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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Having sex when teenagers are in the house

276 replies

tiredandgrumpy · 09/10/2020 17:26

Embarrassing problem. Having a dilemma. Turns out our floorboards are very squeaky and since our bedroom is immediately above dd's bedroom, she's getting disturbed.

We're honestly not noisy. Last night I didn't think there was any noise, but dd is in tears because she claims we disturbed her again.

What is the answer? We can try to get better soundproofing in the floor, but is half her upset the knowledge that her parents are up to something she just doesn't want to know about? Dh has a high sex drive so reducing frequency is not really a long term option.

OP posts:
BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 19:58

@Justwingingmotherhood loads of people without kids are on here! Everyone knows this. Are you new?

Slightlybrwnbanana · 09/10/2020 20:01

But most realise that their perspective on certain issues related to having children might not be the same as those who have that experience?

TitianaTitsling · 09/10/2020 20:01

*Burnthurst187

Can't you just bend over and let him have his three minutes of fun whilst DD is brushing her teeth or otherwise occupied?

Oh my word @Burnthurst187 I hope that you are joking. On so many levels I’m sad for you if this is your true view of married sex 😂. has a high sex drive so reducing frequency is not really a long term option I think burnt* maybe, given OP intimates her dh "
has a high sex drive so reducing frequency is not really a long term option."

TitianaTitsling · 09/10/2020 20:02

Well none of that quoting worked!

JumpingJamboree · 09/10/2020 20:04

Although it isn't pleasant hearing your parents have sex, it is hardly mentally scarring. I used to hear my parents all the time as a teenager even though they were being quite. It was a bit awkward to start with but as I got older I used to joke about it with them!

safariboot · 09/10/2020 20:05

DM used to give me a fiver and send me out of the house when her boyfriend visited Grin . But I guess that would get expensive if you do it every day.

NerrSnerr · 09/10/2020 20:05

I used to hear my parents having sex and like PP I dreaded that squeak. I daren't even turn over in bed just in case they realise I was awake. I remember the feeling now and it was awful.

Just because some PP were fine listening to their parents having sex doesn't mean that every teenager will be. I know people said it isn't abuse to have sex that your children can hear but it's a fine line between hearing squeaks and parents not caring that you can hear their screams and doing it on holiday in the same room. That does happen (speaking from experience). I would rather my sex life be 100% separate from my children.

Kittykat93 · 09/10/2020 20:14

If your 14 year old is saying she can hear you every night and is reduced to tears over it, you need to either find a way for it to be quieter or have sex at different times. I don't give a fuck what some people think, I don't think kids should be forced to listen to their parents shagging every night and kept awake by it. High sex drive or not.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 09/10/2020 20:15

How could anyone have sex knowing their child could hear? How do you even get turned on

This. It's utterly revolting.

MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 09/10/2020 20:15

I'd be interested to know why swapping rooms is not an option. If it's because dd has the best room in the house and won't swap then I'm sorry it might have to happen. Since she's the one getting 'sleepless nights'. Or she can swap with one of the younger ones.

Hearing your parents having sex isn't fantastic but if she's highly strung then she could be hearing noise where there is none now she's heard it once. Getting up in the night, being a restless sleeper could all be misconstrued by her once she's got a bee in her bonnet.

A 14 year old girl should not be holding a house to ransom and most certainly should not be running her parents lives. Giving up a happy and healthy sex life to placate her is just not a good idea. Otherwise what's next?

IdblowJonSnow · 09/10/2020 20:17

This is why I never have sex! Bloody kids.
Have you asked her why it upsets her?
Can your DH not control himself a bit?!

Bagelsandbrie · 09/10/2020 20:19

We have two dc, ones 8 with special needs and the other is 17. The only time we ever have sex is once a week on a Saturday when dd is out or at work and Ds is asleep! That’s just life for us. We just accept it as we know it won’t be like this forever. We’ve been together 12 years.

TheHighestSardine · 09/10/2020 20:20

What a shitshow of a thread.

imfatletsparty · 09/10/2020 20:21

Only on MN could a 14 year old be called "odd and controlling" for not wanting to hear her parents at it. I've got a good 20 years on the OPs daughter and I'm well aware that the stork did not bring me but I still wouldn't want to hear my parents having sex ffs

NameChange84 · 09/10/2020 20:21

Have I missed the bit where the OP had said it was EVERY day? Or was it another poster that exaggerated?

AuntieJoyce · 09/10/2020 20:23

it's a fine line between hearing squeaks and parents not caring that you can hear their screams and doing it on holiday in the same room

I think you may need to work on your understanding of “fine line” Grin

Bagelsandbrie · 09/10/2020 20:24

I think no kids should be hearing their parents have sex. I remember hearing my dad and step mum at it on holiday - we were in a caravan and my bedroom was next to theirs- and it’s one of the most awful memories I have (and trust me I have a lot of truly horrific ones, dreadful childhood - alcoholic schizophrenic mum etc etc) but that was just awful. I was 14 at the time.

It’s never normal to hear your parents having sex.

musicalfrog · 09/10/2020 20:24

Have a think about if she opened up to a teacher or school worker about this. They'd have to log it as a safeguarding concern. She is still a child FGS.

drumst1ck · 09/10/2020 20:28

In this instance the teenager is not hearing screams or moans, but a floorboard squeaking....are we honestly going to start throwing around the abuse card?...

I'm sure there are many instances of parents having sex loudly and very regularly without any care of their children but it doesn't sound like this is one of those.

I would try and get the floorboard fixed if possible and have a calm chat to your daughter about why it has just started upsetting her.

LittleTiger007 · 09/10/2020 20:30

She just heard a squeaky floorboard. It was not every day. There is no way that is a safeguarding concern.... that is living in a family home.

TwilightSkies · 09/10/2020 20:35

A 14 year old girl should not be holding a house to ransom and most certainly should not be running her parents lives. Giving up a happy and healthy sex life to placate her is just not a good idea. Otherwise what's next

How is she holding the house to ransom or running her parents lives? Bit of an exaggeration.

Oh yeah, the DH requires his daily ‘servicing’ Hmm. That should be the top priority.

Plussizejumpsuit · 09/10/2020 20:37

@BooFuckingHoo2

Unless you're shagging for hours on end I think she should get over it

I don’t agree, I think it’s borderline abusive to continue having sex when you know your child can hear you and is upset by it.

Yep
Minty82 · 09/10/2020 20:38

Thank you drumst1ck, I was just about to say the same thing! I understand that it’s not something any teenager wants to have to think about, but it really doesn’t sound as if OP is being excessively indiscreet, and the suggestions that OP should either give up her bedroom or never have sex if her children are in the house are gobsmackingly OTT!

NerrSnerr · 09/10/2020 20:40

I don't think it he OP shouldn't stop having sex if she can ensure the children can't hear, but she thought there was no noise when there clearly was.

NerrSnerr · 09/10/2020 20:40

I meant stopped when the children are home.

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