Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds 14 and porn

148 replies

Pinklemonade16 · 14/04/2021 20:17

So basically picked up sons phone today to google something as mine had died.....long story short seen he had been on porn hub and I was mortified 😂 yes I know he’s a teenager and it’s perfectly normal behavior I just can’t get around the fact my baby is definitely not a baby. How the hell do people manage this teenage thing. I’m so not ready for him to be grown. Anyway bit of a pointless post but yeah

OP posts:
LBXXX · 14/04/2021 22:13

@Keyperfect

I worry for my children growing up, with porn apologists raising the next generation...
Oh will you give it a rest
Crabbypaddy · 14/04/2021 22:13

Are you actually suggesting drugs were “relatively harmless” “back in the day” lol? I look at the state of the likes of ozzy osbourne, mick jagger, iggy pop etc nowadays through hammering drugs “back in the day” and call bullshit Grin. This thread has been most entertaining lol

idrinkchocolatemilk · 14/04/2021 22:17

People on this site are absolutely batshit.

It’s totally fucking normal OP EVERYONE has looked at porn, he’s a teenage boy he’s going to look. I hope your okay after all the idiotic comments

LBXXX · 14/04/2021 22:17

OP your son is normal and I think all you need to do is make sure he’s aware of boundaries and that no means no and that these videos aren’t real life. He most likely already knows all of this

ScrollingLeaves · 14/04/2021 22:17

“Mamal129
It's perfectly normal, it just used to be magazines”

Those magazines( if and when a 14 could get them) were nothing like the porn now available on the internet.

And because of smartphones it can be like an Iv drip.

bitheby · 14/04/2021 22:18

@Crabbypaddy

Are you actually suggesting drugs were “relatively harmless” “back in the day” lol? I look at the state of the likes of ozzy osbourne, mick jagger, iggy pop etc nowadays through hammering drugs “back in the day” and call bullshit Grin. This thread has been most entertaining lol

You know what I mean. The strength of cannabis has got much stronger. Crack cocaine etc. People are hitting harder stuff than they might have done.

hellywelly3 · 14/04/2021 22:25

Perfectly normal to look for porn at 14 but unfortunately there is some really extreme things on porn hub. I’m not antiporn at all. I just explained to my Ds at a similar age that porn was not like real sex like when you watch an action movie it’s not like real life.

ScrollingLeaves · 14/04/2021 22:31

“rjacksmiss

I found my son had Googled "nice boobs" and "little mix boobs"

😂

Hopefully he's not on the hardcore yet. Eek“

If he googled ‘nice boobs’ he would have found porn.

Ds 14 and porn
goldielockdown2 · 14/04/2021 22:34

I did the exact same thing at his age many times and now I'm as feminist and anti porn as they come, so please don't worry! I had to educate myself with age and time but thankfully now you are aware of this you can step in yourself and have some good conversations with him.

rjacksmiss · 14/04/2021 22:56

@ScrollingLeaves

“rjacksmiss

I found my son had Googled "nice boobs" and "little mix boobs"

😂

Hopefully he's not on the hardcore yet. Eek“

If he googled ‘nice boobs’ he would have found porn.

Ohhhhhhhhh. He's probably shat himself when he's seen that. Thankfully he only searched and never clicked on any links as it would have been in the history. Poor kid. I'll actually maybe have a chat with him about stuff like that tomorrow.
chocatoo · 14/04/2021 23:06

I would have thought that simply knowing that you have seen what he was looking at should be enough to put him off for a while.
I think it is probably normal for teenage boys to look at porn. We should ask our husbands what they did.

Voice0fReason · 14/04/2021 23:07

It is perfectly normal for teens to seek out pornography.
Putting parental controls in place is fairly pointless for teens.

It is really important to talk to your children about the reality of pornography. There is no way of knowing if what you are watching is someone who has been trafficked, has been coerced, has turned to sex work out of desperation, is a victim of abuse or is in the small minority of women who claim that they are doing it because they enjoy it so much.

What it shows bears no reality to real life. Most women do not want to be treated like that. They are performing what is directed.

There is no point in lecturing or telling them they must never watch it. Educate them so they understand and can make their own choices.

chocatoo · 14/04/2021 23:08

ps
On the other end of the spectrum, I was really into Mills & Boon romance books at one point as a teenager and I remember my mum sitting me down for a serious chat to explain that real life isn't like a Mills & Boon book.

ScrollingLeaves · 14/04/2021 23:23

Chocatoo

At that age your husband would not have seen what is out there now, nor been in a position to see so much for such prolonged periods.

Was there even the internet when he was that age?

LST · 15/04/2021 03:59

@Keyperfect

I accept I might be in the minority but I would be extremely unhappy with this and I couldn't accept this as normal. It stems from this whole boys will be boys attitude which lets men and boys off the hook in so many ways from the small stuff, like housework to the serious stuff like this. Expect better from males. And parents must be the ones to instill it in their children. Do not fall for the "oh you know what men/ boys are like...". That damages everyone.
I aren't a male. I searched for porn as a teen
hamstersarse · 15/04/2021 06:39

Jordan Peterson is a psychologist who has been mega popular with teen boys over the last few years. Both mine listened to him. I forgot that...he was probably more influential than me!

This is a clip of him when he did a q and a session on the issue of porn....notice he talks only about the impact it has on the boy
I know porn is bad for women, but I do think you have to concentrate on why it is bad for them to make any moves on it

hamstersarse · 15/04/2021 06:46

This is with American stars but this is the message boys need IMO

I don’t under estimate the long term harm it can do

Dizzy1234 · 15/04/2021 07:00

My DSS looks at porn and has been since he was about 13, that's the first time I caught him.
In my lounge with an erection, I nearly died of embarrassment 🙄
Spoke to oh but he refused to put parental control on his phone as he didn't want to upset DSS, Disney dad at his finest.
He's still watching it and I worry how that will affect his "grown up" relationships, I think it gives the wrong impression of what a mutual loving relationship should be, will he expect future partners to perform like a porn star?
If I had any control I would put a block on his phone, he's 17 now so probably too late.
At 14 and him being your son I would put parental control on his phone

ScissorsBike · 15/04/2021 07:03

Oh God, you shouldn't have asked on Mumsnet! Of couse it's normal!

ScissorsBike · 15/04/2021 07:03

*course

Itsjustricemichael · 15/04/2021 07:25

There are some good resources also from someone called Gail Dines. Culture refrained.

SelkieIntegrated · 15/04/2021 07:28

@Pinklemonade16

So it’s not normal for a teenage boy to be curious and have a look at some porn?
Ydid he set up an account. I have a 14 yr old son and i couldnt take his phone but i would switch off internet if he was on porn hub objectifying women. I am not paying for him to objectify women while i work all week to pay for him to go to university.
SelkieIntegrated · 15/04/2021 07:34

How do you put parental control on their phone?

Oblomov21 · 15/04/2021 07:35

I've just had the loveliest chat with my eldest Ds1 who said that he's not that into it, finds it degrading to women, and all the other things mentioned on this thread.

SelkieIntegrated · 15/04/2021 07:36

I once spent hours putting a timer on the modem so he would go to sleep and he just put a pin it to reset it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread