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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds 14 and porn

148 replies

Pinklemonade16 · 14/04/2021 20:17

So basically picked up sons phone today to google something as mine had died.....long story short seen he had been on porn hub and I was mortified 😂 yes I know he’s a teenager and it’s perfectly normal behavior I just can’t get around the fact my baby is definitely not a baby. How the hell do people manage this teenage thing. I’m so not ready for him to be grown. Anyway bit of a pointless post but yeah

OP posts:
LST · 14/04/2021 21:00

[quote Keyperfect]@LST who has said that teenagers wouldn't do this? I take issue with the parenting that shrugs its shoulders at it, as if we can't do better[/quote]
Never said that. But some of the comments were acting like it wasn't a normal occurrence for teens to be interested.

NerrSnerr · 14/04/2021 21:01

Please don't assume it's just boys. I'm nearly 40 and was searching for porn and god awful sex stories on the home PC as a teen (which was a much riskier business trying to make sure you left no trace of your search when the whole family uses it).

I'm not saying the porn industry is good at all but many teenagers will find this stuff and hitting the roof or even making them aware you know will just make them try and hide it better.

Keyperfect · 14/04/2021 21:04

I accept I might be in the minority but I would be extremely unhappy with this and I couldn't accept this as normal. It stems from this whole boys will be boys attitude which lets men and boys off the hook in so many ways from the small stuff, like housework to the serious stuff like this. Expect better from males. And parents must be the ones to instill it in their children. Do not fall for the "oh you know what men/ boys are like...". That damages everyone.

legalseagull · 14/04/2021 21:05

I'm dreading this. Bizarre posts from some people. Of course it's undesirable but it IS normal curiosity. When I was a teenager the boys had top shelf porn mags. Once the internet came along we looked for dirty stories and there was the odd video. You have to talk to him though. Not a cringe worthy talk. Just explain that porn is to sex what WWF wrestling is to a fight.

Oblomov21 · 14/04/2021 21:05

Of course it's normal for teens to search for porn sites. FGS pp's. Mn is neurotic about this.

Time for a talk op about how some sites are worse than others. And you talking to him generally re giving a more balanced view of women, relationships, and what real sex is like.

Bagelsandbrie · 14/04/2021 21:06

Some very harsh comments here. Porn Hub is awful, of course it is but it is (unfortunately) normal for teens of both sexes to be interested in porn and to search the internet for sexual stuff. It’s important to keep a good line of communication open about it all and explain why these sites are bad / the exploitation etc and yes of course block them if you can but don’t go in hitting the roof as posters have suggested, it really won’t get you anywhere.

TooManyAnimals94 · 14/04/2021 21:07

Nothing like a porn thread on mumsnet when you want a perfect example of group hysteria.

OP there is nothing wrong with you or your son. I honestly can't imagine a more awkward conversation than with my mum about porn but in a world where it's everywhere I think all parents should make an effort to talk to their kids about what normal, healthy, safe sex is and how that is not often portrayed in porn.

daretodenim · 14/04/2021 21:08

Your son is normal.

What's on pornhub isn't.

It's "normalised", but it's literally a couple of clicks to watch sexual violence that would be illegal if he attempted it.

Problem is people think porn = top shelf magazines. The images that were in them when we were younger is almost niche now because of its level of boringness.

Keyperfect · 14/04/2021 21:08

I worry for my children growing up, with porn apologists raising the next generation...

Trinacham · 14/04/2021 21:10

Surprised at the 'it's not normal' posts. I was looking at things like that at 14.. and I'm female.. if that is even more surprising (probably is to poster's here!) It is hardly weird to look at porn when going through puberty!!

Pinchoftums · 14/04/2021 21:11

It's completely normal to look
It's good parenting to educate them about all the negatives of porn and explain how real sex is nothing like porn and explain why.
Ideally get his Dad/male adult to explain too.
We also have blocked all sites on our family link. They can find ways round it but going to make it as hard as possible!

daretodenim · 14/04/2021 21:12

In fact we should stop calling it porn. It's misleading. Making 18 year olds cry and vomit from forced deep-throating is abuse.

And that doesn't even scratch the surface of what's available for free online under the term "porn".

Another word is needed because then when teens come across this stuff, as they do, it's simpler to differentiate between..levels of abuse.

Maddox33 · 14/04/2021 21:12

I can remember me and my friend giggling over The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort, when we were young teenagers. Those drawings and all the different positions! I decided then and there I was never ever going to have sex. Grin

Teenagers will be curious, it's natural, body changes are happening and hormones will be running rampant. I agree that a sensible chat about the porn industry is a good idea.

Original poster
Pinklemonade16 · 14/04/2021 21:13

Thanks all. Yes some hysterical reply’s. Yes of course I will talk to him and explain how unrealistic porn can be etc. But the last thing I want to do is embarrass him and make him more secretive. And make him feel like it’s wrong for him to be curious. And I’ve never seen porn hub so can’t imagine why is on there but that site will now be on the permanently blocked list.

OP posts:
InsideNumberNine · 14/04/2021 21:13

@daretodenim

Your son is normal.

What's on pornhub isn't.

It's "normalised", but it's literally a couple of clicks to watch sexual violence that would be illegal if he attempted it.

Problem is people think porn = top shelf magazines. The images that were in them when we were younger is almost niche now because of its level of boringness.

I agree with this. This isn't nice, sanitised, risqué sex. This is deep throating, gagging, choking, deep anal, painful sex. Even if your tastes start vanilla, you're a few clicks away from a woman with tears in her eyes and she deals with a dick in every orifice.

Have the conversation with him, no matter how uncomfortable, and keep having it with him regularly. This is not one to shrug and look away from.

welliesarefuntowear · 14/04/2021 21:13

I have had a very open discussion about porn with my teenage boys. It's an ongoing dialogue and they know my feelings on it. It's pointless getting angry. It is inevitable they will see it. I saw porn when I was a teenager and I'm 50 and didn't seek it out. They should know what it's about so they can navigate their way through the inevitable confusion they're going to fee, about it. Hitting the roof is not helpful.

Keyperfect · 14/04/2021 21:14

I think what I'm trying to say, not very articulately, is that natural curiousity is normal, but for a parent to throw their hands up and resign themselves to the inevitability of their child accessing Porn hub is not right. A conversation needs to be had about the damaging effects of this on him, on the "actors" and on wider society.

HedgleyTheHedgehog · 14/04/2021 21:16

OP you can't mention the word porn on here. MNers think that every single woman in porn is being forced into it against their will

Not sure why most have their own Twitter accounts, must be their criminal crime lord bosses in disguise

Keyperfect · 14/04/2021 21:17

@Pinklemonade16

Thanks all. Yes some hysterical reply’s. Yes of course I will talk to him and explain how unrealistic porn can be etc. But the last thing I want to do is embarrass him and make him more secretive. And make him feel like it’s wrong for him to be curious. And I’ve never seen porn hub so can’t imagine why is on there but that site will now be on the permanently blocked list.
Sounds like a good plan OP
InsideNumberNine · 14/04/2021 21:17

@Pinklemonade16

Thanks all. Yes some hysterical reply’s. Yes of course I will talk to him and explain how unrealistic porn can be etc. But the last thing I want to do is embarrass him and make him more secretive. And make him feel like it’s wrong for him to be curious. And I’ve never seen porn hub so can’t imagine why is on there but that site will now be on the permanently blocked list.
If you haven't seen it, I'd recommend you take a quick look and understand how categories and boundaries of porn have moved on since we accessed it as teens.
Original poster
Pinklemonade16 · 14/04/2021 21:17

Yes I realised this about 2mins after posting Hmm

OP posts:
willithappen · 14/04/2021 21:21

🙃 it's not just teenage boys or boys who watch. You'll probably find the girls are just as in to it
With the introduction of onlyfans as well there's a huge amount out there. You can't physically stop them (will probably make them more curious) but have a healthy discussion with them about the ways it CAN be detrimental and also ways it could help.

welliesarefuntowear · 14/04/2021 21:21

There was hardcore pornography around in the 80s accessible on copies of vhs that were regularly passed around. So anyone who thinks this is new territory is incorrect. The video I saw as a teenager was very much the same as what is currently on pornhub. I felt very unsettled and confused about my feelings. An open dialogue is the only way.

bitheby · 14/04/2021 21:24

It's a bit like drugs. Back in the day, what you could get was relatively harmless. Now the strength and potential impacts of it are much more damaging. Same with porn. Violent porn is desensitising young people and normalising some very extreme sex. I'm not a parent yet but I would definitely talk to him about this and try to limit access for his own sake.

PinkCookie11 · 14/04/2021 21:25

This is just getting ridiculous.

Your son is totally normal, he’s at an age where he is going to be curious, it is what it is. Their all going to search for it no matter how much you think your child isn’t going to, their going to.

As others have said just explain it’s not reality etc.
I know you don’t want to embarrass him, don’t be cringe keep it light hearted and then it’s done.

Teenagers will be teenagers, we’ve all been there, don’t act as if your all so innocent.

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