Ds 14 and porn

[Pinklemonade16]

So basically picked up sons phone today to google something as mine had died.....long story short seen he had been on porn hub and I was mortified 😂 yes I know he’s a teenager and it’s perfectly normal behavior I just can’t get around the fact my baby is definitely not a baby. How the hell do people manage this teenage thing. I’m so not ready for him to be grown. Anyway bit of a pointless post but yeah

So it’s not normal for a teenage boy to be curious and have a look at some porn?
That's why you should make it almost impossible to find it - strict limits on phone and router etc.

it is not out of the ordinary at all and is not particularly harmful as I very much doubt your children could find and would watch violent porn...

Umm this is very naive. Just google pornhub and click on the site. The first page will include incest, choking, anal sex, spitting.

It's really easy to find violent porn free on the internet. I am quite kinky and I get turned on by some consensually harder core stuff but I've seen some really disturbing stuff on free sites that does not look consensual. I would not want young boys to be watching that as their early sexual experiences that will shape their sexuality life potentially for the rest of their lives. The brain is the most powerful organ in sex. What gets in their early will undoubtedly affect what they find arousing in future. It's really naive to say it's all normal without knowing what's out there.

Throat choking, smcking at clits, pounding so hard she cries, slapping at them....they cannot be raised to believe this is what sex is. My now dh was early 20s when we met and fairly inexperienced, he thought women liked having their heads grabbed whilst cock was rammed into their mouths, why? Because of the porn he watched. He never did it again, but it has the potential to be so, so damaging.

@QuentinWinters very interesting link. I’ve never seen it before but have already forwarded it to DP and will to my DS

That's why you should make it almost impossible to find it - strict limits on phone and router etc.
The only way you could make it almost impossible is by locking your child in the basement with no electricity.
Strict limits on the phone and router are almost completely pointless. If offers some protection against accidentally coming across porn. It offers absolutely no protection against a teen who wants to look.
And are you really going to ban your 16 year old from using Twitter?

“VoiceOfReason”
“And are you really going to ban your 16 year old from using Twitter?”

What does Twitter have to do with porn? (This is a genuine question)

@thekidlaroi2003

"Although exaggerated, I understand your point that there is easily accessible inappropriate content on, for example, pornhub. However none of what you named are actually acts of violence [using or involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something]. The examples given are acts done not with the intention to hurt, but with the intention to please."

She's not exaggerating. You are dissembling. The entire first pages of pornhub are always that content.

No matter the 'intent', they are acts of violence in law and the 'she asked for it' defence successfully used in recent assault/murder cases will hopefully not now be put forward again.

Please who? Even the kinksters of Mumsnet (if they were to search back to their teenage years) didn't entirely skip 'vanilla'. This 'Choking out' BS is a new phenomenon shoehorned into the mainstream and teenage girls are as socialised to please as ever. Percolating upwards, 40% of grown women on dating apps report casually committed violence without consent.

I think parents here are remembering the porn they saw where there was at least an attempt at portraying female orgasm instead of acted (or real) fear, pain and crying. Noticed it first in late 2000s and remember asking my boyfriend why did the girls now look like coerced addicts? I've read 80% of adult film actresses leave the industry in the first year.

Nevermind. It's 'normal'.

“ThrowawayBerna”

@thekidlaroi2003

"Although exaggerated, I understand your point that there is easily accessible inappropriate content on, for example, pornhub. However none of what you named are actually acts of violence [using or involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something]. The examples given are acts done not with the intention to hurt, but with the intention to please."

She's not exaggerating. You are dissembling. The entire first pages of pornhub are always that content.

No matter the 'intent', they are acts of violence in law and the 'she asked for it' defence successfully used in recent assault/murder cases will hopefully not now be put forward again.

Please who? Even the kinksters of Mumsnet (if they were to search back to their teenage years) didn't entirely skip 'vanilla'. This 'Choking out' BS is a new phenomenon shoehorned into the mainstream and teenage girls are as socialised to please as ever. Percolating upwards, 40% of grown women on dating apps report casually committed violence without consent.

I think parents here are remembering the porn they saw where there was at least an attempt at portraying female orgasm instead of acted (or real) fear, pain and crying. Noticed it first in late 2000s and remember asking my boyfriend why did the girls now look like coerced addicts? I've read 80% of adult film actresses leave the industry in the first year.

Nevermind. It's 'normal'.“

Thank you for this post Throwaway and particularly for picking up on the assertion that certain acts ‘are not acts of violence’ but ‘done with the intention to please’.

This sort of thinking shows what is wrong with the porn young people are seeing. It’s effects as translated in real life are
also evident from the ‘Everyone’s Invited’ posts.

I'm particularly enjoying being told what to think by a self proclaimed teen boy
It's almost like they don't realise we've been having sex longer than they've been alive. But oh no no no. They are the experts. Too funny

I am sure teenagers are curious about porn and always have been.

They have not always had access to the vast amount of seriously disturbing and violent videos that exist on pornhub.

Some more background on pornhub and its failure to filter out videos of rape and abuse:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/global-development/2020/mar/09/worlds-biggest-porn-site-under-fire-over-videos-pornhub

Lumene
Thanks for that link to the Guardian article about porn hub.
This is a link to the petition to hold Porn Hub accountable.
chng.it/jrtmxGRHDV

Log in to your mobile phone provider website. They all offer adult content blocking ! Also, you can filter it out on your home wi fi.

@ScrollingLeaves

“VoiceOfReason” “And are you really going to ban your 16 year old from using Twitter?”

What does Twitter have to do with porn? (This is a genuine question)

There is porn on Twitter

What @saffysue said.

“ihavethehighground
ScrollingLeaves
“VoiceOfReason”
“And are you really going to ban your 16 year old from using Twitter?”

What does Twitter have to do with porn? (This is a genuine question)”

“There is porn on Twitter”

Thanks. I had thought Twitter was for words.
I have now looked it up.

“Tweets can be up to 140 characters long and can include links to relevant websites and resources.”

So, I presume people use their 140 characters to publicly advertise/titillate point the way to all sorts of porn sites others might not have known about otherwise. Then these get re-posted ad infinitum. To get followers the original tweeters probably like to find unusual sites.

Any talk involving sex with a teenager is going to involve embarrassment. We have to put 'don't want to embarrass' aside and accept it's going to be awkward and embarrassing. There isn't anything wrong with those feelings, they don't automatically lead to shame and secretiveness.

With my DS1, it was him asking me to help him fix his phone at 13, it was just going so slow and kept acting weird -- and I ended up asking if he was aware he had over 25 tabs of DeviantArt open and that's probably part of the issue. Oh the fanart I saw that day, I had to show up how to close mobile tabs.

We had a lot of good if very awkward, embarrassing talks as we hit a few more bumps over the next few months with online content, more with graphic novels that ended up upsetting him but there was one incident with a porn site, and eventually he basically said that he'd prefer not to have that access at all, it was just too much - yes he understood his curiosity was natural but what he found trying raised far more questions than answers and ended up weighing on his mind, so we chose to remove the browser from his phone and he only used our main computer which is attached to a large TV for the next few years. It was like a weight was lifted from him.

We talked about it over the years, what he calls 'very thorough' ones, and he would repeat that he didn't feel ready to try again yet. It wasn't until he needed a browser in college classes that he asked for it to be unlocked, and even then he wanted limits on.

So, yeah, I think it's great that you've blocked pornhub, and this can lead to very awkward, embarrassing, but useful conversations to help him figure things out. Sure, curiosity is natural, but there is nothing natural or gentle about the internet's way of addressing that curiosity.

@ScrollingLeaves

“ihavethehighground ScrollingLeaves “VoiceOfReason” “And are you really going to ban your 16 year old from using Twitter?”

What does Twitter have to do with porn? (This is a genuine question)”

“There is porn on Twitter”

Thanks. I had thought Twitter was for words.
I have now looked it up.

“Tweets can be up to 140 characters long and can include links to relevant websites and resources.”

So, I presume people use their 140 characters to publicly advertise/titillate point the way to all sorts of porn sites others might not have known about otherwise. Then these get re-posted ad infinitum. To get followers the original tweeters probably like to find unusual sites.

No, people upload photos and clips of actually pornography. Blow jobs, sex and all. Belle Delphine is notorious for it.

@ihavethehighground

Log in to your mobile phone provider website. They all offer adult content blocking ! Also, you can filter it out on your home wi fi.

None of which actually blocks everything you want to block. It will block some things that you want to block (pornhub) And it will also block some other sites that you want to use for genuine reasons.

There is still plenty of easily accessible porn that will still get through those filters.
And the filters are pretty easy to bypass anyway!

@ScrollingLeaves

“ihavethehighground ScrollingLeaves “VoiceOfReason” “And are you really going to ban your 16 year old from using Twitter?”

What does Twitter have to do with porn? (This is a genuine question)”

“There is porn on Twitter”

Thanks. I had thought Twitter was for words.
I have now looked it up.

“Tweets can be up to 140 characters long and can include links to relevant websites and resources.”

So, I presume people use their 140 characters to publicly advertise/titillate point the way to all sorts of porn sites others might not have known about otherwise. Then these get re-posted ad infinitum. To get followers the original tweeters probably like to find unusual sites.

They post pictures and videos. And sometimes you can't help but see it. It could be on a thread you are reading. They will follow you. If you click on their profile, the porn is there for all to see.

There are a number of videos and pictures that I have seen on Twitter that I absolutely did not look for and did not want to see.

At 14, hormones are unbalanced and there will be urges that they’ll want to explore.

I’d mention what you’ve seen, politely - and remind him that porn is VERY different to sex in real life. We don’t all bleach out arseholes for a start; all women look different, a majority of women in porn are cut and surgically enhanced to look they say they do, vagina, boobs.. the lot.

Most important, teach about consensual sex. A lot of porn is based on roughing it up, and there are a good majority of ‘categories’ in porn that idolise the women just giving in and submitting to the sex.