DS dating a trans boy- I’m confused

Confusingteenagers · 2020-12-19T23:06:00+00:00

Name changed for this. DS is 16, has had girlfriends in the past with one ‘serious’ relationship. He’s got a new friend who goes by a male name, and DS announced they were trans. I thought initially that they were male wishing to be female. But it’s transpired that they are a biological female wishing to be male. Yet DS has announced they are dating and have kissed [confused] I think I’m just taking time to get used to all of this and I don’t really know what to make of any of it. I was under the impression DS was straight but if this person wishes to be male does this make DS gay? [confused]

gettingfedupagain · 19/12/2020 23:32

A male dating a female is straight

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 19/12/2020 23:34

But he deosnt see himself as dating a female. He sees himself as dating a male. So that makes him bisexual.

However, if you actually drilled him on this, I would bet that he would refuse to date someone with a penis, and that he actually sees this person as female so attractive and not as a man.

generallygenial · 19/12/2020 23:34

If your DS identifies as gay, yes. If he doesn't, no.

LindaEllen · 19/12/2020 23:35

I know it might seem confusing, but honestly, it doesn't matter who your son has fallen in love with. You don't have to attach a label of straight, bi or gay to him. Just accept that he is with this person, find out what they prefer to be called and their preferred pronouns, and welcome them into the family as you would if he'd just brought a girl home.

Enough4me · 19/12/2020 23:36

I would be confused, but live with confusion if my DC was happy.

Charcutaria · 19/12/2020 23:37

Nothing can "make" your DS gay, he either is or he's not. If he's dating a biological girl then he's probably straight. Maybe just get to know the young person and hold off with the labels.

Drybird2020 · 19/12/2020 23:38

Your son's boyfriend's anatomy is female so the risk of pregnancy is something you should discuss with him.

DixieFlatline · 19/12/2020 23:41

Trans identity or not, she is female, so dating her does not make your DS gay or bisexual.

MumsDirtyTeaTowel · 19/12/2020 23:41

He's not necessarily gay or straight. Might be bi. Might just be open to anyone regardless of what's in their pants. It's nothing to worry about, just make sure he has access to condoms, whoever he is with.

Reallynotavailable · 19/12/2020 23:43

Does the whole thing need a label? I would just follow his lead and be supportive/listen if he needs to talk. If he tells you he's gay then go with that but if not, it's probably just within the realm of experimental teenage relationships.

Viviennemary · 19/12/2020 23:44

Dating this person is going to make him very confused indeed at his young age. I would discourage it. Even you are confused.

MistletoeandMoccasins · 19/12/2020 23:45

Gay, straight, bi or pan, if they're DTD he needs a condom.

ClaireP20 · 19/12/2020 23:46

@LindaEllen

I know it might seem confusing, but honestly, it doesn't matter who your son has fallen in love with. You don't have to attach a label of straight, bi or gay to him. Just accept that he is with this person, find out what they prefer to be called and their preferred pronouns, and welcome them into the family as you would if he'd just brought a girl home.

Oh ffs.

Love51 · 19/12/2020 23:48

Definitely point out that biology doesn't care how his beloved identifies, bio females can be impregnated by bio males so take precautions to avoid that, and of course anyone can get STDs.
Refer to his beloved using the appropriate name / title / pronounce (Dave, boyfriend, he). There shouldn't be a need to refer to either of them as gay / bi / straight, I'd avoid labelling other people like that if at all possible. If you do have a need, follow your DS's lead.

ClaireP20 · 19/12/2020 23:50

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RaRaLaLaLaaa · 19/12/2020 23:52

@LindaEllen

I know it might seem confusing, but honestly, it doesn't matter who your son has fallen in love with. You don't have to attach a label of straight, bi or gay to him. Just accept that he is with this person, find out what they prefer to be called and their preferred pronouns, and welcome them into the family as you would if he'd just brought a girl home.

What a load of bollocks.
And is he in love? That wasn't mentioned.

Love51 · 19/12/2020 23:52

@Viviennemary has that ever worked with a 16yo?
I'm trying to envisage my mum telling me not to date someone when I was 16. There is nothing that would have made them more attractive!

It must be tricky right now for parents of teens as you don't get to meet your children's boyfriends and girlfriends. Not that it does anything other than reassure you.

SecretWanker · 19/12/2020 23:57

I think this is for DS to figure out, but I understand your confusion. At 16 it’s unlikely they have met a life partner, so I just think being friendly and welcoming is the best you can do.
If DS wants to talk about gender issues, you can, but let him lead.

davekim · 20/12/2020 00:00

@RaRaLaLaLaaa

Why is that a load of bollocks? Am curious

LochJessMonster · 20/12/2020 00:48

[quote davekim]@RaRaLaLaLaaa

Why is that a load of bollocks? Am curious [/quote]
Because MN doesn’t believe in trans..

HeyBaby2020 · 21/12/2020 19:33

@LindaEllen

I know it might seem confusing, but honestly, it doesn't matter who your son has fallen in love with. You don't have to attach a label of straight, bi or gay to him. Just accept that he is with this person, find out what they prefer to be called and their preferred pronouns, and welcome them into the family as you would if he'd just brought a girl home.

Jesus

Firefliess · 22/12/2020 04:14

Why try to guess how your DS sees his sexualiry? Why not ask him? I'd be a bit unclear too from the information you have, but it's a good opportunity to learn about how he sees sexuality and how he sees his new partner - does he feel this is a gay relationship? Even if he's dated girls in the past, he may also have fancied boys and already consider himself bi. Or he may not, and may fancy this new partner because of their female body, even if they see themselves as trans. DD has a friend who's trans and it's been an interesting discussion with her about the way she and her peers see these things

Highfalutinlootin · 22/12/2020 04:32

He's dating a biological girl. He's probably straight. The kids are all trans these days as it's all the rage. Give him Abigail Shrier's book Irreversible Damage to help him understand the misogyny of the transgender movement and what it's doing to his girlfriend and others.

joystir59 · 22/12/2020 04:46

This is a boy dating a girl. They are a straight couple. I'm a lesbian and resent and reject the notion of 'gender identity' as inherently homophobic. Sexual orientation is about biology not identity. I am a lesbian because I am sexually attracted to my own biological sex, and because I form sexual relationships with my own biological sex, nothing to do with identity.

joystir59 · 22/12/2020 04:57

Trans ideology erases homosexuality, erases lesbians. Labels do have meaning politically and represent an oppressed minority who fought for the legal right to love one another. In some countries you can still be locked up or executed for being gay. So the idea that the labels gay lesbian and bisexual can be worn by anyone, by choice, or that the labels don't matter, is profoundly offensive. In addition, Trans ideology and trendiness is erasing and offensive to all of those people suffering from.gender disphoria who have undergone sex reassignment surgery and suffered long and hard to be comfortable with themselves and in society. They have walked the walk, not just talked the talk.