DD won’t use tampons

[ForPitySake]

Some advice please. DD is 14 and has been coping OK with periods but is refusing to use tampons. This means the swimming she has always loved needs to stop as we can’t keep paying for lessons she’s not turning up to just because she won’t use them. I’ve tried talking to her but she is very defensive and shuts down and won’t discuss it so I don’t know what she doesn’t like or what she is struggling with. She finds it very hard to talk about it and I’m getting nowhere. I can’t help if I don’t know the problem. She loves her swimming but this is now such a stumbling block for her, I don’t know how to help. Any suggestions?

Tampons are not something I would use so I dont blame her.

I didn’t think you needed tampons when swimming

Either way I wouldn’t force it, it’s quite personal.

I used to not mind tampons. Now I really wouldn’t go near one.

I’ve seen these but I’ve read a lot of mixed reviews about how realistic they are so I’ve not taken the leap with them yet

I was 18 when I started using tampons. Just leave her to it

@ForPitySake

Yes, this is what we’ve been doing but money is so tight that now they’re going to start again soon, we’ve had to think how much the wasted lessons cost

What bollocks. The lessons cost the same whether she attends all of them or “just” three quarters. You either want to support her swimming or you don’t. There’s no “waste”.

It’s her choice. I didn’t use them until I was about 30! I agree with everyone else, she can’t be missing that many lessons. She probably finds it difficult to use them but badgering her won’t help. Let her keep swimming and don’t put any pressure on her. If you do talk about it, remind her to push backwards not up!

Me neither. I’m not a fan but I’ve tried not to let the fact that I don’t use them much influence her with it. I know she’s got to decide but it’s the way she just shuts down and refuses to talk about it

Wow @ForPitySake thats massively out of line. If your family finances are that bad then I think you need to look at other savings. Do you have an expensive mobile, pay to view tv, shopping budgets. Punishing your dd because she doesn't feel comfortable sticking cotton wool sausages inside her vagina is utterly abhorrent

I’ve tried talking to her but she is very defensive and shuts down and won’t discuss it so I don’t know what she doesn’t like or what she is struggling with. She finds it very hard to talk about it and I’m getting nowhere.

Good lord! I actually felt quite angry just reading your title. Leave her alone! How could you possibly think you have a right to badger her about this? Within normal acceptable boundaries she is completely entitled to make her own choices - without ever having to discuss or justify them to anyone.

Please, please stop.

No need for any sanitary protection while swimming ...

I know what you’re saying and yes I know we’d be paying anyway but the ones she misses means she’s not got anything out of it and the guy running it says she can’t go on to help volunteer etc unless she’s there every week and it’s something she wants to do

+This means the swimming she has always loved needs to stop as we can’t keep paying for lessons she’s not turning up to just because she won’t use them.*

I think the periods are a red herring.
@ForPitySake
You can either afford £x/month for swimming lessons or you can't. You choosing to stop paying for the lessons because you don't feel it's good value for money is entirely different to 'not being able to afford' the lessons. Essentially that money is gone whether she attends or not. So either you can afford it but dislike spending money when she may not attend and so are choosing to stop the lessons, or you can't afford lessons in which case your DD's periods are irrelevant.

@Rebelwithallthecause

No need for any sanitary protection while swimming ...

Never knew this!

@ForPitySake

Me neither. I’m not a fan but I’ve tried not to let the fact that I don’t use them much influence her with it. I know she’s got to decide but it’s the way she just shuts down and refuses to talk about it

Jesus H Christ.

You know she will probably go to uni at the other end of the country? Then emigrate ASAP?

I didn't wear tampons until my 20s! Tampons are on a level of gross that's hard to deal with when you're that age. I'm 48 and still grossed out by them. I use them... and even then I don't swim on my period. Respect her wishes, as others have said. It's her body.

What I meant was that I haven’t decided yet based on the reviews. I’ve read some mixed reviews on them about them leaking

Yes thanks. It’s how I feel about them too

Why does it have to be all or nothing?

God its not even like tvus is 100 percent permanent anyway. Give it a few months akd she may well transition to cups or tampons or something. Lessona will help keep her fit and healthy and she can re visit volunteering at another date surely?

Stop blackmailing and guilt tripping your poor dd

The swim wear looks like a fantastic option! I never knew these existed, you learn something new everyday!

I think the periods are a red herring.

YW and it’s not about money either. It’s overbearing control freakery.

Imagine insisting another human being explain their sanitary product choice and usage to you. (Yes I have daughters.)

Why can't she attend the lesson and not swim? Then she is meeting the requirement of her being there

It's her vagina and her choice. You aren't out any extra money, if she used tampons and went, you wouldn't be any better off. Please don't badger her about it. If there's one thing women should be in control of it's their body! I know it sucks to feel you aren't getting your money's worth but sometimes you just have to accept it.

I know she’s got to decide but it’s the way she just shuts down and refuses to talk about it

What's there to talk about??? Shall I read her memo to you, OP? It says "Piss off. Stop nagging me." Is empathy your second language?

@Rebelwithallthecause

No need for any sanitary protection while swimming ...

I still get mine in the bath, so surely that’s the same?