DS dating a trans boy- I’m confused

[Confusingteenagers]

Name changed for this.

DS is 16, has had girlfriends in the past with one ‘serious’ relationship. He’s got a new friend who goes by a male name, and DS announced they were trans. I thought initially that they were male wishing to be female. But it’s transpired that they are a biological female wishing to be male. Yet DS has announced they are dating and have kissed

I think I’m just taking time to get used to all of this and I don’t really know what to make of any of it. I was under the impression DS was straight but if this person wishes to be male does this make DS gay?

I have it on good authority that on Tinder if you’re willing to date a trans person you’d say you were “pansexual”. Not that it really matters for these purposes.

@Frenchdressing

Amazed at some of the responses on this thread. I accept that MN is gender critical on the whole and I tend towards that position myself wrt women’s rights etc. However, saying ‘this is a girl’ and ‘your son is not gay’ so categorically feels so wrong. Sexuality does not have to be fixed and binary.

Sexuality is a spectrum. Just accept this is your son’s person for now.

But the child IS a girl and the OP's DS is NOT gay because he's dating a girl Sexual orientation is a definable characteristic and the words 'gay' and 'straight' have meanings.

@Frenchdressing

Who said it was brave of stunning? Is sexuality purely about biology? I don’t think it is.

Yes it literally is Obviously connection and affection isn't based on biology but sexual attraction - yes. It absolutely is. Being gay means being homosexual- attracted only to those of the same sex. This couple are opposite sexed. Neither of them are homosexual.

@rwalker

I would be confused but would take massive pride in the fact has happy and confident enough to tell you without worrying about labels and sexuality. He sounds like a lovely young who's fallen for the person rather than the gender or sexauality .

I would say( if we have to label it) he's pansexual it about the person not gender or sexuality .

BUT Would he date a 'trans girl' with a penis?? I would bet a lot of money that he wouldn't So this IS about 'gender or sexuality'. It's about a heterosexual boy who is dating a girl. What she calls herself is irrelevant. He's not dating a boy who identifies as a girl.

Your sexuality is based on sex - gay means you like people of the same sex, straight means you like people of the opposite sex, bi means you like both sexes. It doesn't depend on the 'gender identity' of the person, which seems to be the bit that causes confusion. So your son, a male, dating a biological female, is in a straight relationship. If they choose to call it a gay relationship then this is obviously quite offensive to gay people.

"Teenage boy fancies someone with vagina" shocker.

Stop the presses.

Id be a bit slack jawed too if my teenager sprung this on me @Confusingteenagers
🍷

No it doesn’t make him gay and it doesn’t make his ‘partner’ a gay man. He’s dating a trans man, not a man. Just as a gay man might date a trans women, but that doesn’t make him straight. And I’m sure most lesbians would agree that trans women who want to date them aren’t lesbians either.

I disagree that sexuality is totally based on biology. That is my opinion. There is obviously a good deal of scientific and political debate about this if which I am fully aware.

My belief is that there are biological factors that predispose someone to opposite of same sex attraction but human beings are not simply a product of their biology. It is a more complex picture and issues of identity and psychological factors will influence who one is attracted to.

The OP doesn’t need her thread turned into a debate on biological determinism so that’s the last thing I will say except well done OP on raising an open minded young man.

The op is concerned about her son and biologically he is behaving as one would expect a straight teenage boy to behave - he is attracted to the female of the species. I agree it’s good he hasn’t run screaming to the hills because his partner is trans - it suggests he’s comfortable and secure in his own skin.

If they are having sex in the heterosexual way ( or has the desire to) then that suggests he's straight. He could turn out to be anything or might be confused but I wouldn't assume he's gay from this.

@LindaEllen

I know it might seem confusing, but honestly, it doesn't matter who your son has fallen in love with. You don't have to attach a label of straight, bi or gay to him. Just accept that he is with this person, find out what they prefer to be called and their preferred pronouns, and welcome them into the family as you would if he'd just brought a girl home.

Well this is the Right Thing To Do I guess but it's all just so fucking tiresome and navel gazing

@generallygenial

If your DS identifies as gay, yes. If he doesn't, no.

You don’t “identify “ as gay, you ARE.

but it's all just so fucking tiresome and navel gazing

No it isn't.

Yes it is

@HmmSureJan

Yes it is

Agreed!

@SoupDragon

but it's all just so fucking tiresome and navel gazing

No it isn't.

Oh it really really is

The actual question in the op
I was under the impression DS was straight but if this person wishes to be male does this make DS gay

The answer of course is yes, it does. Because when a married man becomes a tw his wife is then a lesbian. Simply by dint of the transwoman being a lesbian and still married to the wife. If they are not married a whole lot of them decide they are lesbians anyway and try to get themselves a lesbian lover.
I sure do feel for the lesbians right now. It cannot be much fun as all the groups are going underground and they have to fight off girl dicks.

Have a chat with your son about the huge importance of contraception. That really should focus his mind on the fact he is in a straight relationship.

@StopSquirtingBleachOnCaneToads

As long as they use contraception if they have sex, and are being respectful to one an another, I wouldn't worry about labelling it all. People are far too quick to do that sometimes.

This person is your son's chosen partner, and they have asked you to refer to them as "he". So that's what you do. Just go with it.

The OP says nothing about this person asking the OP to refer to her as “he”.

Or is that just you projecting in an effort to be woke?

I sure do feel for the lesbians right now. It cannot be much fun as all the groups are going underground and they have to fight off girl dicks.

What does this actually mean?

I sure do feel for the lesbians right now. It cannot be much fun as all the groups are going underground and they have to fight off girl dicks.

It's very distressing. If they're not being coerced by the girl dick owners then it's the liberal feminists among them, both of whom bully, demonise and exclude them for being transphobic when they won't accept said Girl Dick. I am really sad and scared for youngsters attempting to negotiate their attraction to other girls and women and coming out, all the while being told that their innate sexuality is bigoted and transphobic.

Does it matter?