DD won’t use tampons

[ForPitySake]

Some advice please. DD is 14 and has been coping OK with periods but is refusing to use tampons. This means the swimming she has always loved needs to stop as we can’t keep paying for lessons she’s not turning up to just because she won’t use them. I’ve tried talking to her but she is very defensive and shuts down and won’t discuss it so I don’t know what she doesn’t like or what she is struggling with. She finds it very hard to talk about it and I’m getting nowhere. I can’t help if I don’t know the problem. She loves her swimming but this is now such a stumbling block for her, I don’t know how to help. Any suggestions?

I've never used a tampon, how is she giving up something she loves? Periods are literally 4/5 days out of the month? I mean if you she is really that bothered couldn't she go on birth control to stop periods all together?

I'm 38 and I still don't use tampons. They hurt when you put them in, you feel them sitting there and they're disgusting to take out. Once and never again, so I can't blame her.

That said, I always used to hate swimming, so I'd always miss two classes because my period would last just about a week, starting at swimming class and just about ending at the next swimming class. Maybe your DD doesn't love the swimming anymore and is looking for a way to avoid classes altogether.

Either way, why would she 'need' to use tampons. It's her vagina and she surely decides what goes in it??

Perhaps she’s using it as an excuse to give it up ?
Perhaps she can’t say she wants to stop swimming.
I’m happy mine won’t use them as I don’t have to worry about toxic shock.

I’m really not blackmailing or guilt tripping her. She’s the one who’s decided not to go because of this. I was hoping to have some advice on how to help her with that

Why would you have to stop her swimming just because she is missing a couple a month? You can clearly afford to send her, what does it matter if she misses a couple?

Don't force her to use something she isn't comfortable with! And then punish her for having a period!

I did wonder this

As a teenage I was always wary of tampons but when I finally used them it was a life changer!
Didn’t have to change pads every few hours, much nicer then feeling the period in your knickers, convenient for swimming etc

Hopefully in time she will want to try them.

Also, not wearing anything whilst swimming is gross. Blood comes out whilst you are in a bath, it’s going to come out in a pool.

@ForPitySake

I know what you’re saying and yes I know we’d be paying anyway but the ones she misses means she’s not got anything out of it and the guy running it says she can’t go on to help volunteer etc unless she’s there every week and it’s something she wants to do

I actually think you’re getting a bit of a hard time OP. It sounds like you’re struggling to pay, and that you can scrape the money if it affords the opportunity to develop. Ie volunteer and progress. But if she’s regularly missing the classes and can’t take on the additional opportunity then why should your family miss out. (One of my sisters friends used to come to ours often for tea said they ate hoops on toast every school night so her sister could have coaching for the royal ballet.)

If you’re in a position like that YWNBU to suggest she stops.

However she doesn’t need tampons.
I used to wear a swimsuit w a pad in and a pair of these on top:

www.getthelabel.com/p/adidas-womens-response-tight-shorts/51995

I quite agree. This isn’t something I want to force her into if she doesn’t want them! She’s decided she wants to stop but it’s because of this and she’s upset about it but can’t bring herself to talk to me about it or try them.

I remember using tampons very scary at first - the idea of putting something inside yourself when you’re only a young teen is weird. Seems silly to get wound up about a little tampon now I’m in my 30s and have had a baby, but I haven’t forgotten my teenage squeamishness.
Give her time - she’ll probably come round to it on her own like I did. My mother was keen for me to use them too and I really didn’t thank her for the added pressure.
I actually found applicator tampons impossible to use at first, as they look bigger and meant more fiddling around, but they tend to be what’s recommended for ‘beginners.’ Non applicator with a blob of ky jelly was better for me.

What about those periodnoant things that absorb ? Don’t cancel her swims yet cos she can still go to some of them right? Maybe she doesn’t want to put anything inside... maybe it’s a ‘virginity’ thing IYKWIM. Or maybe there’s a deeper issue here? Can you sit her down and say I’ve been thinking I don’t want you to miss out cos you love your swimming so you want to have a look online with me and see if we can find something else to help you so you don’t need to miss out?

@ForPitySake

I’m really not blackmailing or guilt tripping her. She’s the one who’s decided not to go because of this. I was hoping to have some advice on how to help her with that

Just. Leave. Her. Alone.

What’s so complicated?

Thank you. I’ll have a look at this x

Sorry. Period pants.

I suggest you stop trying to coerce her into putting something in her vagina that she doesn't want to, for a start.

HTH!!

Then she may open up a bit more.

I remember it all too well and I had the same thing and I don’t want her to have the same issues

At 14 it's often hard enough just being a young teen without extra worries. At an organised swim class she'd have to trail to her locker to retrieve a new tampon after her swim, so potentially worried 'everyone in the changing room will know', and she's possibly terrified she'll have a leak. I would offer buying the period swim wear and see what she thinks of the idea.

Thanks. Good advice. She won’t talk at all and I know she’d refuse to sit there and look with me but maybe I can get her to look herself

If you didn’t “want her to have issues”, you wouldn’t be doing the whole ridiculous “we can’t afford to ‘waste’ swimming sessions so we have to cancel the lot” nonsense. It makes no sense at all and will only give her hang ups.

@Yorkshirelass04

I remember finding tampons stressful too and I wouldn't have wanted my mum grilling me about it. It's quite nerve wracking putting something up there for the first time.

This. It took me years to feel comfortable with tampons, I had many painful attempts before finally being able to use them.

It's your daughter's choice, it would be horrible to pressure her about this.

I think we’ll have to give them a go and see how they work for ourselves and ignore the reviews. Thanks

The ModiBodi range is great. Never had a leak and so much more comfortable than tampons and sanitary towels. I also found moon cups to be more comfortable than tampons, but she may feel uncomfortable inserting anything up there.

I never did tampons as a teenager either, just hated the thought of inserting anything and found it painful and uncomfortable.

Could you buy her a pair to try? I would wear them at night during heavy days and never had a leak. I'm pregnant now (still wear them out or comfort) and will also be using them post baby. A fab invention!

I agree so it really is something I’m trying to avoid but she walks off if I even try and talk to her about it so we get nowhere

I couldn't use tampons until I'd had a child! Tried but just couldn't get it in there. I understand why she doesn't want to. It's only once a month 🤷‍♀️

@ForPitySake

What I meant was that I haven’t decided yet based on the reviews. I’ve read some mixed reviews on them about them leaking

If you are talking about Modibodis, they are FREAKING amazing!! My dd is 12, and is very heavy, and I mean VERY heavy. They have leaked once, because she was embarrassed to ask at school if she could go to the loo (male teacher), so wore them all day.

The ones for heavy flow hold A LOT imo.