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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Having sex when teenagers are in the house

276 replies

tiredandgrumpy · 09/10/2020 17:26

Embarrassing problem. Having a dilemma. Turns out our floorboards are very squeaky and since our bedroom is immediately above dd's bedroom, she's getting disturbed.

We're honestly not noisy. Last night I didn't think there was any noise, but dd is in tears because she claims we disturbed her again.

What is the answer? We can try to get better soundproofing in the floor, but is half her upset the knowledge that her parents are up to something she just doesn't want to know about? Dh has a high sex drive so reducing frequency is not really a long term option.

OP posts:
BooFuckingHoo2 · 09/10/2020 18:06

Unless you're shagging for hours on end I think she should get over it

I don’t agree, I think it’s borderline abusive to continue having sex when you know your child can hear you and is upset by it.

BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 18:08

Buy her headphones.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 09/10/2020 18:09

How old is she? Honestly she needs to grow up. In tears over this is ridiculous! Obviously it’s not something anyone wants to hear, but it’s not as if you’re going at it on the dinner table.

You’re trying to be quiet, in your own room at night, what else can you do?!

So yeah, maybe swap rooms or but her some earplugs or whatever, but there’s no way you should be reducing the times you have sex with your own bloody husband in case she hears. I can’t believe anyone thinks that a teenagers whims are more important than a loving couple being able to connect at the end of a long day. And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high.

imfatletsparty · 09/10/2020 18:11

"She is always in? How old is she? Why does she never go anywhere?"

Have you been living under a rock for the past 6 months?

BooFuckingHoo2 · 09/10/2020 18:11

I can’t believe anyone thinks that a teenagers whims are more important than a loving couple being able to connect at the end of a long day. And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high.

I can’t believe anyone would prioritise having a shag over their teenagers emotional well-being Confused.

BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 18:12

I've never been so grateful not to have kids, my husband and I can have sex any where we like any time we like. I could never be restricted by having a child at home.

gubbbbbddaaaa · 09/10/2020 18:13

I'm amazed she has told you .. as a teen I'd have suffered in silence and I. Amy imagine my dd telling me .. we have a big house and are quiet with a lock but otherwise it's when she is out !

Holiday21plea · 09/10/2020 18:19

----Dh has a high sex drive so reducing frequency is not really a long term option.

Is it loud though OP? It must be for your DD to be hearing.
Do you wait until the house is quiet? To be honest I wouldn’t be able to relax to do the deed let alone facing my child in the morning knowing they could hear FGS!! How horny can one be Blush

You will have to sort the floor! My stairs creek (obviously doesn’t affect anything) but it’s not normal.

I’m shocked at some people’s view on this.

windowpaine · 09/10/2020 18:21

@imfatletsparty

"She is always in? How old is she? Why does she never go anywhere?"

Have you been living under a rock for the past 6 months?

No. What do you mean?

Holiday21plea · 09/10/2020 18:21

@MarkRuffaloCrumble

How old is she? Honestly she needs to grow up. In tears over this is ridiculous! Obviously it’s not something anyone wants to hear, but it’s not as if you’re going at it on the dinner table.

You’re trying to be quiet, in your own room at night, what else can you do?!

So yeah, maybe swap rooms or but her some earplugs or whatever, but there’s no way you should be reducing the times you have sex with your own bloody husband in case she hears. I can’t believe anyone thinks that a teenagers whims are more important than a loving couple being able to connect at the end of a long day. And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high.

Is that how you was raised? That hearing your parents have sex is the norm?
DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 09/10/2020 18:23

No one wants to be involved in someone elses sex life

Knowing your child can hear you having sex, is distressed by it and continuing I agree is borderline on abuse

Honestly I think this is part of having teenagers, shag in the bathroom or spare room or something. Car? Garage? Swap rooms?

peachgreen · 09/10/2020 18:23

I'm with @toiletpaper, my insomnia was triggered by hearing my parents have sex and I still have trouble sleeping now at 35!

SedentaryCat · 09/10/2020 18:27

We have to wait until the DCs are at school. No matter how quiet we are 'radar ears' in the next room always seems to hear.

So we wait. It's been difficult over lockdown, but there are ways around it Wink.

BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 18:27

What happens when she gets to Uni and she's kept up at night in shared accommodation hearing her fellow students shagging?

HowFastIsTooFast · 09/10/2020 18:28

Buy her some decent noise cancelling headphones as an early Christmas present if you can swap rooms? And try and keep it to when she's not in for goodness sake!

If I was your DD I'd be deeply disturbed too TBH.

64sNewName · 09/10/2020 18:28

Not super helpful, BewilderedDoughnut, but er, well done, I guess

OP, I agree with those saying you need to fix the floor and/or swap rooms. It’s disrespectful to force anyone you live with to listen to you having sex, and extra miserable for that person if they’re your child. To knowingly carry on like that would be really inappropriate.

HowFastIsTooFast · 09/10/2020 18:28

*can't swap rooms.

Nuffaluff · 09/10/2020 18:30

I also cannot understand many of the replies on this. You’re trying to be quiet and sex is a normal part of a loving relationship. It’s only squeaky floorboards FFS, not pornesque BDSM style ‘fuck me harder’ screams.
Borderline abusive? Good God. What do you think people do who live communally in tribal cultures?
I do not intend to stop having sex with my husband when mine are in their teens. My eldest DS, 10, already knows we have sex because he asked me if we did. He was a little surprised, but not horrified! When the time comes we will be as quiet as possible and get a lock on the door.
I walked in on my parents when they were having sex once when I was a teenager. It didn’t scar me for life and I wasn’t upset, just embarrassed. I was nervous about them coming downstairs for breakfast. Funnily enough they were so in the throes of passion that they hadn’t even noticed me walking in.
If I had any other negative emotions, it was that I was at the stage where I fancied boys and thought no one would ever have sex with me.
Why is your daughter upset exactly? Maybe it’s more to do with anxieties she has around sex.

Dawnlassie · 09/10/2020 18:32

I would find it weird knowing she can hear me. Wait until she is out.

64sNewName · 09/10/2020 18:32

Nooo, don’t do the headphones thing. Every time she looks at them she’ll be like “oh god, the sex headphones”. And you will become known in her friend group as the parents who bought their child headphones because they shag so loudly

(I can’t believe anyone is seriously suggesting that listening to your parents have sex is similar to overhearing randoms from your peer group)

BewilderedDoughnut · 09/10/2020 18:35

Its a wonder how we all got through childhood really!! XD

Moonshinemisses · 09/10/2020 18:36

She's being very dramatic, being in tears?, adults have sex its part of life. Maybe buy her some good headphones.

Holiday21plea · 09/10/2020 18:37

@BewilderedDoughnut

What happens when she gets to Uni and she's kept up at night in shared accommodation hearing her fellow students shagging?
Totally different. OPs DD May not have ever been sexually active & in a student accom it’s not your parents !!
64sNewName · 09/10/2020 18:38

“tribal cultures”

oh my god, this thread

topcat2014 · 09/10/2020 18:39

I genuinely grew up thinking dps had done the deed 4 times, one for each sibling.

In fact, I am happy to maintain that opinion.

I would be making time when dd is out

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