Having sex when teenagers are in the house

[tiredandgrumpy]

Embarrassing problem. Having a dilemma. Turns out our floorboards are very squeaky and since our bedroom is immediately above dd's bedroom, she's getting disturbed.

We're honestly not noisy. Last night I didn't think there was any noise, but dd is in tears because she claims we disturbed her again.

What is the answer? We can try to get better soundproofing in the floor, but is half her upset the knowledge that her parents are up to something she just doesn't want to know about? Dh has a high sex drive so reducing frequency is not really a long term option.

@MarriedtoDaveGrohl

I'd be interested to know why swapping rooms is not an option. If it's because dd has the best room in the house and won't swap then I'm sorry it might have to happen. Since she's the one getting 'sleepless nights'. Or she can swap with one of the younger ones.

Hearing your parents having sex isn't fantastic but if she's highly strung then she could be hearing noise where there is none now she's heard it once. Getting up in the night, being a restless sleeper could all be misconstrued by her once she's got a bee in her bonnet.

A 14 year old girl should not be holding a house to ransom and most certainly should not be running her parents lives. Giving up a happy and healthy sex life to placate her is just not a good idea. Otherwise what's next?

I'd assume it's the parents who have the better room, especially seeing as DDs room is below theirs. I'm imagining a town house set up with the top bedroom being the entire floor with an en suite. I could be wrong.

@BewilderedDoughnut

What 14 year old is fine with the idea of her parents fucking??

I didn’t give a flying shit when my parents had sex. I felt reassured if anything because it meant they were getting on. I didn’t make it my business and just listened to music or went back to sleep.

I think you obviously have a really different point of view to most of posters on here. So not hard to understand that op's daughter might feel like the rest of us.

Carpet your bedroom and put a thick underlay on as well?

I would wait until she is out and the house is quiet. Go into her room and get DH to stay upstairs and bounce on the bed so you can hear for yourself.

If you know how loud it is you can hopefully sort it by either fixing the floorboards, moving the bed to a different spot or buying a new bed if it's the bed itself.

Growing up my parents didn't give a shit who could hear them having sex or what time of day it was. It's really given me issues over sex and as an adult I won't stay at their house incase I hear it again.

I remember I had a sickness bug one night and they had loud sex before coming to check on me it really upset me that that was the priority

@musicalfrog

Have a think about if she opened up to a teacher or school worker about this. They'd have to log it as a safeguarding concern. She is still a child FGS.

I'd be shocked if a school recorded this as a safeguarding issue. Do you think a social worker is going to visit the parents and ask if they have sex in a room with a squeaky floorboard?!

Maybe she is hearing more than a squeaky floor board but is too embarrassed to say she can hear the sex noises?

@Wtfdidwedo

No but it would be logged as part of a potentially bigger picture. That's how safeguarding works.

My parents were awful growing up. You could hear my mother from outside the house let alone downstairs and this was all while my primary aged sibling shared a room with them. Absolutely disgusting.

As PP have mentioned I have always suffered from insomnia and never made the link between the two.

Get a baby sitter and take advantage of the £29 deals on premier inn.

Something I found online:

The legs – This can be solved by having pads under the legs of either rubber, some soft substance. Plenty options exists at any furniture shop

Wood joints – If there are wood touching wood, when moved these will screech. Some common options to avoid this are to glue pieces together (not always viable for a bed), add something between the joist (like a fabric or thin rubber sheets) or tightening the screws. The latter will usually only postpone the issue

Mattress vs frame – In the older beds with planks across the bottom, or in newer beds (like the sommier beds) with the entire mattress resting upon a frame (or on hinges), there could be sound generated between the mattress and the frame. To avoid this sound the solution is still to add something in-between the two elements making the sound. Maybe you could add a rubber adhesive/band on top of the bottom frame, if this is making the sound?

Bed touching walls – As mentioned elsewhere, if the beds bounces into walls, dressers, or other furniture this sound might propagate to the building structure. In this case, simply move the bed further away.

At PPs tho- she's fourteen and more than entitled to be upset.

Do it in the shower or up against the wall. I don’t think it’s very nice for a young developing teenager to hear her parents at it. How would you feel hearing your daughter, when old enough having sex? Yes it’s part of being in a healthy relationship but your children don’t need to hear it.

I’m amazed at the replies on here. Maybe it’s a MC thing because growing up part of a large family in a small council house means that sex really isn’t a taboo. I often heard my parents having sex. I’d just roll over and go back to sleep. In fact, I’d often hear the neighbours having sex too. Also newly married couples often moved in to one of their parents’ homes and back into one of their childhood bedrooms until getting somewhere themselves. Can’t imagine nobody ever heard anything.

DD is 15 and walked in on us early one Saturday morning about 6mths ago. We were covered by the duvet but clearly having sex. She stopped, said ‘ewwwwe’ and left the room, closing the door. I tried to casually talk to her about it later that morning and she Laughed and jokingly put her fingers in her ears saying ‘la la la’ then telling me we were surely too old for that. Sure, she was grossed out to walk in on us but no way was she traumatised. She’s 15 with two much younger brothers and we’ve always been relaxed talking about sex. I’m sure if we were rhythmically rocking the bed above her every night she’d be pissed off but I doubt she’d be tearful.

Christ OP - so many thoughtless and quite judgemental responses here - Firstly, it’s bloody brilliant that you are enjoying a sex life and secondly, I get how your teen feels as I actually walked in on my parents at 16 (in the living room) and the vision is still imprinted on my brain years later - I also used it as a stick to beat my Mother with for a few years.

I’d say sex is a whole lot better for parents when kids are not in the house or you two are elsewhere - a b&b, the car, during the day? You have to be a bit inventive - although difficult in the current climate with people being more homebound - keep it up :) xx

Ugh, your poor daughter

I get it that once you may be caught out and your teenager hears you. You make damn sure it doesn't happen again

It's nothing to do with Victorian attitudes. Can some of the weird posters on this thread say, hand on heart, that they're happy to bang away knowing that their young teen daughter can hear it all? Seriously?

Now you know about it - and she's upset and tearful - it's your duty to just fucking stop it. Do it at different times or tell your Jack Russell of a husband to tie a knot in it once in a while

Your poor DD.

@BewilderedDoughnut

What happens when she gets to Uni and she's kept up at night in shared accommodation hearing her fellow students shagging?

Hardly the same

@MintyChapsticks

Ugh, your poor daughter

I get it that once you may be caught out and your teenager hears you. You make damn sure it doesn't happen again

It's nothing to do with Victorian attitudes. Can some of the weird posters on this thread say, hand on heart, that they're happy to bang away knowing that their young teen daughter can hear it all? Seriously?

Now you know about it - and she's upset and tearful - it's your duty to just fucking stop it. Do it at different times or tell your Jack Russell of a husband to tie a knot in it once in a while

I know, it's like they want to be the "cool parents" like Edina Monsoon. 'it's just shagging darling, chill'.

I heard my parents having loud sex once as a teenager and I cried! Found it really distressing and a bit traumatic.

Is there some psychology behind this?!

"Dh has a high sex drive so reducing frequency is not really a long term option."

This sounds like you put up with the frequency just to keep him happy. Is your drive lower?

- dd is 14.
- she is tearful because she is tired

Honestly, she is not a toddler, she shouldn’t be in tears because she is tired —unless you are keeping awake every single night that is, if so, it amounts to torture—

Honestly how can you enjoy sex with her around upset is beyond me, my advice, get her into a hobby/class in the evening and use that time wisely.

@TitianaTitsling, no, not trying to be cool parents at all. Nor do we have loud sex with squeaky floorboards. However, my 15yr old walked in on us and whilst she was indeed grossed out, she certainly wasn’t traumatised. And it’s not ‘cool parenting’ to have talked to your children openly about sex since they were young. It’s just normal.

How do you think people coped 70yrs+ ago when everyone slept within a few feet of each other? As I said, being the eldest of 4 in a small council house meant it wasn’t unusual for me to hear something.

Of course it’s inappropriate to continue to make it obvious you’re having sex if the person hearing it is distressed. But the answer isn’t for the OP to stop having sex. She should fix floorboards and ensure bed isn’t noisy but also make sure her DD isn’t growing up with hang ups of any kind-And no, I don’t mean she should have her parents sex life shoved down her throat just that she shouldn’t be distressed by such a thing.

To the PP, I also have experience with social services (not personally working FOR them but enough to know) and a child regularly hearing their parents having sex has been flagged as a cause for concern as it shows a lack of regard for the child’s feelings and potential poor boundaries.

I’m not saying this is the case here, but it’s certainly not normal to be “involved” in a parent’s sex life.

To those saying it’s “normal”, I really don’t think it is! In fact it’s a normal reaction to be embarrassed at hearing your parents have sex.

I would say that finding it comforting and being “jealous” as mentioned by PP is not a normal reaction at all.

@NellyJames how do you know she wasn’t traumatised?

@nellyjames Of course it’s inappropriate to continue to make it obvious you’re having sex if the person hearing it is distressed. glad you agree, nowhere did I say you shouldn't talk about sex, my concern is those that are dismissing the daughter's upset as 'it's just sex'