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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Having sex when teenagers are in the house

276 replies

tiredandgrumpy · 09/10/2020 17:26

Embarrassing problem. Having a dilemma. Turns out our floorboards are very squeaky and since our bedroom is immediately above dd's bedroom, she's getting disturbed.

We're honestly not noisy. Last night I didn't think there was any noise, but dd is in tears because she claims we disturbed her again.

What is the answer? We can try to get better soundproofing in the floor, but is half her upset the knowledge that her parents are up to something she just doesn't want to know about? Dh has a high sex drive so reducing frequency is not really a long term option.

OP posts:
Oly4 · 09/10/2020 19:12

I once heard my parents and agree it’s insanely disturbing and gross!
She must be out at some points - do it during the day!
Or in the shower.. just away from where she can hear.
And I agree that her emotional well-being is more important than your Dh’s demands (are they demands?)

BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 19:15

I think she’s being ridiculous and she’s going to have a very hard life on going if she continues to live in this warped bubble of hers.

CodenameVillanelle · 09/10/2020 19:16

It's not Victorian to be upset by hearing your parents having sex. It's a totally normal developmental response.

Burnthurst187 · 09/10/2020 19:17

Can't you just bend over and let him have his three minutes of fun whilst DD is brushing her teeth or otherwise occupied?

CodenameVillanelle · 09/10/2020 19:17

@BewilderedDoughnut

I think OP is correct in that’s it’s not the noise it’s just she’s aware of what they are doing and doesn’t want them to.

Odd and controlling behaviour.

What 14 year old is fine with the idea of her parents fucking??
CodenameVillanelle · 09/10/2020 19:18

@Burnthurst187

Can't you just bend over and let him have his three minutes of fun whilst DD is brushing her teeth or otherwise occupied?
Ew Maybe the OP would like to enjoy sex too and not be used as a wank sock?
imfatletsparty · 09/10/2020 19:21

"Of course I can. Can you not think the reason I asked why she doesn't go out is because, despite covid, it's not really usual for a teenager to never leave the house. I wondered if perhaps there was an underlying health issue that prevented her from going out, or if maybe OP saying she was always in was shorthand for 'she is always in at the same time as DH & I' - on a thread about needing or a y from a teenager it isn't an unreasonable question. Your snide jump to covid in order to belittle my question didn't really make you look as clever as you think. Maybe stop and think for a bit before going in feet first to peoples replies?"

😂😂 ok

BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 19:21

What 14 year old is fine with the idea of her parents fucking??

I didn’t give a flying shit when my parents had sex. I felt reassured if anything because it meant they were getting on. I didn’t make it my business and just listened to music or went back to sleep.

Slightlybrwnbanana · 09/10/2020 19:21

Parents having sex is ok as an abstract thought but not as a concrete experience happening right above you.

CodenameVillanelle · 09/10/2020 19:26

@BewilderedDoughnut

What 14 year old is fine with the idea of her parents fucking??

I didn’t give a flying shit when my parents had sex. I felt reassured if anything because it meant they were getting on. I didn’t make it my business and just listened to music or went back to sleep.

That makes you the unusual one, honestly. Developmentally speaking it's usual for children to find it upsetting or disturbing to hear their parents having sex. It's an evolutionary mechanism similar to sibling repulsion around sexual contact. It's not a bad thing that you didn't care, but it's really unusual. Parents have a responsibility to make sure their children don't get involved in their sex lives.
LittleTiger007 · 09/10/2020 19:27
  • I actually think it is classed as abusive if a child can hear.

This is ridiculous! I have been involved in abuse cases (I work in education) and it is abuse if you have sex in front of children, NOT if you have sex in the same house and a floorboard squeaks.

daisychain1620 · 09/10/2020 19:29

If you are aware she can hear you, and you try hard to keep the noise down then I don't get how are you keeping her awake so much that she's exhausted and teary. Just how long and how frequently do these epic shag sessions last? In my house it would only disturb anyone for a few minutes twice a week lol😂. I'm jealous!

64sNewName · 09/10/2020 19:31

oh I actually thought @Burnthurst187 was satirising the bleakness implied by the OP’s wording about her husband’s “drive”, and it made me lol in horror

But otherwise, hard agreement with Villanelle on all points

ProudAuntie76 · 09/10/2020 19:31

What 14 year old is fine with the idea of her parents fucking??

Seriously? I’m pretty sure the vast majority realised long before 14 that, were it not for our parents fucking, we wouldn’t be here. I think it’s perfectly normal to be fine with the realisation that our parents have sex when we are teenagers/earlier. It’s abnormal to be either moved to tears or delighted about the idea.

evrey · 09/10/2020 19:37

I would probably swap rooms or every time you dtd you are going to be paranoid about the floorboards.

Maybe there is another reason for the insomnia from your dd and hearing the floorboards creaking is just adding to this. Is she anxious about anything?

Slightlybrwnbanana · 09/10/2020 19:37

But Proudauntie it'd be perfectly ok for them to have done it once to ensure our conception, that's quite enough though!

Wearywithteens · 09/10/2020 19:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

LittleTiger007 · 09/10/2020 19:43

@Burnthurst187

Can't you just bend over and let him have his three minutes of fun whilst DD is brushing her teeth or otherwise occupied?
Oh my word @Burnthurst187 I hope that you are joking. On so many levels I’m sad for you if this is your true view of married sex 😂.
BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 19:46

Such gaslighting of a young girl’s genuine emotional response but none toward the grown man who can’t live a day without getting his end away

If both OP and husband want to have sex everyday then why shouldn’t they??

Slightlybrwnbanana · 09/10/2020 19:52

Because they also chose to bring a child into the world and need to show consideration toward it.

Skyliner001 · 09/10/2020 19:53

Horrific. Can't believe you are subjecting her to listening to that… Can you not just wait till she's out?

Skyliner001 · 09/10/2020 19:54

@Pelleas

Swap rooms so you are on the ground floor.
That's about the only sensible answer
Justwingingmotherhood · 09/10/2020 19:54

@BewilderedDoughnut arent you a fucking delight! If you haven't got kids why are you even on here. Having a rant because a poor girl doesn't want to here her parents shagging all the time? Its disgusting

Justwingingmotherhood · 09/10/2020 19:56

How could anyone have sex knowing their child could hear? How do you even get turned on Confused

64sNewName · 09/10/2020 19:57

I sense we are reaching the point in the thread when tables begin to be flipped and punches thrown

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