Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

DD has had large sums of money put into her account

999 replies

MummyInTheNecropolis · 04/07/2020 17:50

I noticed she had been spending a lot recently, and when questioned she said it was money she had saved up. I was suspicious so opened her bank statement today and she has received £500 from someone I’ve never heard of, in 6 different payments all made in the same day. She claims this must have been paid to her by mistake and she lied because she knew she shouldn’t be spending it. I don’t believe her, but I can’t think why someone would be paying her this amount?

I am planning to phone the bank but I don’t think they’ll be able to tell me much. I wondered if anyone here might have any ideas? DD is 14.

OP posts:
Onceuponatimethen · 06/07/2020 00:21

@Welcometothe36to40Box have you read the child sexual abuse enquiry reports for Rochdale etc? This is exactly what happened time and time again because girls were threatened. Please don’t judge this poster who has clearly experienced terrible things. Reporting your post.

Onceuponatimethen · 06/07/2020 00:31

Sorry typo - I meant Rotherham

IAmMeThisIsI · 06/07/2020 00:34

It's not drugs. But she's making it online somehow. Can she draw really well? Does she have good editing skills online? You can make decent money on Reddit if you have skills. I wouldn't automatically go to it being shady. Thing is, why wouldn't she tell you if it was legit? Is she unsupervised on IG? She could be installing then installing apps. You can check the app history in her Google account...if she's not signing out then in that is and her app history isn't paused. Can't you sign into her online bank and just check her statement?

NotMyFinestMoment · 06/07/2020 00:41

@Welcometothe36to40Box
Wow is all I can say. Did you miss the part that I was 14 when it first started and 15 when I was attacked/abducted/raped and then punished by my parents when I got home.

I didn't go willingly anywhere. I was a 14/15 year old child who had just been abducted and raped and had an incompetent/neglectful family who were not able or unwilling to support me and who instead of protecting me, they punished me. I could not speak to them about what was happening. In case you missed it, I had been harassed and persecuted at the gates of my school for nearly a year leading up to the events I described in my earlier post. It wasn't stated in my earlier posts but I was being followed back from school on a daily basis and he was also hanging around the gates at lunchtime. How exactly do you expect a 14-15 year old CHILD victim of rape/abduction/assault/sexual exploitation to avoid her attacker when he is waiting for her at her school gates and she is being forced to attend school every day??!!

My parents were aware that I was being harassed at school and after school but chose to do nothing because put simply they were useless and incompetent parents who didn't really give a damn about me. The events I described happened rapidly over a 14 day period including the rape and abduction which finally culiminated in me being forcibly put out on to the streets (I ran away from where he put me and never saw him again until bumping in to him when I was 18) but the wheels and events leading up to this were put in to motion nearly a year earlier.

mathanxiety · 06/07/2020 00:42

Reporting too.
What makes you think that a poster who has spoken about a horrific experience needs a slap in the face from behind a screen, Welcometothe36to40Box?

ConfusedOpinionsHere · 06/07/2020 00:53

@NotMyFinestMoment Ignore xbox, you know what happened and don't need to be judged. Many vipers will be agreeing with me right now. Because of you, PPs and OP's DD, many people are have an uncomfortable but necessary education.

Girl, you have the heart of a lion Flowers

Tallulah1972 · 06/07/2020 01:04

I’ve only skimmed through this thread so forgive me if it’s already been said.
Your daughter is a minor. Please don’t blame her for what has happened. Children may find themselves in a situation that they don’t know how to handle or get out of. Your daughter isn’t to blame here, she is the victim in all this. You sound like a really supportive mum, & she’s going to need you right now. Please don’t put any blame on her, she’s a kid, who you may think should know better, but has obviously been taken advantage of.
I do hope you get to the bottom of it xx

Blackbear19 · 06/07/2020 02:07

Foramen
Call me old-fashioned, but the very idea of allowing a 14 year old child have their own bank account and card is outrageous.

How old are you?
I'm in my 40's and recall the days of banks advertising kids accounts on TV, giving away all sort of stuff, piggybanks, stationary sets, for primary kids and calculators to match your cash card targeted at secondary kids. Banks were keen for kids to open accounts and they probably still are. Few people ever move accounts.

kazzer2867 · 06/07/2020 02:19

@Welcometothe36to40Box

Are you for real. Are you actually blaming a 14 year old for her own grooming. Sorry you are a disgrace.This has to be the worse post I have read on mumsnet. I will be reporting your post.

@NotMyFinestMoment. You do not have to provide an explanation. You have been brave sharing your story.

PhilCornwall1 · 06/07/2020 04:19

Call me old-fashioned, but the very idea of allowing a 14 year old child have their own bank account and card is outrageous.

Oh dear, we must be bad parents then, our 18 year old had one at 13 and our youngest who is 13 has one. The 18 year old obviously controls his own account. Our youngest has been fine with his and we can have access to his account in seconds and see exactly what's going on with it.

We are so outrageous as a family! Hmm

TheLittleDogLaughed · 06/07/2020 04:24

OP I’ve read all your updates but not the full thread. Have you searched her internet history and gone through all her social media accounts? There must be a trace there to how she has got this money.

Dd’s friend, during lockdown, got paid money for videoing herself crushing snails with her bare feet for some kind of fetish site. Her mum would never have found out except the people who paid her to do it started hassling her to do more and worse things and she got scared. The police were right on it though with all sorts of advice too.

timeisnotaline · 06/07/2020 04:34

I don’t have anything to add but another one who has found this very useful and insightful, if frightening! Had never heard of deets and squares or half the things mentioned.
I hope you get to the bottom of it op and clear things up with your dd. Such a shame re the police response.

SquirtleSquad · 06/07/2020 06:08

This Deets and Square thing is really worrying I appreciate this tweet is old but it literally popped up as soon as I searched bank square on twitter. If it's been going on for years I dread to think how many young people (and probably older people too) have been dragged into money laundering without understanding what's really happening.

DD has had large sums of money put into her account
Refereenotamum · 06/07/2020 06:08

I e just read through your post and I think you have done amazingly you handled it perfectly and are doing a great job as a mum

firsttimejoj · 06/07/2020 06:38

Sorry that you are going through this. I've read the posts and it's clear that you are doing a sterling job. Follow your instincts and you and your daughter will get through it. Utterly shocked that the police couldn't give two f*sAngry Keep fighting.

Luddite26 · 06/07/2020 06:44

Hope you can get further with this today OP. Sending you love and best wishes. Hope you can both get sorted without any lasting consequences or damage to your relationship with your dd. Ignore the judgemental posters they're just validating themselves. Good luck.

BBOA · 06/07/2020 07:10

I think it is understandable to be worried. I would go to the police ASAP if you can't get a satisfactory answer from your daughter. (Not sure what would be one though?! Rich relative? But that would be dodgy too if it was a secret payment ) What is she selling /posting? Is there big transfers in and out of her account? If she is involved in something worrying, and using say Snapchat, as it dissapears once read, there is only a 30 day window where the police can access the records,so do get onto them. I know of a case of grooming with an 11 year old using Snapchat and the police didn't have time to check it and the case was dropped as no evidence. Really hope you and your DD are OK and there is an acceptable explanation.

fatgirlslimmer · 06/07/2020 07:22

@Welcometothe36to40Box. I see you have added your inane comments to the rest of the half witted posters that this thread seems to have attracted.

@MummyInTheNecropolis good luck today, there are so many parents on mumsnet who don't even check their child's phone, never mind bank account. Hopefully other parents have learned a lot by reading your thread.

( posters that actually read the thread of course!)

CaptainMyCaptain · 06/07/2020 07:31

@SpookyNoise

I hope school are helpful tomorrow. Don’t let them fob you off saying they can’t do anything.
It wouldn't surprise me if they said they could do nothing. My grandson's school wouldn't do anything about online bullying as it happened outside school. The police, on the other hand, were very good.
ElasticFirecracker · 06/07/2020 07:32

@MummyInTheNecropolis You've dealt with this really well. Until I read this thread I had no idea about 'Deets & Squares' and some of the other things mentioned. It makes me very angry that this is happening to young people.

I'm so sorry you and your daughter have had to go through this, and hope you can get some support.

ThanksThanksThanks

LindsayCartersCakeys · 06/07/2020 07:44

have you looked at the name of the transaction? you could search it in Google and see if it gives you any clues to what it is?

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 06/07/2020 07:45

Good luck today @MummyInTheNecropolis . Hopefully the school will be helpful, supportive and signpost you or refer themselves to the appropriate agencies.

How's your DD today?

Rainydayss · 06/07/2020 07:48

Best of luck today, very worrying time for you. You sound calm and in control so take no notice of posters who expect something else.
This thread has opened my eyes to many risks and I'm definitely going to read up more to be aware when my DD is older.

NCTDN · 06/07/2020 07:49

OP, I hope you get to the bottom of this quickly. Thank you for highlighting it as it has raised issues such as deets and squares. I've googled it and as a parent of 2 teenagers it's very useful to know. I hope you are ok Thanks

itsgettingweird · 06/07/2020 07:51

Thecraplife I also work in education and behaviour support.
I'm discussed by your post.
I spend lots of time trying to get schools to work with parents rather than blame them.

I bet you're one of those pastoral safeguarding leads who keep asking parents "why did you let your child go out after ....." whilst the parent is sporting physical injuries because their child beat them up to get out of the house. Who actually then refuse to refer to Camus or whatever as it 'behaviour'.

The OP has handled it well. By alienating a child who is in trouble and being angry and in their face they retreat more. I hope her safeguarding lead is more professional than you and supports her rather than just demonises her for all she's tried and offers nothing.