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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD has had large sums of money put into her account

999 replies

MummyInTheNecropolis · 04/07/2020 17:50

I noticed she had been spending a lot recently, and when questioned she said it was money she had saved up. I was suspicious so opened her bank statement today and she has received £500 from someone I’ve never heard of, in 6 different payments all made in the same day. She claims this must have been paid to her by mistake and she lied because she knew she shouldn’t be spending it. I don’t believe her, but I can’t think why someone would be paying her this amount?

I am planning to phone the bank but I don’t think they’ll be able to tell me much. I wondered if anyone here might have any ideas? DD is 14.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 05/07/2020 23:20

I have a teenage daughter and have never heard of deets. I have a teenage DS and have never heard of it either, and more to the point, neither has he.

LadyFlumpalot · 05/07/2020 23:21

@Foramen - it's not a new thing, children having their own bank accounts. HSBC came into my school when I was 13 and ran an afternoon drop in session where people could open accounts with a £1 deposit. That was 23 years ago. I had a Visa Switch card which I could withdraw money with and use as a baby debit card in some shops.

Original poster
MummyInTheNecropolis · 05/07/2020 23:22

I don’t want to get the thread deleted. The repetitive posts are annoying but I think there is lots of useful information here, I’ve certainly learned an awful lot that I didn’t know, it would be a shame for it to go.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyInTheNecropolis · 05/07/2020 23:24

I’m also really grateful to those who have read the whole thread and have given really helpful advice and suggestions, so thank you for that Flowers

OP posts:
jillybeanclevertips · 05/07/2020 23:24

I'm sure she would try and hide it from her snoopy mum- ask her for the truth,before you go to the cops. But, yes, you need to know this- she could be mixed up in something shady and not realise it. A stitch in time saves nine.

MitziK · 05/07/2020 23:25

@LovingLola

I hope school are helpful tomorrow. Don’t let them fob you off saying they can’t do anything.

What’s it got to do with the school???

Have you not heard of a Designated Safeguarding Lead?

Try googling it. that'll give you an idea of the things they do - which includes handling things like this.

gotothecooler · 05/07/2020 23:26

Call me old-fashioned, but the very idea of allowing a 14 year old child have their own bank account and card is outrageous.

Don't be so ridiculous.

LovingLola · 05/07/2020 23:27

Yes I have
But so far - her parents, the police and the bank seem unable to find out what’s going on. How can the school be expected to work a miracle?

HeIsAVeryBadBoy · 05/07/2020 23:30

@Lifeisconfusing Interesting link. I had no idea these things happened.

averysuitablegirl · 05/07/2020 23:30

Foreamen actually, it's very fortunate that OP's dd did have a bank account that OP could check the statements of.

That's how she realised that there was something very wrong going on, when her dd is young enough for a parent to keep an eye on much of their life.

That's how you parent teenagers in the modern world, however much you'd like to protect them from everything.

Alsohuman · 05/07/2020 23:31

@MummyInTheNecropolis, if this thread is full, please start another. There are a lot of us very concerned about you and your daughter and wanting to support you.

Rollergirl11 · 05/07/2020 23:32

Here’s hoping that tomorrow brings you more knowledge and steps forward. I think this is very much the remit of the school safeguarding team. Will you start a new thread if this one gets filled up? There are a good few of us rooting for you. 💐

averysuitablegirl · 05/07/2020 23:34

LovingLola no-one is expecting the school to work a miracle, but the Designated Safeguarding Lead may well know if other children have been exploited like this, will know the best way to escalate this to the right dept of the police force, will be able to be a supportive, real life ally to OP and will be able to take action to draw other staff and parents attention to what has been going on.

That's quite a lot really.

Nat6999 · 05/07/2020 23:38

A girl in ds year was selling nudes online to fund her drink & drug habit, I'm not saying this is what your dd has done, her dealer was 14 & had been dealing for 3 years. Ds found out what she was doing & told safeguarding at school after trying to tell her parents who laughed it off & did nothing. She is in a pupil referral unit now after getting caught with drink & drugs in school.

NotMyFinestMoment · 05/07/2020 23:39

I asked for my previous threads to be removed and have read through the OP's threads. When I was 14, I had a man of 24 try to groom me with a view to making me work as a prostitute (but I was unaware of this at that time). He initially hassled me at the gates of my school to the point I was skipping school to avoid him. At the age of 15, he abducted me for several days and kept me locked up in an abandoned property where I was repeatedly raped. I was too terrified to tell anyone what was going on and when I finally got home. I was actually punished for my absence by my parents when I returned home. The abduction/rape was an attempt to break my spirit as he had been unsuccessful in his earlier attempts. Following on from that, he tried to spend money on me to buy me clothes, get my hair done, etc. with a view to sending me out to work. Even though I absolutely hated him and never wanted to have anything to do with him including from the moment I first laid eyes on him, he basically tried to position himself as my 'boyfriend' and tried various different ways to gain my trust - all of which were unsuccessful. It culminated in him putting me out on to the streets of London against my will at the age of 15. All whilst in my final year at school and still living under my parents roof and I was too frightened to tell them (he also subtly inferred that other parents who had interfered in his relationship with their children - he had beaten up). I ran away from him and then went into hiding and gave them a modified version of events. The whole time he was putting me under immense pressure (sexual violence/assault/emotional blackmail) to leave school/home and abandon plans to go to college. He also attempted to pursue me for another 18 months but was unable to make contact with me again. It's just luck really that I got away - a big part of my 'luck' if you can call it that, is that I didn't like or love him. Men these days are much more sophisticated and refined in their tactics to groom and control young girls, so please OP be very careful with your daughter. Hopefully it will not turn out to be something like that but if it is any kind of sexual or other grooming, you will need to keep an eye on her for some considerable time, as creeps like that do not give up (especially if they have invested time or money in the young person in question). Good luck with your daughter and I hope you get some answers. Ask the bank to confirm the name of the person who sent your daughter the money as that will at least be a start.

Ginfordinner · 05/07/2020 23:49

Goodness @NotMyFinestMoment. That's shocking. I hope you managed to get the right kind of support.

@MummyInTheNecropolis like many posters I had never heard of deets and squares before, and had to google it. I hope you manage to get to the bottom of this situation.

KatherineParr4 · 05/07/2020 23:51

That is truly shocking notmyfinestmoment. Do you know if the man concerned was caught? If not, he is most probably still out there grooming girls. Have you reported him to the Police?

OP please keep everyone updated and good luck getting to the bottom of this. This thread has made very sobering reading.

mummypiggg · 05/07/2020 23:54

It does sound like a deets scam and without minimising it she is highly unlikely to be at any risk (aside from having her bank account closed).

I did it myself not too long ago when I was 14 and 16, both times ended up with accounts closed and a negative bank balance! Stupid mistake but completely my fault.

It is highly unlikely that she will have been forced into doing it (not to say it isn't still exploitation) particularly if it was someone she doesn't know through snapchat or instagram. There is no shortage of young people willing to do it and by forcing people there is more of a risk of the police being informed. Even if it is successful and the bank don't raise any suspicions it is highly unlikely the same person would be willing to use her account again as the banks are aware of the scam and it is rare to be successful twice.

If this is what has happened you need to speak to her openly and inform her of the consequences - no bank account, mark on credit record, police involvement etc. She's still young and may have made a huge mistake but it's just that, a mistake.

However, do not rule out the possibility of something more sinister like CSE until you know exactly what's happened Thanks

totalinsomniac · 05/07/2020 23:55

@foramen will you give your head a wobble!!! Yeah don't let kids have bank accounts, phones, laptops etc until they're 18 then send them off to University without a clue on how to survive as a n adult 😂
OP you're doing all the right things. Sending hugs to you both xx

SquirtleSquad · 05/07/2020 23:57

You have done a great job OP.
I originally jumped to OnlyFans, I hadn't realised how big the Deets and Squares laundering was!

Icanflyhigh · 05/07/2020 23:59

@MummyInTheNecropolis you're handling this brilliantly and it's sad you haven't received support from the police.
I had never heard of Deets and Squares until this evening, I have a 15yo DD and I will ask her if she has heard of it tomorrow.
Ignore those telling you "you need to do this, or that" follow your instinct. You know your DD best and you know the strategies that will likely make her open up, and also the ones that will cause meltdown and lead to more angst.
Keep going, take a deep breath, you can handle this.
Good luck and I sincerely hope it isnt as sinister as some posters think x

Welcometothe36to40Box · 06/07/2020 00:06

@YukoandHiro

Agree with those who say report this now. She'll be in far less trouble the earlier you report, especially being so young
🤦‍♀️ Read the OP's updates will you, please!!
Welcometothe36to40Box · 06/07/2020 00:07

@Deadpoet1

She could be laundering it without realising. Very easy to hoodwink a child. If you get no joy with the bank then definitely call the police.
🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ READ THE UPDATES!!!!!!
Welcometothe36to40Box · 06/07/2020 00:18

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NotMyFinestMoment · 06/07/2020 00:20

@Ginfordinner Unfortunately I didn't get any support for what happened and yes he is still out there now and no doubt preying on other people's children. I never reported him as I was too frightened too, I also needed to have a supportive family around me to do that and I never did. I lost all faith in them when they grounded and punished me because they thought I had been playing up when in fact I had been abducted and raped. To this day, they don't know and yes it still haunts me to this day. The only thing that looks hopeful is that soon he will be dead and gone. I saw him walking recently and he looks like he is approaching the end of his life as he looks very very ill/skeletal.

@KatherineParr4
He was never caught for what he did to me - he got away with that. I heard rumours circulating that he and a male relative who was also a successful pimp and who he tried to emulate had various issues with the Police but using good solicitors, violence and threats to the families of the girls/women they had pimped and beaten up, etc. some charges had not stuck and they had both got off. I also heard subsequent rumours a few years later that they were in prison. Unfortunately, their family home was not far from mine, and sometimes for years at a time they would not be seen and then would reappear again. They destroyed a lot of young women who lived in their paths. I remember that at the time he was attempting to put me on the street, the pregnant mother of his child who was in her mid 20's was standing in her stockings in a shop doorway in the freezing rain/snow and was approximately 7-8 months pregnant. I got away but she never did. A few years later, I saw him walking with another young woman who looked broken and she had two very young children. I am sure a lot of women and young children fell victim to him.

It also just dawned on me that I actually had problems with both pimps who were related which continued up to the age of 18 (so in fact 4 years I was pursued for and they also doubled their efforts and joined up when I ran off). Fortunately, by the time I was 18 when I accidentally ran into them again, I was far more assertive and street smart so gave them a wide berth.