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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds 14 and porn

148 replies

Pinklemonade16 · 14/04/2021 20:17

So basically picked up sons phone today to google something as mine had died.....long story short seen he had been on porn hub and I was mortified 😂 yes I know he’s a teenager and it’s perfectly normal behavior I just can’t get around the fact my baby is definitely not a baby. How the hell do people manage this teenage thing. I’m so not ready for him to be grown. Anyway bit of a pointless post but yeah

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 14/04/2021 20:29

I'd hit the roof. Its not normal. It really isn't. People like you and your ha ha accepting attitude make it normal. Do better.

Original poster
Pinklemonade16 · 14/04/2021 20:42

Excuse me a teenage boy being curious about sex is normal! Am I happy about it no! But I’ve accepted it’s probably going to happen.

OP posts:
Keyperfect · 14/04/2021 20:46

I would not accept this as normal in any way and would not make light of it at all. I would be having a very serious conversation with him.

DogsSausages · 14/04/2021 20:46

Can you block these sites on his phone

Keyperfect · 14/04/2021 20:47

But I agree, it's not easy navigating the teenage years and you have my sympathies there

imalmostthere · 14/04/2021 20:47

Mistake posting anything about porn on Mumsnet op.
Ignore the hysteria - but I'd get this taken down as you'll get a bartering.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/04/2021 20:47

I'd hit the roof.

Which would in no way help and hysterics will accomplish absolutely nothing. Open, calm conversation about the reality of pornography is definitely needed. A 14 year olds interest in sex should not be shamed or treated as though it's abnormal.

saffysue · 14/04/2021 20:48

Have you looked on PornHub op?

There's a lot of extreme and violent stuff on there which could skew his impression of what sex is meant to be like and the role of women.

I'm not saying it's at all unusual, I'm sure it's sadly very common but if we don't want to end up with a generation of warped minds then I think this needs to be dealt with.

Ideally it wouldn't fall to the parents and there would be better internet restrictions generally but that doesn't seem to be likely.

Keyperfect · 14/04/2021 20:49

Interest/ curiosity about sex is normal but pornography must never be normalised, IMO. Incredibly damaging to a young mind

Original poster
Pinklemonade16 · 14/04/2021 20:50

I have put a limit on his phone and my home internet from adult websites. I was shocked when I discovered this but I thought he’s a teenage boy it’s him being curious. Now I’m being lynched and made to feel like my child is crazy person.

OP posts:
LST · 14/04/2021 20:51

Absolute LOL at people thinking teenagers (both sexes) don't try and find porn. Jesus.

QuentinWinters · 14/04/2021 20:52

I talked to my DS at that age about some of the negative effects of porn on his developing brain, his future sex life and his view of women generally.
I don't expect him not to look but I wanted to help him understand its not all what it seems.
I also sent him this but I don’t know if he watched it

Keyperfect · 14/04/2021 20:52

No, he's not crazy and that's not been suggested. But it would be crazy of you to let this slide and accept it as normal behaviour. It's not right.

Keyperfect · 14/04/2021 20:55

@LST who has said that teenagers wouldn't do this? I take issue with the parenting that shrugs its shoulders at it, as if we can't do better

Original poster
Pinklemonade16 · 14/04/2021 20:55

So it’s not normal for a teenage boy to be curious and have a look at some porn?

OP posts:
Womenschampion · 14/04/2021 20:55

Your son isnt a crazy person. Despite mumsnets anti-porn view, teenage boys r interested in sex. It is very normal for them to find this sort of stuff stimulating.

Explaining porn isn't ‘realistic’ is something useful to do but you’ll probably just get told you’re being lame or embarrassing for talking about it.

Just educate as best you can and hope he makes good choices.

alwayslearningsomethingnew · 14/04/2021 20:55

@Pinklemonade16 don't worry mumsnet is absolutely diabolical at times and I've given up asking for advice now on my parenting and kids.

If you are on the stricter side you're a control freak parent and if you're laid back you need to pull your finger out and get serious.

In our culture unfortunately I can see why a teenage boy of 14 would access porn, my ds is 13 and I wouldn't be surprised if it will happen soon

But as a woman, I believe porn is so damaging to us and how it normalises misogyny and rape culture and I definitely would be speaking to my son about it because it's so disrespectful to women and I would point out they're getting paid for it and on no level are the women enjoying it.

It's a difficult one though

ploopypleepy · 14/04/2021 20:56

Course it's normal, for this generation anyway, what do you think horny young lads are going to be looking at when they have access to every single thing in the internet. This happened recently with my DP and his 14yo son, he just explained that what he sees on porn sites is nothing close to real life and when he does become sexually actively not to expect it to be the same.

Keyperfect · 14/04/2021 20:57

It's not normal for a parent to respond in such a "what can you do? Lol" way

Womenschampion · 14/04/2021 20:58

@ploopypleepy

Course it's normal, for this generation anyway, what do you think horny young lads are going to be looking at when they have access to every single thing in the internet. This happened recently with my DP and his 14yo son, he just explained that what he sees on porn sites is nothing close to real life and when he does become sexually actively not to expect it to be the same.
Exactly this. Id agree this is the right approach.
alwayslearningsomethingnew · 14/04/2021 20:58

@Keyperfect

No, he's not crazy and that's not been suggested. But it would be crazy of you to let this slide and accept it as normal behaviour. It's not right.
It isn't abnormal for a teenage boy to access porn if he can, come on... of course teach him it's not right and the effect it has on women and show him a new perspective on it but knowing how many men obsess over sex I think it's very 'normal' ... not saying porn is ok, I think it should be banned altogether or at the very least requires proof of age and address to access. Worrying that kids can access it but it's happening
Shannaratiger · 14/04/2021 20:58

My DS is 14, I wouldn't be happy seeing a porn sight on his search list and would definitely sit him down and discuss it with him. I wouldn't make him feel guilty though.

ScrollingLeaves · 14/04/2021 20:58

“Pinklemonade16

I have put a limit on his phone and my home internet from adult websites”

Do you know how he managed to access the site? Could the controls be stronger? Maybe someone else knows.

The main thing now is to talk to him a lot.

Keyperfect · 14/04/2021 20:58

What's diabolical here is the porn industry

alwayslearningsomethingnew · 14/04/2021 20:59

I used to sneak to the bookshelf when I was a young teen to look at the book about the birds and the bees, if I knew I could access porn I would have tbh, not because I was sexually motivated by it just because I wanted to see what bodies were like

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