Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Having sex when teenagers are in the house

276 replies

tiredandgrumpy · 09/10/2020 17:26

Embarrassing problem. Having a dilemma. Turns out our floorboards are very squeaky and since our bedroom is immediately above dd's bedroom, she's getting disturbed.

We're honestly not noisy. Last night I didn't think there was any noise, but dd is in tears because she claims we disturbed her again.

What is the answer? We can try to get better soundproofing in the floor, but is half her upset the knowledge that her parents are up to something she just doesn't want to know about? Dh has a high sex drive so reducing frequency is not really a long term option.

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 09/10/2020 18:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

manchestermom5 · 09/10/2020 18:42

Can you not swap rooms?

BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 18:46

Is it too late to have her adopted out?

Then you can shag on the kitchen table if you like without consequence!

SniffyMiffy · 09/10/2020 18:47

Dh has a high sex drive so reducing frequency is not really a long term option

And he puts his "needs" above his daughter's happiness and well-being? Nice.

BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 18:48

This thread should be a warning to anyone considering having kids!

imfatletsparty · 09/10/2020 18:48

"No. What do you mean?"

Can you not think of any reasons why people might be spending more time at home this year? Not even one?

Runforyourlifeitsagherkin · 09/10/2020 18:48

Have sex in the living room?

NameChange84 · 09/10/2020 18:49

I feel a bit torn about this thread. I grew up with my parents sometimes having sex in the same room as me on holiday (they thought I was asleep) and my Mum confiding in me that she hated sex with my Dad but had to do it anyway. They’d leave KY and sex books hanging around and it was impossible not to know they were having sex. It definitely fucked me up and made me scared and ashamed of sex, a light sleeper etc. And it was very very wrong.

However, I was a preteen at the time (8 - 12). I’m really quite shocked at a teenager crying and being so dramatic about her parents doing something so natural. If she’s younger, 13 or so, I can sort of understand. But providing it’s not an entire night of BDSM or squealing like a stuck pig, then I’m perplexed by the fact she thinks she’s entitled to deny you both a sex life. Are you really trying to be as quiet as possible? If it’s just a squeaky floorboard, then get it fixed. Try and be discreet and quiet as possible. I don’t think you should have to give up sex indefinitely because it makes your teenager cry. Have you tried asking her why she becomes so distressed about it?

Most of us just got a bit red faced and awkward, we didn’t demand our parents stop. I never brought it up with my parents (although in my case I probably should have given they were about 1 foot away at the time Sad).

BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 18:50

Do you have a garden OP? Sex shed!!

LittleTiger007 · 09/10/2020 18:50

I couldn’t agree more @Nuffaluff. Your daughter weeping over this is crazy and controlling. You are the parents, the adults. You should not have to tiptoe around her.
I knew my parents were having sex as a teenager. I was not harmed by it, it wasn’t as if they were doing it in front of me. We didn’t discus it, it was fine. I wouldn’t have dreamed of making a fuss about it.

CovidCanFuckOffNow · 09/10/2020 18:53

Another one who dreaded the squeak coming from next door and suffered because of it. I hated it, I felt utterly powerless to speak up about the dread of it happening each night and disgust I felt when it did. Felt too ashamed and awkward to chat to anyone about it. It affected my ability to fall to sleep and I was hyper sensitive. (Hearing your parents at it brings up images you don't want to think about)

Suggest you politely leave some high quality ear plugs (silicon are good, or wax) by her bedside with a note to apologise if she's getting disturbed and suggest she plays her music / a podcast to get back off to sleep if she woken up by you. Maybe there are other reasons she's upset too...

tobee · 09/10/2020 18:56

Omg! The can't believe the replies on this thread! I'm really worrying about the kind of adults we are bringing up with these Victorian attitudes.

Iyiyi · 09/10/2020 18:56

I would much preferred to have known my parents still liked each other enough to have sex than to have grown up watching their cold loveless relationship and watching my mother cringe every time my dad went near her.

Original poster
tiredandgrumpy · 09/10/2020 18:58

Short answers-

  • dd is 14.
  • she is tearful because she is tired. She claims we stopped her going to sleep
  • I suspect she has only just realised what is going on. We've lived here for years and it's only this week that her sleep has been interrupted.
  • no wild sex. Just squeaky floorboards. In fact, I suspect last night there were no squeaky floorboards but she was just aware of what we were doing
  • we are not being abusive. Just trying to have a normal loving relationship discreetly.
  • she has the occasional sleepover, but usually sleeps at home because this is where she lives
  • I have 3 dc. If we had to wait until they were all out then there would be virtually no sex ever. Especially this year.
OP posts:
Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 09/10/2020 19:00

My DD heard me and partner. We thought she was asleep...it was 3am!
Poor thing was upset. I explained it is part of a healthy relationship with 2 consenting adults but I understand that it is not nice and is in fact wrong for a child to hear.

We now barely have sex. WFH helps as kids are in school. But for quite a while we were only having sex if one of us woke in the night or early morning and all children were checked to be sleeping. By the time you have checked the mood has gone!

It is pretty crap but your teenager is more important than sex. I actually think it is classed as abusive if a child can hear.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 09/10/2020 19:01

Parents can’t win-when they are little you have stealth shags so you don’t wake them up and then you risk traumatising them when they are teens.

ProudAuntie76 · 09/10/2020 19:02

@tobee

Omg! The can't believe the replies on this thread! I'm really worrying about the kind of adults we are bringing up with these Victorian attitudes.
Agreed.

Sex is normal. It’s what husbands and wives do (and boyfriends, girlfriends etc). As long as you aren’t deliberately “putting on a show”, if it’s just “house” noises, then she needs to stop crying and sulking and saying she’s been awake all night (were you DTD all night?!) and understand that as a married couple there is nothing wrong with having sex as discreetly as possible.

Talk to her and see if something else is going on that could be “triggering” her. Otherwise, if she’s just being dramatic, ignore and carry on being discreet but don’t give up sex ffs.

SingingSands · 09/10/2020 19:02

There's a lot of dramatics on this thread. Did nobody ever hear their parents having sex and just go "oh gross, the oldies are having sex" and go back to sleep?

Just fix the floorboard joists OP and that'll sort out the squeaky floor. Then get on enjoying your sex life.

64sNewName · 09/10/2020 19:04

Would those of you who think the daughter is overreacting/crazy expect anyone else to put up with listening to you have sex frequently without objecting when they are powerless to move out? Or just your children?

There’s a middle ground ffs. Obviously parents can have as much sex as they (both) want. Actually so can teens over the age of consent — equally normal and healthy. It’s about being considerate to anyone you live with and also recognising the cultural taboo we hopefully all share about how nobody enjoys being forced to notice when their family members are getting it on.

Nuffaluff · 09/10/2020 19:04

I would have been the same age when I walked in on my parents. This thread is taking me right back.
I was mostly embarrassed, but I also remember feeling glad that my mum and dad loved each other and also I was a little bit jealous.
Other girls were getting boyfriends - I didn’t have one and I was convinced no one would ever want me. Could your dd be feeling similar?

TitianaTitsling · 09/10/2020 19:04

Dh has a high sex drive so reducing frequency is not really a long term option even though it leaves df in tears from being kept awake by the noise? Grim. Is dh dd df?

windowpaine · 09/10/2020 19:05

Can you not think of any reasons why people might be spending more time at home this year? Not even one?

Of course I can. Can you not think the reason I asked why she doesn't go out is because, despite covid, it's not really usual for a teenager to never leave the house. I wondered if perhaps there was an underlying health issue that prevented her from going out, or if maybe OP saying she was always in was shorthand for 'she is always in at the same time as DH & I' - on a thread about needing or a y from a teenager it isn't an unreasonable question. Your snide jump to covid in order to belittle my question didn't really make you look as clever as you think. Maybe stop and think for a bit before going in feet first to peoples replies?

windowpaine · 09/10/2020 19:07

*needing PRIVACY

windowpaine · 09/10/2020 19:08

@tobee

Omg! The can't believe the replies on this thread! I'm really worrying about the kind of adults we are bringing up with these Victorian attitudes.

Victorian attitudes?

There is a difference between teaching your children about healthy relationships, including sex, and actually exposing them to it in real time with sound affects.

BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 19:11

I think OP is correct in that’s it’s not the noise it’s just she’s aware of what they are doing and doesn’t want them to.

Odd and controlling behaviour.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.