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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD has had large sums of money put into her account

999 replies

MummyInTheNecropolis · 04/07/2020 17:50

I noticed she had been spending a lot recently, and when questioned she said it was money she had saved up. I was suspicious so opened her bank statement today and she has received £500 from someone I’ve never heard of, in 6 different payments all made in the same day. She claims this must have been paid to her by mistake and she lied because she knew she shouldn’t be spending it. I don’t believe her, but I can’t think why someone would be paying her this amount?

I am planning to phone the bank but I don’t think they’ll be able to tell me much. I wondered if anyone here might have any ideas? DD is 14.

OP posts:
gotothecooler · 06/07/2020 11:41

@lloydee1983

You must act immediately, this could be very big trouble
Hmm
Fanthorpe · 06/07/2020 11:50

I’d just like to thank you for the ‘deets and squares’ info, I’ve learned something! Hope your daughter is safe OP, and that it’s solved soon.

Just about anyone can be a victim of fraud, it’s amazing some of the lengths people go to to steal from others.

caringcarer · 06/07/2020 11:55

This is a huge red flag. I would contact police as most likely sex exploitation or drug money. Good job you noticed. Now you can act quickly to sort it out. Well done for being so alert OP. Many parents would have been too busy to spot this so quickly.

Heartlake · 06/07/2020 12:03

Hi OP I haven't RTFT but I have read your posts. You could contact your Local Authority Designated Officer for Safeguarding... They have all of the links with the schools/police/social services networks in place and will probably have more time and interest in engaging with you.

Best wishes to you and your daughter.

Splattherat · 06/07/2020 12:07

Good luck OP I hope you get on ok today. You sound like a fab mum, have handled things correctly and brilliantly and that you have an excellent relationship with your daughter.

Intelinside57 · 06/07/2020 12:16

This reply has been deleted

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strivingforjustice · 06/07/2020 12:44

I applaud you & sincerely hope you get to the bottom of this and protect both of you in the process. It is all well and good other peoples comments that are just not always helpful ...from reading your thread you have taken an outwardly calm , rationale and methodical approach to the matter...
So difficult as a parent to hold it together when you are frightened for your child, so you should congratulate yourself on how you have handled this.. we live in a terrifying world we’re there are predators of all descriptions everywhere intent on exploiting youth , how easy these days via our virtual worlds ...I’ve learnt some terrifying things reading this thread , my god I’d never heard of deeds and squares ... raising teenagers is fraught with anguish as it is ... best of luck to you 🌸🌸🌸

diddl · 06/07/2020 13:29

"God that’s so shit of the police."

Maybe there's not enough activity for it to look like anything other than mistaken payments?

Adelais · 06/07/2020 13:53

Has your dd said anything more today op? I’d never heard of this Deets and squares thing before, I think a lot of us parents have learnt something new from this thread.

slalomsuki · 06/07/2020 13:56

Thank you for your honesty on the post OP. I was also not aware of all this but the information here has enabled me to have a conversation with my teens and to discuss how wrong this is if they are approached. One admitted to knowing about it and having read about the repercussions afterwards which I assume was the girl on the BBC link up thread.
I can't imagine what you are feeling but you are a fantastic mother and doing a great job.

slalomsuki · 06/07/2020 13:56

Thank you for your honesty on the post OP. I was also not aware of all this but the information here has enabled me to have a conversation with my teens and to discuss how wrong this is if they are approached. One admitted to knowing about it and having read about the repercussions afterwards which I assume was the girl on the BBC link up thread.
I can't imagine what you are feeling but you are a fantastic mother and doing a great job.

EssexBint · 06/07/2020 14:20

Same sort of thing happened with my daughter (at 16) - she suddenly wanted to watch for the post and wanted to check her bank statements. She is never normally interested because the account never had much in it, just her monthly allowance. Anyway, time went on and she never kept on looking out for her bank statement so I did nothing further. Years later I found out what had actually happened. Someone had stolen some cheques and persuaded her that they could make a cheque out to her for £800. She could withdraw that money, give £600 to them and keep £200 for herself. Easy money. She tried to do that and was arrested at the bank (in those days once you were 16 you did not need to inform the parents). She managed somehow to avoid being charged with anything but the bank were very strict with her account and would not allow her any overdraft facilities etc. They only allowed a very basic bank account. Roll on a few years later and my youngest (14) was got involved with some boys who persuaded her to order a laptop - and to say it was not delivered so that another one is delivered. They say just hand over the laptops and she can keep £200 for herself. Only afterwards the boys supposedly fell out with each other and one of them was demanding that money back too, threatening arson if the money was not given back. These gangs make it sound like easy money, claim there is no comeback, etc. Your daughter will know where the money came from. Even if this was an accidental transfer the money will need to be returned. Hopefully she learns from this and puts a stop to it - blame the bank, say the police are involved, say you found out and stopped it. Just do anything to get her out of this and for those who involved her to leave her alone. The lure of easy money is very tempting, especially for teenagers from homes where money is tight anyway and they are easy prey for gangs.

LadyMuck111 · 06/07/2020 14:23

If anything this thread has opened my eyes to a lot of things I knew nothing about. It's also made me check my sons phone and SM accounts.

Hope you're getting somewhere with things OP.

Headandheart · 06/07/2020 14:28

It has opened my eyes and I definitely won’t be getting dd aged 13 a bank account. I thought it might encourage her to save and also she could buy things online that she likes and I get fed up of doing eg Etsy stuff, online games but after reading this thread I think it would just be something else to monitor and worry about.

Rocketpants50 · 06/07/2020 15:10

Am shocked the police were of little help, I hope the school have been supportive and/ or CEOP. I hope that you are both ok and get to the bottom of this. Thank you though for your very honest account and I applaud how you have handled this. Al the stories have certainly opened my eyes!

Picanto · 06/07/2020 15:14

Sounds like she could be a money mule
Lots of young people are getting drawn in with disastrous consequences for future financial matters

monkeyonthetable · 06/07/2020 15:24

OP, challenge the police on their response. It's ridiculous that they won't even look into it. Maybe take a look at The Breck Foundation, set up by Breck Bednar's mother after he was murdered by an online groomer he trusted. She repeatedly contacted police about this and was given the brush-off. I thought she had re-educated the police on dismissing a mother's concerns. I know the case is not the same as yours but there is a likelihood that your daughter is being groomed in some way and they should have a duty to investigate. Breck Foundation might have some legal advice on this.

Theresapossibility · 06/07/2020 15:42

OP I spoke to someone who works in banking fraud. They said to speak to actionfraud (who are part of the police) and the bank.

Main police wont be able to do much apart from refer to action fraud to investigate

justasking111 · 06/07/2020 16:06

How green am I, we made a trip to the bank when DS was 16 to open his first bank account. I thought legally you had to be 16 to open one, he only did because he had a summer job.

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 06/07/2020 16:42

OP, what a horrendous situation for you. Big hand hold Thanks

I really hope the school are helpful to you. As a former teacher and current School Governor, I want to flag that schools have a statutory responsibility to protect your child. If you feel in any way fobbed off, go above the safeguarding leads head to Governors if necessary. (I doubt it will be, in my experience schools take this kind of thing VERY seriously.)

My hunch is that this may be the tip of the iceberg and other classmates will be involved too. Your actions will safeguard not only your daughter but other kids too.

I really this must be terrifying. You are absolutely doing all the right things x

angelfacecuti75 · 06/07/2020 18:07

May I ask what a money mule is ?

AquaTech · 06/07/2020 18:15

@angelfacecuti75 you could just search it up...

smilingontheinside · 06/07/2020 18:40

Chubbyhotchoc, bloody hell I could make a fortune! Currently living with stbxh makes me want to shout abuse at him most of the day. I can't believe what you can make money from, so glad my dc are grown up and came through reasonably unscathed 😱

OhioOhioOhio · 06/07/2020 18:44

acatcalledjohn

That was a really helpful update. Thank you

Lotsalotsagiggles · 06/07/2020 20:17

Weren't school helpful?