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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD has had large sums of money put into her account

999 replies

MummyInTheNecropolis · 04/07/2020 17:50

I noticed she had been spending a lot recently, and when questioned she said it was money she had saved up. I was suspicious so opened her bank statement today and she has received £500 from someone I’ve never heard of, in 6 different payments all made in the same day. She claims this must have been paid to her by mistake and she lied because she knew she shouldn’t be spending it. I don’t believe her, but I can’t think why someone would be paying her this amount?

I am planning to phone the bank but I don’t think they’ll be able to tell me much. I wondered if anyone here might have any ideas? DD is 14.

OP posts:
Meeeh · 06/07/2020 09:50

@kozzabells and the point of your post is what?! It adds nothing, you’re just judging. Bore off.

This thread has had a lot of helpful details and sensible discussion. It has also had some crap. Either way, OP came here for advice, not your negativity. Be kind.

21NewNames · 06/07/2020 10:02

This thread is interesting and informative. I had never heard of "deets and squares" before this, despite our experience.

When he was 18, DS had someone persuade him to give over all his details so they could open a bank account in his name. It was sold as helping a friend's parents to start their new business. He agreed to do it and the deal was that when he got the card he was to hand it over and give the friend the pin number. He didn't have to do anything with the account, they would run it for him but for that he would be given £100.

Thankfully I happened to see the bank paperwork come in the post and asked about it. He told me what was happening and I got him to pull out then he and I went down to the local branch of the bank and got the account closed down immediately. I deal with anti-money laundering for my work so knew it was wrong, the bank suggested we took it further with the police but DS did not want to name names. I can't blame him but was just pleased to make sure the account was fully closed and could never be used.

Shutupyoutart · 06/07/2020 10:17

Wow this thread has been a real eye opener and very shocking. The thing with the snail's wtf that's really disturbing. Op I think you handled this amazingly well I'm so sorry that the police were not helpful. I hope you can get through to your daughter and get to the bottom of what is going on. Ignore the judgemental posters who think they know it all. You are doing your best with a very difficult situation,keep talking to your daughter the two of you sound close I'm sure she will eventually let you in. Best of luck I hope it turns out to be nothing too sinister. My children are still little and I'm terrified about the teenage years. Love to you and your daughter. X

Plumbuddle · 06/07/2020 10:21

Just an update to the poster who mentioned checking on her phone as to physical movements. Now scams of this sort can all be done remotely, but here's some advice I picked up on my Apple news feed to check on an iPhone as to where someone has been geographically. It pinpoints major locations over the past two years.
Click settings > privacy > location services > system services > significant locations. If it's off, switch it on for future reference. It'd it's only then click on that and you will get the history.
All the best OP. It's so hard protecting teens.

Plumbuddle · 06/07/2020 10:22

Sorry I meant "if it's on" where there is gobbledegook at end of post.

Jenny1951 · 06/07/2020 10:22

Could be County lines or payment for inappropriate videos on line please, please get police immediately.

Isthisfairornot · 06/07/2020 10:25

The police need to be notified OP and they’ll need her phone. On the face of it, this is possibly grooming and a sign of criminal or sexual exploitation.

Jezebel101 · 06/07/2020 10:29

OP, it would be hard to imagine anyone handling that situation better, and I hope you're not discouraged by the comments of half-wits who haven't even read through. Well done, you're doing everything you possibly can in what I would certainly consider the best possible way.

I hope everything goes well with the safeguarding lead and that it all unravels for you. Fingers crossed that you both get through the teen years unscathed from now on. Smile

wowfudge · 06/07/2020 10:33

@MummyInTheNecropolis - should you wish to update this thread you will probably need to start a new one. It'll be full soon by the time more posters have piled on to tell you what you already know/suspect, to call the police, etc.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 06/07/2020 10:33

OP, it would be hard to imagine anyone handling that situation better

Couldn't agree more. I'm not a parent – so I'm coming at it from a neutral and unemotional angle – but I think you're doing brilliantly.

Hope it all resolves and that it will be one of those life lessons that will protect your DD in her future years Flowers

PrincessForADay · 06/07/2020 10:33

@NotMyFinestMoment you sound incredibly strong. It's heartbreaking that you went through that

Jenny1951 · 06/07/2020 10:34

I’m so sorry re my repetitive post re police etc. I am so disappointed they were not more helpful. Now seen all the posts - you must be so worried.
One thing I did when my son was involved in stuff - I insisted and insisted and eventually found someone in the community police. A fantastic female police officer came round and had a chat with my son about things. Not only was this a bit of a frightener but she has also kept in touch by email and a couple of phone calls for over 18 months.
Please pursue this to the right person - I know the buzz words at the moment are modern slavery, which is how they’re treating youngsters involved in county lines as exploited victims even though they’ve been co-erced into crime.
I’m not saying it is county lines or anything but bringing up these terms might make it be taken seriously as actually, somewhere, a crime has been committed.
Very very best wishes for you both.

Jeremyironsnothing · 06/07/2020 10:39

Your dd is likely to come under pressure to return that money at some point. That's when it's likely to get nasty now the account is closed.

Perhaps focus your discussions on how she's going to handle that. She might come to realise that she might actually need your help and might therefore, disclose more.

Dutchoma · 06/07/2020 10:57

I am interested in how you get on MummyintheNecropolis and hope you set up a new thread before this one is clogged up with people who have not read the full thread and cannot even be bothered with just reading your posts.

Justaboy · 06/07/2020 11:02

I still think that bank accounts for say under 16's should have a co sharer like a a parent ot gaurdian who can be notified of unusual activity defined and large sums of money coming inot theri account other then from people perhaos with the same faimliy name or similar and also they thya can cross refer with the police to track down these perves to get them "sorted" before this causes the greif that it is if they won't do it of their own accoird then the FCA or goverment should make them!

ilovemydogandMrObama · 06/07/2020 11:09

@Justaboy

I still think that bank accounts for say under 16's should have a co sharer like a a parent ot gaurdian who can be notified of unusual activity defined and large sums of money coming inot theri account other then from people perhaos with the same faimliy name or similar and also they thya can cross refer with the police to track down these perves to get them "sorted" before this causes the greif that it is if they won't do it of their own accoird then the FCA or goverment should make them!
Totally agree with this - ideally would like an account for the DCs which would send me a statement perhaps once every quarter or so?
user4676 · 06/07/2020 11:10

Okay, so people don't fancy reading the whole thread but now we can filter by OP's posts there's no excuse 🙄

Hangingwithmygnomies · 06/07/2020 11:19

What an eye opener this thread had been! My DC are not teens yet but bloody hell, so much to worry about! I'd never heard of most of the things pp had mentioned. I'd heard of county lines but only because it's a big problem where I live.
OP I think you've handled this as best as you can to be honest and what a disappointing response from the police. Has your daughter opened up anymore? Good luck with the school today

ItsSpittingEverybodyIn · 06/07/2020 11:22

@user4676 if you are using the android app, there is no filter by op.

acatcalledjohn · 06/07/2020 11:26

This is fast turning in to another cancel the cheque. For the new joiners:

  1. The OP has called the police (who are useless).
  2. She has called the bank, who have frozen her DDs account.
  3. She is contacting the safeguarding team at school today.
  4. She has grounded her DD
  5. She has removed her phone

For those who keep telling the OP she's a shit parent:

What else do you expect her to do? Issue some form of corporal punishment until her DD fesses up?

LEELULUMPKIN · 06/07/2020 11:30

I hope the school have been helpful OP.

Leostar · 06/07/2020 11:30

Try reporting to Actionfraud.org.uk

Loyaultemelie · 06/07/2020 11:31

I hope you get somewhere with school the police response is worrying. I had no idea about deets and squares before this thread as a mum of a preteen it's horrifying how many scams are out there. I think you have handled it well, my mum would have gone through the roof and I was never able to be open with her so I dread to think what could have happened in situations like this

BlackeyedPetitsPois · 06/07/2020 11:33

Hope you find some assistance OP. Must be extremely worrying for you but you are doing all the right things.

lloydee1983 · 06/07/2020 11:40

You must act immediately, this could be very big trouble