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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Allowing a small bottle of alcohol at 15

161 replies

jacspatoutthecat · 24/04/2021 11:05

My DD is almost 15 and lots if her friends are experimenting with drink etc and some often go down the beach till the early hours and get the older kids to buy their drinks. My DD would like to go to the beach this evening from about 4pm and be picked up about 8pm. It is just her and 2 friends. They are adamant they are not meeting anyone else so most of the others don't come out till about 8pm!!! Both the other girls parents are allowing them one bottle of hooch. Thing is if I say no she will probably find a way of buying it or getting it without my knowledge, I think I would rather provide her with one small bottle than say no and then she ends up drinking someone elses!!!! When I think about what I did at 15 I was experimenting with drink and smoking but behind my parents back so I am glad she asked my permission rather than just going out and drinking secretly!!! Would you buy her a bottle or just say no??

OP posts:
EileenGC · 24/04/2021 23:21

@IHaveBrilloHair

Drugs are illegal to minors? Just minors then. Ha, thanks for letting me know.
Alcohol and tobacco are drugs. They’re illegal to minors. Did you not know that?

You’re being obtuse to make what point?

GreyhoundG1rl · 24/04/2021 23:22

What is up with you, Brillo?

Original poster
jacspatoutthecat · 24/04/2021 23:47

I definitely made the right decision as it all crashed and burned and all 3 learnt alot from the experience They sat on the beach for an hour and got cold and bored - DD didn't like the groups of teens they didn't know blasting their music and lighting bbqs she was scared they would get burned as it was so windy. They upped and left and went into town and got a mcdonalds all three came home with unopened alcohol. I knew they were sensible and I am so glad that they actually had the confidence to walk away and not get sucked in. OK they didn't get to do the insta live they wanted but they enjoyed their burger and have decided that actually unless it is a hot day the beach is quite boring. She was the insigator in changing the plans as she was really scared of the bbqs and silly teenage boys throwing fag packets on them. We had a massive chat this evening and I told her how proud I was of her for deciding that they didn't feel safe and not going with the crowd!!!

OP posts:
EileenGC · 25/04/2021 00:03

Your daughter sounds very sensible @jacspatoutthecat. Keep encouraging her not to give in to peer pressure, be that from the boys on the beach or her own friends. It definitely does make them feel better when they can stand up for themselves and decide they don't actually feel like joining the crowd. Sounds like they enjoyed their evening!

TinaTurnoff · 25/04/2021 00:21

I’m glad it ended how it did @jacspatoutthecat but she found herself in a large peer group, not a small controlled group of close mates, and luckily had the agreement of her two friends to leave. I would not be comfortable at all with that scenario. If one friend wanted to stay, what then? If she were the only one who wanted to leave, would she have the courage and safety to make her own way home? I’ve a 14yo DD and there’s no way I would have equipped her with a bottle of alcopop for a sunny afternoon at the beach. I believe very strongly that gateway experiences at this age are not appropriate. Peer pressure is huge, and feeding peer pressure by supplying one’s own young teen with booze makes it worse. It’s a no from me.

IHaveBrilloHair · 25/04/2021 00:26

Good for your Dd.
She's definitely sensible to leave if she's uncomfortable.
I taught mine the same and its served her well.

bedtimeshoes · 25/04/2021 01:02

Why do they need alcohol to have fun? They are only 14. Brain still developing too.

bedtimeshoes · 25/04/2021 01:06

Are you going to encourage her to start smoking too?

Divineswirls · 25/04/2021 02:12

Yr10 seems to be the year where parents relent and allow their DC to take a small amount of alcohol out with them. Not enough to get blind drunk though.

indiakulfi · 25/04/2021 02:18

14 is a bit young IMO.
My 16 year old will occasionally ask for a bottle of beer 5%, 220ml when I'm having one. I usually agree as it's always with a meal.

Hawkins001 · 25/04/2021 02:20

As strange as it is, in the privacy of your home, the legal age from when a person can drink booze is 5 , and don't take my word for it, Google it.

Hawkins001 · 25/04/2021 02:24

In the UK it is.

CJsGoldfish · 25/04/2021 02:42

I agree with every word @paralysedbyinertia has written.

And on today's episode of MN over reacting, one small bottle of smirnof ice will ensure your child is an alcoholic, raped on the beach or dead in the woods
Oh, it's cool to make a joke of it but how many attacks and incidents involve alcohol? Doesn't even have to be your kid drinking because so many other parents have also taken shrugged their shoulders and taken the "meh, they'll do it anyway" route. So while you might pat yourselves on the back for your 'cool' and 'relaxed' parenting by only allowing a set amount, are you sure the other parents you're competing with are doing the same?
The UK has a huge issue with underage alcohol, especially among girls and this is why. Slack parents who would rather go along with the peer pressure lest they be seen as uncool. It's really shit and one drink or five you are just contributing to a bigger issue which is real and only getting worse the younger the drinkers

alexdgr8 · 25/04/2021 02:52

@Aprilshowersandhail

Why would anyone allow this? Why wouldn't your CHILDREN be taught that you don't need alcohol to have fun and have a good time? If their friends don't respect their choice not to drink are they real friends? My dd has no regrets about moving on from the so called mates she had..
at last, the voice of reason. i was beginning to despair at some of the attitudes on here. no wonder so many children go off the rails, get depressed etc. what's wrong with teaching them self-respect, and self care. or is it the parents' habit of constant tippling that leads to lack of guidance for youngsters. well done April, and DD.
indiakulfi · 25/04/2021 03:51

@Hawkins001

As strange as it is, in the privacy of your home, the legal age from when a person can drink booze is 5 , and don't take my word for it, Google it.
That doesn't make it a good choice though does it?
IHaveBrilloHair · 25/04/2021 05:53

@CJsGoldfish.
I didn't try to be cool, or relaxed, or as others have said, my Dd's friend.
I was realistic and I found that allowing small amounts of alcohol in a controlled way was the way to do it.
Of course others feel differently but that doesn't make me an awful mother.
Funny how everyone who has commented negatively has missed out the part where at 19 Dd rarely drinks as she's just not interested, she can take it or leave it.

itsgettingwierd · 25/04/2021 08:57

They wanted to instalive the whole thing? Why?

Sounds like the kids were actually more responsible than the adults in the end in this situation regardless of their initial intentions - which they should have been educated on rather than encouraged to do.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 25/04/2021 09:03

I think your DD doesn't actually want to try to get in with this crowd at all.

Please support her with that. If they ask to do something similar again then ask her if she'd actually prefer you to support her to stand up to the pressure and offer a different alternative.

HelenHywater · 25/04/2021 09:07

There's no way I'd give my children alcohol at 14, and certainly not an alco-pop that doesn't even taste of alcohol. My children have all known that there's a blanket zero tolerance rule for alcohol in my house up to 18. I don't care if I'm seen as the uncool mum.

While I'm sure they do come across it before then, and have probably drunk it before then, it hasn't been a problem for me. When they are in sixth form, I am well aware they will be drinking at parties etc (although for dd2 who is 18, she's been in lockdown for most of her sixth form), but I stand firm on my rule on alcohol (and fags, and drugs).

BigSandyBalls2015 · 25/04/2021 09:09

We did when our DDs were that age .... the kids with parents who said no were seen outside the local londis asking strange men to buy them booze. I know what I’d prefer!

Marble2302 · 25/04/2021 09:15

Drinking on the beach in the daylight is rough. So to allow children to do it is even worse.

No wonder the local beaches are full of drunken kids. Their parents facilitate it.

paralysedbyinertia · 25/04/2021 09:22

@BigSandyBalls2015

We did when our DDs were that age .... the kids with parents who said no were seen outside the local londis asking strange men to buy them booze. I know what I’d prefer!
Some might end up doing this, as will some who decide that they want more alcohol than their parents have provided. The vast majority won't, though.

"They'll do it anyway" seems to be the justification for parents to provide their kids with alcohol, but lots of kids don't do it anyway, so it's a bit of an empty one in my view. Also, where do you draw the line? Will you provide them with cigarettes and drugs as well, if they're that way inclined? It would probably be a lot safer than them trying to procure these items for themselves...

doadeer · 25/04/2021 09:32

I wonder whether the culture of giving fruit/pop type alcoholic drinks to young people leads to more issues. If we were like France or Italy and wine with dinner was normalised - would this result in less of a binge drinking culture?

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 25/04/2021 09:35

My friends and I used to ask older guys to buy us booze. It was a terrible idea and I regret it but if my parents had bought me a bottle of Smirnoff Ice it wouldn't have stopped me (they didn't buy it for me but I nicked stuff out of their drinks cabinet). I would still have tried to get more booze and to get cigarettes too.

The only way I can see that they won't do that stuff is if they have thought it through, are aware of the dangers and make a better decision than I did. My parents were lovely people but they didn't talk to me about this stuff at all and there was nothing taught at school either beyond the odd video on 'just say no to drugs' I did not think about the dangerous dynamic of 'owing something' to older exploitative men. These days I hope my DD and I can talk about things better and I know they actually have proper education at school about all kinds of stuff I never did: relationships, consent, drugs and alcohol, gangs, finances. I think that's much better because knowledge is power.

WeAllHaveWings · 25/04/2021 09:39

Glad she is home safely, she shouldn't have been there in the first place. It was obvious this was the local teenage drinking area, a hotspot for trouble with older kids and not appropriate to send a 14 year old in to play with a bottle of Smirrnoff Ice. She was lucky it was only fag packets that were thrown.

Hope your chat included believing her - They are adamant they are not meeting anyone else so most of the others don't come out till about 8pm!!! - won't be happening again.

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