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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Allowing a small bottle of alcohol at 15

161 replies

jacspatoutthecat · 24/04/2021 11:05

My DD is almost 15 and lots if her friends are experimenting with drink etc and some often go down the beach till the early hours and get the older kids to buy their drinks. My DD would like to go to the beach this evening from about 4pm and be picked up about 8pm. It is just her and 2 friends. They are adamant they are not meeting anyone else so most of the others don't come out till about 8pm!!! Both the other girls parents are allowing them one bottle of hooch. Thing is if I say no she will probably find a way of buying it or getting it without my knowledge, I think I would rather provide her with one small bottle than say no and then she ends up drinking someone elses!!!! When I think about what I did at 15 I was experimenting with drink and smoking but behind my parents back so I am glad she asked my permission rather than just going out and drinking secretly!!! Would you buy her a bottle or just say no??

OP posts:
Original poster
jacspatoutthecat · 24/04/2021 16:40

Well she is there now armed with a small bottle of smirnoff ice. I am happy that she respects me enough to tell me her plans and I respect her and trust her enough to be out for a few hours. Much better than her sneaking alcohol out behind my back or even worse getting someone else to buy it.

OP posts:
Original poster
jacspatoutthecat · 24/04/2021 16:41

Forgot to say: they have taken a picnic as well some mini sausages crisps and little cakes etc!!

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 24/04/2021 16:45

One can only wonder why you asked! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Aprilshowersandhail · 24/04/2021 16:51

Virtual 5k fine to you op...
One of my dc's mates (16 and exh had supplied drink) was epileptic and they sat in the woods drinking. Had a reaction to the alcohol .. Everyone scarpered except my dc who rang for an ambulance... The lad could have died.. Irresistible adults had caused that.

Overdueanamechange · 24/04/2021 16:55

Congratulations on giving your 14 year old alcohol to drink with her mates on the beach. 👏 hopefully this under age group of drunk children won't attract the attention of predatory males. One can hope.

IHaveBrilloHair · 24/04/2021 16:56

I allowed similar.
At 19 Dd rarely drinks, just isn't interested.

IHaveBrilloHair · 24/04/2021 17:00

And on today's episode of MN over reacting, one small bottle of smirnof ice will ensure your child is an alcoholic, raped on the beach or dead in the woods.

LynetteScavo · 24/04/2021 17:08

I think a 14 yr old girl on a beach with a bottle of alcohol shouts 'vulnerable' to predators. I know exactly what you mean @CovoidOfAllHumanity

Overdueanamechange · 24/04/2021 17:09

Not really accurate, is it @IHaveBrilloHair. We are here to protect our children, not be mates with them, or break to law for them to help them fit in with a particular crowd.

Original poster
jacspatoutthecat · 24/04/2021 17:10

one bottle of drink on a saturday afternoon with a picnic is hardly going to get them drunk!! That is why she will be picked up by 8pm. As I mentioned earlier under no circumstances will I let her out after dark. At least this way she is getting a little bit of freedom to be like other girls her age ( I am not saying it is right but it IS happening within her school year and I can't change that). I can encourage other friendships but at the end of the day I cannot choose her friends for her like when she was 6!!!!! As I said earlier I have appreciated all comments but if you have a child who is desperate to fit in you have to be very careful to not come down too hard and then have them do it to excess without your consent.

OP posts:
HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 24/04/2021 17:11

I nearly died after a alcohol fuelled attack. The 2 girls that attacked me and smashed my skull in were 15 and had been drinking. I was told one more kick to the back of my head and I wouldn't be here now. That was 21 years ago and even now I still suffer from the affects of it. For months after I had crippling migraines, I had concussion for 6 months and even to this day I still suffer from neurological issues. I'm not saying anything like that will happen but alcohol affects people in different ways

Original poster
jacspatoutthecat · 24/04/2021 17:11

@IHaveBrilloHair

And on today's episode of MN over reacting, one small bottle of smirnof ice will ensure your child is an alcoholic, raped on the beach or dead in the woods.
Exactly!!! 🤣🤣
OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 24/04/2021 17:15

@IHaveBrilloHair

And on today's episode of MN over reacting, one small bottle of smirnof ice will ensure your child is an alcoholic, raped on the beach or dead in the woods.
🤣 🤣 🤣
GreyhoundG1rl · 24/04/2021 17:15

And on today's episode of MN over reacting, one small bottle of smirnof ice will ensure your child is an alcoholic, raped on the beach or dead in the woods.

Exactly!!! 🤣🤣

Whatever... 🙄

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 24/04/2021 17:22

Of course one bottle of Smirnoff Ice probably won't lead directly to those dire consequences in each individual case

But on a whole society level underage drinking does increase the risk of misadventure, accidents, sexual exploitation etc which is why it is illegal in the first place because at this age they are too young and vulnerable to understand the consequences or get themselves out of trouble.

I was probably16 or so when I started getting drunk at parties etc. I seriously regret some stuff that happened and so I hope for it never to happen to my DD. Looking back I see that those older guys who agreed to buy alcohol for me and my friends had an agenda we were completely naive about at the time.

mumonthehill · 24/04/2021 17:25

My ds 14 just come back from the beach with mates and took lemonade!! I am quite liberal but absolutely no way to a group of 14 year olds having drink near water. 16 is different I think but 14 would be a no from me.

timeforanewnameagain · 24/04/2021 17:26

As long as it is one bottle then I don't see the harm but it's unlikely to be one bottle and I wouldn't allow it unsupervised in public.

At 15, I was drinking in nightclubs (pre-photo ID age, just). Behind my mums back.

We were also allowed those little stubby bottles of beer and cheap wine from about 13/14 at a friends house for parties (in the late 90s).

Al this 'ban it and you make it popular' stuff is nonsense. We were never banned from it and yet we still spent our late teens and early twenties going out getting absolutely smashed frequently. It was popular regardless.

Now I do look back a bit horrified at what went on, if I'm honest. It was irresponsible of the adults to let us do that though we thought it was cool at the time. We all smoked then too. I'm surprised none of us ever came to any harm.

I have a long while before my daughters become teens, but I intend to educate them on the dangers and allow small, reasonable consumption from late teens but supervised, by me. Hopefully the trend for teens drinking being uncool will continue and by then mine won't be bothered (I'd rather they had a wine than took drugs though, which seems to be more popular with teenagers than it was when I was young, anyway!).

Skyla2005 · 24/04/2021 17:27

Yes I would say of course that's fine. My 15 year old took a can of a cocktail type drink with her to a picnic and all was fine if you say no she will have a bit of each of her friends which would be worse

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/04/2021 17:34

I have allowed all of mine (5 so far) to drink when they hit 15. But I have a rule, it must be "proper" alcohol so not alcoholic pop. No WKD, flavoured "cider" (aka fizzy ribena) etc. I want them to realise what lager/wine etc tastes like and not to get a taste for the alcopops.

As a result only my eldest and second daughter drink with any regularity and even then only a couple of times a month at most.

I prefer them to drink under my supervision and have often felt that back in the days when we could sneak into pubs underage, it was better. We had to keep quiet and keep our heads down so we didnt get busted and chucked out, but that meant that we learned what we liked/didnt like, how to behave in a pub, how alcohol affected us etc. Kids now who are not allowed any alcohol until they are 18 are usually the ones who are going on absolute benders when they are legally allowed. Both my DD's had horrible experiences with friends who were not allowed to drink under 18 and then went absolutely crazy on their first times going out. DD1 fell out with one particular friend as a result.

IHaveBrilloHair · 24/04/2021 17:35

One bottle is one bottle.
Why is it unlikely to stay one bottle timeforanewnameagain
Surely, going by that logic no bottles isn't going to be no bottles.
The Dd has been honest, is getting dropped off and picked up.
Drinking does start at this age, honesty is best for safety.
Drugs are a far bigger issue, and they start at around this age too and are far less regulated or safe.

CherryChapsticks · 24/04/2021 17:42

Your boundaries are really skewed. You don't give alcohol to a 14 year old. I understand that they will get hold of it behind your back potentially etc etc but that's been the case for teens since time began. Doesn't mean you need to helpfully do it for them

rainbowandglitter · 24/04/2021 17:49

Shocking op. She's 14, not even nearly the age limit for drinking.

If you don't drink alcohol then even one bottle could make you tipsy. Your daughter is in a vulnerable position drinking at that age on the beach. I'm shocked you don't even care about that.

Plus it's not exactly classy is it.... teenagers day drinking on a beach.

BiBabbles · 24/04/2021 17:49

No, I wouldn't, not in that context.

I get there are a lot of fears around the unknowns and social life around drinking and other drug taking, but those don't automatically lessen if we provide those - it's just added another little bottle into the mix. Plenty of teenagers who get alcohol from their parents do all the things people are afraid of with getting alcohol elsewhere too and lie about all sorts. An honest relationship and safe behaviours aren't based on whether a parent is providing drink, there are too many other factors in that.

When I was a teetotal teenager, I got pissed off at adults who had all these excuses to buy their children alcohol or other drugs to come out with and acted like it was proof of what a great relationship they had with their children and how cool and understanding they were & their kids won't be the ones who go wild in uni because it inevitably ended up on the shoulders of the teenagers who didn't drink to deal if something bad happened which happened far too often. Maybe an over-reaction to one small bottle, but with 14 year olds, I think if parents are buying alcohol then they should be responsible for it and ensure there is appropriate supervision, not leave the possibility that another child is going to have to step in to what should be an adult's role, but I know that's just from my bad experiences of growing up in a community where a lot of adults had this attitude, including my own parents, and I saw little good come from it.

Bonkerz · 24/04/2021 18:01

My 15 year old drinks with friends. I believe you have to normalise it and teach kids how to do it safely and sensibly.
It's moved on from when I was that age. My daughter apparently enjoys a naice Chardonnay!!
I'd be more concerned about social media and the date. My daughter has been housebound today terrified of what's been declared as today being "national sexual abuse day" especially on tik tok.

GreyhoundG1rl · 24/04/2021 18:09

My daughter apparently enjoys a naice Chardonnay!!
My, haven't you done well? Confused