy · 29/04/2021 16:35
You just have to push yourself, to deal with unpleasant things in life
Some children just don't have the resilience to do this. When you reach such a low point that you just haven't got it in you to fight back what do you suggest? The OP's DD has started self harming FGS!
DD went through some pretty nasty bullying at school to the point that she was self harming and borderline anorexic, so I have tiptoed in the OP's footsteps.
Are you always completely lacking in empathy?
As a teacher I was able to tackle bullies by saying that an uninvolved child had witnessed/heard the behaviour and asked me to intervene. There are ways of acting without having DD labelled a snitch.
This is the best way of dealing with this.
I hope the boy in question is brought to account. I despise bullying.
EmeraldShamrock · 29/04/2021 16:35
I'm glad you've reported this and are taking action to protect DD.
Every last one of them would need a parents help in this situation, snitch my eye, remind DD that secondary school can be shit but things always get better, as adults we get to choose our company and have confidence when we're uncomfortable.
You've shown her she doesn't have to hide or except it.
Big hugs and hot chocolate tonight.
TakeYourFinalPosition · 29/04/2021 16:39
I’m glad she’s home
If you’re in England, there’s a bank holiday on Monday, so she’s got a bit of a break now - and then you can sort out new schools after that.
Looking after lambs does sound like a great mental health boost!
waitingforthenextseason · 29/04/2021 16:40
I would still report to the police. Boys/men like this should face consequences for their actions.
iforgotyourenotbono · 29/04/2021 16:41
You're a fantastic mum - well done ❤️ she's very lucky to have you xx
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 29/04/2021 16:44
You’ve done well so far but complete the action and report to the police-these young men need to learn.
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 29/04/2021 16:44
You just have to push yourself, to deal with unpleasant things in life true but as a pp said children are quite often expected to tolerate stuff that would be unacceptable to adults in a workplace. Abuse shouldn't be accepted as part of everyday life.
mogtheexcellent · 29/04/2021 16:46
Your DD is lucky to have a mum like you, who realises it was wrong and sorted it out.
I see you said your DD has friends outside of school. I think maybe homeschooling/tutors for the next year of GCSEs and building these friendships will be the way forward. I hope your DD does well.
CantBeAssed · 29/04/2021 16:48
You have definately done the right thing. My dd had similar experience at school. I insisted she "ride" it out until i saw a video sent to her on snapchat...horrendous viewing...i changed her school.and dd never looked back..i really wish i had done it from onset and spared her going through what she did...go with your "mum gut".
Glad your dd is feeling better about things now
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